He Asked Me What I Wanted, My Reply Before Saturday

Hi Aunty Eya,pls hide my ID.I'm 24yrs and a virgin(i want 2 keep it till i'm married) i ve never dated.There's this guy in church(he is 32) that is seriously pestering me for a relationship.I ve been to his house 3rice.The 1st time i went,he asked me out and i refused.The 2nd time we talked extensively,i asked him if he believes in sex b4 marriage,he said YES.I told him i don't and he said he will never force me into it.

He forcefully kissed me for
quite a long time b4 he stoped,i left his place angrily i stoped talking to him and picking his calls.He appologised and i forgave him.I went to his place for the 3rd time to iron things out,he told me he kissed me intentionally that he loved me and also wanted me to be free with him(which i am now)he still kissed me but stoped and was begging me to say yes,but i still refused.

He asked me what i wanted,i told him no sex which he now accepted.I like this guy but i'm scared bcos of his earlier move.I told him i'll think about it nd give him a reply by SAT

Comments

  1. Anonymous10/15/2014

    babes,if thats wat u blive in,u have to be very careful. dnt be carried away by the love
    u jst av to b very careful cos he dosnt blive in wat u want

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    1. For a guy that you just met and you have not started dating him and he has forcefully kissed you! Absolutely "NO". That's the answer to your question. You should not date that kind of guy and don't ever make that mistake of going to his house again. From that his move alone of forcefully kissing you, even when you have not started dating him, he has only simply sent a message to you that his defination of relationship is kissing and sex and romance etc. And a healthy relationship should be more than that. For a healthy relationship, there is more to it than kissing and romancing and sex. This things should happen naturally in a relationship out of love and commitment for each other, without it being weird, and not one person trying to force the other to kiss and all that. You are a naive young girl and he will bank on that and he will forcefully have sex with you someday, infact don't even try to be friends with him, because from being a friend you will become close and feelings will start to develop and you'll be lost to reality and your judgement will become clouded. So don't listen to anybody that says you should just be friends with him. Please I beg you in the name of God, flee from him. Make una only they see for church and greet that's all.


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  2. Anonymous10/15/2014

    Why do you keep going to his house? Is that the only place you can meet with him?? Please my dear sister, in your best interest, and to avoid 'stories that touch' desist from meeting him in a private place as it breeds temptation. You guys shld organise dates in public places and get to know one another. I don't knw where u reside, but there must be a few places where u can hang out, have fun and learn. *whew* my 1st comment on Eya's blog and im writing an epistle. Ciao guys.

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    1. Anonymous10/15/2014

      Gbam! What's wt d "went t his house"? When ur relationship is based on no sex,it means u hv no biz whatsoever in his house pls! (Sue)

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    2. Keep 'em coming hon, makes a lotta sense..

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  3. Anonymous10/15/2014

    Why do you keep going to his place when you have not accepted to date this guy? Can't you guys meet somewhwere other than his place? He has forcefully kissed you twice. Thats a warning signal and it seems you have feelings for him already. Don't let your feelings cloud your judgement. I think you should stop going to his house. if he wants to see you, let be in an open place until you get to know him fully and his intentions towards you. Be careful.

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    1. Sugar pls listen to what annon has said.

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    2. Gbam!
      And make I tell you from experience. If he says he doesn't believe in abstinence before marriage better get set coz he will get it somewhere else.
      Pray he doesn't force you to it too after you agree
      It's not even so easy for sone christian brothers who sincerely wants to abstain not to talk of someone that has clearly mentioned to you that he doesn't believe in it .
      At 24 you should know what you want both spiritually and morally.
      As a virgin it's only your vagina that is sealed with hymen and not your brain

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  4. Hmmmmmmm, my dear if u really intend to get married as a virgin, please stop visiting him. He would take advantage of your innocence. He will forcefully sleep wit u like he did with the kiss, and wat do u get at the end of the day? Apologies as usual. So keep off

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  5. Anonymous10/15/2014

    Please stop going to his house o, if you want to remain a virgin till you marry. he will force you into doing what you are not prepared for, Be wise and stay away -Eyiwunmi

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  6. Anonymous10/15/2014

    Anty Eya,abeg this green and red on ur blog page is bad for the eyes. Kindly change it to a more eye friendly theme. Thank you.
    Meanwhile poster. A word is enough for the wise. I no know wetin u dey find for hin house shogbo.

