My Present Situation, Just Imagine It's You

I am going to start from the very beginning, and this will be the first time I will ever open my mouth to explain at length the actual gist behind the whole thing.. I am 27 years old. Im currently working with a radio station as an OAP. i am earning enough money to take care of me, my son and other expenses so I bless God for the provisions he made for me. I started visiting this blog early this year when i googled how to make a certain dish..this is a wonderful blog. So that I don't start boring you, here is my story. 11 years ago, I was in Asaba. I was done with secondary school but not yet in the University. My uncle came home from spain after 8 years, and he came to build houses and establish some businesses in Nigeria, he planned to stay for a minimum of 3months and came with his spanish-American wife whom we had never met. We are four children and adding my parents that made us six and lived in a 3 bedroom apartment so my uncle could not
stay with us. He decided to get a flat in a more developed part of asaba while construction was going on his new house.

Due to the fact that my uncles wife was not Nigerian, they needed someone to show her around, help with the chores and also keep her company since she didn't have friends and my uncle was always in the site with my dad . coming back very late at night. She was and is a very nice woman and I enjoyed her company and gists a lot but after a month,I started searching for friends around the
area. (My friends came around but most of them lived far, I schooled in FGGC). I was 16 years old,The size of my boobs and ass made it difficult for my mum to convince people that I was just 16.but I was a virgin and knew very little about boy and girl relationship. I was the only girl and my father never let me associate with boys, I even went to an all girls school. FGGC onitsha.The new freedom I had was intoxicating, my uncles wife didn't mind I am going to start from the very beginning, and this will be the first time I will ever open my mouth to explain at length the actual gist behind the whole thing.. I am 27 years old. Im currently working with a radio station as an OAP. i am earning enough money to take care of me, my son and other expenses so I bless God for the provisions he made for me. I started visiting this blog early this year when i googled how to make a certain dish..this is a wonderful blog. So that I don't start boring you, here is my story. 11 years ago, I was in Asaba. I was done with secondary school but not yet in the University. My uncle came home from spain after 8 years, and he came to build houses and establish some businesses in Nigeria, he planned to stay for a minimum of 3months and came with his spanish-American wife whom we had never met. We are four children and adding my parents that made us six and lived in a 3 bedroom apartment so my uncle could not
stay with us. He decided to get a flat in a more developed part of asaba while construction was going on his new house. Due to the fact that my uncles wife was not Nigerian, they needed someone to show her around, help with the chores and also keep her company since she didn't have friends and my uncle was always in the site with my dad . coming back very late at night. She was and is a very nice woman and I enjoyed her company and gists a lot but after a month,I started searching for friends around the area. (My friends came around but most of them lived far, I schooled in FGGC). I was 16 years old,The size of my boobs and ass made it difficult for my mum to convince people that I was just 16.but I was a virgin and knew very little about boy and girl relationship. I was the only girl and my father never let me associate with boys, I even went to an all girls school. FGGC onitsha.The new freedom I had was intoxicating, my uncles wife didn't mind my talking to boys, and I misused the opportunity. This was in 2003.

There was a cybercafe, on that street the only one in the area then. The attendant there was a friend of my aunt cos she was always sending mails. A friend of his who was in the University, UNN, later came to stay with him for 3weeks. During this 3week period, I met the visitor, and gave in to his advances. I was young, naive and intrigued by the idea that he was in the University. He was my first, and one rainy afternoon 5 days before he left, he paid for a cheap hotel and we had sex. My very first. We did this two other times before he went back to his school. I missed him and dreamt of him often but thats what happens when you are 16, and think you are in love. I didnt tell anybody what happened . After a month, my mum fell ill and I was needed at home.I had to go back home. I saw my period for the next two months but it was scanty and not how it used to be. I only realized I
was pregnant after I was 5months gone. My dad almost killed me. I know what I went through and cannot put it into words but I will try. First of all, I explained over and over again who the person was but my dad insisted it was a one night stand and called me all sorts of names. We tried to trace him, I and my mum, but it was fruitless, the cafe was no longer operating and people on the street claimed they didn't know where he had moved to so we couldn't trace his friend. I suggested going to UNN to look for him, but that too sounded weird cos i was heavy and my dad wanted me to hide myself, due to his position in the church. So they sent me to ugheli where my grandmother was. That was where I had my son, the most handsome boy in the world, my pride. You cant imagine the suffer, I was a farmer with my baby on my back, I would farm so I and my son would eat.my grandmother was sick and I was nursing two people, she and my baby, but did I
complain? No. Why? Because I was still young and beautiful and wanted to make my life better and automatically assumed what I was going through was atonement for my sins.

