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Confused Wife Of 20 Years Has Exhausted Her Methods, Needs Our Advice To Make A Decision

Goodevening madam Eya,
I came across your blog this week and am very pleased to  read and come across the advises of very intelligent people. Thanks.
I do have a very pressing and urgent need which i will like to share with Wives Connection family.
Please do not condemn, I am neither foolish nor uneducated but a wife who believes in keeping her
marriage and children in a non broken family.I have used every method, plead,beg cajole, prayed apologized  which he never accepts anyway and is always proud to tell me that he threw my apology in the bin.   I honestly need your opinions

The issue is that I have been married for 20 good years, I married young and have eight children for my husband. five boys and three girls but unfortunately, it has never been a good and happy marriage. I have never known what it means to be loved, appreciated by a husband as I have never experienced love or care from him. All I am to him is someone he used to have his children,cook clean , do house chores, in fact he uses me for everything both financially and it has been like this for the whole period of our marriage.H e even Says it openly to me. when I am down I lift myself up, when I am happy, I rejoice alone, is this what marriage is supposed to be, he has never been there for me except to impregnant and have his children. and to take away any savings I keep for the children from the remains of their welfare benefit, now  I and  the children have nothing except the house where we live in which he also swore that it will never be a proper home for us.

He never helps me with the children, in fact he encourages them to disrespect me if not that God gave me my own children, keeps malice and grudge more than anything, every little thing is a big issue that can never be settled no matter how much i try as a human being. I did not force myself on him, he came to me for marriage. he is my first and only man i have ever known. so he couldn't say that I tied him down with pregnancy before we started

 We live abroad where child care is very expensive and for that he asked me to stay at home, have his kids and look after them while he goes to work. During all these years, what ever money he makes belongs to him.H e makes good money and I have to practically beg for everything. thankfully if not for the welfare system that that started paying universal welfare benefit to all  children legally born in the country, i don't know what would have been mine and children's faith.before they started paying this little money it was hell, i couldn't even do my hair

when I had my sixth child,the same day after my delivery, he came up with the story that that he found a good house to buy back home at PH and needed some money from the welfare benefit I was saving from my children to put together with the one he has, I was discharged from the hospital within 6 hours  as i and baby were all fine, I t old him to give me the following day because i was tired from the hospital, the following day, within  24 hours of delivery and in the period of cold winter, i went to the bank and emptied everything for my husband for the purchase of the house, hence he traveled back home and bought the house. since 2004.But since then, whatever that is happening with this house, he tells me that it is not my business and does not owe me any explanation.House is only in his name. Thank u and appreciation from this man I did not get.

Whatever he does with his money I do not know. his mum died I also emptied my children's saving for him, he is not an only child but all the other siblings have one story or another to tell of how broke they are, in the end both of us have to foot the burial bill which he never gave back to me, again neither he nor his family showed any appreciation rather he told me that it is his children's money, to him, it is his right. I  have always been left to fend for my self and children in everything with this welfare money even though he knows that i am not working while he gets to keep his  

I have experienced and endured all sorts of abuse just for my marriage to work with the hope that one day, with my patience and endurance he will change but instead he is getting worst. he has no respect for anyone not even his own children, watches pornography and for the sake of my children I complained until i got tired ,I complained  not in front of them anyway, but he is quick to tell me that he is an adult and can watch or do as he pleases. I had to install parental control and that caused a lot more maltreatment for me. but i took it for the sake of my children. 

He neither respects me as a person nor wife, never regards my opinion and has never done. When newly got married then I was young and naive, his ex girlfriend came to live with us with the pretext that she is having acomodation problem, it was hell as she did everything to break the marriage with his help, humiliates me in front of her constantly, but again i endured it all and today my reward is name calling, all sorts of derogatory names, he goes as far as telling me that he never stopped his affair with her under my nose, I am not daft, I knew he didn't, but thought that by showing him love, submission and respect, one day he will appreciate me.


Madam Eya there are so many issues but let me not go into them all in order not to bore u or take much of your time.the most resent issue presently now is that we have separated on his insistence as usual. since the begining of our marriage, every little thing, he wants to end the marriage and i will be pleading, crying and begging, even when he is at fault. everything is always my fault. Every little thing he will refuse to sleep with me for months, sometimes it could go up to nine month before we resume intimacy again, it has always been like this since the duration of this marriage, however now, I dont even want to see his nakedness again, I have had enough. I thank God of fertility, I had all my children not because of the amount of intimacy we had, but because of God's gift of fertility.