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  7. Anonymous10/15/2014

    Thanks for your advice.l have also promised myself that i'll not go to his place again,but the question is SHOULD I DATE HIM?
    Poster

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    1. Anonymous10/15/2014

      Pls,never go t a man's house if u don't want to get emotional or sexual wt him! Sounds lik he cld cook up a lie t even mk u go visitin bt pls n pls,DON'T GO. If he wants u,he will wait. Its nt by force. I m sayin ds frm experience cos I was almost raped twice lik ds.

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    2. If you are my younger sister or friendly daughter, my sincere answer will be No. At least not now coz you are not sure of this guy.
      But it's up to you darling

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  8. Tell him 2 keep his mouth to himself. U haven't said yes 2 him and he is forcing to kiss u. When u now say yes he will rape u o! . I don talk my own

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    1. Lol. This you comment really got me laughing o "@I don talk my own".


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  9. Anonymous10/15/2014

    U guys can be freinds. If you tell him let's date, he'll think u'll finally agree to have sex.... someday. Once i rejected sex from a guy, told him he was a bad guy and i dodn't do guys like him. Then he took a bet with his freinds that he'll have sex with me. Suddenly, we became close and visited each others houses, we went to church and fellowship together. We even talked about his gf's etc. But all these for him was a game, to be the kinda man I like, so i can trust him and date him then, sex then he dumps me and wins the bet with his friends.

    One day i went to his place late to send a very important message online, my internet had been cut off (we live in the same compound in lekki 1). When i was through, he was already dozing, he begged me to spend the night at his house. I said no, cos people who will see me leave in the morning will start talking, not knowing there's nothing between us... especially the amebo gate man. I wanted to leave but he wouldn't let me, i was going to say yes, thinking no harm meant, infact i wanted to wait and chat through the night but a freind of his, came to see him, I sneaked out. One day he told me about the bet and said he just pitied me because he had me in the palm of his hand already... I am happy that i didn't fuck up that night by staying over... we would maybe have had sleepy sex in the middle of the night cos at that time, he had gotten under my skin just like this guy has gotten under yours. That moment when one can't think right because one's feeling has clouded one's thinking... love, lust, infactuation, don't know which of this feeling was guilty of causing me such blindness..

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  10. Everyone else has said it all. From your story, I don't just trust this guy. Be careful and pray about it. Do not compromise on issues like this. It might not be a big deal to some people but apparently, it is to you. And if you get it wrong, you'll really hurt...alone!

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  11. Anonymous10/15/2014

    You are going to eventually make a decision to be with one individual for LIFE based on ZERO physical interaction---how do you even know if you're compatible, let alone even attracted to your chosen mate as a virgin? That's great if you can practice abstinence, but to feel guilty for kissing is a tragedy of again what religion/dogmatic belief without reason forces upon women. Many on this blog post as "Christians" and far too often keep women so subjected to strict rules that supposedly apply to all regardless of circumstance. NO TWO relationships/ courtships are the same, and therefore to tell you yes or no to date is presumptive and plain wrong. Could this man be perfect for you? Perhaps? The worst for you, perhaps? Only you can tell based what you two seek. What is clear: if you choose not to date this man based on a kiss, you will run into this same dilemma with prospect #2, #3....so forth. Lastly: dearest friend: don't miss out on the amazing beauty of loving another soul completely emotionally and physically----what a tragedy to hear of many women in marriage who never experience the immense joy of having a unity based on true physical chemistry. Best wishes to you.

