15 Years Childlessness, Pregnant After Cheating, Please Address

Hello, I am a silent follower of your blog and I have an issue which I hope you can help me post.

I have been married for 15 years to a wonderful woman whom I love. We haven't been able to have a child. The doctor says that we are both fine. 
In my 15 years of marriage, I have never cheated on my wife, up until last month, when I met a girl who is nice, reserved and pleasant. She showed me a lot that I've missed over the years, I just feel young again, so many things my wife refuses to do with me, she does with me. We
have been going out, having fun and I think she loves me, (she hasn't told me that). She feels so guilty, knowing that I'm a married man and she's dating me. The problem now is that, she is pregnant and I have only had sex with her twice (yes, I ejaculated inside her).

I don't know what to do, I have stopped thinking about fathering a child a while ago but this whole situation is making me feel excited at the same time scared of what it would do to my wife... The girl hasn't said anything about aborting or keeping the baby but I know she is scared because of her parents.
What do I do?



  1. I'll try to publish your mail tomorrow or next. What I can say is you strayed, fell into temptation which has now yielded a blessing. This is very tough, if you were my brother, what would I say to you? If your wife were my sister how wd I react to this husband who cheated twice and got a young girl pregnant? I'll be very angry. Right now you are a very happy man but worried about your wife.

    Let me start with you first. For fifteen years, were you waiting for her to strike menopause before seeking help? I see strong love between you two yet you just continued to wait without looking at other options that include your wife. There are other ways. If you say you never cheated before now, I believe you but you could have tried something other than waiting. A baby is on the way and I pray your wife accepts him. I also pray you don't subtly act in a way that suggests you want her out. Let it be her decision to make and I pray she accepts and raises that baby as hers though that's not easy in any way. You have broken her heart in pieces, you have told her that she's barren and right now there's an alternative route to making babies, you might not try harder for her anymore. I feel really sorry for her.

    The pregnant lady is making you feel young and happy so, I don't see you leaving her. If her family accepts you, I think you'll want to wife her and she won't agree to be a second wife so, what are your plans just in case?

    Ok, she makes you think of her guilt? If she truly feels guilty, why then did she date you in the first place? Why did she sleep with you a married man without protection? I guess she knows your wife doesn't have any kids?

    All those things she does now, when babies come with more responsibilities and her age gets to where your wife is today, she might not be able to do all those things anymore. Even this oral whatever you see scheemers using to outdo madam, a time comes in a woman's life when she would no longer feel comfortable doing suchk.

    1. I wish your wife was a blog reader, I'd have told her to go no where. To stay in her home till thy kingdom come raising the kid but what about her?
      Again, is it that you don't know how to confess to madam? What to say or that you want to wife the mom to be.If her family wants marriage before the baby what are your plans? If your wife decides to stay put, what about you? What do you really want? right now abortion is not an option and we'd like to know your plans for a way forward.

    2. I forgot to add, don't even think of keeping it secret or having a secret family. If she decides to have the baby, your wife has to know. How to tell her is the challenge. Every Child is a blessing, just that sometimes, the situation surrounding some childbirths can cause migraine when we try to think. Expecting your replies.

  2. Poster5/31/2015

    Thanks for replying.
    Honestly, I don't know. It's all coming so fast, I can't think straight, I don't know how to tell my wife, I'm sensing that the girl wants an abortion, though she hasn't said so. Don't think I can allow her to do that. I'm a serious church goer, I have a position in the church, getting a second wife is not something I see myself doing. I love my wife I really don't want to hurt her.

    The girl was just having fun, as was i, we still see each other, don't think I can leave her at a time like this, don't know if I have a say over the baby, I really want this baby!
    My wife and I have talked about adoption and all sorts but we just decided to wait on the lord, my wife's idea, didn't want her to feel bad, so I agreed.
    Been aching for a child, to pass my legacy on to.
    Honestly, I don't know what to say. It's all just confusing. I got myself into this mess but I do not regret it at all

    1. Anonymous5/31/2015

      You're a very stupid man and yes am judging you. Your stupid mouth like you a serious church goer and you hold a position in church. I pray God will have mercy on you and forgive you for this wicked act also make sure you do a DNA on the child. For all you know, it might not be yours and you know women are very funny so bear that in mind. Wicked soul!

    2. Anonymous6/03/2015

      You're a very wicked man with no Conscience and self control.u carefully planned all what happened.why didn't you use protection in the first place.unfaithful thing

    3. Anonymous6/10/2015

      laughing in spanish. Oga, see as girl play you? mehn! This girl plotted the whole ish from the begining, feeling guilty my ass. She knew he wanted a child, trust me Sir, she aint even thinking of aborting that baby, thatz if its even yours, i really doubt its yours. sounds like she was pregnant before you slept with her sef, she dey look for who she go dash.
      As ealier suggested, do a DNA test, choi, as a fellow man to another, you are soooooooo naive sha. maybe its cos its hv been faithful for 15years, you dont know this game Sir!

