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My Marriage Is A Mistake, I Regret Every Passing Second

Hello, Am an ardent reader of wives connection  blog.  My name is Roseline Chukwu from Imo State, Madam Eya pls be kind enough to delete my details before posting this. I have a situation that I need your advice and that of others.

I have been married for two years and 8 months now and we are still believing God for fruits of the womb. My problem is my husband's attitude towards me. Every  little misunderstanding we have he would keep malic with me for days even when he is the one at fault. He has no job but  follows politicians, attends meetings with some of them and in the process they may dash him money and that is how feed and do other things. This is is a man that made me believe with some convincing evidence before we got married that he is a graduate only for me to find out later on that he dropped out of school. 

We are having fertility issues cos diagnoses shows he has a very low sperm count of below 5 million.  But instead of seeking medical help from hospitals he prefers taking herbal medicine. I dragged him to my gynaecologist some time ago but he swore not to go back to the hospital that the doctor is very expensive. 

 I am just confused. Of late he started going out without telling me his way about and would also stay late into the night. I have sat him down severally and expressed how I feel towards these issues to him all to no avail. You may ask why I married a jobless man in the first place?  The answer to this is that I was tricked into believing that he would get a job soon considering the caliber of people he mingles with coupled with the fact that he made me believe he had good certificates to go with.

 Meanwhile
before I met him he had some thing doing which ended in 2010. I will be 30 yrs by Nov. and the first child of my parents with many younger siblings. I cry my eyes out every night,  I regret the marriage every passing second . I see my marriage as a mistake and I keep asking myself for how long will I keeping living like this. Because he is not making any good effort to do something meaningful. 

Am a graduate of law , I got married immediately after my call to bar. I have applied for jobs in many offices and have not gotten any.  I attached myself to a chamber but the challenge there is that we are not paid ,and as a young lawyer my goal is to get experience from the senior ones first.

 My story is very long that I can't finish it here. Thanks for your time and patience in reading this.  Hoping to get good advices from you all as I have no one to confide in around here. Please no too much insult oooo!

Comments

  1. Hi Roseline, don't worry I like to read long stories, I even prefer them to short ones cos here you get to express yourself and make us understand the situation of things. Your husband lied to you and did he think that you'll never find out? Is it possible for him to go back to school? But then who'll foot the bills? W'd he even be interested in returning tom school after making all his BIG friends belive he is a graduate. He is living a lie and only God can help him.

    I feel so sorry for you , you were tricked, some men marry women like you to keep as their ticket to free meals, accomodation and generator fuel for watching Man U every afternoon while you are out working your ass off and rushing home to cook his free meals. What can you do now? Your job too is free, your employer sef na wa, how can a lawyer be working for an employer without any allowance or salary, how does he expect you to foot your bills?

    Is it possible you travel for some weeks and let him fend for himself? Travelling might not even be the best option cos he might just look for another free food provider while you are away. If you say your marriage is a mistake, then that mistake needs to be corrected, but how?
    He has refused to get treatment cos he cannot foot the bills and you need him to boost that sperm count, I think I need to stop here for now, the whole thing is getting my head confused. No job, no certificate, low sperm count, unserious and not even trust worthy. He just used you and there must be a way out. The politicians he works for, do they pay him regularly?

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    Replies
    1. Actually there are some issues and situations that, needs God's intervention for things to start working, and I think your marriage case is one of such, your marriage is only going through trying times, its going through temptation and you really need to be strong, all marriages go through challenges and trying times. It will take God's intervention for things to start working, so on that note I will say you really need to pray a lot for your husband and for your family and believe God for a miracle, the joblessness of you both, the low sperm count with you husband, the carefree attitude of your husband, the malice etc, this are things that are rooted somehow to factors that are beyond human reach and will only take God's intervention to effect a change.

      Most times in life, when we have many problems, we just need to fix one problem and the other problems will have no choice but to fix themselves, so coupled with the prayer, you should try get a job, a paying job, look beyond your profession, it doesn't have to be a law job but just a paying job to keep you busy and so you could have a source of income, pending when you get a job in your line of profession, so I think if you could get a paying job, so many problems will fix themselves, but most importantly keep praying for your husband and have faith because your marriage is still very young.