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    1. Mr/Mrs anonymous! There is no tragedy in feeling guilty for kissing. It becomes a tragedy when you kiss someone you love or someone you love kisses you. This is someone that's a total strange to her and she a total stranger to things of that nature. Are you saying she should go about kissing every man that crosses her part all in the name of preventing a tragedy? Or are you saying that she should allow every man that's not in any intimate relationship with her to forcefully kiss her? You said she should not "miss out on the amazing beauty of loving another soul completely emotionally and physically". Kissing and other physical touches that's found in relationship are born out of this amazing beauty of loving another soul just like you stated. It happens naturally, its inevitable when there is love, but when there is no love and it is forced, it loses its taste and becomes weird and alien especially to a young woman of her age who is still naïve and is a virgin and is not used to stuffs like that.
      And besides she never said she was feeling guilty, she was angry with him, which is justifiable because she never kissed him, she was forcefully kissed by him. It was he who forcefully kissed her that should be feeling guilty and of course he was, that's why he apologised and she forgave him.
      Abeg you are not in touch with reality, emotions, physical chemistry and feelings so just stop talking about it. Don't even go there again.


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    2. It becomes a tragedy when you feel guilty when someone you love kisses you or you kiss someone you love. But in this case, there is no such thing.


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  12. My dear, choose your path wisely. BTW, I'm not too comfortable with the guy in question.

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  13. Anonymous10/15/2014

    Well,am 33+ and a virgin, pls,my sincere advice is don't rush tins yet,politely tell him u'll pray about it and pls do! God speaks tru dreams,vision or tru d holyspirit.Listen to d small still voice and follow ur intuition,after all,he's not d only man on dis earth. I don't no y he's giving u an ultimatum sha. Guys especially christian guys are pretentious and wicked,so b careful,watchful and prayerful. PORTABLE

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  14. Anonymous10/15/2014

    Why do u keep going to a man's house you have not intention of dating. This is the same reason some men insult us women. What in heaven's name is wrong with you. Is it every man in church claiming christianity that is truly a child of God? Thats how young women allow themselves get molested and raped by their so called male friends. U DONT WANT THE MEAL; THEN DONT SNIFF IT!

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  15. Anonymous10/16/2014

    I am totally in support of anonymous 2:16. There is no hard and fast rule to relationships. There is no rule that says he will not be the perfect guy for you because he kissed you the 1st day and there is also no rule that says otherwise.

    Please don't allow people give you extreme opinions. Your instinct will tell you a million things. You are a christian, pray about it also.

    My humble pie

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  16. @oster uv had it all!! Nothing else to add!! Plz dont date him. He does not share ur beleive and chances are he might force u down oneday since he has forcefully kissed u. And plz stop visiting a guy ur not dating/ u dont wanna have anytin with in a closed environment*risky*

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  17. I dated a guy who agreed to no sex before but was also still kissing me and getting me to fa
    Babes, it's not the words of a person you should believe, it's his actions!
    His actions show that no, he wants sex and once you start kissing, you start welling up other feelings inside you and before you know e don happen.

    A man who wants to preserve your purity will show it in actions too, he won't tell you to come to his house when he is just asking you out. He wants to get to know you so he will take you out on a date, you know, outdoors, to talk and not to kiss. That's what the early stage is for, to get to know each other not to get to sex/kiss each other.

    Pls set the tone for how you should be treated. Know your worth. You deserve to be courted as you should be not"come to my house, come to my house"
    Stop visiting him at his house, nothing of yours is in there.

    It takes more than a decision to remain a virging/chaste till marriage. It takes actions too. Don't go to isolated places when you both are humans with blood flowing through your veins, don't light a fire in emotions and expect the Holy Spirit to quench it.

    Finally, be careful. Not everyone who goes to church is a christian/believer. Don't just believe words, check the actions. By their fruits, not their words, you shall know them.

    God help you to remain chaste till marriage even as you help yourself.
    xoxo

    www.imperfectlyperfectlives.com

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  18. And maybe this will help, I wrote on whether a man agreeing to no sex before marriage is guarantee for us to accept him. Pls click on the link below to read- http://www.imperfectlyperfectlives.com/when-dating-a-child-of-god-is-illegal/

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  19. Anonymous11/10/2014

    if u want to keep urself till ur weddin nyt leave dat man..for him to forcefully kiss u he will also forcefully have sex wit u... u beta wait for d right man an keep prayin to God for d right person

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