Is It Possible I Grow To Love Him In Marriage?

Hi Eya, am a new blog visitor and I enjoy reading ur blog especially ur recipes and relationship advises. U are doing a good job. I right now am confused and I need advise from matured blog visitors. I will be 25 years old in a few months, I just graduated and am awaiting service. I was introduce to a great guy January 2014 by my elder brother and we started dating almost immediately. When we were introduced he told me he wants a wife not just a girlfriend. He is 31, nice, comfortable and God fearing. He is the kind of guy ladies wish for but the problem is that I don't love him. I can tell he loves me very much but I feel absolutely nothing for him and dat makes me sad. I like him a lot and I know he will be a wonderful husband and father but I feel empty around him and I get bitter and angry over unnecessary little things he does. Am still in love with my ex who hurt me real bad and is still a student who has no intention of settling down in the next

 3-4 years. My family loves him and my brother say he's a nice guy. I know I should let him go but am scared because good guys are scarce these days and age isn't really on my side. Please if I eventually get married to him is it possible that I will grow to love him? Or should I gather courage and move on, hoping for true love? I don't want to fall into the hands of the wrong person. Please advise me. Forgive my errors.

Comments

  1. What a coincidence, I just wrote a piece on this…A great guy versus The great guy….visit www.bride2mum but what I will say is, your fears are not baseless and not all great guys are for you, you will definitely get the great guy for you as long as you continue being true to yourself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Alloy Chikezie5/09/2014

      Please if I eventually get married to him is it possible that I will grow to love him? Well there is nothing that's impossible under the sun, in marriage some risk are not worth taking, if you eventually marry him, you might fall in love with him, there are examples like that, also if you eventually marry him, you might not fall in love with him, there are also examples like that. But I wouldn't advice you to marry someone you don't love and hoping you will fall in love with him after marriage, its not healthy

      Also many of us don't understand that love is not forced, it flows from the inside, and it takes time to build, just like every architectural wizardry takes time to build, no good thing come easy, love is something good, and bears an eloquent testimony to that fact, that nothing good comes easy, so for love to flow from the inside, there are rules, and you are breaking one of those rules with the fact that you have not motioned ahead from your previous relationship and your heart is still with someone else

      You didn't tell us when you broke up with your ex, if its not been long ago, its understandable that you are still in love with him, even tough he broke your heart, because its not easy to let go, loving someone is not a piece of trash that you throw away like that, even after a heart break, but the good news is that there is a cure and also an embrocation for that, and that's "TIME", time is the best healer. So if its not been long I think you got it wrong by rushing into another relationship which is even a serious one, because your heart and mind will be clouded, and a little feeling for ex is still there which is not healthy for the new relationship

      But if its been long you broke up with your ex, then still being in love with someone who broke your heart, and who doesn't give a damn about you, and also who is not ready for marriage in the next 3-4yrs since you claimed age is not on your side is not healthy, you have to work on yourself to stop loving him, you have to move on with your life, its not easy but get busy and occupy your mind with activities, it will help you a lot

      Yes good guys are scarce, but don't be pessimistic, if you be yourself, cultivate a good character, good guys will always come, and its not fair when you don't love a person and you make the person think you love him by staying in a relationship, I am not advising you to break up with him, what I think you should do is this, the relationship is still young at four months, and considering that you have not recovered from your last relationship, I think you should still give yourself more time, with time you might still fall in love with him, don't rush into any marriage with him yet, and don't force yourself to love him, else you will end up not loving him, just allow the love flow, enjoy valuable time with him, enjoy the moment with him, let his good and caring nature penetrate your heart, let him make you laugh a lot, but if after a long time, you finally still. Don't love, please it will not be healthy you just let it go, rather getting married and hoping you will love him in marriage


      Your comment will be visible after approval

      Delete
    2. Alloy Chikezie5/09/2014

      Sorry on my last sentences, I mean "if after a long time, you still don't love him, it will not be healthy you remain in the relationship, it will be healthy you let the relationship go, rather than getting married to him and hoping you will love him in marriage, that's a risk I will not advice you to take, what if you end up not loving him in marriage, so what happens? You spend the rest of your life with regret? that it worked for someone else is not a guarantee that it will work for you


      Your comment will be visible after approval

      Delete
    3. Anonymous5/09/2014

      Your comments make sense Alloy but your attempt at embellishments greatly detract from it.
      "You have not motioned forward"? "Embrocation"?
      Keep things simple and please stop trying too hard- I can't think why you do.

