How Do I Relate With Him To Ensure Peace, Harmony?

 Dear Aunty Eya,
Thankyou very much for what your blog is doing. I cant wait to get married and having a colourful and tasteful kitchen from all the recipes. The advice on your blog is always matured, practical and effective. Also the kitchen recipes are so economical. Just saw a fresh pepper sauce and i am like wow.

 Cos i have been wondering how i will manage fresh pepper when i get married because i live fresh pepper and as my job is very demanding, i wont be able be going to the market always.My bookmarks are filled with alot of your pages.

Sorry for that long gist now the issue at hand. I am Igala lady dating a urhobo man.

1. I want to know if there certain things about theeir culture, i need to be informed about before marriage 
He comes across to me as a dictator. Do as i say. Dont question my judgment kind of man.  Although he means well most of the time. I cant seem to find a way handle him since i was raised in a home where my father encouraged me to ask questions at all times and know the reason why. I know there must be a way to live at peace with such man.

3. Please can i also get tips on how to handle long distance relationships.
Thankyou.

Comments

  1. Anonymous8/28/2014

    He hasn't married you yet and is a 'he who must be obyed'? My dear look well sha. ... You have to learn how to pim your mouth and talk after he must have made decisions. E go better. Ndo.

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    Replies
    1. Actually I wouldn't advice you to go into distance relationship, but if it becomes necessary, one of the ways to cope is not to become too emotional or too emotionally attached, and make sure communications doesn't fail that the communications is healthy enough to withstand the distance and please try not to worry too much, and make sure once in a while a visit is instigated


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  3. As for me, that man is a NO for me. Engagement no go reach sef but I find my level.

    My dear, I'm afraid for you already. Get ready to get policed in your marriage.

    It's little little things like this that matter to me and not the "he's caring; he means well" statement you've just said.

    If a guy like, let him be more than that but once I sense I'm being treated disrespectfully, I'm out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is to say you are not ready for marriage abi u think say marriage na bed of roses?

      Delete
  4. Anonymous8/29/2014

    First and foremost whether Urhobo or Igala, remember we are all one in Christ Jesus! "I cant seem to find a way handle him" My dear if you can't then leave because you'll be miserable later. I'm talking from experience, I dated a guy like that too, he was too controlling. I overlooked it until one day he insulted me ehnn It came as a shock. I didn't even waste time i left him because (in my opinion) this is one quality of a woman-beater. I started talking to someone else and i'm so happy he listens when i talk and all that (no bossing) Believe me its amazing! Remember that marry your best friend phrase? Think about it, when you're with your best friend you're free and happy, you listen to and encourage each other.
    Well, you can talk to him about it i'm not here to discourage you. Goodluck with your decision.

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  5. I am urhobo and I have heard a lot of talk about urhobo men being bossy but my father isn't like that. Marriage is not a civil service job where you are a servant to your husband. If he is bossing you around before your wedding then expect to be bossed to the 100th degree after you become his wife. I wont advice you to leave him, only let him know that your opinion matters. God told Abraham to listen to Sarah in Genesis 21:12 showing that the Almighty himself knows that the woman's opinion matters alot. Choose wisely to avoid stories that touch later.

    Hair update 15 months natural

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous8/29/2014

    Dear Poster,

    You sound like you desperately want to get married; I hope you can stay married with such man. Don't expect him to change after marriage, that is definitely not possible. As for me, that's bondage; would feel like a mean father to me. If I can't talk with my hubby, make suggestions, or advice him as a friend, then what else?

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  7. tega128/29/2014

    Dear poster u ve to be very careful,i am urhobo married to urhobo man,my hubby nver behaves dat way!mayb d urhobo man u re in wit hs Ego probs he shud at least learn hw to listen to u.he can't b controllin u lik a dummy,in as much as he hs d rite to b doin d talkin u shud also ve ur own right buh in very polite n matured way.my advice is, to talk him n if he does't listen Abeg babe find ur level. No b do or die o shuuuuuo.

    ReplyDelete
  8. tega128/29/2014

    Dear poster u ve to be very careful,i am urhobo married to urhobo man,my hubby nver behaves dat way!mayb d urhobo man u re in wit hs Ego probs he shud at least learn hw to listen to u.he can't b controllin u lik a dummy,in as much as he hs d rite to b doin d talkin u shud also ve ur own right buh in very polite n matured way.my advice is, to talk him n if he does't listen Abeg babe find ur level. No b do or die o shuuuuuo.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous8/29/2014

    Hi darkchild love thy hair. Pls I relaxed my dawta's hair cos it was too full and painful and she is just 3 Buh I regret it now and I want 2 take it bk 2 d natural state pls any tip on wat 2 use 2 avoid d hair being painful cos of the growth. I'll appreciate pls.waiting. K's mum thanks

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hmmmm!!!!! Urhobo man???? The bossy ones are terrible oooo, look before u leap.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous8/31/2014

    The man has showed you who is he, so you know what to expect in marriage with him. The only thing you probably don't know is that men become more of who they are in marriage, so if he is already a dictator, he will be a tyrant and totalitarian in marriage. How can he mean well when he is completely erasing your thoughts and opinions from any decision making? You will simply be a vessel to take his penis and to pop out children. if this is a future that is enticing for you then learn his ways and abide by them.

    The only way to handle a long distance relationship is not to be in one.

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  12. Hello Dear
    My first reply will be for you to try to enjoy your life now, you don't have to wait till you are married cos you seem to think all enjoyment is only possible in marriage as u talked abt d grilled chicken, etc
    Secondly about your Man, don't make d mistake of thinking oh since he's from so so place that's why he's this way so I just have to fins a way to accommodate him. That's a big lie...society don't make people rather people make society. In every tribe you can find all sorts; humble, nice, wicked, bossy, loving etc so his tribe is no excuse. If what you are experiencing now is how you will love your marriage to be then go on and marry but if it's not your picture of marriage then u need to reconsider.
    As for the long distance issue, I was never in one so can't give any advice.
    God bless you and all lovely WC people

    ReplyDelete

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