Genotype Notwithstanding, A Break Up Not An Option For Us

Good morning Mrs Eya, I read some stories on ur blog. Pls I need your help my fiancee and I are both AS, our wedding is scheduled for November this year. I read about the CVS test on your blog, pls can you enlighten more about the test cos we are both interested as a break up is not an option for us here. Thanks for your help and we are eagerly awaiting your reply.



Eya REPLIES: 

Hi, your wedding is scheduled for November, meaning you still have a chance but you say a break up is not an option? Honestly, I think it's better to break up now than live in pain and fear. What happens when...

Love alone is not enough when it concerns sickle cell kids. I know there is nothing God cannot do for you and that's why he allowed Science to discover these things, so, a stitch in time can save nine. The stress from kids who are say frequently sick  and all is enough to shake the very foundations of any marriage. The love you confess for your fiance, is it enough to take you through the storms? This is an avoidable storm by God's grace. It is stress waiting to happen except God intervenes and gives you all AA kids or you decide not to have children. The test you mentioned, is it the one where a sickle cell unborn baby is aborted before delivery date. I like to ask this question ... How many can/will you abort?


When you say a break up is not an option, is she pregnant?


If you truly love your fiance, if she is not pregnant, why not set her free from this thing waiting to happen? The test, is done abroad, is your wife-to-be going to have all her babies abroad? The decision rests on you two. 


My advise is that you both sit down and look at it again. Are you sure this love will see you through just incase?


Dear poster,

Please Read these old posts:


Comments

  1. Anonymous8/22/2014

    What next for me now?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Allow me drop my 5cent here. The best article i ever read on AS/AS was written on Bella Naija by a certain Dr Craig. Anytime i come across question on AS/AS issues, i drop the link. His explanation was very very clear and there is no judgment whatsoever. The choice is yours at the end of the day. Please click on the link below and may God give you the grace as you make your decision.

      http://www.bellanaija.com/2014/06/24/ask-dr-craig-sickle-cell-disorder/

      Delete
    2. Anonymous8/22/2014

      You could have just googles cvs. You know people on here will abuse you or shove their opinion down your throat. But until they work in your shoes, they don't know where it pinches

      I married an as and I am as. The plan was to do cvs as well. But it took 2 yrs of actively trying to conceive for me to be pregnant. I knew I wanted the child desperately. Ss or not. So I put my faith totally in God. My daughter Is as and I have a son too aa. I'm done with kids

      So ple try cvs, off or total faith in Christ.

      You do not have to break up
      Cheers

      Delete
  2. Sugar Mom8/22/2014

    A wife suspected d husband of having sex wit their maid,then she set a trap for d husband by sending d maid 2 d village for d wkend witout teling d husband.At night,the husband told his usual story"darling i want to go n wtch wrestling in d sitting room"he left.The wife silently went 2 d maid's room lying down on d bed naked without any light,he open d door and join her on d bed without wasting time n without a word,he had sex with her. after d fifth round she said,it's enough,i have caught u,so this is how u use to have sex with her,u will do two round n u wil tel me u are tired;fifth round now u are still demanding for more...The gateman replied"AM SORI MADAM I DIDNT KNW U WERE D ONE"EWOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!..She shouted,then d husband rushed in n caught them,if you are d man or woman,what will you do?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @Suagar Mom, imagine commentingn this way:::
      A wife suspected her husband of sleeping with their maid,then she set a trap for him by sending the maid to the village for the weekend without telling her husband.

      At night, he told his usual story "darling i want to go and watch the wrestling contest in the sitting room" he left.The wife silently went to their maid's room and lay down on the bed naked without any lights on, he open the door and joined her on the bed without wasting time and without a word, he slept with her. after the fifth round she said,i t's enough,iIhave caught you,so this is how you use to have sex with her,you will do two rounds and tell me you are tired;

      fifth round now and you are still demanding for more...The gateman replied "AM SORI MADAM I DIDN'T KNoW U WERE THE ONE"EWO EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!..She shouted,then her husband rushed in and caught them,if you were the man or woman,what will you do?

      Delete
    2. Anonymous8/22/2014

      Dear Poster,
      Unlike everything everyone else has said, I would like to give you a different option. Its not very easy to find the one person that fits you and that you want to love forever, therefore I'll say if you both must stay together, then do it. However, if you must have kids, you should either be ready for what is coming or you should have strong faith in God that he will give you AA kids. ALSO, have you thought of not having kids at all and simply aborting healthy children that you can still call your own??? In the end, the choice is yours, I believe you both should have a sit-down-talk and decide onthe best option to follow. I wish you both well.