  When my son was almost two, I wrote jamb and gained admission into UNIBEN to study mass.comm. ,my dad said lai lai tufiakwa, he won't pay school fee, etc. But today I am a graduate working, and I have even furthered my education. If you want me to explain how I did it, I wont be able to, cos I don't know, cos God works in mysterious ways. Just know my dad gave me 10percent support, I was a hairdresser in school, and my brother later traveled to the Uk, he was working and assisting.many times I would search all the available search engines for my son's father, but never found him. I would cry and cry every night, but still didn't solve anything. When I tried to my capacity and didnt find him, I decided to be a strong girl at least for my son. Many people gossiped about me and
still gossip about me, they would ask my son questions like where is your daddy? Just to tease him. I don't know why people did that, please I urge everyone to be nice, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle, not all single mothers are prostitutes, and trust me prostitutes don't have children. Now let me fast forward a bit, I finished school. Praise God, moved out of benin, to job hunt after Nysc in kogi. My mum accepted to stay with my son till I could get a place and bring him over, so he moved to Asaba. I would say I am the luckiest person on earth, jobs were actually looking for me. I have worked with 3 radio stations and im currently with one of the best. My son is in Lagos now with me, in a boarding school. I am in a relationship with an amazing person though its just 3months, the testimonies are plenty.

This is the real deal; two weeks ago, I had atm issues and was directed to the bank manager when I was growing impatient (the
thing swallowed my card). The bank manager is the guy I have a son for. I almost fainted when I saw him, I don't bank with them neither have I entered that particular branch before tho its close to my office.

When I saw him, I wanted to faint. He couldn't recognize at all. Of cause iv changed, finally I have found my sons father, I couldn't go through Facebook cos in my naivety it was just his nickname I knew 11 years ago.

    I visited the bank again, this time I was able to remind him of who I was. In fact, he told me, that he came back to Asaba to look for me, I don't know if it was true. We have hung out two times. He has grown into a charming gentleman and my son's replica. We have talked about different things ranging from politics to religion, we enjoy each others company as friends. He is married with a child who has down syndrome. And his wife has had two miscarriages after his son. He is not particularly happy in the home front but

 I can see he is a determined man who loves his wife. HOW DO I TELL HIM HE HAS AN 11 YEAR OLD SON IN A BOARDING SCHOOL WHO HAS HIS DIMPLES? IF I DO THIS WILL I BE BREAKING HIS MARRIAGE? MY SON WILL BE THE HAPPIEST BOY IN THE WORLD IF I CAN SHOW HIM HIS DAD. I WILL BE THE HAPPIEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD TOO IF I WATCH BOTH OF THEM PLAY BALL AND STUFF LIKE THAT. IM I ASKING FOR TOO MUCH? I HAVE SUFFERED ENOUGH FOR THIS LITTLE SLICE OF HAPPINESS, SO THE WORLD CAN KNOW MY SON HAS A FATHER AND I FOUND HIM, WILL IT AFFECT MY OWN RELATIONSHIP? I DON'T EVEN KNOW THE WAY SINGLE MOTHERS RELATE WITH THIER BABY DADDYS? IS IT AWKWARD? CAN YOU BE GOOD FRIENDS? WHAT OF FEELINGS, WHAT IF IT ARISES? I CANT EVEN TELL MY BOYFRIEND I MET THIS GUY, HE KNOWS IM VERY EMOTIONAL ABOUT THIS ISSUE BUT HE HAS TOLD ME TO GIVE UP SEARCHING THAT HE WILL ADOPT MY SON, HE GOES TO MY SON'S SCHOOL DURING VISITING DAYS WILL HE FEEL CHEATED? what if I keep quiet forever? ...now
im crying.

