My Husband Waiting For Me To End The Relationship?

Good morning Madame Eya and wives connection readers. I have been married to my husband for 13 years and most of it has been a great relationship. Last year in November,  I caught my husband chatting/flirting with a couple of women online. I confronted him about it, we talked through it and decided we weren't going to throw away our long enduring marriage. We promised each other honesty and transparency in our relationship. We promised to stand by each other through thick and thin, rain and sunshine. 

Although deep down inside I lost trust in my husband and was unhappy about it, I continued to work through it all. 6 months later I find my husband is chatting with women again and deleting messages so I couldn't see what was being discussed. I told him that I don't have a major issue with him chatting with female friends that he knows but I am not happy with him looking for people to chat with and then deleting conversations. 

My husband looked sober and told me the reason he deletes them is because I'll be angry if he was caught chatting with other women?? 
He also told me that he doesn't know why he does this, he's lonely but he still loves me. He feels that there is a big void in his life and that I deserve better. 

I feel my husband is waiting for me to end the relationship but I haven't chosen to yet as I have our 11 year old daughter and a 7 year old son to think about. I have told my husband that there are many times I feel lonely, lost and discontent for different reasons but then I appreciate what I have and just get on with it. 
We are both professional and intelligent people but I feel my husband's recent behavior is very immature and selfish. Due to the on going pain he is causing me I am very close to ending it with him but very scared at the same time. We can't go on like this for long.......Do I wait for him to end it with me or put him out of his misery? I sincerely need some advice. 


  1. Talk more about it, maybe go counselling. pray together about it. you can't end 13 years relationship just like that. I can't imagine how you feel but do all you can to see it works.

  2. Dear poster would add more to what Nate said don't end it just pour all your strength on your kids n business, if you can do this, live like you are gon leave soon and also live like you never ever gon give up, idk if you know what I mean, I.e save enough money and cater for your children so that when he leaves you won't feel it much, at the same time care for him, pray for him ( not closet prayers oh, like when he is about leaving for work say honey you are blessed, God will see you through, whatever you do today will b to God's Glory, that will make him scared a little when he wants to chat up those girls) many other things, you guys can go on a vacation just the two of you.
    It is well with you.

  3. Talk wt him and try and bring back the spice that was there in d beginning. What were those things u guys loved doing together that was fun?..perhaps go on vacations..surprise him wt gifts..go on dates again..always check on him while at wt him in d bedroom..gist wt him...pray for him..and above all see a marriage counsellor. You've come too far to give up. Please don't. The Lord is ur strength.

  4. I don't think you can change your husband, it seems he also wants to be a better husband but the temptations of technology are stronger. He lacks the will power to overcome this sin.

  5. Dear Poster,
    I am really touched by your story and the truth is a lot of couples are going through this phase in their lives. How many times since you got married have you made a 'me and you' time? If you haven't done that or haven't thought of doing that, then start it. From what you've written above, there are loop holes in your marriage and it's affecting the closeness between yourself and your husband. Why don't you organize a getaway for the both of you, drop off your kids in with your family or his and go and spend the week or weekend together with him. Believe it or not, in a marriage, a woman puts in more of herself inorder to make things work. Let's stop giving room for separation! As women, as long as we are not married to wife beaters, or men whose ill ways cannot be curbed, let's try to make things work. It's not an easy task believe me, but it's worth it!
    You will try to work on your marriage for yourself and most of all for your children! Remember that bad habits are very difficult to curb and your husband has a bad habit, which is, chatting with women online. He should accept that he wants the marriage to work and gradually, the habit will be a thing of the past.
    A lot of people have been married for over fifty years and that doesn't mean that they are perfect but they worked hard to stay together. I also advise you to pray, talk to God with your whole heart and tell him that you want your husband to change for good and trust that He who joined you together as one will make everything right. Do not lose hope.
    I wish you luck.

  6. Anonymous5/04/2015

    No advise can be better. Poster stick to Adaeze's comment.

  7. Madam is ur husband not providing ur basic needs?
    you dnt need to do that att all..
    a married woman over 50 yrs told me that as long as her hubby provides her with her needs + children needs he is free..

    that with that there won't be problem!
    dnt even go through his fone gush!!

    in as much that I wanna understand u, 
    but u will hav heart attack ooo..

  8. Anonymous5/07/2015

    you said in your story that you as well feel lonely sometimes. it means there is something your husband is not doing that puts you in that position of neglect. and if he feels lonely, it is because your presence doesn't make him feel fulfilled.
    first thing i would advise you to do is PRAY. pray without him knowing. Pray earnestly for the next one month. fast at intervals, feed your children and make sure your home is neat and comfortable at all times. no excessive shouting, no unnecessary arguments. if you are a christian, read Gen 2:18-25 and Psalm 30 during this period and keep pouring out your heart to God.
    you will be amazed at what God will do in your family.
    also you can get a spiritual leader to pray alongside with you so you can feel encouraged at times you feel like giving up on everything.
    he wants to make your marriage a testimony.


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