Having An Affair Too, If I End My Marriage, Will He Keep To His Words And Marry Me?

Hello wives connection, please please please, someonehelp ke out. Aunty Eya I need your help too. This post I'm sending you was meant to be a comment on that other post that got wives making confessions. I tried severally to post it there but keep getting a message that my comment cannot post because it's too long. Kindly hide my details before posting this please 
I really need someone to put my life back on track, to turn me back into the mother and wife I once was... a year ago, around
this festive season and all the preparation to take my kids to the East for Christmas, all that mattered to me was my family whom I took pride in and would do a lot for  without expecting anything in return. After all, love is unconditional and as a mother, its my job to love, care and protect them. I didn't even ask a lot from my husband nor did he expect a lot from me. We were just in a good marriage, hardly any arguments between us and we took pride in our parenting and are proud of our beautiful, bright children.
It all started when a single dad at my kids school confessed to me that he finds me attractive and admitted fancying me for a while. How he used to stare at me each time we come to pick the children after school. My daughters seat in the class is beside his daughter's but I never really took notice of him. It all came as a big surprise to me as I do not expect a mum like me to still have "admirers". Although I turned him down but since then my confidence grew and I started enjoying the fact that I can still attract male attention.
Six months ago, I met someone . I was very much attracted to him, physically and sexually. We started off texting back and forth, first with light and gentle flirting. We met up a few times now and again and have a good time laughing and flirting. Then it soon developed into a bit more and more and then more.
I am not one into casual flings or reckless, irresponsible behaviour but then suddenly before I realise, I found myself having an affair with him. A proper full blown affair. By the time I asked myself "what have I done?", it was too late. I have already slept with him. I know it was all principally and morally wrong. I know I have done something very bad and my husband would not forgive me if he knows what had happened.
I asked myself what do I want from this relationship with this man who is rather younger than me? Physically, we both look good together and we are both in lust with each other although he said its not just about that. He said he cares about me and wanted to see me every weekend. He kept telling me he misses me whenever he is not with me and he would send me daily texts messages which were all very sweet to read.
I thought I was falling for him because I can't get him out of my mind and I really love being with him. I am so attracted to him that no one else can catch my attention because my heart and mind is just set on him alone.
I  know that what I'm doing is unacceptable as a Christian and wife who never thought I'd one day break my marital vows to my husband. I used to love him so much, these days even sitting to talk with him is no longer fun. I now prefer to rather chat with the other guy. It's so bad I haven't been able to kneel down and pray,it's just like I feel very unclean before God. I went to church again last week after staying at home and feigning fever and exhaustion while hubby alone takes the children to church.  While they are gone, you won't believe I wallow in thoughts and reading of texts from my friend.  After about 3 weeks, I summoned courage again last week and went with them but I don't think I can go for confessilonal. I sincerely want to be with this guy if I could turn back time. He says he is ready to make me his wife if I leave my hubby, I'm not sure sha.
The problem is I can't seem to leave my marriage because I don't want to break my family apart and let my kids and husband down. What I have is beautiful and to destroy it could be the biggest mistake and regret in my life. Yet I can't stop contact with this man no matter how hard I tried, I always ended up going back to him again and again. It is like an addiction. Maybe I am in love with him but I am just in self denial.
Although he has told me he loves me but he doesn't give me enough substantial reasons to be convinced that our relationship has a future. Although I can see myself (on my own) with him but I can't see my children in the picture. He is a single guy, still living a bachelor life and there is no way he would swap his two seater sports car into a family car. Everything in his life is that of a bachelor; even his bachelor apartment is so child - unfriendly and immaculate that I can't even imagine my kids sitting on his leather creamy sofa. I can't even see him swapping his bachelor small house to a family home.
All signs are telling me is I am a "current" girl he is currently seeing until he finds himself a single girl he istruly willing to settle down with. I have somehow raised that issue in a joking way with him and of course he denied it. I didn't press him more because I don't want to spoil the fun between us. Also I felt I have no right to press him for commitment when I myself am still married. He did say to me at another time before that I should make my mind up on what I want in life or with my relationship and he is jealous to imagine sharing me.
There is no sharing. I have become even more emotionally and physically detached from my husband. Thinking back over the years, we have grown apart emotionally and intimately. There is hardly any connection between us and I am no longer attracted to my husband in a sexual way. No matter how I want to try with him again but I just couldn't find myself interested in the whole idea.
I think its because I am so distracted having him around. Sooner or later this is going to come out and my husband will find out what I have been doing. I really have to decide what I want in life but at the moment its nearly like saying wanting to have the cake and eat it.
In my dream, if I can, I would just walk away from my marriage and start a new life with William but I cant leave my children behind and it pains me to imagine letting my husband down because it would be a blow to him. It would kill him if I leave.
Should I confront my boyfriend  and ask him to be honest with me on what he wants? He got to give me some kind of commitment. Part of me thinks if he can't commit on a long term thing with me and include my kids in, then he is a waste of time and effort. He is just not worth it. But to raise all these with him mean potentially I am at risk of losing the fun I can have with him.
And if he said yes he is ready to commit, do I really have the heart and courage to leave my marriage and tear all their world apart?
Please bloggers on WC, has  anyone been through similar experience or can someone wake me up?

