Mother Daughter Reationship Gone Sour

Dear Aunty Eya,

I am a 25 year old woman, I live with my parents and my mom and I don't talk, we have little disagreements here and there and before you know it, we give ourselves the silent treatment for months before one of us ( usually me) goes to pick up a random conversation with her, we haven't spoken since mid January this year, and sincerely I don't remember the cause of the malice because it's been soo long, I don't know what to do about this situation, going to meet her for a talk is something I am not used to because I was never brought up to discuss with my parents when I have issues that bother me which may sound strange bt dts d truth, I am the only child at home now and my siblings are in school, I ve no one to talk to about issues that bother me, I ve a lot going for me right now (relationship, career etc) I have nobody to talk to, I am really confused about this matter.

Comments

  1. Anonymous3/14/2014

    Ha! na wa oh..Pls go and make amends with her.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous3/14/2014

    You could appeal to your dad to serve as the middleman to find a lasting solution.Your situation is quite normal but because you lack that communication its going worse.I hope this helps.x.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous3/14/2014

      Abeg dis situation is strange o. Hw won't u b tlking to ur mum n u both live in d same house, I got married early last year n I still wish I and my mum lived in d same town.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous3/14/2014

      There are some situations u go through that sound totally strange to others as well

      Delete
  3. I feel your pain, but I must say you as a daughter, you are not trying, and your mother is not playing are role as â mother, how can a mum be keeping malice with her daughter? its appalling, the cause of issues like this is mostly pride, its pride, from your mum and from you, its pride and childishness that makes people keep malice, the other person will be feeling too big to go talk to the other person, saying things "how can I be the first to go and talk to him, let him come and talk to me first" with all due respect you and your mum are not acting matured

    What I will advice you to do is go talk to her, lift the burden of your mind, because keeping malice is equivalent of not forgiven someone, and the both of them is poisonous, so keeping malice is like swallowing poison and thinking it will kill the other person, The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong, so she will think you are foolish for coming to talk to her first, or that she has won, but its not true, its you who is strong.

    And also to prevent future incidence, and like this, you have to create the culture of talking to her, trying to avoid having an intense misunderstanding with her, even if you don't have anything to talk to her about, greet always and ask her how she is doing, or how is her day going, and once in a while swallow your pride and ask her opinion on some issue or an issue you already have answer to, just to create an atmosphere of friendliness or conversation
    May God bless you and grant you wisdom to make right decisions


    Your comment will be visible after approval

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous3/14/2014

      You have spoken very well

      Delete
    2. Very good advice.
      Keep it up.

      Delete
    3. God bless u for this

      Delete
  4. Anonymous3/14/2014

    It felt like I was d one typing this. I am in the same situation. I'm the only one at home bcos my siblings are at school. No one to talk to except wen I go to work. Thank God for work. Home is hell. My mum just gave birth to me and decided to hate me. I'm a very quiet person. I have no one to run to for relationship advice and any advice at all. I wasn't brought up to discuss such too. I have so many questions with no answers. I envy friends who are besties with der mums. Iv tried everything but I will not kill myself all bcos I'm trying to impress my mum. I will concentrate on me this year and hopefully get married.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous3/15/2014

      Am so sorry my dear, God will bless u with ur own daughter and u can be besties...

      Delete
  5. You did not mention anywhere that she is a wicked mother so apart from the tiny disagreements, did she do anything to you in the past that you find difficult to forgive? If so, find a place in your heart to forgive her. Mothers may sometimes "cross the line" but most of them mean well. If you feel she is never there for you or she never asks you how you are doing, tell her how you feel. She may sincerely not know any better. Most of us younger generation know these things better than our parents. We should lovingly tell them the new ways parents relate with their children rather than judge them or bear grudges.

    It is not proper for you to keep malice with your mother at all not to talk of for months. I'm sure it breaks her heart! There are only a few cases where a child keeping malice with his/her parent is justified such as diabolism on the part of the parent. But to keep malice for months for no good reason? That's strange and it kind of shocks me that your Mum allows the malice to go on. Forgive me but I can't help but wonder if she is your biological mother or your step-mother because malice keeping is more common between step mothers and step children. Does your Dad know about this cold war situation?

    Please act fast to settle this once and for all while you still live with them because once you get married or move to another place for work or something, it will be more difficult.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous3/14/2014

    Mother and daughter relationship is so complicated. Is it because we are the same gender? Please go and talk to her if for nothing else because she is your mum.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous3/15/2014

    How those posts about spell casters get published is beyond me? People are talking serious issues here and the way forward..not spell casting?!

