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What Can I Do About My Son And His Fiancee?

  I stumbled here in March while looking for groundnut soup recipes on Google. To be fair,I have learnt a lot  and gotten myself addicted on here.
My son is about to get married but the lady is just opposite of what I wished and prayed for him. I married very early and combined childbearing with Schooling so am not an old woman please. My son is only 28 and I really don't like his choice of a bride. This lady cannot make a good wife,her rich parents sure spoilt her a little too much. From her short visits,I can tell she can't cook, cannot keep a house beat and very very selfish. Not friendly with kids she meets here during visits and above all I don't think her love is even close to what my boy feels for her. I forgot to mention her arrogance, greeting me with a "hi" when she comes around.
I don't want to become that interfering mother in law. I don't want to interfere with his love life and relationships. Neither do I want my child to make a wrong choice in marriage.
Wives connection ladies and gentleman please help me out.
What should I do?

Comments

  1. Anonymous5/19/2014

    sorry madame

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    1. Anonymous5/19/2014

      Hello wc,my lil man lovesss standing pls how do I encourage him 2 sit more.his 4months plus.

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    2. Its normal. My baby did same but I still kept forcn him to sit. Continue sittn him dwn&he'l gt used to it

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  2. Anonymous5/19/2014

    I will advice you to accept the young lady the way she is. The only person to be worried is your son and if he's not, please don't worry yourself. The "Hi" greetings does not mean arrogance at all; its probably the way she was brought up and most importantly, your choice of bride may not be your son's choice of bride. Get to know this lady, talk with her more often, teach her like your daughter and always make her feel comfortable around you.

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    1. Anonymous5/19/2014

      thks anon 8.45 for ur comment. Women shld learn to luv other ppls children

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    2. you are right @anon. 2 poster you do not need to fight this your son is old enough to make decisions for himself and he will be the one living with her not you. what is a big deal to you will not be to your son. Support his decision since she is d one that makes him happy. Whenever she comes over you can teach her how to cook maybe your sons favorite meal. Do it with love. All these faults you see from her am sure your son is aware and has decided to leave with it so chill.
      visit www.mariasdesire.wordpress.com to read on 'the child','perfect peace' and more

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    3. Anonymous5/19/2014

      Poster if it was your daughter who you realised didnt know how to cook or greet properly would you not correct her in love? The mistake in-laws make is not accepting/treating their children's spouses like their own. Instead of focusing on her negative side why not look out for the positive? For all you know your son might not mind that she can't cook (my uncles wife cant cook and they have been married for 30 years and he likes her like that) and he might not mind that she can't clean, maybe the girl can turn N1 into N5 and thats what your son likes. Pls focus on her good side and if she sees you genuinely love her there is nothing she won't do for you including learning how to cook

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    4. Anonymous5/21/2014

      u r so on point wt ur comment.we r all raised differently.am a perfect example n i kno my inlaws felt some misgivings"d usual ..girl frm rich home ,too puffed up n all dt bt far frm it.they realised m nt a bad person.money gives a woman some confidence n dts just wats happening to urdauta inlaw.accept her,love her wholeheartedly.

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  3. Anonymous5/19/2014

    please I just delivered on Friday nd I want to baby friend but d problem is that my breast is so engorged, painful nipple and my milk doesn't flow despite drinking tea.
    please what can i do?

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    Replies
    1. See a doctor as soon as possible

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    2. Relax it will flow! So long as it is engorged wit milk. Just let baby keep sucking on it to encourage d flow. Congrats.

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    3. Anonymous5/20/2014

      Try and massage with hot water in the morning it will help and lrt your baby keep sucking.

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  4. Anonymous5/19/2014

    @ poster it ll b painful 2 u if u had a daughter lik her n sm1 doesn't wnt 2 marry her,so I ll advise u teach her d way u wnt her 2 be,teach her hw 2 greet,cook,keep d house clean n evn hw 2 wash she ll b very glad 2 learn d only problem she has is dat her growing up wz bad but I bet u her parent n ur son love her dat way.we can't always ve wat we wntd but we can amend tins 2 get wat we wnt,nobdy is perfect cus sm of ur inlaws still hate d way u bhav so madam giv dat girl a chance she ll change n dance 2 ur tones later.nd for ano 9:11 jst stay cool its always like dat afr givn birth and also try takin pap its help a lot and by d tym ur breast start rushing like tap water u ll b d 1 looking 4 pumps 2 suck d milk out.

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  5. Anonymous5/19/2014

    those wives with good manners and cooking abilities can be rude to their mother in laws too. dont be too involved in their affair, let you son make his own mistakes and choices. she might be more loving and friendly when she starts having her own kids, just be there for ur son when he needs a shoulder to cry on and never tell him "i told you so" . dont discourage him so you dontt become the enemy

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  6. Its amazing how easy it is to look at other people's children and ;udge" them or their parents for not giving them the "proper home training" forgetting that there is a reason God made our paths cross and that a child isn't trained by its parents alone.
    Perhaps the reason your path crossed hers is so you instil what is lacking, domestically, into her- so long as she is a humble girl with an open mind.
    You can talk with her about certain things you think aren't ideal- like her greeting- the way you would your daugther.
    When its time to cook, ask her to join you in the kitchen and don't raise an eyebrow when you ask her to do something and she has no clue- treat her ignorance and lack of culinary skills as though its the most normal thing to expect and simply show her what to do- lots of ladies who had no domestication before getting married soon become the mistress of their homes and face of impeccable domestication.
    Well, some.
    Try ma.

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  7. Anonymous5/19/2014

    @Poster, sometimes, the gud wives doesnt come in the package we'd like. Therefore, I will advise that you be patient with her and if possible, put her thru some of those tins you see in her that you dont like.