      I wouldn't advice divorce because no element of unfaithfulness of domestic violence has been reported, and also please stop crying and change your mind from negativity to positivity, stop regretting because you are already in the marriage look for how to make it work and ask God to help you and help your husband, if you keep regretting, how long will that continue? You will only wear out yourself, stop seeing your marriage as a mistake but see it as an opportunity, an opportunity to show God how strong you are, to prove to God you trust him to make a miracle, an opportunity to shame the devil, an opportunity to prove to devil that you are a winner, and that he can't attack and defeat your mind, because when devil wants to strike, he starts from the mind, bringing negative taughts to the mind. Stop being negative because actually all marriages have there problems, marriage is not all that Rosy and your marriage is still young, get a mentor, seek advice from other people or other couple that have been married for years, And most importantly stop worrying, because what ever will be will be, it doesn't matter how much you worry or cry, just do your best and leave the rest for God to handle.

      I perfect that God will perfect a miracle in your life, in the life of your husband and in your marriage in Jesus name. Amen!

      Aunt Eya please remove the woman's identity Na, at least she requested for that.


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  2. Anonymous9/18/2014

    Poster I honestly do not think you and your husband should even consider having a baby since you have no concrete source of income. I think you should focus on getting yourself settled financially first and see how it goes from there

    ReplyDelete
  3. My dear,
    to be honest from what i read, i can see
    1) your husband lied before he married you and he is still jobless
    2) he doesn't care about how you feel
    3) he has low sperm count and doesn't care to work on it.
    4) he now stays out late and hangs with politicians and he gets change from them.
    5) wether he is right or wrong, he will keep malic with you for days.
    6) you are trying to make ends meet and nothing is working for you.

    Im normally the kind or person who would never advice any man or woman to leave their home, because God can do anything. But these are the options i can offer you.

    1) after all i have outlined above, if you feel it still drives you crazy and your wasting your life away, and you feel he is not going to change and he is only getting worse with time. My dear, there is no harm walkin out if the marriage and try to start your life on a better path.

    2) if you feel he can change, and there is still love for him in your heart. Pray for him on a daily bases, talk to him with love and let him know how the way his behaving is affecting you. I know you want a baby like evey wife would, but the baby will make everything worse and you might end up being a single mother, so wait till you guys are making a constant income.

    I hope you can pick the right option that is best for you. God bless, and i pray things get better.

    xoxo

    FASHION REHAB

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @ fashion rehab, I agree with you, the truth is , the poster has to take the final decision , your analysis was wonderful, all the best poster.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous10/08/2014

      Fashion rehab, True talk and u are a analyser Nice one

      Delete
  4. Anonymous9/18/2014

    I tot she asked to be anonymous? Aunty Eya abeg o!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous9/18/2014

    I tot she asked to be anonymous? Aunty Eya abeg o!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous9/18/2014

      Exactly, I was surprised to still see d details and how she begged to stay anonymous... Mtscheew

      Delete
  6. Don't even think of having a baby now, they're so expensive. Anytime I look at my ante natal receipts I wonder how low income earners cope. I know that Lawyers are usually not paid in the east but see if you can't learn a trade like making cakes so you can at least support yourself. As for the low sperm count,its really not a big deal and can be easily remedied.its a pity your husband deceived you and all. If you really feel you cannot cope anymore and he will not change, and you have 2.1 in lawschool and 2.1 in university then my dear leave him and move to Lagos or Abuja where you'll find chambers that pay,cheers

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  7. Aunty eya pls hide her id.... ℓ̊ really dunno what to say here #confused!
    Ah swear dat 'husband' deserve some lashes, mtshwwww

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  8. my dear, I feel ur pains,it wont be enough to tell to keep praying for him without putting action to it.But it is well.I will not advice u to leave him, I will suggest u dont put food on his table again, lovingly tell him no food in the house, be at ur best behaviour, dont fight him, drive ur points home cunningly and lovingly.Yorubas say if u want to catch a monkey u behave like one.But dont stop praying for him but apply wisdom.God bless u

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  9. Anonymous9/18/2014

    God will make a way for u

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous9/18/2014

    @ fashion rehab, i like your n0 1 point. the marriaga is baseless and you should live him and start afresh though its not easy

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous9/18/2014

    but she said you should delete her details. or did you use fake name. if not, please delete her name o.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anonymous9/18/2014

    Thanks to everyone for your advices. The marriage seems baseless just like someone rightly said. If I narrate what I have endured one will not believe. I have thought of working out but the way people will see me and the things they will say scare.I have no single reason being here cos love and respect for him are dead. I just pray God directs me on the right step to take. I appreciate all of you! Poster!