    ReplyDelete
  8. A family dt prays 2geda stays 2geda. If I n my mum hav a disagreement during d day, we settle during devotion bcos we must pray 2geda morning and nyt. Highest, I wld b d topic of sermon shikena. All d same, u hv 2 talk 2 ha 1st shez ur mum nt ur peer

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous3/15/2014

    Its not about pride. Sometimes mothers are emotionally unavailable to thier daughters. Is it because she called it malice? Nobody asked What kind of mother stays and doesnt talk to her daughter in the same house for months. My dear dont worry it will change one day. My mum is the same. I asked her advice prior to marriage and all she could tell me 'thats ur business'. Sit her down and talk to her about how u feel. Goodluck

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous3/16/2014

    Pls visit http://youngafricanbride.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous3/16/2014

    my dear prayer is d key. it happened to me. I learned to be a prayer warrior and to b able to stand on my own.my mother turns me into a punching bag at the slightest mistake I commit even as a child. the more I try to make peace with her the harder she maltreats me. i can never forget the days i had to go to school hungry and she will not give me any kobo for food all the name of punishing me. I'll cry my eyes out and keep on drinking water from the school's bore whole until my tummy gets filled. cos I don't have the habit of begging friends for food.( I think this is the height of wickedness from a mother.) I have no doubt she is my mum cos am a split image of her but prettier.
    whenever I complain about her to either her mother or sisters we will end up not talking for more than 3 months in the same house. with both emotional and physical abuse. she divorce my father since I was 3 and I had to live with her and my stepfather. I went through hell in d hand of a mother that was suppose to show me love. I am now happily married since last year @23, and when have my kids by God's grace we will be besties I swear. cos I ' all show them more love and tenderness than the other way. a child is prone to mistakes naturally why do some mothers use their hands all the time not their mouth in terms of correction? if u want a child to detach from u silently keep on hitting them, one day they will leave your house of cause. why will u bring a child to the world to make her suffer? mothers in this blog I need answers

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous3/17/2014

      Sorry dear, maybe she was just punishing u for ur fathers mistake nd that is a terrible injustice.
      Remember it was never ur fault.
      GOD will bless you with wonderful kids who will love and treat u like a queen.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous3/22/2014

      You should meet my mother! Your mum is an angel in comparison to my mum. My sister mistakenly broke a plate last night and my mum started screaming "die! evil child die! Why did you break my favourite soup plate? May the God of my pastor punish you this bastard"......sad. Too sad

      Delete
  12. Anonymous3/16/2014

    sum mums can be very funny, hw my mum is treating me is enough to talk to her for years, she abuses me at every slightest thing, she is too demanding, she collects half of my pay as upkeep 10k, also my younger ones wuld still give her money, she is manupulative and am sick and tired, i wuld have left home to rent my appartment yet to money, dnt have friends to stay with, cos they are not in lag, am vry matured to get married, had it been my dad is alive wont b facing dis, at evry month, shes gets 30k, for food and her drugs yet shes complains, we are the one to pay houserent, and bills, shes 60, nt working, and cant sell cos the shop rent is expensive also no sales in dat area, we her children are supportn yet she complains, my pay is small, my sistrs pay is about 70k, transport is 30k, yet shes still gives her 15k, my bro gives also like 6k out of 18k, poster just forgive her and pray hard to get ,married.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous3/16/2014

      And I thot I was the only one experiencing dis. I used to think ther was somthn particularly wrong with me. Now I c that I'm not alone. A mother that wud force me to give her almost all my salary just becos she assumes I earn a lot. And when I told her I don't have, she will attempt to hit me and shout for the whole neighbourhood to hear. I hate to think of such hellish days. Sumtimes I'm convince she didn't birth me and will one day reveal the truth. If only my daddy was still with us. I pray for marriage this year so that I can show my kids all the love I never got. My mum has made me hate her and now I have learnt to love me. Infact I'm inlove with myself.