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  8. Anon 9:11 congrats luv. Howz d new baby? Breast engorgement is normal few days after birth. And yes u can exclusively breastfeed. Buy avent manual breastpump(#7500) and express d milk. Mk sure u wash and sterilize b4 use. And also latch it well 2 ur breasts b4 pumping. It will pain u ooo! But endure. If u can't pump beg oga 2 suck d milk out so u can be relieved*wink*. But d 1st milk is vry important 4 baby. Goodluck

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/19/2014

      Brownsugar I'm thinking of buying breast pump very soon but this one u said eh dey pain, I'm scared. How painful can it be and is there any difference between manual and electric pump? Thanks

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    2. It will be vry painful since ur breastd r engorged but it will cease after a while. Don't be scared, k. Its normal. Except avent electric pump and dat 1 can pump upto 4 bottles but manual is just 1 per breast

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  9. Anonymous5/19/2014

    @poster when I met my hubby I didn't know how to cook n do other house chores well cos we are 5girls others r big n we had 2house help my big sisters did d cooking d househelp did d cleaning all I use to do then was pound pepper n slice onions or lay mums bed n arrange her cloths wash my cloths etc when I met my hubby I was 20 we got married a year after. I started cleaning his house washing his cloths and cooking afang soup 4him since that's my fav soup I knew how to cook it n other light easy food. I remember how I use to call my sis n tell her I want to cook editan soup or atama d will write it out 4me tru text lol put meat then add this 5mins later add that etc lol I picked up within 2 weeks cos I was willing to learn now there is nothing I can't cook from ekpang to otor to afia efere to atama to etidot to aditan name it *winks* presently I have 3kids with no househelp I work like a horse I hav to wake up very early to prepare breakfast n food for their lunch box sweep do everything ALONE though my hubby assist with somethings. Don't worry she will learn n be over hard working soon u can also teach her some things good luck.

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    Replies
    1. Aww! Ufan song idem Oo°˚˚˚°!

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    2. Anonymous5/21/2014

      ds sounds like me only i was d eldest ,we were 3girls,one boymy mom died early n mydad did not allow me stress myself.when i met my hubby,i didntknow how to cook common indomie properly bt i learnt.i have two kids now n i have been married for four yrs.dere s nothing i cannot cook now.i learnt from internet,hubby.my hubby knew allds before he married me n today he enjoys d best of varieties when it comes to food.(i evn discovered ds blog thru mylove for cooking).to crown it all i run a mini fast food n my sisters even call me to give them my recipes.i can bake,cook,evn create menus........so pls accept her d way she is.she will b d best wife for ur son.

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  10. Johnson5/19/2014

    Just imagine having a spoilt daughter about to be married – what would you do? Be a mother to your proposed daughter in-law… she’ll thank you for it.
    At this stage, you can, and should, interfere. Your influence/interference should, however, drastically reduce to a minimum when, and if, they’re married.
    For your son – I hope you have also taught him how to be a man? A man is hardworking, caring, supportive, protective, love his wife above all (except God), provides for his family…
    Above all, commit his future to God hand – He loves him more than you do…

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/20/2014

      I have been blessed by your comments - thank u so very much.

      Delete
  11. Anonymous5/19/2014

    Pls who hav the idear cost of food processor pls my oga on top ilke pounded yam pls W/C heip me becou God day ooooo

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  12. I'm loving this post. Wives Connection, una well done o!

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/20/2014

      Thank you Myne:)

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  13. Anonymous5/19/2014

    Women can complain ehn I never see,wen u married ur hubby did anybody try 2 stop him?ok let's assume yes,so were u happy?she hasn't married ur son yet uv started complain,just imaginin wot she will pass 2ru in ur hand o,eeya alredy pityin 4 her 4 d future,MIL mak una fear God o

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  14. poster5/19/2014

    Thanks everyone
    I am going to bring her closer like my daughter.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/19/2014

      Good! Tk her like ur daugher my dear.

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    2. Anonymous5/19/2014

      God bless you poster. You'll be surprised how close you two will eventually get.

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  15. Anonymous5/19/2014

    Dat is d best treat her has ur daughter and she will treat u beta dan she does to her mother

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  16. Anonymous5/20/2014

    I luv this post. ... kudos to u poster for agreeing to accept and teach her like u would ur daughter. ..
    u shall c peace reign more than u can imagine

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/20/2014

      If only all MILS would be like u poster( agreeing to accept their DILs)...
      Some MILs would just sit and watch their DILS to make mistakes and tell their son just to cause friction btw d couple...

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  17. Anonymous5/21/2014

    Poster not liking your son's choice will only alienate him from you is that what you want? for your son to dislike his own mother please try and like the girl and teach her with love where you think she is lacking and all will be well. He has made his mind you trying to change it will only move him further from you besides he is the one who will be living with her not you unless you plan to move in with them sha lol

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  18. Poster, do not forget that prayer is the most important thing in every thing we do esp. When it comes to marriage. If is d will of God sure they will make it but if not d God's will, they will part ways.

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  19. Anonymous5/28/2014

    I remember when i practically made up my mind never to go to my fiancé-now husband's home. His mum made me uncomfortable. What i did was to talk to him about it n he went to find out from his mum what her issues may b with me. Her complaint was that i have come to the house on several occasions n still never moved around d house freely. I was shocked! Because i was raised not to walk into peoples rooms n all. But now knowing this i tried to adjust.
    So my point is maybe u should let your son know some- not all- of your reservations. I guess it will be alot easier to get along. Because truth is, when u both dont get along your son is the most stressed party, so help him find peace n happiness! Thanks

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  20. Anonymous6/09/2014

    Gently and patiently educate her.
    U 2 will become inseperable in d future.
    Thanks

    ReplyDelete

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