 I don't want to spoil any body's marriage but this guy deserves to know about his son. How do I break the news, I haven't used my son as my dp since I added his dad. Im scared, the resemblance is too much..I haven't slept in a while. Im thinking of driving down to my son's school this weekend to tell him I saw his dad...im thinking of calling my mum...my son is becoming a man, he deserves to know, I cant keep this much longer....help!

Comments

  1. Anonymous4/24/2014

    please, tell your son and the daddy. It is the best thing to do. No matter the adoption from another man his father is his father, please let him know about it fast.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Alloy Chikezie4/24/2014

      This sounds like a script in a nollywood movie, really some nollywood movie producers need to come to this blog to get script...lol

      My advice is this, first give respect to your boyfriend first by telling him, I believe he should be matured to handle this, and its good he already knows about your past, and the baby, so that will help him not to get upset, then your boyfriend will accompany you to someone more mature or elderly or a religious leader, and you all including the elderly person or other family members and a religious leader will all go together to tell your babies dad (all this other people, including your boyfriend are meant to provide emotional support, and to the make the meeting far from graduating to a personal level where you might not be able to contain your emotions again), also it might be wise to let your family members know, especially your mum that your son lived with before, whom I am positive have an emotional attachment to your son, and look for a very convenient time to go, your son should be the last person to know, when going to tell your son, go with his dad and your boyfriend

      Respect your baby's daddy marriage, and stop hanging out with him because he is a married man, stop saying he is not happy at the marital front or at home, and that you just met your boyfriend just three months ago, in saying that, are you trying to break what God has joined together? Even if you still love him or have feelings for him, you have to respect his marriage, and stay with your boyfriend, please you have to start working on yourself and allowing that love to depreciate, the two of you have moved on a long time ago, so let it continue like that

      Also I don't know how you will go about this, but I will advice you don't allow your son go and live with another woman I mean, a step-mother, it might not be healthy, except if you know this woman very well and he will treat your son like her own son

      Remember its your son's right to know his dad, and your son's dad right to know his son, you are not the first person that will be having a baby for a man and being married to another man, its all about understanding between all parties involved, also you have to pray a lot before doing anything


      Your comment will be visible after approval

      Delete
    2. @Alloy u are so right, I will go with u on this.

      Delete
    3. Anonymous4/28/2014

      Alloy, this advise is so grounded!! U talked like a pro therapist. Poster, don't think anything can be added to this.

      Delete
    4. Best advice Alloy. This totally sounded like a novel.

      Delete
  2. I personally think your son and the dad deserve to know each other, but I will advice you not to expect too much from him.
    I think you should tell the dad first about his son, please don't tell your son for now till you have sorted out everything with the dad so you don't smash his hope to the ground incase things don't go as planned.
    About you wonderful boyfriend, I would advice you also need to inform him and he is supposed to support you but that depends on how he takes it.
    About you ex boyfriend's family, he will need to deal with that himself when you give him this information. Finally about you guys friendship, please put a brake to it, before feelings start getting in the way, just know he is your baby daddy and be cordial with him and anything aside your son, please for the sake of emotions don't discuss, don't become his confidante, neither should you be his counsellor, he is married now and please I beg you to stay off, if I should go further, don't even try enjoy his company…

    When you tell him, the way he react would help you make up your mind on showing him the boy and if his reaction is positive, then after he has sorted everything with his family, you can inform your son about his dad…All the best!

    Please visit www.bride2mum.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah also Pray about it!

      Delete
    2. Johnson4/24/2014

      Thanks bride2mum - I like your comments…
      @Poster, I will say congratulations! This whole thing seems divinely arranged …
      My advice:
      1. Tell your new boy friend/family
      2. Strategize on how to tell your boy's father. Possibly not alone...
      3. Tell your boy's father
      4. Arrange for son & dad to meet... Make it a memorable experience.
      5. Agree how the relationship will be going forward...
      In all this keep the relationship with your boy's father at arm’s length. You really have no business interfering in his family/personal matters.
      This is also a test for your new boyfriend… See how he’s able to handle this and give him the necessary assurance.
      God will see you through...