    4. Anonymous6/19/2015

      I won't be so fast to judge you cos I feel you. I'm a woman, so don't think I don't know what it would feel like to be betrayed this way by my husband. But I have long since learnt one bitter truth about life - a split second can make all the difference! Yes, you did something wrong. Yes it resulted in a pregnancy. Yes, yes, yes. I believe you've flogged yourself enough! You're going to have to do the unpleasant and unenviable job of telling the parties concerned - your wife most of all. And for goodness sake stop that seemingly little girl from aborting! Is she mad? Please do everything you can. I pity you though but don't think I would autograph what you did. You're in this alone, all by yourself! Just take it in your stride, okay? BUT TELL YOUR WIFE NOW! I'll be thinking of you.

    5. Anonymous6/20/2015

      do u know how many times girls have lied to guys about pregnancy? i guess ur a learner in the game! mr man u don't have sperm cells don't deceive yourself ,that babe wants to collect 50k for abortion and use it for shopping,pregnant kor pregnant ni. ashewo man u had better go and seek ivf help with your wife and avail yourself for donor sperm!

  3. Hmm. Aunty Eya has said it all. Poster I don't know what to say. On one hand I'm happy for u,on the other,im angry and disappointed. I think the first thing is ask the young girl what she wants. Do not tell her what to do,dont cajole,just ask her. Are u even sure it's ur baby. Are u sure she's nt trying to pin someone else's pregnancy on u. My brother, women r funny ooo!

    Don't destroy ur marriage for an illusion. If she wants to keep it and u think it's urs (because my dear, u can never ever be sure until u do the needful), the next step is telling your wife. Start by asking forgiveness. Even if she decides to forgive u, she will want to know what u want.

    So what do u want. Take d baby,settle d girl and move on. If the girls family refuses to release d child,how will u handle it. If the girls family says u must marry her before you have access to the child,what do u do? If your wife decides to leave,what next?

    My brother,you committed adultery! The girl committed adultery and even fornication. I am sure she's not as innocent as u think. Please think on all I have said. May God help u!

  4. Anonymous5/31/2015

    I'm sorry Aunty Eya but you do not have the right to call anyone barren, calling the mans wife barren is WRONG!!! After all Abraham had a son before he had Isaac was Sarah barren? No!!! Mr Man I feel you did what you did on purpose you secretly wanted to know if you could father a child, I guess you have your answer now but keep in mind that if your wife wanted to find out if she could have a child by another man and she got pregnant would you accept it? Please answer that question honestly. Anyway out of your impatience you have refused to wait for God and you committed adultery, just prepare yourself for the consequences. You will have to beg your wife and leave the decision to her, she may decide to stay, she may decide to leave, she may want nothing to do with the child because the truth of the matter is that the child would be a constant reminder of another woman being able to do what she cannot do, its not everyone that would see things the way Eya sees it so please dont blame her if she decides to do something other than what has been advised because she alone knows what she has gone through. Its funny how with the amount of knowledge we have and technology people still go out and do silly things, if you feel your wife cant bare kids, how about surrogacy? how about ivf?You have painted the picture like you didnt know what you were doing but I seriously doubt that. After all you are not the only man to wait on the lord for a child DR DK Olukoya G.O of MFM waited 15 years too and God answered him, I know a couple who waited 20 years. The sad thing about it is we dont know the effect of what you have done now, we are still suffering from Abraham's decision. My advice is to beg your wife because its not her fault that she has not had kids, children are a gift from God! Remember that

    1. WHAT? Where did I call her barren. Didn't you read that the Doctor says they are both fine?

    2. Anonymous6/01/2015

      @anonymus 18:44, aunty Eya did not call her barren, u took the statement out of context. " You have broken her heart in pieces, you have told her that she's barren". That's what she said. So don't get overtly angry about nothing. Read well before flaring up!

    3. Anonymous6/04/2015

      Anonymous 18:44, u are mad by not reading well before saying aunty Eya called her a barren woman. She said for the man impregnating another woman means he is calling the wife a barren woman ok

  5. Anonymous6/01/2015

    Do a DNA test before accepting that child as yours.

  6. Anonymous6/01/2015

    Get a DNA test before accepting the child as yours. The girl may be nice and all that but you can never be too sure. I won't blame you for cheating because I am not in your shoes.
    Well, if you really love your wife, stop your affair with this girl, confess to your wife. It will hurt her but a clean slate is the best way to move forward on.
    If the child is yours, be responsible and support the child financially.
    If the child is yours, then change your fertility doctors. They say your wife is okay, maybe invest in IVF.
    Plus 15 years is a long time not to adopt. Adopt as soon as you can and enjoy the joy a child, biological or not, gives.
    And please from now on, be faithful to your wife. If you really want her to do something, there are ways to get her to do it.
    Finally, confess your sins to God. I didn't particularly like where you talked about being a high ranking member of your church etc. Is that what matters or how God sees you?

