Your Clothes Do Not Befit My Wife ...Should I Try Hubby's Idea?

Hello Everyone
Aunty Eya pls post this for me anonymously. I need your advice & those of other wives. Thanks

I have been married for 12 years with  children and  I don tire o!!! please help and advice me on how household finances are run because I do not know how as unfortunately this was also my mother’s condition as she alone carried the family during my childhood. The issue is tearing my family apart!! God I want deliverance o!! Please!! I am a salary earner and my hubby is a businessman but his business is seasonal. once there is a need I fill it thinking we are one. Now he is used to it and whether he has or not I am stuck with the bills. Now I don't have any savings & all my money is spent on the family but my hubby still shouts that I do not do enough & that he doesn't know how I spend my money. As I am I no get gold, I no even get better clothes. Even he said this year that he doesn't like some of my clothes that they do not befit his wife!! Yet!! Do I not need deliverance so?!! Am at my wits end o!!

I want to hand over all of my next salary to him including my tithe sef then I will ask for money as needed make him see say I don try all these years. I remember that he kept arguing for many years that this is what a good wife is supposed to do and I told him my money is mine to control. Now that I no dey see him own money should I try his idea? Is this a good idea? Please advice me!



  1. Ok dear, it's posted. Consciously or unconsciously, we tend to do those things we saw our parents do growing up. You know, that's why they say the son of a wife-beater who grows up with his father will end up hitting his wife one day in future.

    The cycle continues, you bear the family burden just like your mother did and this cycle needs to break and end here so it doesn't continue that way for your daughters. You started this trying your best to be a supportive wife, to please your husband, to be selfless and now maybe it's being misunderstood as he is spoilt already.

    There is nothing wrong with supporting a husband financially especially when his income is low but doing it even when he has is not funny. A woman is a helper not the head. It's not easy to carry pregnancy, give birth, nurse, raise children, cook, clean, nurture, and then spend the little you have on the family without appreciation or help. Is that not slavery? A woman has her duties and obligations in a family just like a man has his too. Doing yours and his is not fair on you at all. Can he carry a pregnancy or go to labour room or manage the family? NO! Sometimes, all a woman wants as support is just the money by way of bills getting paid and all while she takes care of all the rest.

    You spend all to do what he fails to do and he still complains about your clothes not befitting his wife? why hasn't he bought you those he thinks are befitting instead of destroying your self esteem? I hope he is not emotionally bullying and oppressing you cos it's not fair. He knows you are doing his part and, pretending not to know what you do with your money? so that you continue emptying in an effort to please him.

    Have you tried to talk with him about how you spend all your income in the kitchen and kids?
    I don't think it's fair on any woman to be asked to surrender her salary. Let the wife be the one to suggest it. Working and surrendering is easy if that's your choice and not when you are compelled to.

    1. I have seen women surrender their salaries, later regret but cannot stop what has started, they continue to surrender grudgingly and those who try to stop it are faced with some resistance from oga himself.

      You can be open and let him know how you spend but handing over everything? You might regret it since that's not from your heart.

      For twelve years you have lived a life struggling unsuccessfully to please your husband. If you haven't impressed him yet, then, handing over your salary at this time will make no difference. You might begin to beg him for money just to get your hair done or buy your toiletries. With all your earnings in his pocket, you are no longer empowered in any way, sorry. If he decides to make you his senior slave (God forbid), he might succeed. Be careful and continue to be prayerful. I don't know how you are going to change things after twelve years cos he is already spoilt and used to you settling the bills even when he has. Only God can help at this time.

      Try to have a conversation if your husband is the type cos some men? you can't have any conversation with. Explain things to him and, maybe, he shouldn't know everything you earn since he is that way.

      Don't worry about not having gold or diamonds now, the kids are still growing and in school, if you ignore them now, you'll reap later. Make these sacrifices for your family when you can and very soon, when they are grown, you'll buy every vanity that you want ok? Buying clothes and shoes all the time is not even wise at all cos these things are not assets. Try your best with your family and never try to impress friends at the expense of your family.

    2. You need to have a little savings dear. Vey important!!! What if there is an emergency and he is not around? What if he is rushed to the hospital (God forbid) and you need to make deposits for treatment to commence? You need to start saving, however small. Cut down and when you know he has money, push the bills to him and save something for the rainy day.
      Sorry about my long talk sis.
      Take care.

    3. You couldnt have said it any better Aunty Eya.
      Poster please dont consider giving him all your wages as you mist likely will regret this.
      When you know he does not have carry on providing for the family. When you are 100% sure he has money and refusesto drop, just concentrate on yourself and your kids.
      Tell him how you feel about the family finances and hear what he has to say tell him you will appreciate if he supports financially no matter how little but regular. Tell him you cannot carry on footing all the bills.

  2. Madam eya has said it all, pls don't start what you won't be able to strong.

  3. Eya ahas said it all. Please do not hand over your salary. Next time he tells you about your clothes etc simply explain to him that its what your meagre earnings can get you after paying all the bills. Ask him to assist financially.

  4. Madam pls don't give all your salary to him, if he complains about your dress sense, remind him of the bills you pay and clothings you forgo in the same process.

    Again pls try save some of your earnings. Aunty Eya has said the needful

  5. Wrote a very long comment here, clicked on preview and it disappeared

  6. Titilola4/18/2015

    You will know that d man does not want to be responsible now take care of urself & ur children plan ahead so dat it will not be a surprise to u when u see dis ur husband with another woman.
    Make sure you ask for your upkeep at d end of the month if he refuse to give u don't nag be urself give him some days appeal to him & ask again after will suggest you buy few things for d sake of ur children.

  7. Anonymous4/25/2015

    I'm a bit late to the party but I think you should do this: Create a table showing the money you earn and every single expense that you handle. Even the small ones like buying soap and washing up liquid. With only words, anyone can argue, but with cold hard facts it is hard to dodge out of the way. Once your husband sees just how much you are sacrificing for the sake of the family he should be able to understand where you're coming from, and also endeavour to do better as the man of the house.

  8. poster4/27/2015

    Thank you Aunty Eya! I appreciate all you and the other sisters have said. I decided not to hand over the salary to him. He knows I was very angry as I showed it in my behaviour and he took me and the kids out. i think he takes me for granted because i try to be understanding. Do you know he makes promises to but me stuff and never fulfills them. The best he does is to say our needs are so many and that I always push him to focus on the kids first to my detriment.

    Anyway levels don change in Jesus name! I pray to be strong as i fail in my resolve many times!

    I will write out my household needs this weekend and give him. I will let him know how much I need and ask again after a while. I will keep you posted on how it goes. God bless you all!


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