My Husband has deleted All Except Facebook Yet I Cannot Trust Him Please Help

My marriage is barely 2years old and we have a daughter plus am pregnant now. On the night of our daughters christening, i wanted to transfer some pictures from my husbands phone to mine through bbm and i saw a chat that was soo disturbing.. I was hurt. Overtime, i got into the habit of checking his phone every time and i keep seeing diff chats with diff girls.. @ that time it got me thinking, do i really trust this man? Has he ever cheated on me?
Point is we never lived together before marriage, ours was a distant relationship though it wasn't far, we got married when i was serving and i didn't re deploy so it was one month in, one month out. This issue made me think what my husby has been up to all these time, before i saw those chats, i could have sworn on his behalf.. Sometimes
it would seem he's noticed am checking on his phone and be acting weird, another thing i noticed is that he usually deletes his chats but somehow i manage to read some before he does.

I was so worried and hurt that i decided to ask him abt it and so one morning i did( the first one i saw cos i did not want him to know i have been checkn his phone) he apologized and said that's the way he chats that there is nothing to it. When he came back that day i noticed he has deleted all the social networks in his phone from whatsapp, down to bbm, instagram, all except facebook. I was happy
The issue now is i don't trust my husby anymore, i suspect any little call he ans, i even still check his facebook messages, the worst that keeps me worried is that i keep dreaming about it and i wake up with tears in my eyes. Am really not comfortable with the dreams i have every now and then and i just keeping thinking i need to ask him if he's ever cheated on me(hoping it wld be no) then i can be in peace..

 He's not changed in his behaviour only that we don't make love like we use to. Sometimes once a month, it also bothers me...

Sorry for the long write up buh pls should i ask him if he's ever cheated on me?
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Comments

  1. Anonymous5/01/2014

    Sit him down tell him what is bothering u.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous5/01/2014

    Hi wtc! How's everyone enjoying the may celebration? Well I want to know if any mother out there like me is really bothered about this chibok gurls. Its tearing me apart cos I just wonder wat those young girls wud b going through right now. Especially being raped and contacting hiv mehn its scaring me I try to put my self in their mothers shoes. God I will cry day and nite
    Please pray for our gurls*bring back our gurls*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/03/2014

      My sister,I have been in mental torture then you gotta pity their mothers . I feel horrible for those girls
      Ha. God please intervene. Please.

      Delete
  3. Anonymous5/01/2014

    My sister my own advice is that you should stop checking your husband phone ,He deleted all his social network because of you and u still go as far as checking his fb Haba now.Pls put a stop to that. If u keep on checking your husband phone u will keep on seeing crabs and as you are now, you don't need it because of your condition, if you have anything bothering you pls discuss with him, As for the sex pls talk to him and let him know how you feel. Wish you save delivery.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/03/2014

      Go and sit down Jor. Why shouldn't she check her husband's phone .

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/10/2014

      Except u enjoy sleepless nights and like the idea of living with high BP. Keep checking his phones. U checking his phone is not going to solve anything. U need to sit down and talk like civilized people instead of sneaking to check his phone like his mistress abi thief. Now he has deleted stuff and yet he hasn't changed. Dats to show u its not the solution to ur problem. Talk to him and afterwards if u are still in doubt of his faithfulness, insist on him using condom for ur safety and dat of year baby. U don't need an infection in ur condition if u want a healthy baby o.

      Delete
  4. Mz Tee5/01/2014

    This Chibok issue is really tough for me!!! I literally have nightmares. I have a daughter in boarding school as well and d thoughts of this is haunting. I feel so terrible for d parents of these girls knowing that when they do come back some or most would be scarred for life. It breaks my heart completely. I also pray for them cos that's d only thing I can offer. Holy Spirit, pls touch the hearts of these men to release our daughters for us, Amen.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's so depressing. These are Nigerian children. God help this country.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/03/2014

      Aunty Eya, you look amazing. I feel like hugging u right now how is your baby boy. Love you. Is there anything anything at all that we can do about this chibok matter. Anything at all. So so so depressing and sad.

