Uncertain, Am I In A Relationship With Myself?

I would like your personal advice and also advise from fellow wives connection readers. My story goes thus, I have been dating this guy who lives in the US and I currently live in Canada. We used to live in Nigeria before but he went to the US for further studies and I came to Canada. It's been 9months since we last saw. We speak all the time; communicating via test messages, whatsapp, viber and skype alongside calls. My concern is this last year oct was my birthday, and all I got was calls. He just kept calling every hour to check that I was ok and having fun and all that. I just felt I deserved a card atleast. If he posted a card it would have been more thoughtful. I let it slide and didn't want to start a quarrel over gifts. Fast forward to valentine's day, I didn't even get a call or a text message but I decided to ignore him and send one only then did I get a response to my valentine
message. After valentine's day, he just acted like nothing happened. I gave him space and finally I decided to table out my concerns. He explained my concerns but didn't speak about the valentine and bday issue. Now I begin to ask myself if I am in a relationship with myself. Also, every time I ask when he is coming to see me, he always ask me why I myself can't come. Please I need you and the house's opinion. Thanks and God bless.

Comments

  1. Anonymous3/17/2014

    Madam yes you are in a relationship with yourself. U.S to Canada is not far na and he can definitely send presents if he wants to so he really has no excuse and the last time I checked people can still drive to Canada unless the guy no get papers o...............But I seriously suggest you forget about this guy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous3/17/2014

      Its not as close as u think.
      even within Canada some places are more than a days drive. From toronto to ottawa is a minimum of 6 hrs drive thats if the rd is smooth o and its in d same province of ontario.
      they also need visas either way even though both countries are beside each other.
      poster don't be quick to judge if u can try to visit since I are both students and all fingers r not equal.
      its gd to do u r best even if u dnt end up together to avoid regrets
      I was in a long distance r/ship b4 marriage nd am happy with 2 kids. It works for some esp these days with skype nd facetime where u get to see ur man everyday. .

      Delete
    2. Anonymous3/17/2014

      MBA nu,it depends on where he lives in the US and note that everywhere is far in the US oh,u can spend 4 hrs driving in the same state so don't be quick to judge

      Delete
    3. Alloy Chikezie3/18/2014

      Well one thing I don't encourage people to do is to go into distance relationship, I have been in it thrice and only one succeeded, even with the one, there were still lots hitches, it took the girl a long time for her to understand and adapt and also understand me, and we needed a high level of trust to see the relationship through, and its not everybody that can withstand that, and from experience, their is a high tendency for the both parties to cheat, so if there should be distance in a relationship, that relationship should have or must have solid foundation built on love and trust before that distance present itself, even that can be dangerous also.

      That said, I don't know how long you guys dated before the distance presented itself and how strong the love was back then, but one thing I can say is, if a guy loves you so much, if he is not very busy, like if he doesn't have tight schedule, and he misses you so much, and also if he is considerate enough, he will have the urge to come visit you, but even if he doesn't come and u have time, and the means to go see him, then I will advice you go see him, because from experience I know when your love for someone is not solid enough, after a long time seperated from each other, especially when communications is at a low, the little feeling of love you have for that person becomes even more depreciated or totally absent, so most times when a visit is initiated, if you are sensitive enough, you can compare his reactions to you, with the way he has been treating you before you guys were seperated, or the way you guys behave back then, like does he show any sign of being so happy to see you, haven not seen you for so long, and has not touched you for that long, does he still have that urge to do that, because its natural that when you truly love somebody, there is this urge to want to touch that person, not to even talk of if you have not seen that person for long, the urge becomes even higher (I am not talking about sex because you guys are not married, that's reserved for couples) I mean the kissing, the hugging, holding you so close, and not wanting to leave you or maybe wanting you to leave, since he has not seen you that long, etc, but generally just be very sensitive to his behaviours with you probably when the visit is initiated, infact its very important that the visit is initiated, if Mohammed does not go to the mountain, the mountain will go to Mohammed, just to ascertain if there is still hope for the relationship, and if all that is not in place, I will advice you quit

      But also before you quit, let him know how u feel, that you feel he doesn't love you again, and tell him about some of those things that are missing compared to before the distance came and also how u feel, about he beginning to neglect u with the distance in place, and give him some time to see if he will change, if things doesn't improve then say a polite goodbye to the relationship, infact your giving him time will be based on his response to what you told him about ur feelings

      So in general, I will say with enough evidence and inner conviction that the love is has gone with the distance also, and that he doesn't seem interested in he relationship again, it will be wise and healthy that you let go
      May God help you to make the right decisions
      God bless you


      Your comment will be visible after approval

      Delete
    4. Anonymous3/18/2014

      Reading ur comment left me exhausted. *yawns

      Delete
    5. Alloy Chikezie3/18/2014

      Eyah! Sorry Mr/Miss/Mrs anonymous 9:28am, my comments are very lengthy most times, but its meant for the poster that needed advice, so I hope the poster doesn't get exhausted also, and is able to learn one or two things from it


      Your comment will be visible after approval

      Delete
  2. Anonymous3/17/2014

    i dont think he is really into you from what you have said. a guy in love is so obvious, his attitude is open for all to see, maybe the distance is the cause or communication. it is also a two way traffic...what did you get him for his birthday and for vals?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Why can't u visit him and ve a talk. It might not be wat u re thinking, studying abroad is different from Africa,
    Do ve ur papers, if yes, y don't u visit him. He might also be feeling that u don't luv him .
    ..

