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My Wife And Her Mother Are Killing Me Slowly, I Need Advice

I'm a 26yrs old guy married to a 22yrs old lady. We've been married for a year now and we have a 5 months old daughter. I live with my wife's family cos am not financially stable. Ever since I moved in its been hell for me,i moved in with her because I wanted to be with my wife and new born baby to bond with them through this
period but I've been abused and brought down to absolutely nothing in front of my wife and people living in the house. Her mum insults me, call me useless,tell me to clear my plate after eating and tell my wife (her daughter) that cooking for me is wrong.

There was a time she even slapped me and use hammer to hit me and say I should leave her house. I love my wife so much I still went to begg her that am sorry for doing nothing to her.

Am really hurt. My wife too has a very bad temper,she hit,punch,slaps me and throw objects at me when she's upset. I've never touched her for once but I'm scared that one day I might hit her back beyond repair.

Please I need help,
Do I leave the house and abandon me wife and 5 month old daughter and go to live with my sister or
Say with them and suffer the abuse for love pending till I get a better job for use to move out?
My wife now works and the mom is just brain washing her on not cooking, tidying up the house, and other things women do as the mother of the home. Am loosing the woman I love slowly. Am really hurt there's a lot to my story but I just picked out the hurtful parts to seek solutions.
Thanks.

Comments

  1. You are too young to have rushed into marriage, you would have been sure of a job before you got married….This is just so sad, am sad that a man is being reduced to this…inshort no one should ever be treated like that…I will personally advice you go stay with your sister as moving in with your wife's family was a wrong move, stay with your sister, visit your wife and daughter as much as possible and buy presents when going but don't stay with them… when you get a job, then take your family with you..
    www.bride2mum.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous3/12/2014

      I completely disagree with the too young statement what he would have gotten first was a steady job and income.

      Delete
    2. @ anon 6.59 that is what I meant, There was no need to rush in without stable income

      Delete
    3. Anonymous3/13/2014

      I don't believe this is a true life story. I have a strong feeling it is made up by one of Eya's haters.

      Delete
    4. Exactly..The story sounds soo unreal! What business does a man have getting married when he's not financially stable?..and in this jet age and Time?.

      Eya we love u bt plss verify d genuineness of people's stories before posting so we can channel our advice to more real situations.

      Delete
  2. This one pass me. Let me learn from the elders

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous3/16/2014

      Awon learners ;)
























      @iMannie_

      Delete
  3. Anonymous3/12/2014

    Man abuse of the highest order. This is a case of domestic violence o.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous3/12/2014

    Bros. Y u marry when u never ready nah? Shuo! No real man moves in into his mother in law house. Tufiakwa! Anyway sha. Pl leave d terror house sharply and try get better job.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous3/14/2014

      I don't think they married the proper way. Maybe it was the yoruba style they did. Belle things. I guess that is the reason her mum does not like the guy. Oga pls move out of that place before they kill your manly ego

      Delete
  5. Anonymous3/12/2014

    Mehn!!! Pastor Adegboye once preached that if you are a man and you don't have a means of livelihood, you have no business talking to a woman. My guy seeing as you are living with your inlaws and they are feeding and clothing you bc even though your wife works,her mom is paying her salary in other words she is feeding you, omo you will have to be patient o.............I'm not saying what they are doing is right. Do you not have family you and your wife can stay with? Omo the best thing for you to do now is to move out because they do not see you as a man as far as they are concerned you are just another dependant in the same category as your 5 month baby

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous3/13/2014

      So instead of taking a wife , he rather goes around fornicate abi all in the name of "a man of God said so". Haba he is not God ooo. There are times where by marriage can be a blessing. Well getting a job before the marriage is not the problem. What if he had a job before marriage and he lost it a week after the week and everything went bad for.

      Delete
  6. Anonymous3/12/2014

    Young man, please pack your load and leave.
    Even if it takes you another 5years to put yourself together please have it.
    All you need don now is always strive to add to your child's upbringing and take care of your wive.
    Go get a job, get a house n ask your wive to move in.

    Please, else u will turn into a vegetable in that house.
    Plus u might get your wife pregnant again.

    Just ensure u use protection when meeting her so any baby coming would be planned for cos it seems this lively child of yours made you marry so quickly even if you r not financially stable.