      Delete
  13. Anonymous3/16/2014

    annon 244pm, God will deliver us o my sister, its not easy o, i cant give her almost my salary o, jst half, and i wuld stop it soon

    ReplyDelete
  14. What's going on pple.. Mummys are great not wicked! You people lack LOVE! Imagine a dota saying she's everything like her Mom, but prettier... That sounds like she is in a competition with her mom... I imagine what you would look like @ 60. Pls keep your moms photo now, so u can compare lata. And you who says your mom is 60 and she doesn't work and you pay for her drugs and upkeep, yet she complains... From ur statement, ur mom is not too healthy and you expect her to work and fern for herself.. Let her conplain, it is common with aged mothers..show her love and assurance of a better life..
    And for those of you who boasted of showing their kids more love than their mom showed them, am sorry to dissapoint you, you cannot give what you don't have... You must fix your relationship with ur mom first.. You need a legacy to pass on to ur children... LOVE. Go cry at your moms feet.. Stop the competition, ask her to bless you.. Cry your eyes out until she blesses you.. Love her like never before.. Buy her gift, no matter how small, hugs and kiss her every morning before you leave the house, make sure you wish her a good nite rest before you go to bed.. And have a little chat with her too if you can
    You have the chance to be a mom.. Let's see how good and loving you can be, TREAT your MOM as your dota, let's see if you will get a pass Mark... If you pass then you can be a great MOM.. If you don't, you have to keep trying...
    Patsy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous3/16/2014

      pasty, u have not been there so dnt say wat u dnt know, we did not expect her to work, we care for her yet she dnt appreciate, sp i should gv her all my pay and not plan for my self? Wont i have savings? Wont i get married? Wont i plan? So dnt judge abeg

      Delete
    2. Anonymous3/16/2014

      pasty, u dnt know wat we are going tru, so dnt say wat u dnt knw, when u are doing ur best and u get complaints, u would dance abi? My pay is 20k and i give her ten k, have i not tried? yet others would gv her, i still pay tithes, buy things, look gud, wont i save? Wont i get married? Wont i plan? So pls dnt jugde ok?

      Delete
    3. Anonymous3/16/2014

      Patsy miss good two shoes..judge of all. U want to comment so u sound pristine? Sound angelic? When u haven't walked a mile in any one's shoes, mind how u judge. U can make ur opinions known without sounding judgemental. Mschew.

      Delete
    4. Anonymous3/22/2014

      Patsy! You never see anything! I and my siblings were NEVER showed love by our mother. I have even overheard my dad tell her a couple of times,that she needed to visit 'yaba left' cos he didn't think she was alright up there. My mother would call us harlots at every given opportunity. She will slap,curse and abuse! She is educated and well travelled,yet she acts this way. Patsy some mothers no dey try o

      Delete
  15. Na wa for una mamas o! Geeeez!! No matter how bad the fyt with my mum is, or hw much curses she raises on me stark naked sef, I still go to beg her and she prays and takes back her curses and blesses me more. We are bestos, gist at night all sorts, I sleep in her bed, even call her to leave my papa room n come join me, she's awesome! A's I am married so, she fit ping my fone and say ping ping! My trouble maker dota and we laff..we laff togeda cry togeda, share deep discussions spiritual, life issues! Bonding with ur mum is one of the best things in this life!!! There is nothing like it, if u think u are d one with issues, pray to God to open ur eyes to see ur own wrongs cos u just might not know and also pray to God to open ur mums eyes to her faults so u guys can make amends, as the years pass by, u'll see a difference, and 1 thing I promised myself is never to keep malice with her again no matter what!!!! Don't give the devil a chance, he knows what good can come out of a good relationship with u and ur mothers, e.g I pray with my mum and powerful things happen, we share our dreams and visions that God reveals to us, etc etc! It's a really awesome bond dt if u don't have u shld pray for.. God help us all..pls forgive the past and genuinely look forward to a better relationship with them.. promise u wnt regret it..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous3/16/2014

      am not keeping malice, mine is praying to leave dat house and have my home, i love my mum, we are not fightn but i had to plan my life ok?

      Delete
  16. Anonymous3/16/2014

    @. patsy only have u been there would u know how it feels. wat about the days I go hungry at school and even home all curtsey of my mum. how about my mother beaten me for my much younger half siblings? the eldest of them is my junior for ten years? how about my mum embrassing my visitors? insulting me to their ears? how about me sleeping on mat when my mother pupposely seize the bed in my room? while my younger ones sleeps on their tower bed?how about me eating bean cake and pap when her other children takes egg, chips, tea bread for breakfast? how about me only me being left @home several times while she takes her other children including the house maid for tours? u are quick to point out the phase I wrote "a split image of her but prettier" if for once your mother has ever hit u for your much younger ones when in d actual they lied about u. you will know how it feels.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous3/17/2014

      Dont mind patsy. My heart goes out to u.
      I wish I knew u personally.
      my dear if u can go for counselling or read self help books cos what ur mum did to u can kill self esteem for life.
      I can imagine growing up nd being treated differently cos I ve a different father?
      It is well with you....