      Delete
    4. Anonymous5/12/2014

      Aloy I don't mean to be rude but the comments are unnecessarily long; longer than posts. Please make it short and simple. It's really annoying because you don't have to go that long.

      P.S, try and engage yourself with other activities other than sitting in front of your laptop and commenting on blog.

      Delete
  2. chubi umeh5/08/2014

    Let †ђ3 experienced advice ƴ۵џ. Buh ƴ۵џ shd 4get ur ex for ur own good

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear poster,I just came across dis blog ryt now while asking google questions on soyamilk. I advise u to see ur pastor,he will guide u spiritually. I was in dis predicament too but 4 d timely intervention of my spiritual fada,tnk God it all happened close to him(I was transfered bak 2 my root). I was stil madly in luv wit my ex whom I broke up wit bcos I was not sure of my future peace wit him. 1yr later I was still rooted dat even wen my husband appeared,I didn't notice him. Infact,him talking 2 me s like a thorn piercing my flesh,but to God b d glory,my pastor had such experience wit his wife n he stood in 4 me till I saw d greatness in dis guy n our union s counting already and its been d best yrs of my adult life. Great guys r everywhere but very difficult to locate wit arm of flesh. Pray hun and I wish u all d best.

      Delete
    2. Dear poster,I just came across dis blog ryt now while asking google questions on soyamilk. I advise u to see ur pastor,he will guide u spiritually. I was in dis predicament too but 4 d timely intervention of my spiritual fada,tnk God it all happened close to him(I was transfered bak 2 my root). I was stil madly in luv wit my ex whom I broke up wit bcos I was not sure of my future peace wit him. 1yr later I was still rooted dat even wen my husband appeared,I didn't notice him. Infact,him talking 2 me s like a thorn piercing my flesh,but to God b d glory,my pastor had such experience wit his wife n he stood in 4 me till I saw d greatness in dis guy n our union s counting already and its been d best yrs of my adult life. Great guys r everywhere but very difficult to locate wit arm of flesh. Pray hun and I wish u all d best.

      Delete
  3. Anonymous5/08/2014

    mtcheww u stil luv ur ex? U hv to love him. Its a delibrate choice u wil make.. Until u fall into d wrong hands ur eyes will clear. Smh...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Y dear love grows and 4months old r/ship is not enough to say u love a guy to spend d rest of ur life with, my advise is give urself time to see the grteatness in this guy before u say "I do", don't rush into d marriage wit d idea dat love grows;what if urs ends up stunted?, and plz help urself by erasing d thought of ur ex if u want to build this and don't forget Prayer is d ultimate.

      Delete
  4. chinnex5/08/2014

    Wil u hear me???dnt quit cos u arnt gettin younger,u jus doin all dis cos he luvs u,u wil grow 2 luv him even more wen u marry n ve kids.every woman wants a great guy,u takin dis 4 granted cos he came so easy and his lovin again.beta start luvin him b4 u tey 4 outside cos gud guys ar few.......u miss dis chance and allow karma deal wit u

    ReplyDelete
  5. Please forget about your ex, i'm sure if you respect the new guy you'll definitely love Him.
    i wish you the best.........
    The Beautiful Eagle's Blog

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/09/2014

      U wil grow to love him,it happened to me bt i wil tell u dat i neva regretted marryin my hubby dat tym cos ryt now, he is d love of my life n he treats me lyk a princess. STAND out in a crowd, contact me 4 ur VINTAGE LEATHER WATCH at very affordable price. BB pin 2752572B or whatsapp 08063862213

      Delete
  6. Anonymous5/08/2014

    He is 31, nice, comfortable and God fearing. Still u don't love him.Comooooooon!! What do u really want for ur self in a guy. U need to be careful so u don't fall into a frying pan. ------- D Moon !