    Bebe

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous3/12/2014

    Lovely child*

    ReplyDelete
  8. Why on earth would you go and leave with your inlaws? Or u haven't heard that familiarity breeds contempt....... Pls young man, it is still early for you to wake up and gain your pride back. Leave the house for your sisters place you may not be celebrated but you won't be insulted either. Get a good job and earn your respect ASAP. Chai! But bros u fall hand oooooh!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Lady Eva3/12/2014

    Like odas said, move out of that house asap and get a job or a business or whateva. If possible ask for help from your relations (not ur in laws o) i am guessing the girl got preggy and u had to marry before u were ready. It doesnt make u a bad person. But u must man up and take responsibility before they emasculate u. And this issue of slapping u, hitting u, throwing stuff.....as in...unto wat levels na? U need to sit her down and have a heart to heart talk with her. Domestic violence is a no no. Somebody might get hurt. Above all, pray for u home as the man of the house. It does wonders, beleive me.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Lady Eva3/12/2014

    *Pray for ur home*

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous3/12/2014

    pls leave, i beg u

    ReplyDelete
  12. What??????? Where are your parents?what are u doing leaving in your wife's family house? It is so wrong!!!. U need to pack out now and try to get something doing.. Pack out but make sure u check up on your wife and kid. If they ever ask u y u want to pack out, tell them u want to go hustle as a man and leaving in. House where someone else pays d rent and feeds you won't ginger you to go out there to find a way to take care of your family.. Shikena!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Anonymous3/12/2014

    Thank you all for your response.
    But the family don't do anything for me,i feed my wife and baby,i don't touch any of her stuff,i buy everything i,myself and my baby uses. The only thing she does is just sit in the house 24/7 and complain how poorly we handle things,and why can't we buy designer cloth for our baby,why can't we buy big tin of baby food than buying little ones etc...
    The husband is feed up of her,he lives in PH and never visit her,if he does it could be once or twice a year.

    I and my wife live in a flat in the same building as my in law, but she would never let us be,shes always coming to disturb and bring me down most times.

    Am working with a Lil company but earn just 50k, which really is not enough to be able to rent a place.

    I love my wife and baby and anytime I want to leave I fear I might loose them. It hurts me so much. The only reason am there is bcos of my wife and baby,they will b alone and I don't want a separated home at this stage. I know I've made a mistake by coming to live with them in there house but I feel so down to leave my Lil family

    Am just so confused

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. All same na.......if I can read well, there was a tine she slapped you, hit you with hammer and told you to leave her house?..... That's too mych disrespect now. Tell me,what was your wife doing when her mother did all thay to you? Oga, u need to move out of that compound before your wife's mum influence her. completely o.. She is just 22yrs,if care is not taken this whole thing can get out of control.I don't know how u will do it o, but u just have to move out of that house.

      Delete
    2. Johnson3/13/2014

      Within the limits of the information you gave, I can deduce:
      1. You probably got married cos of pregnancy.
      2. You are not ready for marriage – not financially matured.
      Couples should strive as much as possible to stay alone with the first few years of their marriage. What you think you know before marriage is child’s play – that is why proper marriage counseling helps to prepare you for what lies ahead.
      For you, poster, you have already crossed the bridge and I would advice that:
      1. Move out as quick as possible.
      2. Get a job/business to do.
      3. Arrange to get a decent place for your family. Your wifey should be part of the decision and furnishing arrangement.
      4. Move your family in with you.
      Get some good books on marriage and take out time to attend seminars that will help you. Most important, ask God to help you succeed in this journey – it’s a very enjoyable and rewarding experience…

      Delete
  14. Anonymous3/12/2014

    Thank you all for your response.
    But the family don't do anything for me,i feed my wife and baby,i don't touch any of her stuff,i buy everything i,myself and my baby uses. The only thing she does is just sit in the house 24/7 and complain how poorly we handle things,and why can't we buy designer cloth for our baby,why can't we buy big tin of baby food than buying little ones etc...
    The husband is feed up of her,he lives in PH and never visit her,if he does it could be once or twice a year.

    I and my wife live in a flat in the same building as my in law, but she would never let us be,shes always coming to disturb and bring me down most times.

    Am working with a Lil company but earn just 50k, which really is not enough to be able to rent a place.