      Delete
  5. First I would like you to understand that getting married is not a straight ticket for men to stop admiring women, or flirting, its really not easy for men most times going out everyday and seeing beautiful women and even sometimes, most of this women seduce them a lot and expose sensitive part of their body, unlike women that are moved by touch and what they hear, men are moved by what they see, so men go out everyday and see thousands of beautiful girls and women, its not easy for men at all coping with all this, many a time they are tempted to cheat, in a whole year a woman, even in marriage might only see one guy that drives her off her feet, but its different for men, its like everyday thing. The only difference between a faithful man and an unfaithful man or cheating husband, is that the faithful man is strong enough to resist temptation, not by his power but by the grace of God, and also by personal development and self control, but the unfaithful man is too weak to resist. Its called controlling power (Ephesians 6:12, Romans 7:15), that's why in marriage we found more of husbands cheating, because of the loads of temptations out there. So on that note I would implore couples to always pray together, and especially women, you need to pray for your husbands, so poster you really need to pray for your husband, because that he is married to you is not a guarantee that he will not cheat or that his eyes will be blinded from seeing beautiful women everyday, I am not preaching cheating and unfaithfulness, its wrong and highly irresponsible, but I am just saying the realities as it is

    Second, He might not have cheated, but their is a high chances he might cheat, with that constant intimate chat with other ladies, but he has made effort and taking a huge step to stop that from happening by deleting many of those platform that conceives those intimate chat, like the saying, "if your hand will stop you from entering heaven, then cut it off" so if those social network sites will bring problems to his marriage, then let it go, so you have to respect and appreciate him for that, not all men can do that

    Thirdly, if you give too much time to petty problem or pay too much attention to a small problem, they become big problem, I think you are worrying yourself too much and taking it too far, because for you to have been dreaming about it, means you are thinking too much, and for goodness sake, its not that bad or worse as you are taking it, because you have not caught him cheating, you are still just suspecting. You are crying your eyes out every night when you have not caught him cheating, And the way you are getting too worried is really not healthy for your marriage, because your sense of judgement will be clouded. Please don't give yourself high BP, for something you are not sure of yet, your are still too young and your marriage is still too young, since he has made effort, you better try and look for ways to make your marriage work and look for ways to keep your husband eyes inside so other women will not steal him away (may that never be your portion in Jesus name) your case is not worse so don't kill yourself, yes you can ask him, call him and tell him how you are feeling, and that you are feeling that way because you love him so much, if you don't love him you will not care. Also try to ignite the sex life n your marriage, checking on him too much also is not good, it can be choking sometimes, just do your best and leave the rest to God because "whatever will be, will be"
    May God help your marriage
    #bringbackourgirls


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    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/01/2014

      I can actually relate to ds ur advice. It's good for me too. Thx

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/01/2014

      If a man cheats on his wife because he doesn't have the fear of God or because he cannot exercise self control, he has the wrath of God to face on earth and after earth if he doesn't repent, therefore if u are a man reading this, and u think u can torture your faithful spouse emotionally, you might think u are getting away with it Mr Casanova, the day of reckoning is near

      Delete
    3. Anonymous5/01/2014

      If a man cheats on his wife because he doesn't have the fear of God or because he cannot exercise self control, he has the wrath of God to face on earth and after earth if he doesn't repent, therefore if u are a man reading this, and u think u can torture your faithful spouse emotionally, you might think u are getting away with it Mr Casanova, the day of reckoning is near

      Delete
  6. Anonymous5/01/2014

    Stop checking his phone pls. Just tell him ur fears and when he reassures u, leave it at dt. If u die of high BP(God forbid), he'll marry another. It is well.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous5/01/2014

    I also think of these chibok gals everyday can't imagine what their parents r going through wrote about them in my blog www.mariasdesire.wordpress.com. Do visit pls nd say a prayer for them