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous5/08/2014

    Ok this is speaking from my experience you won't fall in love with him after marriage.
    Aftrr you are married that's when u willsstart seeing all the irritating behaviours he has and the thing that helps u overlook them is the love u have for hom.
    Now when there is no love before marriage those his behaviours will irritate you and before you know u start feeling hatred.
    I have been married for six years I thought I would grow to love him in fact its so bad now I can stay the whlle year without sex.i don't want him to touch me even when sleeping at night his body should not touch mine.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/08/2014

      heartless wife. May God 4gv u. I knw u must be a cheat.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/08/2014

      Thank you very much all knowing until you find your self in someone else's situation don't judge.
      I am not a cheat I will never be my husband is the only man I have slept with.
      I was just giving advised based on what I have experienced

      Delete
    3. Anonymous5/08/2014

      ok. I thought u said u werent sleepn wit ur hubby.. But it is strange o.. Just love him.

      Delete
    4. The fact that she isn't sleeping with her husband doesn't mean she's sleeping with someone else!

      Delete
    5. Anonymous5/08/2014

      I typed sƠ̴̴͡ many replies to you but couldn't post due to network...then a friend posted this on facebook, I knew it was for you sƠ̴̴͡ here it is...

      Love is absolute knowledge and complete understanding. If u know God and understand who He is, then there is no one you can't love. Sometimes, its difficult to love that one who hurt u in the past, hey....love anyway. In life you Never lose for loving and those who walk in love are always Victorious. Because love cannot be defeated.


      Ps: as for the original poster, pls be guided in your decision. The time to love him is now, not later in marriage since you have the opportunity, trust me you will love him if U̶̲̥̅̊ let yourself....but even in marriage  never late to love sƠ̴̴͡ long as you understand the true meaning of love as defined by God. Hollywood love is 'kele kele' love lollz

      Delete
    6. Wow! Dis is d best piece I hv eva read. The words are so great.

      Delete
  8. Anonymous5/08/2014

    Annon 525pm. I think u have a big problem. GOD 4BID O. I WILL NT EXPERIENCE TH.IS BIKO. SMH..

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous5/08/2014

    Did I hear u say age it not on ur side???? Oga oooo! Me wey be 33+ shd call mysef #Greatgrandma cos I'm still single! My dear the only constitution telling age is not on ur side is "ur mind" and maybe ur environment!
    Let go of ur ex too darling, if not u will not only miss the good guys but u will "run out of the age dat is not on ur side" be careful.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous5/08/2014

    babe, wat is wt ds mentality of age is nt on ur side? pls, tek ur tym n wait 4 food dt will satisfy n nourish u inwardly n outwardly. U can neva choose noodles 4 a life tym food. B wise to avoid had i known. When God wants to bless u wt a mega estate d devil will first present a refurbished village 2 u so as 2 deceive u. y re ur family so interested in ds guy? cos of der personal gains or is it all abt u? No hurry in life. beta b late than sorry...
    wishin u d bex...

    ReplyDelete
  11. Mscheew @ age is nt on ur side, on who's side is d age?? Smh... Rush in u hear, u'll rush out noni.. Den why r u still loving ur ex? Start with getting ur ex off ur mind bcos dt is d main reason ur mind is nt with this guy... U choose to love whoever u want to love, thr's no special magic in falling in love. Since He doesn't even do anytin to piss u, why shldnt u love him? For your information ooooo, GOOD GUYS ARE SCARCE!!! . Whichever way sha, ur relationship with the guy is still very young, take ur time to nuture it for a while b4 u settle for it. Thr is time on ur side sha, dnt rush urself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are so right @U choose to love whoever u want to love, thr's no special magic in falling in love. I so believe in dat cuz love doesn't fall from heaven, you decide in ur heart.