      Delete
    3. Anonymous8/25/2014

      Did u mean to say ADOPTING and Not ABORTING cos u're getting us confused.

      Delete
  3. Dear Poster,
    With God there is nothing impossible including your break-up.
    If not for your sake, do break-up for the sake of your children. It is not easy o.
    If you are a woman, I'll advice you to do the breaking up fast, love do fade o. By the time the stress of caring for a sickle cell child set in, love will fly out of the window and it will only take the grace of God for both of you to 'endure' the pains.
    My mum's colleague lost her daughter @ d age of 25 to sickle cell, u need to see d woman now, she looks very old, older dan my mum sef(my mum is older age wise) and nothing do the husband.
    I know God is still in the business of doing miracles, but wisdom is the principal thing.
    How many babies will you flush out with the hope of getting an AS/AA child.
    If you won't do this for yourself, do this for the sake of that child, d pain they(sickle cell anaemia patients) go through is deep. I av a friend who is and she is in my prayers everyday! Pls break up now to avoid break up in future.
    There is anoda option though, Get married and adopt all your children.
    Sorry for the epistle!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous8/22/2014

      You have said the truth but human beings will always do what their heart tells them to do especially concerning the issue of love. When people love and you tell them to break up, it will be like you are the worse person in the world. They will tell you, ''you dont understand, i will never ever find another person like this'' but God in his infinite wisdom knows everything. For those who are married here, you will understand the challenges that comes with that institution. There are times you will sit and ask yourself ''is this the same person i married?'' Now that is where maturity and grace will lead you on.
      No man or woman is worth killing yourself or having sleepless nights over at the end of the day. No man or woman is worth the stress of taking care of a sick child and having that child question your choice during their moment of weakness.

      Now let us rein this back home. NO MAN, WOMAN is worth the stress of a sickle cell child. Take this from a married woman. If you live in Nigeria especially where we have our unique challenges with our health system, where you have no health insurance, where you just have an okay job and you open your eye to do this, then you are on your own. You need to sit and ask yourself questions. You need to visit doctors who know these things (not just counsellors in church). Go meet doctors who do this procedure and ask questions before you get married in November.

      1. How much will it take to do this procedure where you check my baby and know if the foetus is SS, AS OR AA?
      2. Can we afford this money each time i fall pregnant?
      3.Can we manage the emotional and financial stress associated with this treatment or any other one?
      4. Can I abort if the child is an SS? Is this against me religious belief?
      5. Will I be willing to do this EVERY TIME the child is an SS?
      6. Is this procedure safe for me?
      7. Would we rather adopt a child? How does my partner feel about adoption? Can we tow this line and damn all the nosey in laws?

      Too many questions but i hope you get my gist. God bless you

      Delete
  4. Anonymous8/22/2014

    Don't break up. If u are in yankee or London as your fertility doctor about ways to avoid having a sickle cell child. It only cost money am talking from experience. We r in a civilized world now. Babe wake up

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous8/22/2014

      @Anon 5:55
      What an advice... I believe u have not seen wat dis thing can is capable of doing.
      Marriage is choice he can choose not to ve married ur spouse and still get married to someone with greater qualities than him.

      @Poster Love is sometimes not enuf. Use ur head not just ur heart

      Delete
    2. Anonymous8/22/2014

      there are different options these days. this article http://www.bellanaija.com/2014/06/24/ask-dr-craig-sickle-cell-disorder/ is pretty helpful. the best option for you might be where the fertilize the egg, test it and then implant in the womb. just like IVF. you don't have to subject yourself to possible abortions. it's called Pgd. Pre implantation Genetic Diagnosis. you can find out how much it cost

      Delete
  5. My cousin was sick in skool and we got a call dat he was hospitalized so we went to pick hi on tuesday and brought him to a hospital in tuesday. He was short of blood and was very weak, d more blood dey transfuse d less improvement. Wednesday morning by 7am i got a call DAT my cousin is Dead... I was in so much shock, he was just 25yrs old and has SICKLE CELL.

    @Poster I am begging u with tears in my eyes pls be wise. Even the Bible says "Wisdom is profitable".

    This cousin of mine was deprived from going to skool until last yr bcos his parents were scared of letting him be alone. Dey have spent a lot.

    Before he died he said to him mum "I have suffered u and dad enuf I am tired let me go an rest" do u know what it means to manage a sickle cell child for just a day not to even talk of for 25yrs and still loss d child.