    I love my wife and baby and anytime I want to leave I fear I might loose them. It hurts me so much. The only reason am there is bcos of my wife and baby,they will b alone and I don't want a separated home at this stage. I know I've made a mistake by coming to live with them in there house but I feel so down to leave my Lil family

    Am just so confused

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anonymous3/12/2014

    Oga, abeg get a job. I believe u r a graduate. Pls get somethg to do abeg, at least so u become less "common" @ home. Even if na driver abeg. God will make a way for u.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous3/12/2014

    Funny how when it's a man, everyone encourages him to leave the home. If it was a woman, some of you would sit here and tell her to continue suffering in silence. In fact i'm waiting for Aunty Eya to tell him to "check himself". After all, why is he, who has no job and is sitting at home doing absolutely nothing not even be able to clear his own plate? His wife is working but he expects her to come and wait on him hand and foot like a prince abi? Funny how the 22 year old girl that he impregnated before marrying (just count the months people) managed to find a job and work while pregnant but he can't. Instead he's busy dreaming about what a "mother of the home" should be doing. haba

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous3/13/2014

      Niccur! Dude got a job, he is not just bouyant enough for now, or can't u read?..

      Delete
    2. I'm sorry to say but you either are a fool, slow or you can't read in between the lines.
      This man LIVES iin his WIFE'S FAMILY HOUSE, not HIS own family house- a woman's place(a married woman's) is in her husband's house(be it his family house or his but, preferably his) and not her husband's place in HER family house and THAT is the reason EVERYONE is advicing that he leave, madam.
      He is being terribly abused by his mother-in-law, if this were a case of both partners, alone, to themselves, mistreating each other, we'd advice that they try to be patient with one another and tolerate one another, etc- but consider the great odds against this young man, how on earth will he even summoun the self confidence required to go out and face potential employers, telling them he can man their business when he is being trampled upon daily by his MIL and his naïve wife?
      Please consider the demoralized man, please.

      Delete
    3. Anonymous3/14/2014

      I agree. He should stay there and pray. Be patient. Pray for your home. The devil wants broken homes. He should check himself and tame his razor blade mouth. Even if it is mum in law's house as both of them live there together, it is his matrimonial home of some sort. A home is a home irrespective of the building or who owns it. He should not abandon his family. he should pray, pray, pray for his wife to change. Nothing prayers cannot do. He should find out if there is something he is doing to cause it and try to change. No woman just beats a man like that, there must be something he is contributing to it. Atleast many men started their marital life living with family, sometimes even the wifes family and they had peace. There msut be something he is doing to cause these beatings. Sir, pray, pray, don't let the devil break your home. Things will get better, just wait it out. Many men have gone through this before and when they made changes in themselves and prayed, the beating stopped. It is not in this blog's interest to break a home. Please Sir, manage and pray. Even when you move to your own house, if you don't pray and check yourself the beatings will not stop. It is well

      Delete
    4. Lol @ Anon 12:18.
      I had to laugh when I read your second comment (if you were the initial commenter o).
      Ok. I take my comment back as I get your point but, you have to agree with me that the circumstances here aren't the same thing now, haba.
      Anyway, he should move out.
      DV is unacceptable but believe me when I say a lot of women face it, have faced it and are facing it and I believe that, contrary to the legend that is "if he does it once, he'll never stop"- which is true, by the way- the only way the said offender can/will stop is if and when the person he violates stops doing a certain thing that triggers that part of him- esp if the person still cares about sustaining the marriage and that is simply the truth.
      No one is forcing anyone to stay in their marriage, if your husband kpokpos you too much because he can't stand your sharp tongue or challenging attitude and after considering yourself, you realise and have come to the final conclusion that you simply can't change that aspect of you for nobody- afterall, why do you have to change for anybody- then why come on blogs asking for advice that will eventually result in clashes in opinions?
      Simply leave the marriage now, shioor?
      I think the reason people ask these questions anyway is because, deep down, they really don't wanna leave or they just simply seek empathy or something.
      Whatever, I'm out.
      Your "pray, pray, pray" was very funny sha, lol.