Comments

  1. Madam, are you seriously contemplating asking your 'man friend' what plans he has for you both? Please take yourself back to the drawing board and put yourself and family back together.
    I am glad that you understand that what you are doing is a sin but then again, the only advice you can give yourself is that you stay far away from this home wrecker as much as you can.
    Imagine if it were your husband in your shoes...(trust women to play the victim and everyone would start laying curses on his head) Auntie....you need a reset blow! 'no pun intended'
    Mehn! These revelations are leaving me speechless....

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  2. Anonymous11/22/2015

    hi, phew this alls sounds unbeliveable but so true going through a simialar thing only Im not in a full blown affair and single at the minute having recently broken up from my partner of 10years nothing to do with another man we just cannot connect anymore, even though we have been separated since October we still carnt talk on the phone for 5 minutes without an argument, however there is a man whom I have known and been attracted to for years he suddenly came back into my life shortly after my split however he's married,although unhappily. he has children but they are grown up plus he's 12 years older than me, and I have a young child of four. He been ringing me once a week and we just talk but its so good to talk to him and he's actualy listening and interested in what im saying my ex partner just wouldnt have a conversation at all. Ive allways wanted to have more with this man although i was happy in my relationship and he was married

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    1. Anonymous11/22/2015

      but now I feel i dont wanna miss my chance with him i think we could be good together. But as you I ask myself many questions are you prepared to go through the heartache to be together are they worth it, would he want to bring up someone elses child especially one so young, could we trust each other, would it last the list goes on . I do believe though sometimes in life you have to take risk but then if things dont go your way, can you live with the regret. but also remember life is short and its for living. i know how hard the decision will be to make for you and for me, should your hubby find out about your affair then that would be worse wouldnt it and then would there be a chance that you could get your marriage back on track or would you end up with the other man because you were forced into it can you see a future for you and your husband ?, Wish you lots of luck in making a desicion, be strong.

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  3. Anonymous11/22/2015

    People like you two really make my blood boil. I do not want to attack you both but want you to understand how cruel you are both being!
    Stand up and have the courage to leave your husbands. You are going to hurt so many people. Please don't be naive enough to think it will be your husbands only it won't. You will hurt family, friends etc too.
    Does any human being deserve this kind of treatment, the answer is no!
    Sounds to me you are both being lazy in your marriages. Marriages do become a bit stale at times but you both have to try really hard somtimes, running into someone else's arms is just plain ridiculous! There are many people on this blog who will warn you that the grass is most certainly NOT greener!
    I hope you can make a decision sooner rather than later!
    Good luck

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  4. See, I am not married yet, but I can confidently say that this is not an issue for long deliberation. There's no need over flogging it. Most times we leave the 80 for the 20. What you share or have with this single guy is a mirage. It will never ever last, and nothing good can come out of it.

    You have a beautiful surreal marriage, why would you want to throw it away for something unreal?

    Think about your children. Remember you will give account over them. Abi, wait,don't you know you are a custodian? Please, what will you tell God when you appear before him?

    That you were so carried away with lust you abandoned your call to motherhood? Please, retrace you step back home. Weep and hold the hem of the Lord's garment, tell Him to restore the love you lost. Tell Him He either heals your heart or you won't leave him.

    Please, don't tell your husband, some confessions are better kept for latter. But desist. Be the woman you swore to be when you got married to him. Return to that first love.

    If not for anything, for the fact that one day, which could be anytime,you will face God. Its is Him you have sinned against.

    If this guy wants to cheat himself, it's Ohk. But dnt let him short change you. I pray God touches you. May you find purpose and delight in your marriage. Please, dnt feel condemned. You fell, yes, but rise again.



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  5. What's this rubbish for crying out loud. Please fear Godand live long on earth.Do you not remember your wedding vows? Does your whole marriage mean nothing to you? Why can't you just leave? It is simple really. It will be awful at the time I don't doubt for one minute there will be so much hurt and upset. But you are clearly not happy at the moment either are you?
    There is only two outcomes that I can see. You both go off together and hurt husbands/wife's, or you get found out and end up on your own as this man could well stick with his wife. Whatever you or/and him decide there is going to be alot of tears and upset so surely it is better now rather than later.
    Why did you allow yourself to fall for another man? You are making out that you are not in control of our emotions. We all are we just choose not to be!
    I know for one it is something I could never even contemplate doing to my husband. I have strong moral beliefs and no full well I could not be capable of doing it. Whilst my husband has betrayed me quite alot actually there was no sex involved and as I love my husband very much I am willing to try and stick to my marriage vows and try really hard to make it work. It isn't easy but I want to do it. We also have exceptional cercumstances in that our daughter has a serious medical condition and could die any day from it. This obviously has created an immense amount of stress on our relationship. She had major head surgery in April and I was with her in hospital for a month. This over the rest of last year caused my husband and I to not be connected, which is extremely sad. The reason I am saying all this to you is that it is not as simple as me taking my husband back and their was no sexual contact with the women.
    You are right in that all you can really do is confess. The day will come probably where you will have to. Good luck with it because it is going to be the most terrible time of your life!

