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She Won't Let Me Go Yet Won't Get Committed, What Should I Do?

I have this critical issue in my life, I've confided in a few friends and siblings and I feel I should also get some more opinion and views on what to do.

After Univ, I dint serve immediately, I got a job and decided to put service on hold, after 2 years on the job I decided to go for my NYSC. During my posting I met this Igbo girl and soon we became an item to the extent that she moved from her lodge and began to put up with me till we finished service. She was so nice and loving, she did everything good, lovey, dovey et, al... she desperately wanted us to get married but she was worried we'll have issues with her parents who won't want her to marry a non-igbo guy (note, I'm 3years older than her).


Her dad dis-owned her because of the role she played in the divorce with his ex-wife (her mom), though he thoroughly abused her mom but she also made me understand that if her dad is still in the picture he won't ever allow her marry me, but her mom could.


But as we speak, her dad is permanently out of her life, but her mom is doing everything possible to ensure she leaves me, to the extend that she told me one day when we had a fight that "Do you know how many of my relatives I'd fought because of you? When they call me to talk about I cut off from them" She said even her siblings are all behind her but her mom won't bulge, and her has practically reported her to all her relatives. Note: this same girl loves her mom crazily. Infact, I blv she loves her mom than even myself.


All these brouhaha has created a massive lacuna between us, this has created a big change in her character towards me, she no longer behaves as she use to, she's very careful around me, she sometimes finds it hard to show any affection, attention and amidst all these I have tried severally to break up with her but she has refused, yet I get nothing from the relationship, she doesn't even act like we are dating , yet she won't let me go. Whenever I try to leave she breaks down and starts crying... Then I stay again, yet no love, no affection, even calls and pings sef na wahala... Telling her ''I love you" she brings up smthing else like "have you eaten?"

To also add, last year on her bday, I promposed to her she accepted instantly and we both planned how to meet her mom to start the marraige plans but it staled cos her mom dint allow me come over, this year I asked her about we settling down and she said she'll think about it.

I'm really fed up... Don't know what to do! I really need your views and advice on what I must do.

Comments

  1. This your post is both funny and confusing to me. I have a question for her: what does she want? And to you,what do you want in life concerning marriage? Why is she refusing to swallow or vomit? In my opinion, if she won't agree and won't let go make up ur mind and do the needful. Let go and let go!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous5/11/2014

    I agree with peace its not her it depends on wat u want,its easy for a woman to deal with a woman numba 1 ur mum is one person dat can send her running no 2 a stronger christian lady dat u want to settle with can help u send her packing but all depends on u cos if start datin anoda lady u explain everythin nd she's ready to stand by u and pursue dis lady wat if u fail ur new woman by goin back to d oda person while she is tryin to send her away?

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  3. Anonymous5/11/2014

    Why are u soundn as if she tied ur hands n legs abi dem bury her placenta ontop ur head?guy,wake up!she's just using u.I guess u are d too generous and nice guy type n ders smtn she's gaining frm u dts y she aint letting go.mayb u are just her"go to guy" shine ur eyes

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  4. What do you want? Are you ready to live with a wife who is torn between two worlds? It comes with consequences, just like the reaction you are getting from her now. I will only advice you to marry this lady IF her mum agrees to the union; otherwise, go your way. You will be doing both of you a great deal of favour. Yes, she's going to be heartbroken but you have to do the needful.

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    ReplyDelete
  5. POSTER5/11/2014

    The fact is that... I don't give her money apart from maybe easter, valentine and bday gifts... She works with a reputable FMCG in lagos and has enuff and won't even ask. When we met (#NYSC) I met her a virgin but she's no more sha, thanks to our too much closeness during service. Sometimes I ask her if she's dating someone else and she goes as far as swearing, crying and wailing.... Recently she now has a feministic view to life, she began to talk about living alone, adopting and creating self-happiness for herself... Hmmm!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. One sentence: leave her and move on.

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    2. i see myself in your girl. she is in love with you but also in love with her family. you need to apply wisdom and patience. put yourself in her shoes, is it easy for you to risk hurting ur parents bcos of love? im sure its no. she does want u but it takes guts to marry w/o your parents blessing. yu need to make her know that you are always going to be there for her no matter what and that she wont regret breaking her moms heart for you. she needs to see ur consistency. after all said and done, you need to tell her that theres no other person you will rather be with than her (dont say it if you dont mean it) and that you are ready to make her your life partner

      Delete
    3. Ace Bentley is this you?

      Delete
  6. Anonymous5/11/2014

    Leave her alone.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous5/11/2014

    hmm why is it that Igbo gals on camp are always loose and cheap? once u said 'hey lady u are very pretty I like u can we be friends"? the next evening she don pack leave her lodge and come they sleep for your bed! virgin or no virgin my foot. I am talking from experience. the igbos in the house if u like insult me full this page na so una dey open Nyash for strangers , what a shame! as for u poster leave that woman if the mama no gree give u ooh. cos u and her will be unhappy in the marriage afterwards especially your girlfrnd.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. POSTER5/11/2014

      Sincerely this should not go tribal... She wasn't a slut and I believe she's still not that kinda girl. In NYSC anything is possible, even alhaja's and married women move least to say of a young girl... #OpenNyansh for stranger, she wouldn't open it to her relatives na. Thanks for the later advice, I appreciate. It's not easy to let go for me also but I'll finally try to pull it off once and for all, cos the whole thing is killing me!