 Now i told him straight to his face that yes i too want to end the marriage and that i am no longer interested and so yes we have been separated for two years but still living in the same house as he refuses to leave. the most annoying part is that he still helps himself to my food, shopping, etc in fact everything except that we don't share the same room.he wants to eat his cake and still have it.My mind is made up I will rather be on my own than continue to stay with a man who makes me feel like nothing for twenty years.my children are no longer babies, my last is 6 years. I am planning to instigate a legal separation against him, that way he will not have any option than to respect court order and leave, he has another place to stay but refuses to leave and deliberately makes life unbearable for me and I will no longer take it. I have told myself that I will no longer plead and beg. and God knows that I mean it.

if I clean the house, he deliberately messes it up just to spite me, he deliberately does things to upset me,  but I thank God for the patience he has given to me to bear it all while i plan for this legal separation.
Am I wrong to agree to this? or to give up after all these years of endurance and trying. please I need your honest opinions. My children are ok with it. I dont want his money or anything from him as I am used to not getting anything from him. all i want is peace of mind and my self respect  which he has denied me for years. Thanks

Comments

  1. I wept after reading your mail last night, I felt so bad that my head started suggesting that the best advice is to ask that you divorce him. But then, I thought to myself that divorce is not an option here. That marriage has not gone beyond repair. It can still be fixed, it's possible. The stress of giving birth in quick succession and raising a house full of kids can be overwhelming on any marriage and the wife is the one that suffers it the most,
    Yes, your husband has not been the best of husbands, he has constantly lived below your expectations but with the long years of tolerance, endurance and misery, resentment would have set in and you consciously or unconsciously would have also shown him your bad side.

    You both might just be irritating each other because you never had time to enjoy your marriage, spend time together and get to know each other and understand yourselves better. I'mthinking that could be the kids started coming as soon as you got married and God being so good with fertility, they thankfully just kept coming while you two continued to grow apart and find more faults in each other.

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    1. You are getting responses on wives connection Facebook Page, visit and read them please. If you are not on Facebook, I'll copy some and paste here for you. https://www.facebook.com/WivesTownhallConnection/

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    2. Madam Eya the truth is that i believe his attitude has nothing to do with the coming of the children, he has always been like that, but i honestly thought he will change with time. i have never been allowed to voice my opinion or disagree on anything, and the few times that I have raised an objection or quarelled with him on any issue, he sees it an an opportunity to end the marriage. and so i just have to go along with everything whether am happy with it or not. he doesn't take me out. if i do not have a mirror i might think that i am repulsive or ugly, but believe me, i am not, people compliment me a lot both sexes. nobody is perfect, however i try my best to be a good wife, but nothing pleases him,He has never complained of anything that I am doing wrong and i refuse to change. i have to tolerate everything just for peace to reign. yes we grew apart because of the way he treats me.

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  2. 20 ýears of your life cannot be thrown away like that. No! Is it now that you want to go and start writing job applications or what? You spent twenty years raising those kids keeping the home front great so he can go to work and make money for the family. For all the homeschooling, daycare services at home, he spent no dime on daycare centres because you were at home taking care of all that. It's difficult for most men to understand that with a large family, any wife who stays home to render services raising the kids is saving the family a whole lot of money. The stay home wife is also working for whatever the man is earning. She is not the family slave. Do you know that things wouldn't be this bad if you earned some income yourself? If you owned even a little business, and made some money for yourself, he won't feel like he is your saviour. It's so complicated because you won't even have had the time and commitment any business needs to grow and the expenditure on the kids considering the cost of daycare centres abroad, the expenses would be far more than whatever your little business wd have made for you, unfortunately, he cannot understand that, all he knows is that you just slept at home while he worked for "his" money. In his head, he feels like he has spent all these years slaving for you and the kids. I'm trying hard to summarise my thoughts without typing too long.
    Can I ask you something, have you tried Christian Counselling?