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  13. I am going to be very blunt here, i think you should leave him,your marriage is based on a lie and anything that starts out with a lie is gonna have a shaky and rocky foundation. he seems to have no purpose or vision in life from what you have described and people like that will only you drag you down. i think you should take a breather take a mini vacation to think things out. a man who doesnt even want to get his sperm count high is not a serious man and think about it why would you even want to bring kids into this situation where you will be at the mercy of other people to eat and drink.you deserve better than that and turning 30 is not the end of the world. if you believe you made a mistake then i sugguest you cut your losses and move on. the best is still yet to come. go back home and start your life over. even if you got a job all the responsibilites of this world will be on you while you are married to that man.if he has decided to be useless then leave him alone dont become a casualty because of a lazy man with no vision,purpose and professed liar at that.

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  14. Kai why is aunty eya doing like dis now! Hide her details she said, ahnahn... Its not right..

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  15. My dear leave dt marriage ooo,its not worth it and to those screaming dt Aunty Eya shuld hide her ID,how re U people sure dt dt is her real ID dere? evn d poster jst commented and she didn't complain meaning dt is not her real ID,pls U people shuld stop taking paracetamol on some one else headache

    ReplyDelete
  16. Is that a fake name and state of origin. Jesus Christ Aunty Eya that had better be oh before this blog kuku help her crash the marriage.

    @op i am sorry but i can't really advise you here. In your heart, pray and be guided on what to do. God bless

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous9/18/2014

    The name is a fake one. Poster

    ReplyDelete
  18. Sorry about the confusion,I gave her that name. Roseline sounds sweet. Not her real ID.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Anonymous9/18/2014

    Madam Stephanie aY. you are not a good person. so if people did not know it was a fake ID, they shouldn't call Madam Eya's attention to it. try to look out for others. it won't kill you. olodo

    ReplyDelete
  20. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous9/19/2014

      So this is what you dull brain can think of? How to scam people all in the name of one devil that cast a spell on you? Do you know the meaning of a spell and how often it should be renewed? Shameless Jobless fool!!!!!!!!!

      Delete
  21. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Anon I actually replied to Ur comment above in a very annoying way but agn I tot I cnt stoop to ur level to Strt exchanging words wit U,all I can tell u is if u knw me well u will knw dt I luk out for odas. God bless U.

    ReplyDelete
  23. anonymous9/23/2014

    Are you Chidinma Chukwu's sister?

    ReplyDelete
  24. Anonymous9/24/2014

    HELLO EVERY ONE, PLEASE I WANT TO KNOW IF ANY ONE HAS EVER TRIED BEAUTY PRODUCTS ONLINE BEFORE ESP.ON ALIEXPRESS.HOW EFFECTIVE ARE THEY ON NIAJA SKIN.THANKS

    ReplyDelete
  25. http://secretlivess.blogspot.com/?m=0.....pls follow my blog and comment. Thanks

    ReplyDelete
  26. Anonymous9/30/2014

    I think you should get your family's support in any decision you want to take. Walking away is the best option, even in church u can divorce on the bases of undisclosed infertility before marriage.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Anonymous10/04/2014

    The fertility issues are a blessing in disguise. You have free will to walk out of this marriage and don't look back. Why are you sticking around?

    I am curious as to where and how you met this man. For someone who graduated law I am sure you would have sniffed out a few of the lies here and there. Did you not see his place of residence, met his family and friends? I think you need to assess your own self and figure out why you made such an unwise choice for a spouse and how you could be so easily influenced by mere words. You need employment more than you need a baby, and you also need to pray for wisdom and the spirit of discernment to come upon you. You cannot afford to be naive and unwise in the current world we live in, especially in your field of study.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Please I beg u guys,singles should nt comment cos I don't think dey know wat marriage is all about..
    I think my dear wat u need is to be informed,cos information brings transformation,read and listed to tapes on marriage,be prayerful and believe in God,there is notin impossible 4Him to do.God hates divorce,and the things devil fight most is marriage..the devil is at work in ur home,dnt b fed up look up to God dig deep and fight it true.ur husband needs prayers and u too,I'v seen countless ppl gvin testimonies afta being informed..Don't go rounds seeking advice cos dere are many singles prayin 4u to leave so they can tk ur place and dere are many being used by d devil to reck ur home.Dose hu advice u to leave today will still b d 1 to mock u 2maro.God should b ur 1st,last and only hope,and I tell u,u will have a testimony 2share.Bless u.

    ReplyDelete

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