      Delete
  17. Anonymous3/12/2014

    Call your wife, have a heart to heart talk with her about how her mum's interference is causing you emotional distress and that it might lead to more problems in your marriage. Give her the ultimatum that she either calls her mum to order( she will know how to handle her mum) or you will move out. If you eventually move out due to your mum-in-law's wahala, continue providing for your family as you have been doing,hopefully your wife will start appreciating you better and see you in a different light. Seriously though start looking for your own place, the Lord is your. Strength

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anonymous3/12/2014

    Correct!!! @ anon 10:53pm

    ReplyDelete
  19. Anonymous3/13/2014

    My dear u just have 2 be patient until ur fiance paid ur bride price . Am 26 and am still in my parents house so I know how u feel bcos all my elder ones are married . Just be patient and let tins flow by themselves.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Right comment under wrong post

      Delete
  20. Anonymous3/13/2014

    my dear brother i do not know if you married this girl out of love or you married her because you got her pregnant. My pastor once said "if you rush to get married you will beg to maintain that marriage". you have told us how mean your wife and your mother inlaw are to you. but i do believe their are two sides to every story. however my very first advice to you is to pray about this situation before you make a move. ask God to tell you what to do, to show you a way out of this situation. he is the only one that can help. i cant advise you to stay or move out. listen the God speak and follow your heart. also sit down and have a good discussion with your wife- she is the one you are married to and not her mother. Be strong.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Anonymous3/13/2014

    LEAVE, NOW!!!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Anonymous3/13/2014

    What are you still waiting for in dat house

    ReplyDelete
  23. So sad sha! So a man can love a lady so much to allow her hit him? Slap him?.. I really am dazed!

    I feel ur pain and confusion bro but I'd really love that u do the very right tin first. Leave the house, u need to gain back ur male Ego. Look for a better job or do some businesses, even some male students that r still fed by their parents earn more than that in a month.

    You love ur wife dearly, yea, u don't wanna leave cos u think u'll loose her love and that of ur kid, but need I let u knw that the more u stay in that house as u are, d more u frustrate her, the more she disrespects u and d more d luv she has for u vanishes.

    Have u even thought of ur child growing up to see u d supposed head of d family as the slave of d family?

    My dear, u just have to b strong! B a man! Leave the house! Let ur wifr understand that u want to work to get u all a more comfortable place and promise to always check up on her and ur child. Trust me u'll earn back ur respect.

    I feel so sad for u really but then, it is well *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  24. Anonymous3/13/2014

    I am also 22 I got married last yr, my husband equally earns 50k every month. but we rent a house of our own. I am not even working or earning. ( it was his decision to hav me be a full time house wife for now cos it took us long to get pregnant , may be due to stress)his parent and my parent are the ones that struggle to pay our 200,000k per annum house we live in. but my man is very hardworking and struggling to get a more paying job to take this burden off our parent. wat am advising is try no matter what to get a place of your own even if it's one bedroom flat. cos for your child to grow up and witness such family trash is not good pls. and also have a heart to heart with your wife.after all na her mama born her , make she no come get out of hand. that one na another Tory.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous3/13/2014

      hmmm.. aren't you guys living above your means ?) "his parent and my parent are the ones that STRUGGLE to pay our 200,000k per annum house we live in" and how long will you guys parents pay for your house. try and get back to work and hubby should look for other ventures so at least by 2015 you guys can do things ALONE while the grandparents can maybe invest in their grand child/children.

      Delete
  25. hmmm first of all, you are too young to have gotten married and you don't have a steady income to cater for your wife and kid. as a man you are meant to be the HEAD on YOUR HOME. You need to leave that house before your self esteem diminishes and go get a job that can allow you to move your family into YOUR own place. be it a 1 bedroom. IT IS YOURS and take pride in it..sigh.. this is sad.. pray also.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Anonymous3/13/2014

    u all talk about getting a job as if its easy.wo oga,try to save and get ur own house.even if na one room(ohun to yeni lo yeni,okun sokoto ko ye orun).and also look for a part tym job to supplement ur income e.g teaching(private lesson).good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Anonymous3/13/2014

    get your ass out of dat house asap bt kp in touch with your fam.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I empathise with you but I think that what you need to do now, just like bride2mum said, is to move to your sister's place.
    These people have totally disrespected you and if you stay any longer, you will be totally emasculated.
    Move out, find your feet, try hard to get a job because, my brother, I know its not easy but try, heal as well- find a bible believing church to attend and really seek to know God and build your faith as faith cometh by "hearing" the word of God.
    Try.
    No job is too little. Just start first. Visit your family at weekends and buy them things, however little, ause it is your biblical duty.
    I'm not saying you should buy your Mum-in-law things oh, I'm not even an advocate for the unnecessary eyeservice, tolerance and pretence people employ with in-laws, I say how I feel and act out my feelings( with wisdom of course) because I believe people should be allowed to just... Be, you know?