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    1. Thanks Madam Eya. Yes i have tried christian counselling which he refused to join me. i have tried everything but to no avail. he has never provided for us and if he has a conscience, he cannot claim to be the saviour. All my children are now in full time education and I am looking for full time job in my trained area. I have been getting few temporary part time job from my agency, but i am believing God for a permernent job

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    2. Anonymous11/11/2015

      Madam pls don't listen to madam Eya is it when he poisons you that it will be ok. Pls leave for your sanity and children's self esteem. Gosh. You are married to yourself

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  3. Anonymous11/09/2015

    Madam !!! You nee award and i am giving you the award right now. Received IT!!! Please this man has caused so much pain to your Person. please divorce him legally abeg so that you will live long and have peace to train your children. please dont let him kill you so that you can live for your kids ok. Take this Hug ok. I wish i can reach you to offer more words of encouragement. No woman deserve to be treated this way after being pregnant and labour, you still takes care of the kids all by yourself. weldone Ma.

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    1. Mozi thanks for ur encouragement. a big thank u to all the WC family, i do appreciate

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  4. Anonymous11/09/2015

    Madam Eeyah!! that man is not ready to change o and this woman has suffered so much. Even me in lagos Nigeria cant bear such humiliation not to talk where you will survive on your own when you leave him. She can seperate from him, the bible deos not forbid that. This abuse can make her loose her life quickly abeg

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  5. Anonymous11/09/2015

    No!! Did you see where she wrote that her husband's EX came to live with them at the initial stage. so its not the kids that caused the problem, it is because the husband has been unfaithful, having relationship with his ex. Not the kids at all because problem started even before the kids start coming

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  6. Sorry about my long comments. I pray other readers will also have something to tell you.

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    1. You chose.
      You chose.
      You chose.

      You chose to give away your love.
      You chose to have a broken heart.
      You chose to give up.
      You chose to hang on.

      You chose to react.
      You chose to feel insecure.
      You chose to feel anger.
      You chose to fight back.
      You chose to have hope.

      You chose to be naïve.
      You chose to ignore your intuition.
      You chose to ignore advice.
      You chose to look the other way.
      You chose to not listen.
      You chose to be stuck in the past.

      You chose your perspective.
      You chose to blame.
      You chose to be right.
      You chose your pride.
      You chose your games.
      You chose your ego.
      You chose your paranoia.
      You chose to compete.
      You chose your enemies.
      You chose your consequences.

      You chose.
      You chose.
      You chose.
      You chose.

      However, you are not alone. Generations of women in your family have chosen. Women around the world have chosen. We all have chosen at one time in our lives. We stand behind you now screaming:

      Choose to let go.
      Choose dignity.
      Choose to forgive yourself.
      Choose to forgive others.
      Choose to see your value.
      Choose to show the world you’re not a victim.
      Choose to make us proud.”
      ― Shannon L. Alder

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  7. Anonymous11/09/2015

    What A Father Told His Daughter A Day Before Her Wedding
    My Daughter, tomorrow you will stop bearing my name. You will be happily married to the man you love. Dont miss me because I have fulfilled my purpose, it is now time for you to start fulfilling yours.
    From your childhood, I have raised you well by the grace of God but before you say I do, there are few things I need to tell you about living with a man and being married.
    Do you remember when you wrote your WAEC and JAMB exams? You came to me and I gave you 20,000 naira for the registration? Well, even though I gave it to you, the money was not mine. I know you always thought I paid the fees. The truth is, I was broke… but your mother gave me the money. She could have given it to you but she decided to give it to me to give to you.
    Support your husband. Some times things will get tough… he will be frustrated. Even though he acts tough, in his mind he has fears… he fear you may not value him anymore because he has fallen. That is the time to get behind him and support him!
    The best way to show your husband you love him is to respect him! You may argue with him, you may disagree but at the end of the day, let him know he has your respect.
    Do you remember the day I screamed at your mother? What did she do? She was quiet! Do you also remember the day she screamed at me? What did I do? I was quiet! My daughter learn to be quiet sometimes when your husband is angry. When one person is hot, the other should be cool. If two are always screaming at same time, that is how big problems start in marriage. The first thing to know about your husband is his favourite food! If he has more than one then keep them at the back of your mind. Dont let him ask for it, always prepare it for him.
    There was a day your mother caught me touching a woman’s hand affectionately. I was lust after that woman but I was not yet cheating on your mum. When she saw us… she didnt fight the lady, she quietly left. I was afraid of going home because all hell will break lose. But when I got home she said nothing. She served me my food. Guilt was taking control over me. I started begging. From that day, I never looked at a woman two time. Who knows? If she had fought and threatened me… maybe I could have run away from the fight into the arms of the lady. Sometimes Silent brings better solution than fight.
    Forget those romantic novels you read while you were 21. Remember those Indian and American love movies? Also remember those too sweet Nollywood films on African magic? Forget them! Don’t expect your married life to be that way. Life is different from fiction
    The last thing I want to tell you…. Do you remember how you were born? After our wedding, things were tough and your mum had to do two jobs to support us. I was working as well. I get home 6 PM while she gets home 8pm tired. But when we get to bed… she will not refuse me my night food. That is how you were born. Dont form a habit of denying your husband of his night food.
    Be a good wife. You will always be Daddy’s girl…