      Delete
  12. Anonymous5/08/2014

    My dear, don't even try it , If you can't love him now, then there is 90% chance that u ll end up unhappy in ur home... I ve been married for 5years with kids but I am the most unhappy person on the earth... Nothing makes me happy, sex is like hell for me, I have prayed, see shrink, seminars etc... I am just here for my kids and nothing more.
    I just rushed into marriage cos I ve no one to take care of me and I was 23, things were hard for me as an orphan. Here is even worst to compare to where I was...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/08/2014

      You have already stated why you are unhappy. He was a means to your financial problems...God sees our motives for every action, while He forgives άήδ still blesses us, man is not always sƠ̴̴͡ forgiving. Perhaps, your husband realized you were using him άήδ changed?....all thesame happiness comes from within άήδ until you realize that, seeing shrinks άήδ all may not help much. sƠ̴̴͡ find it by loving yourself, telling yourself you deserve to be happy, being happy άήδ sharing it with your family. God is still in the business of turning things around for good. Bless you

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/09/2014

      I didn't marry him cos of money, I just needed a place to lay my head n be peaceful cos my uncles doesn't want to set their eyes on me, his mum told him abt me, he went n asked for my hand in marriage, no one cares abt my opinion, with wat I was passing tru, I had no option than to get married... Mind u, he wasn't rich, we were living in a room apartment

      Delete
    3. Anonymous5/09/2014

      SƠ̴̴͡ clearly your case is different from that of the poster.....but you adviced as though  same circumstances. Whatever sha just try άήδ be happy.

      #note: if you are posting advice from experience , don't share half-truths άήδ mislead others.

      Delete
    4. Anonymous5/12/2014

      Anon 11: 31pm, its so easy for you to call God's name so many times and yet ure so quick to judge. who are you to judge anyone? its ur life so perfect? are you perfect? Please give your judgment to yourself and stop calling the lord's name in vain. Fake born again pple.

      Delete
  13. Anonymous5/08/2014

    my dear... love does not grow AFTER MARRIAGE OH, IT REDUCES. dont marry him if you dont have even a little form of love for him. it's very good that he loves you, its better for a guy to love you more than you love him, that way you are 50percent sure he won't cheat on you and will always provide for you. what i will suggest is you try to love him a bit, stall all wedding plans till after your nysc, maybe when u see the world alot more, meet different people, have opportunity to compare and contrast, then you will be ready...25 is still young, i have friiends that are 32 and still single or about to get married. i married the best man on earth yet im not satisfied, i still think if i had waited abit more...there are times i love him cos he is nice and acts nice but im not really in love with him, and as someone said earlier, its with this love that you can endure all the bullshit that will come up later..all the best dear

    ReplyDelete
  14. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/09/2014

      Congrats on being preggers,d Lord will see u thru & ur 'senior wife' will free u join.lol.got hooked on ur blog march n kept refreshing 4 mnths,now I knw y no new post came up:-). D

      Delete
    3. Lol Anon!
      You know?!
      #wink

      Delete
  15. Lady Eva5/09/2014

    My dear, i will tell u a story. There was this great guy that asked me out for four years. At a point, he even brought drinks to see my father. My family drooled at him, the whole neighbourhood girls were jealous of me cos of him, my friends urged me on. He was kind, thoughtful and very Godly. Yet i couldnt feel him. He started asking me out wen i was twenty four, yet at twenty eight, i still said no becos deep in my heart, i knw i didnt love him. And i didnt delude myself that i wld eventally do, and i didnt want to lead him on, so i maintained a consistent "no". Note, by then, all my younger sisters were already married. I met my husband wen i was 28 and i knw he was the one. We got married 2 years later and all the wait is so worth it. He gives me so much joy and everyday, i count my blessings. So my dear, take a chill pill and relax. Watch the guy, if after a year, u still dnt feel him let him go. #hugs#

    ReplyDelete
  16. Johnson5/09/2014

    At this stage, you don’t know anything about LOVE, even though you think you do! How can you love someone that abuses/hurts you? Love is not something you fall into - you actually grow in love…
    You would need to ask yourself some basic questions before you forge ahead:
    1. Do you respect this guy and do you see him as someone you can accept his leadership over you?
    2. Apart from the God-fearing factor, how do you see him in 5-10 years?
    3. Is he a friend – someone you can share ideas with, laugh at his jokes...?
    4. What is his vision – how does he see his future and do you want to be part of that?
    It’s possible you are blinded by the relationship with your ex and would really need a Mr. charming to sweep you off your feet – that might never come. It is also possible that despite being nice, this guy does not just cut it and you’re seriously considering your age. It could also be that you’re feeling sorry for him and would not want to break his heart.
    a) Whatever it is, don’t say YES out of pity or desperation!
    b) Give sometime to know some more strategic things about who he is and seek for things that might excite you about him. If there’s non, yawa dey bi dat!
    Ask for God’s leading and don’t be anxious about your age – He makes everything beautiful in His time, God bless you.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous5/09/2014

