Is This Normal, Does It Happen To All Couples?

Hello Aunty Eya
 
How is your baby doing and the rest of your family?
 
Really sorry to be bothering when you are still nursing your baby. But i need your advice.
 
I have been married for 6 years and ve got 2 lovely boys and a girl.
 
My wife is a wonderful woman, she is the best wife anyone can pray to have (this is not a cliche, she really is). Cooks well, is neat andhardworking.
 
But recently, we started having issues. Problem is when we make love, I don't climax. I could go on for hours. Most times I just fake it and end it. However, a few days ago, she got to know and didn't find it funny. She asked if I was cheating, I answered in the negative and the truth is I am not.
 
Problem is since my wife gave birth to our last baby, her body has changed, outwardly she looks gorgeous and I have caught many guys stealing glances at her. I am really proud of her looks. But the internal bits have changed a lot. Her breasts are terribly shrunk and sagged. I get no pleasure fondling them, fondling them is obligatory, I do it so she doesn't feel bad. Intercourse itself, is not very different, I barely feel her. It is practically impossible having an orgasm making love to her.
 
I have tried talking to her about it, but it seems to affect her negatively. I dont want her to lose her self confidence or self esteem, so I keep faking it and lying. But after she discovered in January this year, I have had to tell her the truth, she didnt find it funny. I feel like a callous man for voicing the issue out.
 
I know the woman body changes, but I wasnt expecting the change until like age 40 or so (not mid 30s). I have a lot of questions bothering me, but no one to ask, so I have decided to seek your opinion. I hope you respond to the mail
 
My questions are:
 
- Is this normal? does it happen to every couple? Is it that couples only enjoy 3 years of really good sex and the rest is just enduring each other? Perhaps this is why many men cheat?
- What can we do?
 
I would like to have the opinion of men also, but I can't discuss this with any of my male friends. Wish I could get the opinion of your blog readers.

Comments

  1. Anonymous3/31/2014

    Kegels is what she needs. Please don't cheat on her. Let a Doctor check her vjay incase the last child tore her. A good hospital can do reconstructive vagina surgery.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anon 11:01 said it well.
    I am a firm believer of Kegel. Kegel has continually sent hubby and I on an unending honeymoon. I did it just for doing sake after I had my baby and by the time we resumed work, area don set pass before.
    We all have our areas of weakness and this is your wife's. How you told her also matters too. Did you just harsh the words out or call her gently to explain as you would to your sister and best friend. Words badly communicated can hurt a woman's esteem and make her see you negatively.
    As for the breast, you just have to deal with them. Its the prize we pay for being co-creators/nurture-givers with God. Flavor said "Ara dara ada adago, nke kwu oto g'adakwa" so side chicks ain't excluded just a mater of time and occurrence.

    Summary: Accept your beautiful wife for who she is and tell her of Kegel over a bowl of icecream.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous3/31/2014

      debbie please what is kegel?no ves abeg am lost here

      Delete
    2. Its an exercise used to tighten the pelvic floor which you can do while sitting in the office and lying down or standing in the kitchen. #mydefinition
      Just go to Google and type "kegel exercise" or how to do kegel".
      It helped me overcome leakage after I had my baby

      Delete
    3. In addition to d above....the poster should introduce his wife to wives connection blog.

      Delete
    4. Anonymous4/01/2014

      This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

      Delete
  3. Johnson3/31/2014

    Bros, not climaxing (continually) is abnormal. I’ve been married way over 10years and I get there anytime I’m on… Are there physical changes here & there on my wife? Yes; and I expected it! Apart from the kegel advice, you need to make conscious effort to enjoy the ageing process and to love/enjoy yourself all the way. The enjoyment would be more psychological than physical - though I am still physically attracted to my wife.
    It is possible ‘ekuesu’ has a hand in this – how can you be proud of her looks and not ‘come’? Try to bring back the spark to your home (and bed). Re-introduce the fun things you use to enjoy together and take your mind away from sex. Let sex happen naturally – don’t force it. Also resist and bind every spirit that tell us that you can get better sex from younger ladies… for some of them, many water don pass through the bridge.
    You might need to check other things that are pushing you away – is madam been upgraded intellectually as you do or is she becoming more a house-wife, are you proud to show her off to friends & family, etc? You might need to help her in these regards…

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pls what does "ekuesu" mean?
      Do you mean, "ekwensu", meaning the devil?
      Lost here, pls explain.