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  6. Aunty Eya but this is almost late. I sent you this mail and thought you don't want to share it then suddenly today I see your reply informing me that my mail is posted. Ok well I havent seen my guy now in over a week and on saturday night things took a turn for the worse with him leaving me more confsed than ever. I was supposed to see him on sunday for a belated birthday lunch (mine) as obviously on my actual birthday we couldnt be together. On saturday moring he text saying he was looking forward to it so much and we would have a brilliant day. He went out with his brother and dad and some of his friends during the day and i didnt hear much off him all day. That evening he came on the net and we started instant messaging although i knew somthing was up. I asked him where we were going for lunch on sunday and he said he didnt know and he hasnt thought about it. I asked him if he still wanted to see me and he said "I dont know" and so i tried to phone him and he wouldnt answer and messaged me saying im not answering and i said why and he said i dont want to talk about it. From then on the conversation turned sour out of the blue he said he didnt love me, he had been lying to my face when he said he did, he didnt care about me, he didnt want to see me, or anything to do with me, i dont deserve him and he hopes i get caught. He went on to say he had so much fun that day with "the lads" and he doesnt want to settle down he wants to have fun and see other women.......I was shocked.....this was the same guy that the day before was telling me how much he missed me, loved me, wanted children with me and wished he was coming home from work to my house. I was and am totally confused and heartbroken. He said then for me not to email, text, phone, or anything him he then said "see you around, nice knowing you" and went off.....I did text asking him what the hell had gone on and he refused to answer, i eventually got a reply the next day saying he does love me and miss me but he is very close to his family and cant see himself being with me as i live in a different town (only an hour drive away).....I said but if i do leave my fiance i am open to moving. He then said for me to leave my fiance and THEN we can talk about whats happening with us and see where we can go from here!! Then he has been unresponsive to most of my texts since yesterda

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    1. Sorry *if I do leave my husband I mean

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  7. Thank you Nose for the word ( fear God and live long) @ poster u know what is right already bt if u decide to wallow in your fantasy good and fine. Cheers

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  8. It's a pity what women do these days @poster I know u are in a tight conner and it's difficult to pray but I urge u to wake @ midnight get down on ur knees and pour ur heart out to ur creator,cry and beg for forgiveness,talk to God about this issue and bliv me a change will happen this is d devil playing with u and he's using sex as the tool,mdis guy is just enjoying toying with ur body and soul and will never marry u,take a long look at ur husband and kids and ur home and ask urself it the sex is worth losing them over! Be Guided

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  9. Sorry but I feel like giving you a hard slap.
    Just see where you've landed yourself- some useless home breaker is sitting somewhere and removing the emotions you should reserve for your family. It's bad enough that marriage and rearing kids, although fulfilling, requires focus, effort and can be emotionally draining, you will now compound it with extra-marital affairs, giving someone who cares NOTHING for you the power to dictate your mood- with a call or decision to not respond to your call, he can turn your day into a morose one.
    Clap for yourself, you hear?
    Well done.
    I'm not one to judge at all but the amount of texts I've read about women cheating on their husbands is truly paining me- I just can't understand - where is the " God factor" that is supposed to be inherent in woman?
    Seyi has given very sound advise, you better listen.
    The stubborn fly will follow the dead body into the grave.
    Your so called man friend is such a wicked person, asking that AFTER you leave your family, THEN you both can discuss what your relationship will be going forward- he's setting you up for total destruction - you will lose everything God has blessed you with.
    Repent and go back to God. Focus on your hubby and family- it might feel like work as the feelings might just be resentment for your husband but keep praying and taking one day at a time.
    It could take a year or more but continue until you are released from this lustful grip.
    I still want to give you a hard slap.
    Good day.

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    1. *remoting the emotions, I meant.

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  10. hi everyone i am new here please how do i send mail to EVA for publication

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    1. Hi Toyin, you can send your mail to me @my email address : cuulme@gmail.com

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  11. hi poster, i totally understand what you are going through. its never easy but you must make up your mind to stop it, it all starts with your mind. make a deliberate effort to end the relationship. cut off all communication with him. Its at the throne of God you obtain mercy, church isnt for the perfect people. its for people that need healing, same as the hospital. you dont feel bad going to the hospital when you are sick, you go with an assurance that whatever is wrong you will find a solution. its the devil that is using guilt to hold you back. just propose in your mind to find God and you will get peace, wisdom for your home.

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  12. This is pure lust, and nothing good will come out of it. I am sure, 100% sure. Retrace your step before it is too and ask God for forgiveness. I pray that Holy Spirit will minister to you.

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