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  8. I acknowledge there are two sides to a story but I must say I totally disagree with what you guys are saying here(with all due respect).I read this story and what I see is a scorned woman who may not have been physically abused but has been so emotionally abused for twenty years, you may not see the scar but she is so injured inside which could lead to low self esteem, low self worth and others,this man capitalized an her naivety and took advantage of every trust, love, care and the fact that she did not want to have a broken home.
    We are talking about twenty years here, twenty years is not two years, even if she was 20 when married now she is 40 and you say she should stay back and get to know the man? I fear all the knowing that she would have known , she has known, this guy has had this character from the first day they got married, he is controlling, manipulative and abusive, he will not change over night, the truth is, she needs to be happy, she needs to exhale, she need to pick up the pieces of her life, she needs to move on and if they come back together, then fine but for now, she needs her space without him breathing down her neck...She needs a break.
    Madam, It is okay to walk away, it is okay to choose happiness and it is okay to choose you. You would do just fine.

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    1. Thanks bride2mum. Believe me it has been all sorts of abuse including physical. the physical stopped few years ago as my children now are grown ups and can separate him. first son is 18 and first daughter is 19 and the rest of them also.

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    2. it is well...Please it is okay to move on

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    3. Anonymous11/10/2015

      @Bride2mum I'm totally with you on this! I think it's hypocritical to ask a woman to continue in this kind of hell hole when it's obvious that her life is at stake! What are we trying to prove here, Christianity? Is it after Udoka's obituary is up we'll start regretting our method of advice? This woman is living in a casket and the only reason we are reading this is bc its not yet shut!
      Pls madam don't experience the "Die Trying" syndrome bc "it is only the living that can praise God"
      Always remember that a good divorce is better than a bad marriage.
      If the last 20yrs of your life was wasted on trying to please an ingrate don't throw the next 20 away, it's time to get up and live the rest for yourself your children and your God joyfully.

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  9. Anonymous11/09/2015

    So what does this epistle implies? from what she said so far, she has always been quiet. I think the man didnt love her from the begining, only married her for child bearing. because the woman in question said she always begged him everytime for peace to reign and that is why she was able to live with him for 20 good years. mmm what a mess. early in their marriage he brought in an EX to live with them, she knows they were having affair and she keep quiet just to give way for peace. Please fellow mothers, should she continue in this mess? Its not easy o. according to her she has not been a trouble maker, she has respected this man to the full. I think he does not love her, if he has a little love for her and they have been seperated for 2 years though still live together and no day has his conscience ask her of her warefare but all he does is humiliate her. I dont htink there is anything to mend in that marriage. Some union just dont work unless she has resolve in her mind to leave like that till she gets old.

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    1. I agree...Mozinaxintrnational

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  10. Hahaha, I am dumbfounded. This is sheer wickedness. You need a break Madam. May God see you through amen.

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  11. Wow! Kudos to you poster. I think you are making the right decision. Marriage is a good thing but no one should let his/her spouse kill him/her because they are in a marriage together.