  7. you strayed and erred big time.. you should own up to her as a would you feel if she did what you've done to her? i don't have pity for couples who cheat...cheating is anyform and shame on the girl you had an affair with..karma is a bitch

  8. There is no need for a DNA test. The couple was already talking adoption.

  9. men and their ways! pls make sure the pregnancy is your b4 telling your wife. God give her the courage to bear this betrayal.if positive you people can adopt the baby or you take responsibilities for the up keep.u
    you musnt marry your baby mama and i hope since you have to it takes to keep a young girl you will have the resources to run a dna test on the unborn fetus.

  10. Anonymous6/01/2015

    Poster, 'in your 15 years of waiting, you were not doing anything? When there are options of ivf available. I had two beautiful kids via IVF with the man having the problem. But with IVF ICSI were got fertilization and we are happy. How can both of you sit down doing nothing over your fertility issues. Yet you can go to the hospital for other ailments? This is hypocrisy!! As always, most naija prefer to go the short cut. Am sure you considred it faithlessness but yet you can private go have fun with another lady!!!! May God forgive you for allowing your wife to remain childless as far as I am concerned!!!

    1. Anonymous6/04/2015

      Is IVF free? We don't know their financial status.

  11. What do you expect to hear? That you should abort the child or take the child home to the loving arms of your wife, or maybe marry the girl?
    Poster, you cheated! That's the fact. I'd like you to imagine how it'll feel if the reverse were to be the case. What if your wife fell in love with another man and got pregnant for him?
    For fifteen long years you have been with this woman, hoping and praying for a child and all of a sudden out of the blues, you have an affair and get another girl pregnant. How do you think she'd feel? I'll tell you how she'll feel.
    Hurt, betrayed, heart broken, angry, pained, inconsolable.
    Please know that you are about to reap the consequences of your actions because whatever decision she takes will affect you either positively of negatively.
    My advice to you is, call your wife and on bended knees beg for her forgiveness and tell her the truth. Please do not go into the tales of whether the girl loves you or you love her because that will hurt her the more and if she decides to pray against your happiness, it will definitely work against you.
    Ask for forgiveness, listen to what she has to say then, act on that. Most importantly, pray too...God has the answer to everything. We are humans and can only draw wisdom from Him.

  12. Stanley6/03/2015

    My name is stanley, I'm based in Lagos, a graduate from Babcock University. I'd like to know you. I'm searching for a relationship that can lead to marriage. Kindly check my profile on facebook with this name Emah N. Stanley.
    I want you to connect me with a working class single lady between the ages of 24-28yrs.


    1. Anonymous6/20/2015

      ediot looking for working class ole oshi

  13. Anonymous6/04/2015

    @ Poster. What a tale. You had unprotected sex with this young woman, do you know her hiv status or if she has any other std? Have you gone home and had unprotected sex with your wife and possibly exposed her to any and everything? That to me is even greater than this child, that you would put your wife's health at risk for your own pleasure. The deed is already done, it is now for you to decide when you will tell your wife all of this because she has to know. Have you confessed to your pastor?

  14. Dear Poster,

    Its sad to see you posted here that you are a christian and hold a position in your church.. its a big shame on Christ..Can you please step down from the position pending when you reconcile with Christ....
    You have also offended your beloved wife and i pray she's able to forgive you.. You should be very ashamed of yourself right now for this ugly and dirty act of yours.....

  15. Anonymous6/05/2015

    Kai,Women dey vex oh

    1. Anonymous6/06/2015

      Lol, as iiiin they no gree. The man no go born ni? If the wife no fit give him pikin make him get am else where.
      No be say he go chase his wife away naaa

  16. Anonymous6/12/2015

    @poster: after 15 good years of waiting on the Lord you wasted what you have invested. I have always believed that when such sultry temptations arises that great testimony is on the way. I strongly feel that it was almost due for heaven to answer your prayers but trust mr devil to boycott it and you fell for it. Bet me, meet with your wife and within 2 months she will be carrying her own baby. Until then you will understand what you did very well... #don't tell your wife yet o cos the girl might not be pregnant o, ask God for forgiveness and continue to pray for wisdom on how to handle it. don't condemn yourself cos God can't and won't do that to you#

  17. Anonymous11/12/2016

    I wonder what the situation is now in poster's life. Every comment has fed what he wanted to hear. He stated that it was his wife who wanted to wait. i.e. not him. they are many like that who quietly plan what they wanted to do and pretend it was a mistake. You were meeting the woman someplace not so? it must have been well arranged. You had unprotected sex, well arranged. Don't deceive yourself the girl is afraid, that's all part of the game, on her part, all arranged. Your plan, all arranged you just needed someone to endorse it. Good you are a wonderful church goer with high exalted position. On satan's side, all arranged. go on with life, you needed a child. see you in 25 years time.


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