    I met dis guy two years ago,few months later he asked for my hand in marriage I agreed and took him home to see my parents,I didn't love him just wanted to get married cos I tout time was no longer on my side cos I was 28 and my younger sister was planning her wedding,everything he does irritates me and I get angry at everything he does,I ended d relationship,now am 30 planning for my wedding and God himself gave me is perfect will for me.@poster pls don't rush into marriage with this guy,take ur time and pray about it.

    ReplyDelete
  18. poster5/09/2014

    u all have been very helpful. thank u sooo much i really appreciate ur words of advice. i will take time to work on myself, forget about my ex and face my relationship and after a while if i still feel nothing, i will move on and wait for my God created soul mate. thanks Eya may God bless u.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Anonymous5/09/2014

    This issue 1s came up on inspiration FM and my dear poster experience is the best teacher. The people who have been in it said it didn't work out and that is the same thing people called in to say. Please if you don't feel anything for him don't get intoo it. He may be a great guy as usual and as the callers said but that won't spark up the fire that was never there. The one thing that will make you forgive his annoying time is the love you have for him so if there is no love, nothing will make you forgive him. Better to be single and happy than married and sad. Cos marriage is for a life time. And for christ sake you are still young!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Hi Diary of Dildo, Congrats on your pregnancy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/09/2014

      beauty. .hw ur baby? U look lovely dearie

      Delete
    2. Thanks Aunty Eya!
      And, its Dido o- #covers eyes at "dildo"

      Delete
    3. Sorry dear Dido, auto speller will not kee me. Your great comments suddenly disappeared?

      Delete
  21. Anonymous5/09/2014

    i wonder y women wuld be in their hubbys house wont have intimate relationshp wit them. Na wa o. God this nt mY portion

    ReplyDelete
  22. Anonymous5/10/2014

    @poster as long as u have no intention of going back to your ex yes you will grow tol ove him if he is as nice as u've stated. when I first met my husband then my boyfriend, I hated his appearance not to even talk of love. he was too fat and looked very unkept but handsome. but still I gave him a chance to become just friends, becos of the genius nature he have.I got to meet an angel a very wonderful creature God sent my way yes My husband. I didn't even care if I love him or not , I liked him dearly. ( in this world of wickedness and Heartbreakers, I knew there were just few of him in a life time) a day before our wedding I just stare at him and realize I could never live apart from this man. note: not that we don't have our misunderstandings ooh u can't escape that in marriage. but hmm he is just so wonderful. I will never forgive myself had I let go of him then. moreover as as a lady it is better you marry someone that love u more than u love him.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Anonymous5/10/2014

    Poster, when I met my husband(formally my boyfriend) I didn't love him but he had some behaviours that I couldn't let him go, and d love started building up after years of relationship and I tell u, thank God I didn't let him go. Pls poster, give it time... U wud get the answer you need.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Anonymous5/10/2014

    My dear great guys re rare..... I think u dnt know wat u really feel 4 him cos he is always available, wen u see him with someone else u might just realise how much u miss n want him bck

    ReplyDelete
  25. Anonymous5/10/2014

    My dear great guys re rare..... I think u dnt know wat u really feel 4 him cos he is always available, wen u see him with someone else u might just realise how much u miss n want him bck

    ReplyDelete
  26. Anonymous5/12/2014

    By the time you clock 33 and still single come back for advise ok? Mumu girl!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Feel free to email me with comments, suggestions, recipe ideas, or pretty much anything! I love hearing from you and I am always excited to receive a comment or email from a blog reader.
Contact Email: cuulme@gmail.com

Most comments are by blog readers. Always seek Professional Help First.
“As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.” When readers purchase items through links on this blog.
- Eya Ayambem

SHARE AND PIN THIS POST

BLOG VIEWS