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  12. Anonymous11/09/2015

    madam u ave tried for 20 yrs. if this man wants to change, he would have done so a long time. in as much as i do not agree with divorce, from the story, i agree that u should seprate from him. Which reasonable man will not appreciate a woman that gave him 8 children. even if u are a demon, with love he can change u. i dont know u, but i personally do not think u are a bad woman to have endured for such a long time.
    from the post i believe u both live abroad which makes it easier for u to call the authorites on him, their law will protect u unlike back home where women are denied their rights or where men rule. the fact that you always tolerate him makes him to take so much advantage of u and the situation. so please brave up, seperate from him so that u can have your dignity and sanity intact for your sake and that of ur chidren. God bless

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  13. Lost my earlier post. Madam take hearth believe in God.invest in ur children and don't forget it is not too late to also invest in itself.as for oga , God is watching all of us.if he doest Chang, he will end up lonely and miserable. It is not a bad idea if u separate. You need it. All the best

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  14. Lost my earlier post. Madam take hearth believe in God.invest in ur children and don't forget it is not too late to also invest in itself.as for oga , God is watching all of us.if he doest Chang, he will end up lonely and miserable. It is not a bad idea if u separate. You need it. All the best

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  15. Please get out of the marriage. at least you would start collecting alimony and child support. haba. U hv over tried.

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  16. This woman is wonderful madam pls u need to separate from that man he sees u as weak show him u are strong,he sees u as foolish show him u are wise he thinks u can't do without him pls show him dt all u need is God and ur kids,he see u as a doormat but u need to show him u are his pillar,if he didn't deem it fit to change for d past 20yrs then he won't change now so kick him out,he is a bad role model for the children pls separate from their sake let ur sons know it's not right to treat a woman like that and let ur daughters learn that they deserve better from men,if u love ur kids don't let them watch u suffer like this cos it could destroy them emotionally pls ma! God will see u tru

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  17. He refused counselling? You deserve to be happy. You just cannot live the rest of your life this way. Just be careful if you want a divorce. Your children still need you around o,so,don't make the mistake of asking for a divorce while he is still under that roof with you, be very careful and wise. You know what to do and no one will blamend you.

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  18. Anonymous11/10/2015

    Yes Madam Eya is right. Do it with sense because he still lives there with you so that he does not kill you. you need to enjoy yourself, enjoy your children, because you have laboured sit them down and talk to them. but in all honesty you neeed to move on. you have tried. dont take him back yet let him go and be lonely first. if na me self i will never take him back, yes did i say that and am a christian but God does not creat you to be miserable. Enjoy yourself, go to church, hang out with your kids, friends. I bet you are still in your early 40s so you have a lot of good life ahead of you so dont let him spoil the fun. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

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  19. Please ma sista gently move on with ur life.I am telling u from a mans perspective, this man will Neva change as long as u keep putting up with him. He is so used to having everything his way and u being his doormat.why do u think he I'd still there all these years, days because deep in his mind he knows that only rare and few women will put up with him. My advice is separate from him, give ur children the best training , look up to God and invest in yourself it is not too late. If your trained area will be a hindrance change direction. I am telling u from experience my own sista was in a similar situation, married to the best fool ever. She eventually left him and travelled to us with her kids, changed her direction and trained as a health nurse at 45 years. Today she is living comfortably well and happy without the fool. What am trying to say is this I believe u may still be in your early fouties or late thirties . you can still do it. Where u are is a land of opportunities so please ignore your husband and make use of it. Don't let his attitude weigh u down.you are a strong woman to have taken it all these years. Believe your husband will regret his actions one day by then it will be too late for him

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    1. thanks Ken yes am in my late thirties 39+ and will be 40 by march. your sister is an inspiration. am definitely moving on.

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  20. This is terrible. some men sha

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  21. iwill advice madam to seperate,if in fututre he changes and comes back to his senses fine, otherwise please leave him and move on. again if this marriage is still new ie within 2 to 3 years, i will advice you to be patient, but 20 years and he is still like this , it will only be a miracle for him to change. you deserve to be happy.

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  22. Anonymous11/10/2015

    Udoka, wow! Some women are strong O. Please divorce him and ask for all your entitlements from him. Its not too late, God can even still bless you with a good man.

    Please don't be scared of divorce. You will be fine.

