He Wants Marriage And Kids First, I Want My PhD First...

What if he stops me after we are married? What if i begin to resent him later on?

Hello...i stumbled on this blog through the internet and i decided to go thru it and i must say that i am pleased with it. I need advice because i am somewhat confused...i have been dating this wonderful man for a couple of years now,i knw his family members and they are wonderful people,my dilemma is this...

i have always dreamed of goin for my Phd and presently i am on my masters,i am pretty young. My boyfriend is nt too comfortable with me doing my Phd after my masters, he feels we shuld get married first in lyk 2 years time and after a kid or 2, i can start my Phd but i really wanna start before marriage then i can get married while on it (this is because i know we are both not ready for marriage until like 2 or 3 years time so i am like, why shouldn't I?)  he feels family should come first, i agree but i am not married yet and would like to pursue my dreams 

...i am afraid because if i don't start and i get married, what if things
don't go as planned and I can't do it? 

what if he stops me after we are married? What if i begin to resent him later on? 

I am young, he is young, there is no rush,i am 22 & he is 24. Because we aint in the same country cos i left for
my masters a few months back,he feels it would take too long but i told him we can always see,distance is not a barrier.

He keeps saying i don't love him enough and can't sacrifice and he is ready to support my doing a Phd after we are married and i have had a baby. Should i go ahead knowing fully well that it may lead to a break up? 

I feel like i have no choice, i don't wanna let go of my dreams and regret it later. I also feel strongly that God is in support of me on this. Thank you and God bless.


  1. Anonymous11/20/2014

    Go for the PhD!!!!! After marriage and kids, it's exceptionally difficult to juggle all three, been there, done that....aim high for your dreams; love supports dreams, it doesn't stifle. Your bettering yourself only serves to help both you and your chosen partner for life, if he doesn't see that...then you're openly choosing to battle him and your dream. I hope you choose dreams that ARE supported by unselfish love....

  2. Anonymous11/20/2014

    Since you really want to do your PhD, then go for it BUT there is no guarantee that you guys will get married. The time you guys are spending apart will be quite long and distance is a barrier. Either of you may meet and like someone else in the long run...that is the reality and he is aware of it. No matter how much you love each other, someone else will show up during that time.

    On the other hand, if you wait and get married, there is a strong possibility that you won't do the PhD when you want to especially when you start having kids. What if you wait and something happens...then you guys end up breaking up.

    Pray and think well about it. There is no best advice except from God who knows His purpose for your life.

    1. Anonymous11/25/2014

      Her meeting someone else is his major worry from what I can decipher and not the issue of putting or not putting family first. Ur bf is being selfish at the detriment of ur happiness. I would advice u go for ur PhD and let the rest take their natural course. It's not easy to juggle having and raising kids as well as running such an absorbing programme. Whatever is worth doing is worth doing well my dear. Apart from the time to run ur programme later, raising kids and running such programme will also be financially tasking for u and then darlyn husband might just tell u "I am providing so u don't need that education Anymore" as if dats all there is to acquiring an education. My sister placed her ICAN programme and masters on hold to get married, it's been 4 yrs now and two kids yet she's not been able to even write stage 1 not to talk of writing any entrance exam for a masters. Follow ur dreams and if he truly loves u, he will support u. Besides u guys are young enough to wait for at least another 3years. Dats the advice I can give u but the final decision is yours.

    2. Anonymous11/25/2014

      I did my post graduate with a heavy tummy. It was not easy. I delivered 6 days after my final exams but my project took almost 7 months to get ready. I was nursing and struggling with project. I managed to meet the deadline but lost some points due to late submission. Go for ur PhD while u have youth and time on ur side. I want to run my masters programme but with 3 kids to raise, am still waiting for the right time. U are way too young to give up on ur dreams. Pursue it now my dear. Wishing u all the best.

  3. Anonymous11/20/2014

    Go for your pHD, if he love you enough he will wait for you. Dont jeopardize you dream o. its not easy to study when raising a family.

  4. Anonymous11/20/2014

    Go for your PhD.

  5. Anonymous11/20/2014

    Go for prayers.

  6. Anonymous11/20/2014

    My dear. Go for your PHD oh. This is coming from someone with the same story from 8 years ago. I am still PHD less.

    1. lol @ PhD less. Click my name for more gist.

    2. Anonymous11/21/2014

      My dear, PHD less and husband less oh. So, a word is enough for the wise.

  7. Anonymous11/21/2014

    Please that PHd. PHd does not take 50 years oooo!!! Do it and get over with it. If the man does not wait for then it's HIS LOSS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dont even feel bad about it ooo. This may be hard to understand at your age...but believe me...even if he leaves YOU WILL NOT BE THE LOSER!!!!! you are young enough to find another person...belive me as you grow you may even find someone even more wonderful...yes I sadi it..You may say no never..but is so...DO THE DEGREE..YOU WILL LOSE NOTHING. You will not be the one to regret anything. If he leaves he will be the one to regret. You have youth on your side. Do not let a man's jealous threats beat you into submission.