      Delete
    3. Anonymous4/24/2014

      1000 likes. Great advice

      Delete
    4. You must have a very wise head on your shoulders, bride2mum, :), perfect advice.

      Delete
    5. Thank you diary of dido and everyone, I appreciate!.
      please visit my blog www.bride2mum.com…thanks

      Delete
    6. APTLY PUT BRIDE2MUM, YOU HAVE SAID IT ALL. I BELIEVE GOD HAS PLANNED EVERYTHING TO THIS POINT.

      Delete
  3. Seconded and thirded

    ReplyDelete
  4. Dear poster,

    Call your mum and tell her ...

    ReplyDelete
  5. I feel Sooo sorry for u. I'll suggest you make the revelation. If u and the present bf is so much in love, I suggest u tell him first, then ur parents, the boy's father and ur progress will determine whether to tell ur son or not. But I think he deserves to know his father. It might be difficult to do but you can! !! With God on ur side, just ask Him for direction and help. Kpele!!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Wow ! I'm speechless. Storied like dis assure me more and more that almost everything that happens in life is part of a divine plan.
    That man needs to know about his child. First of all, you must acknowledge that he is married and can never be available for u. Allow him and ur son to build a good relationship and try to be invisible as u can be in their relationship.
    Wishing you all the best

    ReplyDelete
  7. Poster I'm happy you found your baby daddy. Please inform your parents and your partner. As your partner has gotten close to your son, please carry him along and keep him informed of any plans and meetings.
    Stop hanging out or getting close to your baby daddy. He has informed you that he is married so keep the relationship as 'my sons father' relationship. Giving you all that info so soon on his son having down syndrome and the miscarriages is trying to buy you to feel 'sorry' for him and slowly start developing feelings.
    After informing him of his son,give him a couple of weeks for that info to sink in. Then Discuss with him if he wants to be involved in his sons life and let him know that he cannot get involved now and backout later so he really needs to think about it properly. When he has assured you of his committment to his son then inform your boy you have found his dad and his dad will liketo meet him.
    I'll advise you don't expect too much from this man as he has not known he had a son for 11yrs. The start might be a bit mixed as if he can't be bothered but please give him time to adjust to this new 'part' of this life.
    Much later please ensure he informs his family (parents and elders) of your son for future purposes. Its up to him to inform his wife but if I were him, I will inform her so he won't have to lie or hide to go see his son or can't take his son home to spend some time.
    Congrats and goodluck.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I cried reading your story. I do not agree that it was part of a divine plan rather that in all things, God can work out good. I concur with the earlier comments. Tell all the parties involved, only do it with grace and wisdom. Let the Lord guide you. Secrets only remain secret for a while. If you do not talk now, the pain it would cause later when it bursts out without preparation will be more than the pain presently envisaged. I must doff my hat for your inner strength to have pulled through and made something of your life. I wish you all the best.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous4/24/2014

    Call your mother naa! She will know how to go about it.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Dear poster, I really like you already. You remind me of me. I had my baby last year for someone I never knew was married, now his family is back to Naija to stay with him.im very confused because im just discovering he has a family! People have called me a whore so many times, that I was sleeping with a married man this and that. Even if I say I didn't know he was married they say its a lie.my own mother is not talking to me, the mans wife sends me text abusing me...God dey! Just tell the guy jare, simple.what will be will be, in your case he will be very happy.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Adaugo4/24/2014

    Abeg! Poster or whatever, so because he is a bank manager you want him to meet the boy? What if he was selling gala in traffic? You are an opportunistic person. How do you expect his wife to feel? These women giving you advice here are lying to you, it is because its not thier husbands, if some lady comes from the moon to claim she has an 11 year old pikin for my husband I no gree o! We will carry out DNA TEST! These bitches are desperate, especially lagos girls, before I got married I know what I did, so this girl should stop looking for pity. We were all 16 years old at a time why didn't we get pregnant? When you were fucking you didnt know? Now you want to jeopardize his marriage you afe saying you enjoy his company. Ashewo! I know you slept with him not "hung out". You better keep your silence forever!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous4/24/2014

      Shut up your tunnel

      Delete
    2. Ok, what if DNA proves he is the father?????
      Anon bad adviser keep mute. Must you comment? Abegi no confuse the poster.