      Delete
    2. Anon the thing is, once you've experienced something over and over there's every tendency you believe thats how it generally is.
      What you say is true to your experience but not to all.
      Poster one thing i tell you as a mother is If a mother is against any union, better reconsider it coz it usually goes from bad to worse. She wants to stick on coz she can't afford to see the man she lost her virginity to be with another woman but marriage is way bigger than sex.
      Her mom will frustrate you and it wont take time your wife will turn to a stranger. The needful is painful but it must be done

      Delete
    3. Anonymous5/12/2014

      poster. U had to leave her. She has lost sumthng so special to u. And guy is hard o. She truely loves u but confusd any way. Just pray God wil hlp u. Dats y premartal sex is nt gd. But on a srious note tel her is overg

      Delete
  8. Anonymous5/11/2014

    My dear bother pls take urself out of that relationship, because if you 'manage'(pardon my english), u will continue managing till one of u get tired and leave, and ull pass that vibe to your kids. A broken relationship is better that a broken marriage o.

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    ReplyDelete
  9. I think her mum's refusal is making her really confused..hence the feminist talk abt living alone,adopting et al.
    The way things are wit both of u,I think its best u leave her for good.
    You'll both get over the broken relationship wit time.
    Some parents sha...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yes, i agree that shes confused at this time but no, i dont agree that he should just walk away bcos of her confusion. isnt love about sticking together and overcoming obstacles together? imo, she just needs some encouragement from him. she needs to see his consistency and that he will be willing to go all out for her if he was in her shoes.

      Delete
    2. @eberiaxxx...u made a vital point

      Delete
    3. Anonymous6/13/2014

      @eberiaxx: I don't think Love is enough for marriage. In as much as Love is very important, we also need to use our head. The family matters a great deal and when a mother is against your marriage, it makes everything very complicated. Poster needs to thread carefully. My two cents

      Delete
  10. Fyn Ijebu Chic5/11/2014

    As for me ooo
    If the parents do not accept me, i speak to my legs shaperly....
    As long as the parents give their consent, every other person na demo!
    U shd sit and think about this very well, can u really continue like this?
    Nobody can come inbetween myself and my mum o(although we be like cat and dog but i love her like kilode).
    I'll pick my parent over any guy any tym!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous5/11/2014

    pls help me every one. my vagina is smelling very badly, the odour becomes stronger during s*x. its very embrassing , yesterday my husband could not even continue s*x with me he h ad to pull out cos of the offensive odour. I have no Itching so far plus am
    seven months pregnant I am scared to douch or use famine wash as it upset the natural pH balance of d vagina which could lead to infections. pls help me my sisters

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/11/2014

      Get Firstclass vagina wash nd spray

      Delete
    2. See your Gynae, it could be an infection. Bathe twice daily please, very important. Yeast can cause real foul odour . Go see your Doctor ASAP.
      If you have short nails, when you bathe, squat and clean inside with your middle finger. If there is that discharge called pap, clean it out with only clean water and your finger. No soap pls. Pregnancy can make you discharge a bit more than usual and if not cleaned regularly, can stink. Change all undies at least twice a day especially before going to bed. Pregnancy demands proper hygiene o.

      If you leak urine during pregnancy, then change undies as many times as it drops on your underpant. Incase you wear tights, change them along with panties. Do not repeat any underwear.
      ABOVE ALL, SEE YOUR DOCTOR TODAY!!!

      Delete
  12. @poster, I think stress caused by her mom has reduced or perhaps killed your fiancée affection for you. Right now she is just struggling to keep it going. There are no more feelings but she just can't let go cos you are a great guy or maybe because a bird in hand they say...

    She will leave you when another great guy comes along, especially if her dear mother accepts that one.
    Be wise.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/13/2014

      wise woman... God bless u dear. Am stil single and i learn so many things on dis blog. Na God gv u d wisdom

      Delete
  13. Anonymous5/12/2014

    Aunt eya! U couldn't ve said it any better I totally agree with you. Poster b wise. U dont ve to put ur life on standstill cos of any one.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Anonymous5/12/2014

    thank u eya I try these steps. as for going to the doctor I visited three and they got me all confused with different medication which never worked. I tire for them teaching hospital.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Did any one of d docs ask u to go for a swap test? Or they just prescribed medication? If no, go to a lab and do a test so u'll know wat u r treating. And yes! aunty eya's tips should help. Good luck

      Delete
  15. Anonymous5/12/2014

    * the missing word I will try these steps.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous5/12/2014

    To vigina poster i had dsame issue but a doc wer i work introduced me to a virgina wipe its expensive at shoprite 530plus or do but she helped me get alot of it at goodies apapa for 250i believe d wipes hav neutral ph nd smell nice so everytime i use d toilet i wipe excess urine nd i noticed i dont smell anytin anymore ,den i had white discharge i went to d gyne i was given refloxacin or sumtin like dat pls dont use while pregnant ooo ,change pant often and use cotton pants,den pls wen u r at home in ur room after rinsin wit water dont wear panties again let breeze blow ur VJ for hours let fan blow it for u it helps ,i noticed it from my aunt nd it worked for me b4ur hubby comes around open ur VJ make soft breeze blow it.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous5/12/2014

    d annon dat abuse igbo gals. I think u should have ur head examined. Cos u might nt be okay.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anonymous5/12/2014

    Anty eya u are just too full of wisdom. May God bless u. Pls visit my blog and tell. Me what u think about it. www.makeupcubicle.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete

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