Do People Give Up After Just Two Fights? We Started On Friendzone To Close friends, Now He Left Me

Hello people of wives connection and my lovely Aunty Eya, please look my way and help with advice. Is it wrong to fall in love with your best friend and want to take the relationship further?

I  was close to a guy first as a friend. Being a friend, I used to be very carefree and honestly never cared so much as much as he used to for me. Then things changed between us, we started
liking each other.. and there was a role reversal, I started caring a lot. He used to spend a lot of time(literally whole day and night) around me and my friends in my house. after relationship he started moving away...

he broke up with saying I changed a lot after relationship started. Basically I felt that everytime I tried getting a little closer to him than I was when I was his friend, he told me I changed. Is it usual that people do change a little after relationship? I mean, being his friend and being his girlfriend, there was a subtle change I found in me. 
I never expected him to message me, take me out more or anything. I used to get worried if he came home late and stuff, which I never used to do when I was his friend... things like that.. If I messaged are you okay, when he was drunk because he drinks everyday after work, it's either he goes drinking with friends or he takes a glass before retiring to bed. Even on Sundays he drinks, like who does that? I try to talk to him to make him realize how wrong it is to go listen to the sermon and then go drinking after church, dasall

He used to take it in some wrong way. I have no clue why! 
What am I supposed to make of this ? ! 
So when the whole thing started, I told him clearly that I was very scared as I am completely new to it, and if things go wrong it will hurt me way too much. thats my character, I told him I am a very serious person, which he knew too. He had a past with a girl, and he had always told me things about her, so in the beginning I was worried about that. She had broken it with him, but they were still in touch always. I told him to tell me if anything changes so things dont get messed up. I wanted to make sure I wasn't getting inbetween them as they had just broken up. didnt want a scenario where someone was trying to make someone jealous and I was just there like a rebound. He knew exactly how I felt. I am not sure if he understood though. I left it, I decided to keep it in my mind from them and let it resolve itself. 

I have never texted if I was worried or something, infact I never used to care if he replied to my messages or not. I changed in the sense I got closer to him from my side. When i was his friend, I didnt value him so much. When I fell in love with him,I changed, I got closer. I havent worried too much, but whenever I was worried I have expressed it to him. Mainly with his drinking beacuase he drank everyday. One main issue he felt was, we fought whenever he was drunk. and he didnt like that because he wanted to enjoy his buzz. He likes to quote that Jesus turned water into wine. 

 He thought I was taking his space away if I made sure he was okay. This was all in the beginning, after which I totally relaxed. I knew from the start that things would be a little shaky in the beginning because both of us had jsut realized that we liked each other. I mean there was no time to digest that fact. We started liking each other at the same time. and it was more tough for me to suddenly see that he was mine, as till that day I kept seeing him as someone else's whom he was really in love with. 
He felt I took his space away, that I didnt understand it when he said he cant talk to me when he was drunk , i am too emotional. he told my friend all this , he never told me anything. he never fought with me, so now I feel he was just judging me, wanting me to do things he didnt like. If he had told me any of this, we would have fought and someone would have said a sorry and it would have gotten over. I had no intentions of taking his space away,( I didnt do it either ), i wasn't clingy, nothing.

 The only thing is he is way more sensitive than me, so maybe whenever we fought and it got bad, I guess he didnt forget. We fought about stupid things, I never thought they were serious. he just kept everything in his head. never shouted at me, never opened up, finally just broke it and went! 
Whenever i had an issue, i have been frank to him and tried to sort it out. he never tried, I feel he just gave up in like two fights or something.. 
is that how is it always? like do people give up in one or two fights? He just became distant and lost interest. when i started going into it. 

I am not sure if I did something so wrong, to make him give up so fast? arent fights common? I  always wanted to sort the fight and go sleep, he always just wanted to go sleeep on it and never talk about it. I gave into his policy thinking he would be okay, but seems to me now that he never forgot anything even if he did sleep on it! If only we didn't start liking ourselves, our friendship will still be alive. Aunty  Eya, Am so pained. I need candid advice please people. 

Comments

  1. You know, I'm thinking that maybe you two are better off as friends than lovers.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Exactly. I had this same issues some years back. So my dear please don't disturb yourself. let go of ur friend/ lover and move on.

    ReplyDelete

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