      Delete
    3. Anonymous4/24/2014

      What do you mean selling gala at traffic? Aren't they humans?

      Delete
    4. Anonymous4/24/2014

      E be like say, sister and her counter parts don come dis blog again. This is the type of evil comments they make to discourage new people. Poster i am so happy for u. Pls do not withhold any information,let all the concerned parties know.

      Delete
    5. Anonymous4/24/2014

      And ℓ̊ quote " before i got married, i know what ℓ̊ did" you are the whore here. WHORE!

      Delete
  12. Anonymous4/24/2014

    Your story brought tears to my eyes... You've waited for this opportunity for 11yrs pls do not dash it. Ur son deserve's too know his father...plsssssssss dnt deny him!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Anonymous4/24/2014

    One more thing and d most important: dont give ur son to him, let him meet his son, know him and take care of him. Dont give ur son to him ooooooo.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Anonymous4/24/2014

    One more thing and d most important: dont give ur son to him, let him meet his son, know him and take care of him. Dont give ur son to him ooooooo.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anonymous4/24/2014

    Adaugo you are a bastard and disgrace to the entire world not only womanhood. idiots. pls poster let every party know the truth otherwise you will regret it. it happens to me too. plsssssssssssss

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous4/24/2014

    everyone answered well

    ladies order your fancy underwear organizer here

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous4/24/2014

    dobis u cried huh? stop lying jor

    kk u b whore sha

    ReplyDelete
  18. Adaugo4/24/2014

    Well, I know her type. She is just like my sister in law. 3 children no husband. Started fucking from age 12. Mtcheww. Abegi, its your mistake . only your fellow hoes will support your desperate ass.leave the man and leave his marriage, im warning you before you enter trouble, dont tell him anything, yu were not raped let your past remain past!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Blog queen4/24/2014

      Tabular Rasa Adaugo

      Delete
    2. Anonymous4/24/2014

      Olodo, "hoes" mtshwww. She's not ur type or ur sister inlaw's type. If she where, she wld have had other kids by now. Fool!

      Delete
    3. Anonymous4/24/2014

      haba,this blog is meant for matured minds and stop hurling abusive words

      Delete
  19. Anonymous4/24/2014

    They have said it all.. Tell ur dude first, with him by ur side, tell ur son's father, from †ђ3 result, tell ur son.... It is well..

    ReplyDelete
  20. Anonymous4/24/2014

    foolish adaugo

    ReplyDelete
  21. Monique4/24/2014

    Adaugo the empty vessel

    ReplyDelete
  22. Anonymous4/24/2014

    The nincompoop adaugo, BRING IT ON.We'll scatter you like stem cells.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Anonymous4/24/2014

    It is no coincidence that you met your sons father.
    This tells you that he deserves to know.
    I thank God for the woman you ve become, I am sooo proud of u as if I know you personally.
    Pls tell d man and hopefully it will go well so that your son will know he has a father.
    The poor boy may be getting teased in schl who knows, so the earlier the better.
    Also know that u are not breaking anyone's marriage after all he wasnt married then, uts wat u guys do now that matters, so pls dont get intimate.
    I wish you the best and I know in my heart that it will turn out great.
    pls come back and update us.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Anonymous4/24/2014

    yes poster you are a strong woman. let your son knows and meet his father plssss.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Adaugo NOT SISTER!4/24/2014

    Many hoes here. Hoes support themselves. This girl don knack apkako with this guy live! Na today? Bank manager for that matter. I will tell you for a fact that she is scared of loosing him if she tells him about the boy! I know this type of girl joor.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous4/25/2014

      U can rest now. We ve noticed you.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous4/25/2014

      Sister or ezenwanyi or adaugo or Una mama pls don't come back here. We still don't miss ya.