      Delete
  17. Anonymous3/16/2014

    pasty, comment nah, y kip mute?

    ReplyDelete
  18. My pple... I have been there, my mom isn't a saint... Neither was I. We had our issues too.. God knows how much we fought, how much I wished she never had me, how I had eries of marks from her chastisement, how she supported my brother to give me a skin cut while attending jamb lecture, that I was posing too big and how she tagged me the black sheep of the house and always call me evil... How she would go outside the house with her breast out and curse me and in all of these, I concluded she hatef me .. She loved my siblings but hated me, I kept on saying... I was never left unpunished for any slightest mistake... It wasnt easy for me... Do you know what I later realise.. She saw something diff in me.. When I gave my life to Christ, I knew I have been in error with her all these years.. I needed to fix that error, and I am still fixing it.. She made me who I am today... A strong independent woman.. Who can face whatever challenge that come and still be strong and happy.. She taught me how to be joyful in the mixed of troubles... God used her to prepare me early enough for a tough world like this... I can beat my chest right now and say that I have the best relationship with my Mon among my siblings..
    You have no excuse to hate your mom.
    You have every good reason to LOVE and care for her in the best way that you can... What make you will judge you if I ve never been there... Even if your mom is a witch, love her still.. She gave you life remember?.. I remember when I had issues with my first pregnancy and my mom said to me... You are a strong woman, other women will cry out day and nite but you keep acting like nothing is wrong.. I almost told her ... YOU MADE ME STRONG MOM.. She is so sweet and I love her deeply... Loving her has been my miracle.... Love your mom.. My younger brother still calls her MY WORLD... *smiles*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous3/17/2014

      U r a real piece of work. I ve never come across a more judgmental human on WC.

      Delete
  19. what kind of disagreement would a 25 yrs old like u have with your mum that will lead to you keeping malice with her even if you are not leaving in the same house?how do you go about it self?seeing her and passing without greeting her?or not cooking and carrying out the house chores meant for you?pls am at a cross road here and completely lost?your mum?sweet mother as they somebody sang?wonders shall never end.we no dey USA where all these rubbish is obtainable.we leave in a society where norms and morals values are the primary guiding principle for discipline(self discipline on the side of grown ups like you) .if you are doing this to your own mum what now happens to mun in law when you finally gets there?you are a woman and remember that God is watching.pls try to advise yourself bc you are no longer a baby so that we might be talking of juvenile delinquency.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous3/17/2014

      So the fault is all hers right? The mum has no blame in this, pple shld look at things both ways.
      why will a mom who is older, mre experienced nd mature keep malice with her own child?

      Delete
    2. Anonymous3/18/2014

      do not advise what you yourself can not do.we are talking of somebody's mother here not some elderly stranger and even at that self.so the mum should go on her knees now and beg her own child to greet to talk to her?beg for respect?bc you people deceive yourselves with all these western nonsense.well i dont think you are a mother.when you eventually becomes one and you happen to wear the same shoe maybe by then you will know how it pinches.madam special adviser.

      Delete
    3. Anonymous3/20/2014

      Yeah, always blame it on the westerners.

      Delete
  20. anony please the poster did not tell us what really happened bw them but no matter what,i still believe that what she is doing is very wrong.more so if am not wrong,the bible/one of the ten commandments even tells u to honour and respect our parents so that our days will be long.what are u saying self?stop pretending and call a spade a spade.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Anonymous3/18/2014

    nuella. The bible also says parent dnt provoke ur children to wrath!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i have not heard or seen that but am not doubting u.but remember i said that she did not tell us the real cause of the quarrel / disagreement but what kind of provocation will warrant such nasty attitude?i believe mothers should be able to assimilate this issue very well.westernization has really caused a lot of damages to our society.mothers and their children (daughters and prospective mothers) rubbing shoulders on issues that lead to keeping malice?tufiakwa

      Delete
  22. okay,have not seen or heard of that one and am not doubting you on what u said the bible say.but just like i said we were not told of the actually cause of the quarrel/disagreement but i still believe that what she is going is very wrong and should not be unheard of.westernization has changed so many things in our society.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Feel free to email me with comments, suggestions, recipe ideas, or pretty much anything! I love hearing from you and I am always excited to receive a comment or email from a blog reader.
Contact Email: cuulme@gmail.com

Most comments are by blog readers. Always seek Professional Help First.
“As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.” When readers purchase items through links on this blog.
- Eya Ayambem

RELATED POSTS

SHARE AND PIN THIS POST

BLOG VIEWS