  8. Anonymous11/21/2014

    You dont love him indeed! You cant sacrifice indeed! Just picture this..if the shoe is on the other foot..If it were the man, he would go on and do the Phd " because he loves you and wants "to sacrifice " for you you can have everything..We praise the man when the situation is like that. Now it is you and you are feeling like a bad person for wanting to pursue your dreams AND the state of your love is being threatened too! Let your heart be firm and do what you know is your destiny. God will work everything out for you oo. This is YOUR life!!!

  9. I will join my mouth with the rest people and shout it GO FOR YOUR PHD.
    You guys ain't ready till like 2 years which you're nor even so sure of. His reasons are baseless.
    Everyman cannot be like my Mr C who supported me to do my post graduate which I just rounded up. And with a child I tell you I nearly dropped out coz of stress.
    That guy is still young. And if he loves you that much, he should even be the one clamoring for you to further your studies.
    Some men become so selfish after "I Do". Time will tell tho. I wish you wisdom and understanding of the brain before heart

    1. Please someone should help me with a link on any post that has to do with FOOD THAT BOOST TODDLER'S WEIGHT. My son fell ill and lost some weight. I need help

      Plus Madam Eya i don taya for this your robot wahala. E dey discourage person to comment and sometimes the comment disappears coz network won't load the capcha

    2. Anonymous1/08/2015

      Hi Debbie, if he is up to a year. Get him Complan Milk original flavour. And watch him nourish before your eyes.

  10. Please go ahead and do your ph.d. Maybe the real issue is that the guy cannot handle the thot of you having a ph.d. In that case you are better off without him.

  11. Anonymous11/22/2014

    I have a PhD. You are 22. Go for your PhD now, not later.

  12. To boost his weight, he might needs mukltivitamin that will make him hungry often and whoever is feeding him should be patient enough to feed him well when the hunger starts, that way his weight will return soon. Ask your pharmacy, they know those ones that can really make kids hungry for everything food.

    Sorry about the stress, I wanted to control spam. The capcha thing is no longer there.

    1. Thanks pretty mama.
      Always coming to our rescue since 1700.
      Regards to the prince

    2. Anonymous11/22/2014

      Sorry to deviate a little, Pls want to order for hair on Ali express. Can anyone recommend a good seller Pls. Thanks a lot.

  13. Please go for your PhD.

    Your comment will be visible after approval

  14. Fehintola11/23/2014

    Mine is the reverse. My man wants to go for his phd and wants to get married after the phd bcos of extra costs in marriage and kids and all. The problem is, do i hang on or do i leave him? He wants to meet parents during the phd but officially get married after the phd.

  15. I'll advice you go for your PhD.

  16. Anonymous11/24/2014

    see my sister,kuku run with your two legs and do your PhD. I only have diploma cert when I got married thinking it will be easy to further my education with taking care of a family,hmmm I still dey home sha with a four month old baby.I don't even know if I never carry another belle. MEN hmm,my husband (then my boyfriend) made sure I chose marriage over school, he sweet talked me out of furthering my education ,when I wanted to go for degree immediately after my diploma.he will said things like"what's the hurry for school,u have all the time,u love me and I love you ,let's just seal this relationship with marriage,I can always look after our kids while u go back to sch,my mother and ur mother will help in looking after the kids." hia!! its eeasier said than done. don't let this man have his way in your life. I repeat go for your PhD asap. be praying to God to keep your relationship alive while u run your programme.

  17. my dear, go for your PhD o. live your life and pursue your dreams, if you shelve it for marriage, you may end up regretting, marriage comes with its own 'customised' wahala. if he loves you, if you guys are meant for each other, it will work out.
    after all said& done, the ultimate decision is yours to make,
    goodluck in your decision making!

  18. Anonymous2/14/2015

    you are young @ 22 you have your whole life ahead of you, continue the relationship apply for your phd and begin at least. you can always put on hold, go part time if the need arises. Truth is no guarantees in life and if you do love each other you can compromise and make your relationship work despite the distance i dated my husband for 8 years with both of us eventually moving around . unfortunately when children enter the equation, they take the top priority so make the best of NOW. all the best

  19. Anonymous3/17/2015

    My sweet heart plz go for your PhD plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz is very important


Post a Comment

Feel free to email us with comments, suggestions, recipe ideas, or pretty much anything!
Contact Email:

Most comments are by other blog readers. Always seek Professional Help First.
“As an Amazon Associate I earn a little commission when you shop from links placed on this blog.”