      Delete
  26. Godchic4/24/2014

    Wouldn't it be crazy if the man's wife is actually here advicing the poster to go ahead and tell him,maaAan,that wud be so shocking.anyways,telling him is the right thing to do.plus I don't think u need an entourage to do that since u already have a good rapport.but poster,I'm not questioning ur judgement as a mum o,far be it from me,but are u engaged to ur new bf? Cus u said he goes to visit ur son in school,I just feel for a 3months old relationship,its too soon to expose ur son to him,just in case it doesn't work,so he doesn't feel let down.u said what if feelings arises?I'm guessing ure not 100percent sure about ur new bf,its so not fair exposing ur son that way.All the best though! And pls,ur father's son is not fair game,don't even let God down by having an affair wiv him,he's been merciful to u.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Anonymous4/25/2014

    Abeg pity his poor wife even though we know you can take him if you want.

    Doyin, Doyin, Doyiiiiiiiin, am begging you pls don't take my durling.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous4/25/2014

      Singing along

      Delete
  28. The poster4/25/2014

    Thank you for your wonderful comments.God bless everyone who took out time to comment on this post. I told him yesterday. We haven't spoken about how the visitation and things like that will be because he hasnt finished digesting the information properly, though he wants them to meet as soon as possible I sent him pictures and am waiting for him to tell his wife.i don't want anything to be hidden. I also told my boyfriend and mum. I dont have any plans of having an
    affair with him please. I pray for wisdom. God that allowed this to happen won't let me spoil any union, thanks for the encouragement.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mrs T.O4/25/2014

      you did the right thing,it is well

      Delete
    2. Mrs anon4/29/2014

      Ur story brought tears to my eyes... What was your boyfriends reaction? This is important cos tho ur relationship is young its not easy to find a man that will accept another mans child from a woman he loves, he deserves your respect for this. Go along with what he and your mum advise. Let your son be the last to know. Be sure of how committed the dad is interested in being first and what his plan is before you allow them meet. U must protect your child and not expose him to any further trauma. As for baby daddy pls keep away from all emotional talks with him of old times and bring ur bf into the picture so he knows u are off limits cos he may want to use u as his cushion from his own marital issues and u will be a two time loser if you try falling for him I can assure u. Ur relationship Shd be strictly as parents of your son and nothing more. Respect your boyfriend who has been there for you. Pray for guidance . Wish u luck.

      Delete
  29. Anonymous4/25/2014

    Hmm! Sounds like a movie script.






    @iMannie_

    ReplyDelete
  30. Anonymous4/25/2014

    u did well. Dont mind d so called Adaugo. God is ur strength.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Anonymous4/25/2014

    Poster u did well,buh pls dnt expect 2 much cos expectations hurts.may God grant u d wisdom u need.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Anonymous4/26/2014

    Adaugo, please be a bit polite with your comment even if you don't agree with others. Show some respect!!! This blog is an enlighten and educative blog. Don't spoil it for others, we have decent people in the house with great comments and not rash girl like you. Thanks

    ReplyDelete
  33. Anonymous4/26/2014

    adaugo y do I sense u have a bank manager husband, a down syndrome boy and two miscarriages afterwards, hiaan gbaam poster see your baby father's wife right here under your nose. bitter adaugo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous4/27/2014

      So you know adaugo?

      Delete
    2. Anonymous4/29/2014

      God bless you poster

      Delete
  34. Anonymous4/29/2014

    God bless you poster for telling him

    ReplyDelete
  35. Anonymous5/03/2014

    People please stop biting Adaugo. She may be crude but she does have a point. The down syndrome and miscarriages can happen to anyone. You all have to pity the wife right now and d poster was almost sounding like she could waltz in with her 11 year old son marry the man and live happily ever after.

    Poster there is nothing more to tell you now. You have done the needful. May the will of God be done.

    One more thing. If not that I trust Eya. I would have doubted the authencity of this story. It follows then that fact is stranger than fiction.

    *Scarlet*

    ReplyDelete
  36. Anonymous5/05/2014

    Ada ee.I will advice you inform your boyfriend and your parent about it. If you dare drive to your son school as stated in your mail to tell him, he will not concentrate on his study. Wait until you tell the father and you both go to his school during one of the visiting day. Am happy for you. Best of luck in your endeavour.

    ReplyDelete

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