I Need Help With Religious Issues In My Marriage

Good day Aunty Eya and thank you for what you do through your blog. i am currently at a crossroad in my marriage and i need all the good advice that i can get. My story began 5years ago when i met a wonderful man with the characteristics that i have always prayed for though he was quite older than i was as i was 24 and he was 44 without a wife and children.

Age was not my problem as he looks younger than his age and i loved his sense of maturity and reasoning. our problem was the religion. i am a christian and he is a Muslim.  we dated for
sometime, i got pregnant and needed advice on what to do with the pregnancy and concerning our difference in religion but i was disappointed because my church and pastoradded more salt to my wound. i was rejected by my pastor and church members. The news spread like a wild fire all over our branches and i was told that i would be punished for getting pregnant before marriage and a greater punishment will be given to me for having an affair with an unbeliever.

  I thought of having an abortion but i saw it as committing a greater sin. so i left the church and we got married in the traditional way.  I must say that i am married to the best man in the world! his qualities are too enormous to mention. God has also blessed us with 2 wonderful boys who are growing very fast. All through my marriage, i have been attending church services with my kids but stay at home whenever my husband  is in town. My husband has been pleading with me to become a Muslim and at present insisting that i help him bring up our kids as Muslims. He said we becoming a Muslim will bring him all the happiness in the world. I am soconfused! should i remain adamant to his request or simply accept to becoming a Muslim? 

Comments

  1. My thoughts are that one of you has to join the other. You see, he is the head of that family and a true christian woman knows that her submission is to her husband. If you cannot bring him to your side, then you make up your mind and move over to his. If you love a man up to the point of marriage, I think you should accept him in totality, accept his family, beliefs, culture, everything.
    Falling in love with him, getting pregnant and even marriage wasn't a problem, accepting his religion shouldn't be. Why do I say this? Because I am kinda convinced that if religion was topmost in your list, you won't even date outside your religion, if you could date, then you can marry. If you could marry, then you can convert. This is no longer about you alone. You cannot continue to confuse those little kids. Let them know where their destiny lies. If you keep sneaking them out to church, hope you are not poisoning their minds against daddy's religion?

    What do tell them is the reason for going to church only when dad's out of town? You are dividing your family, this is the foundation you are laying right there.

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    Replies
    1. You chose your new path the very day you started dating. He knew after marriage you'd have to convert but you maybe didn't give it a serious thought. He is a good man, otherwise he would have ordered you like most African men would do. He is being patient now, but may not continue that way when the kids start growing.
      If you can try to prayerfully talk with him, do so because everything is possible. If you cannot convert, talk with him having in mind that if he insists you join him then you have two options:
      1. Converting to his religion
      2. Leaving him

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    2. As a good Christian wife, you know that the second option is not right at this time.

      Delete
    3. Anonymous7/31/2015

      Hmmmmm sincerely this is the most non judgmental comment ive ever seen. She is d only one who can solve her prob. If he's good enuf to date, marry, have children with then ...it is well

      Delete
  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous7/07/2015

      I clearly read where she stated he had no wife or children when they met. "My story began 5years ago when i met a wonderful man with the characteristics that i have always prayed for though he was quite older than i was as i was 24 and he was 44 without a wife and children."

      Delete
    2. Anonymous7/07/2015

      Wait oh... I don't understand, Nuella did u even read the post before commenting? Dts how u people fail exam

      Delete
    3. ok. sorry about that but i thought she said he was married with kids. but even at that, most muslims marry more than one wives and again rarely do you see any allowing their children to go outside their religion. And lastly, anonymous even though i did not seethe post very well or should i say grasp the meaning too well, i never failed my exams and definitely the likes of you could not have helped me with my exams. Hope you will get this clear next time you want to open your wide mouth in your hidden identity.

      Delete
    4. Anonymous7/09/2015

      So whats point? U did not not see the post very well or grasp it . I think that's a clear avenue to fail an exam

      Delete
  3. Anonymous7/06/2015

    I am in the same situation as you. A Christian woman married to a wonderful man who is a Muslim. I practise my religion and he respects it. The children(we have 3) have been taught about both Islam and Christianity. My first has chosen to be a Muslim and my second is a Christian. The third is still small. I believe that as a Christian woman, you cannot marry a non Christian unless your own practise of your religion is a nominal one, regardless of which church you go to or whether you are born again or not. I would advise you to search your soul and find out where you went wrong in your walk with God that allowed you to go down this road. If you still are a follower of Christ, then repent and hand over your family to him. That is what I did. It has not been an easy road but God has been faithful. I have faith that I and my entire family will be saved in accordance with His promise. There is nothing too difficult for God. I hope this is helpful.

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  4. Hmmm Sisters, Let's always look beyond our desire to marry and consider the consequences of our actions b4 we take decisions. To be honest I do not see the purpose of this your mail. You chose 5years ago. It's actually as simple as that.

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  5. Anonymous7/06/2015

    U need no advice from any one on dis! It shd come from u n u alone!do wat it heart says.....n take responsibility for ur decision.d moment u agreed to b his wife ,u wud HV prepared ur mind for tins like dis. N asked ursef qstns like if dis n dis hapns wat will I do.woman act ur age u r not a baby.apply wisdom

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  6. Anonymous7/06/2015

    Abandon "religion", the walls and prison it creates....your private personal beliefs in a higher power are between you and your God....both of you, for the sake of man-made religious rules are bringing in complications which otherwise wouldn't exist....it's sad to see how once again man-made religion causes division, conflict...rather than peace, harmony which is what supposedly religion brings.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous7/07/2015

      You are 100% correct, but I do not thing this couple is at that place for your message, so you will have to be practical and tailor you advice according to the audience. Most religious people will see you as a freak for speaking this way, a heathen, and clearly hellbound.

      Delete
  7. Anonymous7/07/2015

    U should hv known that u will hv difficulties if u don't go to one church, u should have considered the fact that he is a Muslim before marrying him.

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  8. Anonymous7/07/2015

    You have a very good marriage by all accounts. You have spoken highly about the character of your husband more than once. Do not let religious difference cause friction in your home if peace and joy dwells there. You can come to a compromise with your husband, lay out your terms of any possible conversion, do not just do it without clearly stating how far you are willing to go. For example you may say you will not wear hijab or niqab, or you will have the children raised Muslim, but will always teach them the message of Christ. You must set conditions before you enter into any conversion agreement lest should he come back to you and make some request you cannot fulfill. Whatever decision you make, just make peace with it.

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