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  23. Anonymous11/10/2015

    Aunty Eya abeg sometimes u nor they try at all. How can you tell this woman to keep enduring this humilation?

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    1. Anonymous11/10/2015

      Nnaa eh. I tire o. But you know now she can't advice someone to divorce here. Bad image or something. I stopped reading her comment when she said something about no divorce. Lol

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  24. Anonymous11/10/2015

    Is like you have forgotten that there is no marriage in heaven> marriage is earthly and everybody deserves to be happy

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  25. Anonymous11/11/2015

    this madame eya sef and her counsel sometimes. Please madam udoka u don try a beg. You should have used family planning though. As it is, only God can change your husband. Since you're not God, let God be doing his work and you start living your life.
    You have to stop living with this man that you placed even above your children, giving him your children's welfare money anyhow. Take this decision for your children especially your daughter so that she doesn't enter into a similar situation. Thinking that a husband is a god.
    It's time for you to get tough.

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  26. Thank you all WC family for your input and interest on this issue. I do appreciate all your advices and they are quite uplifting and genuine, all of you can not be wrong. I believe it is not too late for me to pick up the pieces of my life and move on. Madam Eya this your Blog has helped me a lot on this issue, I know now that I am not making a wrong decision. Thanks a lot. God bless you all

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  27. Madam, I commend your patience, tolerance and doggedness however having stayed with your husband for 20 years, shows how committed you are to your marriage and family.
    Number 1, take his matter to God.
    Number 2: keep praying for him
    Number 3.Talk to him about how you feel and your next decision.
    From what you said technically you are separated but God can Restore your husband and home.
    Nevertheless its difficult at the Moment to hear from your husband, probably there is something you have done to him knowingly or unknowingly that changed him because I am not sure this is how you started. God will see you through.

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  28. Ndidiamaka11/11/2015

    This is sad, but thankfully it is not too late for u to move on. he who wears the shoes knows how it pinches. i support the idea of your separation from him.lets be honnest here
    1) which man in his correct senses will send a woman out in the cold winter to collect money for him 24 hours after birth, i live abroad and i know how winter can be, for him to send her out like this, he must have been using her any how. You can move about almost immediately after giving birth as long as you feel ok to do so, you can even go shopping on the same day. That is Oyibo livestyle, they no dey do omugo like us. But we are all africans and must not copy everthing we see from dem. a woman who just delivered in 24 hours should have been left to rest!. his action does not show consideration.
    i picked out on so many things from the postbut will like to dwell on few, which man will deliberately be denying his wife of her conjugal rights?does he want her to stray and he will capitalize on that, this woman is trying, considering the fact that she married young, any young woman in that situation might be tempted to look elsewhere and if she does, the same man will be quick to accuse her whereas he pushed her into it. I know some women do it a lot as a form of punishment to their spouse, denying your spouse of sexual right is wrong. but for a man to do this to his wife, my hearth bleeds.
    The issue of his ex, this is the height of disrespect. is he the only man that had an ex before marriage that he has to put his wife through all that trauma.. can he take it from her, again this shows an action of an inconsiderate man who does not give a damn about his wifes feelings. How can a father be watching porn, i guess from the family computer or at home when u have young children? this does not show an act of responsibility TO CUT THE LONG STORY SHORT SEPERATE FROM HIM AND MOVE ON. 20 years is a very long time to have thrown away, it is not too late for u to correct your mistake before he influences your kids negatively. best of luck my dear

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  29. Anonymous11/11/2015

    My dear I am telling you from experience, I will not go into details of my own story as this discussion is not for me but u. men like this never change, they can only change by Gods miracle. mine lasted for 10 yrs' i put up with all sorts just for mine to work untill eventually i left with my two kids. it wasnt easy. I was ridiculed and tagged with all sorts as a divorcee, but today I thank God that I did, as am now reaping the fruits of my labour. my children all turned out well by the grace of God.. yes I single handedly trained them as he refused to help, he married again and she too eventually left with her three kids, today he is a lonely bitter soul a he does not have a good and close relationship with any of his children. he thought he was hurting the women. i am a lot older than you , please take my advice and leave him for the sake of your children. living in the same house with him will not give you the opportunity to raise your children the way you would want to, you will constantly be weighed down by his conduct and believe me,you need all the strenght smiles etc to look after your children. i was afraid of what people and society will say and imprisoned myself for 10 years eventually when i left i realised that I can actually be happier and achieve a lot without him and since then I have never looked back.. You can do it. go girl, you deserve to be loved and happy.