      Delete
    2. Johnson I so admire your head-on comments.
      This line caught me "Are there physical changes here & there on my wife? Yes; and I expected it!". Some men are so gullible to think that it will forever be 21 even when they have living proof - their mothers.
      I believe you its more psychological than physical coz I tried scaring the hubster away sometime by tying wrapper in the house when I thought my wicked nighties/lingeries caused the incessant attacks and it worsened the matter more. He loves my every stretchmark(they're clearing tho), I wasn't ashamed of wearing sports bra on the house with my then wobbly tummy because he made me feel so confident of my changed body while he encouraged me to work on them.
      Meanwhile ekwensu might be involved so involve God too. You and your wife.

      Delete
    3. Johnson3/31/2014

      Thanks ...DiDo for the correction - 'ekwensu'.

      Delete
    4. Anonymous4/01/2014

      I so love your comment Mr. Johnson. Wish married men could reason like you.

      Delete
    5. Anonymous4/02/2014

      Aptly put! Even our husband's change physically but does that mean we should be less into them. Sex is in the mind and what u tell ur mind is what ur body will respond to. The poster should free his mind and the rest would follow. He probably is eyeing some younger chics and has started fantasising that he can get it better elsewhere. He should please remember his wife sacrificed her life and body to give him the kids they have now.

      Delete
  4. Lady Eva3/31/2014

    While you are still waiting for kegel to work its amost 100% magic (trust me, it works) you can encourage her to give you blow jobs. Or, if she doesnt like it, maybe, a hand job, with a good lubricant( you can improvise with vaseline tho). Pls dnt cheat o. May God bless your home.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous3/31/2014

    THERE ARE SO MANY TIGHTENERS SHE CAN USE TOGETHER WITH THE KEGELS EXERCISE. LET HER USE THE TIGHTENERS WHILE DOING THE KEGELS COS KEGELS TAKE SOME TIME BUT THE TIGHTENERS ARE FASTER (20 - 30 MINS) AND THE EFFECT CAN LAST FOR ABOUT 2 - 3 DAYS FOR SOME OF THEM. SHE CAN WEAR PUSH UP BRAS WHEN U WANT TO MAKE LOVE TOO SO D BREASTS WILL APPEAR FIRMER IF THEY ARE PUTTING YOU OFF. MEANWHILE KEGEL EXERCISE IS AN EXERCISE USED TO TIGHTEN D VAGINA WALLS, IT CAN BE DONE ANYWHERE, ANYTIME. HOW TO : ANYTIME U WANT TO WEE, PAUSE FOR SOME SECONDS AND HOLD TIGHT D URINE, THEN CONTINUE AGAIN. CONTINUE TO STOP AT INTERVALS OF A FEW SECONDS UNTIL U ARE ABLE TO HOLD URINE FOR UP TO A MINUTE. CONTINUE THE EXERCISE EVEN IF U ARE NOT PRESSED COS D IDEA IS TO TIGHTEN THE AREA SO TIGHTEN AS U SIT IN UR OFFICE, CHURCH, AT HOME INFACT ANYWHERE AND ANYTIME UNTIL THE VAGINA WALLS GRADUALLY COME CLOSE AGAIN. GOOD LUCK

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous3/31/2014

    It is atimes like dis u need to be there for ur wifey. She is ur best, sister and raw lover, pls u both should seek medical help n counselling together, also read articles online. Guess with 3 kids, u guys r already done with child bearing and it's time to get back to the appropriate usuals of bedroom,kitchen, couch, bathroom and quicky fun aside caring for those kids.Fight d situation together and enjoy d rest of ur marriage years having "real" fun dat no young lady out there can ever offer. Besides Oga,u r a landlord here ooh, don't even think of becoming a tenant. Every woman's boobs will sure get down some day with or without a suckling babe. I belive in uncounditional faithfulness n vow.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol @ "raw lover".
      Na wa o.

      Delete
  7. Anonymous3/31/2014

    Bro, have you considered wat the oda men eyeing ur wife would do to her wen they lay their hands on this 'fallen breast' or/and 'loose V . Doz men are married and know that ur wife having had babies would likely have her breast down and V probably turned 'W' but yet she is all they long for. Breast na breast as long as the nipple remains dats why some women expose the flesh and leave the breast(nipple) inside.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous3/31/2014

    Gbam! for you

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous3/31/2014

    I'd really like men to weigh in on this. I have had a lot of children. And my breast has suffered d wear of exclusively breastfeeding all. Its not d perky thing it was before. But my butt is just perfect.