    I tink I have said enuf.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Poster pls don't go ahead wif the wedding....I have seen a lot of them die afterwards...while I was in a secondary boarding school..we lost so many of our students to sickle cell 'i still have a picture in my head of how they normally look when they r in crisis...always shivering,crying,cold,pains and after sometime their parents are sent for and they are taken for medical care and what next? we get 2 hear of their demise shortly after'...what a sickness biko.... o jeeez they were all piteous sights to behold when they are in crisis. So pls jus let her know that it can't be...or better still u guys shuld seek medical advise on d best way possible.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous8/22/2014

    Wit God all tins r stil posible,if u ll go ahead wit d wedin den u must av mountain movin faith to av AA/AB kids,if not d its beta imagined dan 1 to pass thru;its an expreince u wnt even wish ur wrost enemy,pls use ur head & pray well o o o,its well.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous8/22/2014

    there are different options these days. this article http://www.bellanaija.com/2014/06/24/ask-dr-craig-sickle-cell-disorder/ is pretty helpful. the best option for you might be where the fertilize the egg, test it and then implant in the womb. just like IVF. you don't have to subject yourself to possible abortions. it's called Pgd. Pre implantation Genetic Diagnosis. you can find out how much it cost

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous8/23/2014

    I and my husband are both AS. We got married a few months ago. We decided while courting to do the PGD-IVF.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous8/23/2014

    pgd-ivf na money..taking care of a sickle cell child na money..but a break up now will save you both emotional and mental torture. do u think taking care of a sc child na beans? see I broke up with my boyfriend 3 weeks to our wedding when I found out he was AS carrier. he refused to go for the test all along until I made things clear that no Iinvitations card to be sent out without confirming his genotype. I cried all days and nights for six straight months,cos I love him dearly. even now as I am married with a child ,he remains my best friend ever. and I also become his wife's bestie. we are planning to join our children in marriage he have a girl and I have a boy lol. u see life is too short to be blinded by today's romance and fancies,look out and consider the future cos tomorrow we all wait for. cheers and may God guide u.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous8/26/2014

    Do you know that spontaneous abortion (miscarriage) is a possible complication of CVS? What do you do if you conceive an AA baby and then lose the pregnancy on account of an invasive procedure?

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anonymous8/26/2014

    Pls when did aborting a baby become an option??? The workd has really repackaged sin. Abortion comes with a life long emotional trauma. Be carefull cos on the day of judgment love will not be an excuse.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Anonymous8/26/2014

    Poster don't get married. My parents are both AS even though they found out when they had our 3 born and had four of us all AS, I thank God though!!! But my parents sing it to my ears that I must nt marry an AS man. Dnt bring misery to your life. I thank God for sparing us from SS.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Anonymous8/27/2014

    http:/cooliee.com

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anonymous8/27/2014

    http:/cooliee.com/

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous8/29/2014

    Dear Poster,
    I am a sickle cell patient and surviving everyday is a very great challenge. All my present and past boyfriends have all had to do a genotype test before we get serious because I cant afford to raise a child like me.
    I will not advise anybody to go through the stress of raising someone like me. So think wisely before doing it.The 2 of you will just end up hating yourselves (it took the grace of God for my parents)They wasted money,time,efforts and all. My father even had to resign at some point to say home with my siblings when my mum was away at the hospital to look after me.Please I beg you not to fall victim.
    A word is enough for the wise.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous8/30/2014

    I'm SS and I think you should go ahead and get married as long as you have the money for pre- implantation genetic test. It's basically like IVF but they only implant the ones that are AS or you can adopt if you don't mind. Having SS is terrible but if there's anyway to marry the love of your life while not having SS children then why not. The world has evolved and there are more options now

    ReplyDelete
  18. Yoshie9/03/2014

    Poster, go to Sickle cell centre Lagos, they do a lot of tests there and help AS/AS couples with a lot of enlightenment programmes. They will also tell you what is available now to prevent you having SS babies and the cost. From there, you can make your choice. Let your decision be an informed decision, so that you don't blame each other, later in life.

    ReplyDelete
  19. My brother and his wife have been together since their teens and when they got to their mid twenties, the next thing everyone expected was marriage. Both of them are AS and I dunno the details If they knew their genotype before marriage or not.
    If they knew I bet the love they had for each other and the time they've spent together made them think they can't do without each other.. A few years down the line, they've had three sickle cell daughters and two have passed on, the last one is in her teens but is in and out of hospital...that's them, they already got married, you haven't, would you rather go through that and put someone else through that traumatizing journey?

    The bible says wisdom is profitable to direct.

    ReplyDelete

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