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  8. Anonymous5/01/2014

    Here is my little saint advice. First, let me start by asking a question. What exactly do you gain or should I say what exactly do you want to confirm when you go through your hubby's chats and all? Or do you intend filing for divorce or you want to re-assure your love for him or his love for you when you see some certain things in the chat or what? Well, I'm very sure you not planning for divorce as marriage is for better for worse, your exact behaviour now is what should have been done during courtship before saying I DO, you checking his chats and stuffs adds nothing to your marriage but pain in the ass. Whether he is cheating or not, going through his chat and worrying yourself, giving yourself sleepless nights, crying here and there makes no difference. Why not rather choose to be happy by ignoring those things. Secondly, why have you reduced making love? You want him to get frustrated and leave or is he the one not wanting to? I'm sure you know your hubby's weak point, why not bring him back to love making through that. Well, my advice is for you to please stop going through his phone, leave him with his calls, just relax, spend time checking online for ways a lady could spice up her marriage, thank God for WC, don't forget to make him delicious meal, always tell him you love him everyday, start up a routine of praying together with him every morning and night when you wake up and telling God those things you don't want in your marriage (that is if you don't already pray together), try using sweet words on him, try giving him a goodnight kiss on his lips before going to bed, try giving him sweet surprises, try building back that trust that might have vanished, he is your husband and not your boyfriend, fiance neither is he any other person's own. But please don't turn to mumu for him and don't let him take you for granted neither should you make him feel like you care less. Just try and make everything moderate and you'l be surprised that you'l be looking younger and even prettier.

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  9. Anonymous5/01/2014

    Deleting these apps from his phone does not guarantee that he has stopped going on them. What about his office computer? Ipad? Kindle? He could have taken them off the phone because he knows you check. You better dont kill yourself. What you don't know will not hurt you. #my2cents#

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/01/2014

      BUT AIDS WILL!!! POSTER KEEP CHECKING THAT YOUR SEX LIFE HAS CHANGED COULD BE ONE OF THREE THINGS;

      HE IS GOING THROUGH SOME STRESS THAT IS AFFECTING HIS LIBIDO
      IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH HIS HEALTH AND HE CAN'T TELL YOU JUST YET
      HE IS GETTING HIS DAILY DOSE ELSEWHERE

      I WILL GO WITH THE LAST OPTION

      Delete
  10. Anonymous5/01/2014

    Sorry for what you're going through. Honestly, no matter how happily married a couple is you can never trust your husband 100% because he's human. It really hurts... I've been married for a few years and sadly I don't trust my husband all the way because of things that he's done in the past. It's sad that men don't understand the implications for their actions. All you have to do is pray for God to change him because He's the only one who can. No one else can. Is your husband God fearing? Is he a Christian? If he is, at least he may have a conscience and try to change.

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    Replies
    1. khloe15/02/2014

      yes @ anon 9:26 i agree completely. its only if he has a conscience and is God fearing, he might be able to control himself. All these peeps talking abt kisses n treating him like a king, i tell you if it is in his blood to cheat he will. I've bn married for 13 years and I tried all those luvy luvy bs in the beginning; being warm and caring and trying to be as sexy as I can. all those things didn't work for me. Now i'm just resigned to my fate. Ive decided to take each day as I see it. My own is d type that gives ppl millions out of the magnanimity of his heart, but the way he will be policing me and others that work in the house, you will think its his last kobo that he's spending. i don't blame him sha, its myself I blame, still a bloody housewife in 2014. Too sick to work because I'm pregnant with our 4th child. Can't wait to drop the load let me rest and get my life back together. mtchew.... sorry for my rant im just soooo frustrated. because he bought laptop and printer for the house I cannot rest. mtchew......

      Delete
    2. The lord is your. Strength seriously issues like this can make one depressed and unhappy. One thing I know and am sure of is dat u can get comfort , peace and joy from the word of God and talking to him daily. I believe in giving and puting ur all in him and things would work out the way you didn't imagine. Am sure u must have prayed bt do not relent dear. www.mariasdesire.wordpress.com for learning from God's word,recipes and marriage.

      Delete
  11. Anonymous5/02/2014

    One of the advice i received during my wedding "u dnt go into marriage with ur both eyes" pls dear considering ur condition u dnt need d stress u are giving urself.

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  12. Anonymous5/02/2014

    My dear, I'm also going through a similar situation. My hubby deletes all his chats so I don't get to see them but forgets to delete sometimes but I, on my part have decided not to bother any more. So I've also decided to just move one with less worries and make myself happy as long as he is performing his duties as a father and a husband.

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  13. objective observer5/02/2014

    Wow. This life. It's truly saddening hearing stories like this. I have tried to understand men and their Damn psyche but I have failed. Woefully. The comment made my 'ALLOY' up there has a lot of truth in it. But that does not mean God will not punish an adulterer! As much as it is said that Nigerianss talk about praying too much. I feel like only he who created man can change his ways, not ass kissing a cheat of a husband, not being the best in the bedroom, having culinary skills like chef Ramsey gordon!