    My husband loves all my perfect imperfections. We make love now more than we ever did when we were unmarried and my body was youthful. His own is too much these days.

    Look for the parts of her that u love. Remove that negative image from your head. I think its mostly psychological. That girl you may run to may also have a big vagina.

    A beg take all d advise above and atop making your wife feel bad. Good luck.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous3/31/2014

    Whatever you do, don't cheat!

    ReplyDelete
  11. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anonymous3/31/2014

    Poster, I applaud you for reaching out for advise. It shows that you value your marriage and relationship with your wife. You have even gone as far as "faking it" to spare her feelings. Usually it's the other ways around. You know...in this life our endurance is always tested in one way or another. With God's grace the two of you will get through this. Hold on to your values and pray for peace and unity to reign in your home. I pray that whatever seed the enemy has planted to cause problems in your home will NEVER come to fruition.

    May God bless you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Anonymous3/31/2014

    Kegels makes me horny...is it just me?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous3/31/2014

      Lol just practicing it and am like.....its making me horny...

      Delete
    2. Anonymous4/01/2014

      Kegel Çα̲̅ŋ also βε̲̣ done while U̶̲̥̅̊ guys are at Ȋ̝̊†̥ (having sex)Ȋ̝̊†̥ has a pulling effect on ur hubby's thing.trust ♏έ .Ħ̀ε̅ W̶̲̥̅̊ȋ̊ƪƪ surely confess. @ poster mr Johnson Ąπϑ anty debbie has said Ȋ̝̊†̥ all.L♥√ع Ąπϑ accept ur wiffy while U̶̲̥̅̊ lovingly introduce kegel exercise to ђε̲̣̣̣̥я̩̥̊.EPHY

      Delete
  14. Anonymous3/31/2014

    In addition to kegels. I also steam down there 2x a month with oregano and ginger. Oregano has antibacterial properties and ginger increases blood circulation to that area. It has rili tightened it and hubby keeps repeating how tight iam. As 4my boobs, it took me tight to accept and hubby still sucks me anytown we go down low. D stretch mark I wasn't comfortable with them b4 but as he cAlls them" my stripes my pride" bcos there are many women that will give the world to have your baby. So here's my take. She can give you blow jobs, fondle ur sensitrive Areas whilst doing the deed. Encourage her to do kegels.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous3/31/2014

      Also awaiting answers abt d oregano and ginger stuff.How do I do it?

      Delete
    2. Anonymous4/02/2014

      Buy dry oregano in spices section of high end supermarket and place in a pot. Grate ginger into the pot. Add water and allow to boil. Test the steam with your arm so it doesn't burn vaginal tissues. Transfer to a stong bucket and sit on it for 5-10mins. Do feel free to stand if the steam is too hot. I usuall do it after my period and any other time in the month. Hope this helps

      Delete
  15. Anonymous3/31/2014

    Pls wat is oregano&whr cn it b found&how much? Then d ginger is it blended or full ginger

    ReplyDelete
  16. You are a good man poster. Just like Mr Johnson said every woman's body is subject to change. That's a fact of life,You have to change your mind set and try to take her as she is. Even if she did not breastfeed the law of gravity will still have its way and those boobs will still lie down flat. Proverbs 5:18, 19 has this to say to you:

    18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.

    19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

    Another translation reads:

    18 May your fountain be blessed,
    and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
    19 A loving doe, a graceful deer—
    may her breasts satisfy you always,
    may you ever be intoxicated with her love


    Pray about it and calmly discuss kegels with her and try to work on your mind-set while you are it. I wish you the best.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous4/01/2014

    From your post, you seem to be a reasonable man seeking the good of your marriage. It appears pelvic floor exercise (I imagine that's what kegels means) works wonders, so that could be a starting point... But to a more holistic view of marriage, remember sex is just one of the many parts that make the whole, I would encourage you to pursue loving your wife, now I don't mean love as a victim of your emotion, but love as a servant of your will. What you can do? Seek out ways to love both in words and deeds, not just erotic love, but love that is purposeful in helping her fulfil her role as your helper and the mother of your kids.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mrs Anon4/01/2014