    God will see you through this period.
    I can't imagine what made you marry without having d a job first but I imagine that is another story on its own.
    God will see you through.
    Move out, kpom kwem.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Anonymous3/14/2014

    i advise you get a small house on the mainland and move your family out as others have advised here. i dont support going out and leaving your family due to temptation and all that, so if you can endure a bit, do contribution or get loan and get a place, ur wife works, she can also contribute to the moving process. pele

    ReplyDelete
  30. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Young man! You have no business being married because you are not yet ready to take responsibilities, there is no point being married when you are not yet ready to take responsibilities, how can you be married and still leaving with your parents, not even talk of living with your wifes parents? Stop being a woman rapper and go get a house for yourself, be a man and start to take responsibilities and you will earn the respect of your wife and inlaws


    Your comment will be visible after approval

    ReplyDelete
  32. Young man! You have no business being married because you are not yet ready to take responsibilities, there is no point being married when you are not yet ready to take responsibilities, how can you be married and still leaving with your parents, not even talk of living with your wife's parents? Stop being a woman rapper and go get a house for yourself, be a man and start to take responsibilities and you will earn the respect of your wife and in-laws


    Your comment will be visible after approval

    ReplyDelete
  33. Anonymous3/14/2014

    Your mother inlaw is a bad woman!!! I got married to my husband @ d age of 25 while he was 27, no job nada, buh my mum didn't mind. We left for service after our wedding.and had to manage our allowee plus our pay from our ppa's my mum supported us prayerfully and financialy. She is just a civil servant Oo°˚˚˚°! Like they say marriage cums wiv blessings. Today in our early 30's we r leaving well. And my mum still supports us Oo°˚˚˚°! Though we don't send her shi shi, cuz she won't accept.
    Biko move out of ur MILS house wen u get a job go get ur family. After all ur mil knew u didn't have a bicycle spook wen u married her daughter.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous3/14/2014

      Did I add that even as broke ass coppers my mum would serve my hubby wen we visited her? We had our first child as coppers an I had to move to my mums place so she would take k of d baby, my hubby would spend weekends wiv us, not one day did my mum be little him.
      Mchweeeeep!!!!
      I had a better job while serivng Gorvernors office while my hubby got a teaching job, bot one day did I rub it in my hubby's face that I was paid better than him.
      Ur wife too is not it.

      Delete
  34. Anonymous3/14/2014

    As much as i sympathise with you Mr husband you really had no business getting married.That institution isnt for the faint hearted.Its your job to take care of your family and even if you could afford just a shoebox you cld have put your young family there and live in love and respect.as to your wives character you should have seen the signs earlier and am not sure why you want to die in young age.only you they are hen pecking....wait you be man abi?.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Anonymous3/15/2014

    This is why I don't support boys marrying before the age of 30. Look at this one now. He can't stand up for himself. Na wah o. But before I go on o, oga abeg clear your own dishes after eating. You are squatting and you expect to be treated like a king. My brother its hard o. Even the bible says that a man who cannot provide for his family is worst than an infidel. The MIL too no dey try at all . You may have to leave and find your own self first. I am not saying abandon. Just leave. You can arrange some sort of visitation with your wife. Its okay. Things always work out in the end. Good luck.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous3/15/2014

      Actually marriage is more about maturity and less about age so am not sure setting above 30 cuts it...We still have 40yr olds acting recklessly,still living with their parents and having laundry done for them.

      Delete
  36. Anonymous3/15/2014

    leave d ous, get a job nd y d heck wd u move in2 ur inlaws ous,r u crazy ni?sorry oh bt mahn u shda used a condom nah

    ReplyDelete
  37. Anonymous3/16/2014

    http://youngafricanbride.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  38. oga dont u have any respect for your self?. it ia a bad idea to live with themn inlaws house in the first place. you will never be respected as long as you live there. i advice u to move out and seek for a better pay job and when things improves , come back and pick your family

    ReplyDelete

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