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  14. Anonymous5/02/2014

    The sad truth is that we Nigerians pray too much! infact we misunderstand prayers to a fault. A person will go straight to hell with or without prayers if he does not willingly give his life to christ irrespective of other pple's prayers for him to change. Poster, ur own is even good. just Two months into my marriage my husband let his mail mistakenly opened on my ipad when i saw his mail to some babe saying though he is married she is and will remain his soulmate....two months oh. Really dont bother to check his fone or anything else cos i know what i will see, fast forward to today, he only touches me with a condom on.and i insist he does until he agrees we both go for a thorough check up. I will not die or contact what i dnt knw because he has a walking third leg, and i dnt have the power to become a prayer worrior cos i have a business to build, children to nurture and make sure my daughter doesnt become 'the other woman' nor my son the philandering husband like his father. I find joy taking as much money from him as i possibly can, shopping as much as i can ,still he remains buoyant enough to chase the next thing, Look Nne, dnt kill yourself, you have a responsibility to God, ur parents and ur children . please stay healthy cos of ur condition, will u also snoop on his laptop, ipad/tablet and office computer?

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  15. Anonymous5/02/2014

    Gbam!

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  16. Na wa o, we women are going through a lot in marriages o, and yet u see couples smiling n acting lovey dovey outside...God help us

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  17. Na wa is this what women go tru, to marry de fear me. God pls help us

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  18. Anonymous5/03/2014

    Thank God we have mothers in this forum. I posted a prayer on a food forum called SO YOU THINK YOU CAN COOK on face book and you need to read the way some annoying things some ladies were saying(like dooney,kale and some heartless girls) cos they reside outside nigeria. I felt so bad cos they r women like me n will 1 day v daughters. What if it happens to someone they know or their daughter,how will they feel? They said it was rude of me to derail their thread. I can't be found as a member of such forum again.

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  19. Anonymous5/05/2014

    Am happy for the above advices. First and foremost, I want to tell you what STEP means in marriage. S - Sleep together, T - Talk together, E - Eat together and P - Pray together. have you been doing or follow the Step of marriage if no please start now. The issue of his phone don't check his phone again because the more check it the more you hurt yourself and you don't need it with your current condition. Be bold and approach him all your pains and also address the issue of sex with him. God will continue to help you in your marriage. BB.

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  20. BUSOLA5/07/2014

    My dear I've been in a relationship for almost 4 years now and I haven't for once cheated on my partner, I used to trust him like 100%( don't know what I was thinking then) until I started going through his chats and messages on his phone, trust me you will ALWAYS find something you don't want to see if u keep going through his phone, at a time I said I wont anymore but each time I say it's been a while lemme just check his phone I'll always find something, I've pleaded we've talked, quarelled, about all of this and every time he has one good excuse or the other but I'm not a fool, I just made up my mind that men would also cheat, sometimes I just say to myself that if I have so much money I'd not get married, just give birth through an another donors sperm, and bring up my kid(s) myself, becos it hurts so much to think that I'll be faithful to a man and he'll cheat on me. My advice is try not to go through his phone because really what u don't know won't kill you.

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  21. POSTER5/07/2014

    Thank you all.. I have done as you said, i have stopped checking his facebook acc even though when i check, i see nothing out of the ordinary. My husband is a buisness man, so what ever he uses is @ home. Am also happy almost all his friends, male and female are married. God will help us all through the thicks and thins of marriage. God bless you all

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  22. POSTER5/08/2014

    Thank you all. I have already decided to stop checking his fb acc even though when i did i found nothing out of the ordinary. My husband is a business man so whatever he uses is @ home, no office computer or whatever.
    I pray God will give us women the grace to run our homes being the best wife and mother. God bless you all.

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  23. Anonymous5/11/2014

    Poster I'm so happy that u said you won't go through his phone again truly what u don't know won't kill you. The only thing you just need to do is to go on your knees and tell God what you want in your marriage. God will continue to give us knowledge, wisdom and understanding in our homes.

    ReplyDelete

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