Not Just One Of His Friends, I Want Balance In My Life This Year, Please Help!

Should I Move On Or Work On Our Friendship?

Good day Aunty Eya,

Happy Sunday and hope your family is fine.
Please I crave anonymity in this epistle that I am about to write.
I have known a young man for about two -three years now and at first when we met, he was blowing hot and cold so I moved on from the friendship with him, tagging him as not serious. Early last year, after I had deleted his contact and moved on, he contacted me and that was when I was involved in an accident.

 All through my stay at home and my rounds at the hospital, he calls and checks up on me, many of my friends didn't do that so, I valued his friendship more. I returned to work and we still continued our friendship till sometime in September he asked that we start a relationship. I agreed and we took it steady but my problem however was, this young man is very detached. He calls everyday at that time and we speak alot but we hardly saw eachother even though we lived in the same state, and when we pay each other visits we hardly talk to each other, we just browse and check out blogs and watch series on television. One day, I had gone to see him and in my presence he called a cousin of his, and because he was supposed to drop me off somewhere on the Island, he said to his cousin that 'he had to drop one of his friends off at the island and after that they'd meet up.' I had a huge problem with that statement, why did he refer to me as, 'one of his friends?' I decided at that point to create some kind of distance, 'why didn't he refer to me as his girlfriend?' I won't bore you with details of my looks. 

So, I
stopped chatting with him everyday on BBM and Whatsapp and I stayed away, but he keeps telling me that I have abandoned him and forgotten about him. Though he's no more consistent with his frequent check-ups on me too. I know you would say, 'tell him how you feel' but isn't that coming off as desperate? 

I feel that maybe he is not mature enough for a relationship.
Something happened of recent, I bumped into him somewhere with his relation and he was all over me like we were an item. Even his relation was making suggestive remarks.
One of the major reason I like this guy is the fact that he is so supportive of everything I do, and he has a way of critiquing your work till it's perfect and no one else does that.

I am writing this because it's a New Year, 2015, and I want to create a balance in my life this year and stop chasing shadows, (that's if this is what it is) I want to know where I stand.
Right now, I have asked him to set a date for us to talk but when I told my sister, she said something like 'Isn't he the one that's supposed to do that?' I am really confused. 
I want to know where I am headed before the years runs out again like it did last year and I need your BV's advice.

Thank You

Best Regards

Comments

  1. I think you should talk with him..sit him down and talk.. Ask him all these questions u just asked.. The truth is one sign of a man that truly loves you is consistency.

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  2. There is nothing wrong with trying to know where you stand in a relationship. You two talk about virtually every topic under the sun so, what stops you from asking questions about the future of this relationship. Please have that meeting because it will help you decide whether to hold on or move on. Ask him other questions bothering you. Isn't it better to boldly ask and decide fast than hope and wait forever for a proposal?

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  3. yep, communication is important. Dnt be shy,say everything on ur mind o. Good luck

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  4. Dear Poster, by all means have a sit-down with him, ask him to define the relationship depending on his response you would know whether he is serious enough to be given a chance or not, your heart should not be a play thing for any man.

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  5. mmasinachi1/10/2015

    He called u his frend bkos dts who nd what u r to him.its very simple.if he can say dt in ur presence to his cousin den u can imagine wot he's bin saying to oda people behind ur back.dont ask him to introduce u as his GIRL.watch it girl.2morw he'l say u r his neice.

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  6. Anonymous1/10/2015

    he may have called you his friend because he didn't want that particular person to know his business. afterall on another occasion, he acted like you were his girl in someone's presence. why not just ask him where the whole thing is going

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  7. I think you should be having this conversation with him, sit him down and discuss your fears and worries. All the very best

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  8. I hate rigmaroling girl. If your guy ain't forthcoming, Go straight to the point and ask the vital question period. Sometimes a little jolt is all we need to come forth.

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  9. In Steve Harvey's words....When a man introduces or refers to you as just a friend, that is exactly who you are to him. Men love to show off and if he isn't doing that with you darling, you are just his friend.

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  10. Dearie, TALK, TALK & I say again TALK with him and know where you stand with him. Leave assumptions aside and hear directly from his mouth. Please keep up posted; all the best dear.

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  11. Anonymous1/18/2015

    Its best u HV a HUD chat wit him Nd fast too

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  12. Anonymous6/01/2015

    To me continue to be a nice person. He shows concern that is really good, i think you should do that to him more. And remember love expect nothing in return. My dear Men can't resist women that are so concern with their affairs and that of other people. Am sure this guy is monitoring you. You are so much in a haste, Marriage start from friendship, develop a loving heart towards him and others. There is one thing i know as per real men, they use microscope to examine a woman meanwhile women don't go to that extend, a man that can respect his decision is just ok for a woman.

    ReplyDelete

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