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous3/17/2014

    Nine months is a long time darling. He has probably started seeing somebody else. Its a long distance relationship guys r not like we women, Dey love being close to their women at all times unless they will stray. Him stoping communications is a way of backing out. Trust me i ave been here before

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous3/17/2014

    Unless you are both there illegally why no visits for nine months coz even with student visa one can manage to visit the other. Please move on he has found someone else probably someone who will help him get permanent papers that is what I think and he doesn't want to mess it up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous3/17/2014

      Either one of them cannot visit without at least a tourist or visitors visa for either country.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous3/17/2014

      My cousin has a Canadian student visa and she is a regular visitor to the US. It's not that hard to get a visa for either country from either side if you have a Student, Work, Spouse or Permanent resident status.

      Delete
  6. Anonymous3/17/2014

    U cant expect a man to think like a woman, we all ve different love languages.
    For me calling every hr is even more thot ful than posting card.
    that he called every single hr means he was thinking bout u al day nd kept on looking at he's watch to make u feel special;I find that romantic.
    remember u are both students.
    A solid r/ship entails sacrifice frm both sides.
    When I was dating my hubby I wld cook and freeze it, travel by air to see him even if its just for d wkend b4 goin bck to base, some of my friends used to laff at me but I knew what i was doing. Gd men appreciate sacrifices.
    I was fortunate to have lived a while in us and I had my 2nd child in canada so I know where u are coming frm.
    Canada can be pretty lonely nd its cold for mre than 1/2 d yr but pls give this man a chance u can even plan it this way : both of u can pull resources together nd 1 person wld apply for visa nd travel down.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous3/17/2014

    I don't think he likes you that much and in that way but he's being a chicken by not breaking up with you! he should have at least sent you flowers or edible arrangement! my friends even from europe sent me chocolates and I live in canada so what is your "boo" talking about ? You cannot put your life on hold for 9 month! you be the grown up and move on with your life!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Well one thing I don't encourage people to do is to go into distance relationship, I have been in it thrice and only one succeeded, even with the one, there were still lots hitches, it took the girl a long time for her to understand and adapt and also understand me, and we needed a high level of trust to see the relationship through, and its not everybody that can withstand that, and from experience, their is a high tendency for the both parties to cheat, so if there should be distance in a relationship, that relationship should have or must have solid foundation built on love and trust before that distance present itself, even that can be dangerous also.

    That said, I don't know how long you guys dated before the distance presented itself and how strong the love was back then, but one thing I can say is, if a guy loves you so much, if he is not very busy, like if he doesn't have tight schedule, and he misses you so much, and also if he is considerate enough, he will have the urge to come visit you, but even if he doesn't come and u have time, and the means to go see him, then I will advice you go see him, because from experience I know when your love for someone is not solid enough, after a long time seperated from each other, especially when communications is at a low, the little feeling of love you have for that person becomes even more depreciated or totally absent, so most times when a visit is initiated, if you are sensitive enough, you can compare his reactions to you, with the way he has been treating you before you guys were seperated, or the way you guys behave back then, like does he show any sign of being so happy to see you, haven not seen you for so long, and has not touched you for that long, does he still have that urge to do that, because its natural that when you truly love somebody, there is this urge to want to touch that person, not to even talk of if you have not seen that person for long, the urge becomes even higher (I am not talking about sex because you guys are not married, that's reserved for couples) I mean the kissing, the hugging, holding you so close, and not wanting to leave you or maybe wanting you to leave, since he has not seen you that long, etc, but generally just be very sensitive to his behaviours with you probably when the visit is initiated, infact its very important that the visit is initiated, if Mohammed does not go to the mountain, the mountain will go to Mohammed, just to ascertain if there is still hope for the relationship, and if all that is not in place, I will advice you quit

    But also before you quit, let him know how u feel, that you feel he doesn't love you again, and tell him about some of those things that are missing compared to before the distance came and also how u feel, about he beginning to neglect u with the distance in place, and give him some time to see if he will change, if things doesn't improve then say a polite goodbye to the relationship, infact your giving him time will be based on his response to what you told him about ur feelings

    So in general, I will say with enough evidence and inner conviction that the love is has gone with the distance also, and that he doesn't seem interested in he relationship again, it will be wise and healthy that you let go
    May God help you to make the right decisions
    God bless you


    Your comment will be visible after approval

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous3/18/2014

    You better go and visit your man and don't stay where you are making assumptions.. Men love to feel loved as well.. What's d worst dat can happen, u get there and find out he doesn't want to be with you anymore, its better than making assumptions or on a good note, u might get there and realise that all your man needed was just a little tender loving care.. My advice, make the move, u never know.. All the best

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Feel free to email me with comments, suggestions, recipe ideas, or pretty much anything! I love hearing from you and I am always excited to receive a comment or email from a blog reader.
Contact Email: cuulme@gmail.com

Most comments are by blog readers. Always seek Professional Help First.
“As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.” When readers purchase items through links on this blog.
- Eya Ayambem

SHARE AND PIN THIS POST

BLOG VIEWS