How Do I Say No Without Hurting?

Good evening Aunty Eya and all wives connection family. I have a challenge and need your advice and that of blog members.

I have been in a relationship with my fiancee for close to 8years now. NB i met him when i just finished secondary school and was seeking for admission into the university. I was really young then so he decided not to do anything sexual to me(was a virgin n still am). He has been there for me and by God's grace we are having our introduction this december and marriage next year.

I started attending my church few months before i met my fiance as i said before i was quite young and didnt show him off cos i was worried people will think that as small as i was, i was already into a man without knowing there was no sexual attachment.

To cut the story short, a brother
in church came to me two years ago and told me he wants to get married to me, that he has already told our senior pastors and I told him no. Our pastor called to ask i also said no but he said he will give me time to think about it. Honestly i thought both my pastor and this guy has gotten over this thing only for me to realise that he still comes to church from another state (works in an oil coy offshore) jst because of me. He will come to church this week and wants us to meet and talk Pls how do i tell him no without hurting his feelings and making him leave church?
NB he shares gift once in a while in church and i partook in some of it (regretting).

Comments

  1. powerpufflady10/28/2014

    This is d reason why people shuld wear engagement rings.. if you are getting married in 2months times, you should be wear a ring to let people know that you are taken.. its simple..!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. powerpufflady10/28/2014

      #wearing

      Delete
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      Please would appreciate it if you visit my blog,what's your story,you may just find people going through the same thing,your visit and comments will be highly appreciated,thanks

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    3. lisa12:44 AM
      http://lisaokojie.blogspot.com/?m=1
      Please would appreciate it if you visit my blog,what's your story,you may just find people going through the same thing,your visit and comments will be highly appreciated,thanks

      Delete
  2. Anonymous10/28/2014

    Are you for real? Girl go sort out your business. What concerns you with his being hurt? And you looking down on yourself as small? A graduate? Be a confident woman. Find yourself. Grow in wisdom. Focus on you before you even get married. That's what's important from ur statements. Not being worried about how a man would feel if you say no to his proposal when you r doing an introduction in december. Talk about what? Ignore him abeg. Must you go to the church? Do you feel you owe him anything? Or its because he works offshore? You are the one giving him face. Maybe your innermost desire now is him not your fiance of 8 years.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like your comment

      Delete
    2. Anonymous10/28/2014

      A thousand likes. Must you go to that church?

      Delete
    3. You went to town with your advice. Hard truth. Mi likey

      Delete
  3. Anonymous10/28/2014

    Tell him no. And forget about who is getting hurt.
    You don't owe him explanation. Just say no that's all
    cleo

    ReplyDelete
  4. When it comes to marriage please pray about the two guys very well and get your convictions. Dating the other guy for 8 years doesn't guarantee that he is your hubby. And cos your senior pastor getting involved doesn't mean you must date or marry the offshore guy. Dear poster present both of them to God sincerely and be sure to get an answer after fasting and praying.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous10/28/2014

      Great counselling here. Your comment is deep I like

      Delete
  5. Anonymous10/28/2014

    it can be confusing, but just pray about it, if you truly love the first guy and convince in yr heart that he is ur husband, go ahead and marry him tell the offshore guy capital NO and nothing go happen. meanwhile pray pray and pray.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous10/29/2014

    It seems ur having feelings for d offshore guy, pls use ur senses.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Dear Poster, please be careful and use your initiative. Pls visit www.alabekee.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  8. Johnson10/29/2014

    Tell your pastor that you are in a courtship with another man and your parents are in the known (I hope?). That way your pastor gets to do the talking...
    All the best as you prepare for the introduction... but sha o, prepare for marriage as 8yrs in relationship is moi-moi compared to 1yr in marriage!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Please forgive my ingenuity and ignorance, but really, I don't understand you or I am missing out something here, is it that you don't love fiance or what? Because the reasons you are giving about "that you were young when you started dating him and you didn't want to shove him off bla bla bla" ok what about now you are older? You should know what you want. If you love your fiance and truly wants to get married to him next year, then you should not even be giving all those reason you are giving and you should not be worried how this new guy will feel when you tell him "No"
    Please explain yourself politely to him that you are having an introduction this December and are getting married next year and tell him "No you can't marry him" and explain same thing to your pastor. Except if you don't love your fiance and are having any doubt or maybe its the case that this new guy works in an oil company is enticing you.

    Also do not forget to take this to God in prayer.


    Your comment will be visible after approval

    ReplyDelete
  10. Just say no and forge ahead. Pls visi www.alabekee.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  11. U have waited for soo long for this day all of a sudden off shore man showed up: am very sorry for you blc you are making a decision that might bring harm in future. A graduate like you why can't you be open and tell him you are getting married? to be frank you don't need advice from us ds is not a problem. #pray#

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  12. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  13. Anonymous11/03/2014

    thank God i can see the comment box today

    ReplyDelete
  14. Anonymous11/08/2014

    Pray hard,it's a life time commitment.

    ReplyDelete
  15. sheamapo11/12/2014

    Hmm! Poster what is your heart telling you? Leave sentiment aside and do not compromise in your choice of who to spend the rest of your life with. Who would you like to marry? You have met the two guys but be careful and don't give in for deceit. Pray hard and listen to that inner voice. One great tip please never allow your pastor to influence your choice of husband. Abegi!
    Good luck!
    Sheamapo.wordpress.com
    Beeswax, aloe vera gel, cocoa butter, shea butter, bentonite clay etc

    ReplyDelete

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