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  30. Anonymous11/13/2015

    move on joo u don try

    ReplyDelete
  31. Anonymous11/15/2015

    Madam Poster, Please leave this man with no regrets. I watched my mother as a child go through the same type of marriage. She did not leave and gave up literally by succumbing to cancer. I watched her deteriorate for nothing. Same type of verbal, emotional,physical and psychological abuse. Men like that really dont change. They wielding power and control over "nice" people like yourself.
    Please for the sake of your children leave..so you can enjoy those beautiful children in the future. My mother kept saying she is staying for us 4 children. She never saw any of us grow up. She passed in that unhappy marriage when I was 18. and the youngest 7 years old... NOTHING WILL HAPPEN TO YOU. LEAVE SO YOUR KIDS CAN HAVE THEIR MOTHER AND YOU CAN HOLD YOUR GRANDCHILDREN.
    IT IS WELL WITH YOU. AMEN.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Anonymous11/15/2015

    Madam Poster, Please leave this man with no regrets. I watched my mother as a child go through the same type of marriage. She did not leave and gave up literally by succumbing to cancer. I watched her deteriorate for nothing. Same type of verbal, emotional,physical and psychological abuse. Men like that really dont change. They wielding power and control over "nice" people like yourself.
    Please for the sake of your children leave..so you can enjoy those beautiful children in the future. My mother kept saying she is staying for us 4 children. She never saw any of us grow up. She passed in that unhappy marriage when I was 18. and the youngest 7 years old... NOTHING WILL HAPPEN TO YOU. LEAVE SO YOUR KIDS CAN HAVE THEIR MOTHER AND YOU CAN HOLD YOUR GRANDCHILDREN.
    IT IS WELL WITH YOU. AMEN.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Anonymous11/15/2015

    Madam leave ooo..My own father treated my mother like that. They never change! Ignore the man and do what you got to do! Start taking steps to see if you can get state/public housing and move out. Ignore him!! Such men prey on a weakness they think you have. Build up your inner strength and joy in yourself. Ignore him when he messes up..As a matter of fact put extra food, supplies there for him to eat and use..its only for a short time...You will overcome and he will come crawling!

    ReplyDelete
  34. Thanks anons. @05:54 so sorry about your mother's death. I am definetely sure God is watching over her now and in as much as you are all missing her and her her painful departure, she is at peace now. God will continue to look after u and your siblings on her behalf.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Anonymous11/15/2015

    Dearest Madam Udoka. Thank you so much. I appreciate your kind condolence. But God has been good and kept His protective hand on us 4 girls. Its been 22 years now and I am now 40 years old. I know she is in a good place now. Reading your story just brought all those memories to surface...but sometimes its good to be able to put into words what for years had been locked in my head and heart. For your one story I could relate 10 more of things I saw with my own eyes. The worst part is the the man is not a village man. My Dad is a well educated man holding 3 Masters degrees and 2 Phds...how such an educated person could have been so wicked I dont know.. Anyway..God watches us all.
    It was not easy to have had to watch that beautiful sweet woman just fade away because of evil marriage...They say there are two sides to every story..but what the eyes of a child see cannot be denied. Can the sight of a man/father throwing a punch at the mother be justified?Or seeing my mom with a broken arm? Or a black eye or swollen face?? I dont know..only God does.
    I pray you will be encouraged by my story and JUST MOVE FORWARD AND ONWARD. You are already blessed and beloved of God and your dear children. SMILE FOR THE LORD IS YOUR CROWNING GLORY!!!

    ReplyDelete
  36. Anonymous11/15/2015

    anon15:03, your story is so touching. be strong okay.God bless. As for this madam/poster, you have heard it all, i strongly support you to move on, forget about this beast. life is too short

    ReplyDelete
  37. Please leave that situation of yours. Move to a new place or change the locks when he goes out and sue. You don't need to be in this bondage forever
    You have taken so much rubbish from him and become his doormat. Pick yourself up and release the parasite from you and your children's lives

    ReplyDelete

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