      You just spoke my mind... yes sex is very important, but remember it is not the foundation of a good marriage. I love Johnsons points too. There are people who by reason of accident or sickness are no longer able to consumate their marriage yet they go on to live fulfilling marriages supporting each other thru the years. Yours isnt even bad as there are solutions which have bn suggested by others. I can assure u the breast issue is in ur mind/psychological, get rid of it and enjoy the good woman God has given you. I'm sure there are other parts of her body u love and can explore... 95% or more of men deal with wives with fallen breasts after childbearing and its just part of life... for some women only one child and they lose the once perky shape. Even those that didnt brstfeed children will still respond to gravity as time goes on. Remember that you are not the same as you were when she married you either. Women also deal with men that become overweight or develop pot bellies and lose shape, so it's a two way street. However I must say that God will bless the few good men like you out there who are willing to make efforts to preserve their home and keep their vows. Tell her nicely about the kegel exercises while assuring her of your love and I'm sure she will gladly try it. Work on keeping your love aflame, this is the time to enjoy each other. I started enjoying intimacy with my husband after we had our kids and I can say it gets better and better. All the best.

      Delete
    2. Mrs Anon4/01/2014

      You just spoke my mind... yes sex is very important, but remember it is not the foundation of a good marriage. I love Johnsons points too. There are people who by reason of accident or sickness are no longer able to consumate their marriage yet they go on to live fulfilling marriages supporting each other thru the years. Yours isnt even bad as there are solutions which have bn suggested by others. I can assure u the breast issue is in ur mind/psychological, get rid of it and enjoy the good woman God has given you. I'm sure there are other parts of her body u love and can explore... 95% or more of men deal with wives with fallen breasts after childbearing and its just part of life... for some women only one child and they lose the once perky shape. Even those that didnt brstfeed children will still respond to gravity as time goes on. Remember that you are not the same as you were when she married you either. Women also deal with men that become overweight or develop pot bellies and lose shape, so it's a two way street. However I must say that God will bless the few good men like you out there who are willing to make efforts to preserve their home and keep their vows. Tell her nicely about the kegel exercises while assuring her of your love and I'm sure she will gladly try it. Work on keeping your love aflame, this is the time to enjoy each other. I started enjoying intimacy with my husband after we had our kids and I can say it gets better and better. All the best.

      Delete
  18. Anonymous4/01/2014

    @anon 8:54p.m....please kindly shed more light on the use of Oregona and ginger...what's is Oregona,where can we get it? And how do I use it?...waiting for your answer..thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Anonymous4/01/2014

    Poster, u're indeed a good man. May God honor u. Pls ask madam to steam (hot water & Dettol), I've tried it and it works for me. This will help tighten the VJ and get rid it of unwanted odour as a result of semen deposit & menstrual flow. It also prevents toilet disease. Having three kids no be joke o.... Above all pray to God, nothing will put a separation btw u and ur wife. Pleaseeeeeeeeeeee don't cheat on her.

    ReplyDelete
  20. What I have learnt is that sex has to do a lot with your mind, if your mind is not in the right state then there is no way anything can really happen…The breast has fallen, the body isn't the same…you can either look at it that way or you tell yourself, "this breast has fallen but I am gonna enjoy every bit of it and look for ways to enjoy the sex, try new moves and explore this new body". She can do kegels but there is a need for communication between both of you on how you like it, your fears, even how she felt when you she found out you were faking it? what she can do to make you enjoy it and what you can do too to make her enjoy it.With every change in the body is an opportunity for you to discover, understand, communicate and enjoy the body….All the best! My write-up on communication in sex is coming up soon so watch this space….www.bride2mum.com

    ReplyDelete
  21. Anonymous4/02/2014

    I love all this comment. God bless u all. I am a young lady in my last stage of clocking 30. I am also planning my wedding but i av prob with my breast. I av not given birth yet they are not firm. I actuali av not always known my breast 2 be firm. It affects my self esteem even when am with girls like me. Yet i want 2get married. It bothers me tho, but i am determined 2 enjoy my
    marriage. In dis case, wat should a sister do? My brother, purge ur mind n work on renewing ur love. Peace.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous4/03/2014

      Go for breast enhancement.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous4/03/2014

      see suggestion. lmaooooooo

      Delete
    3. Anonymous4/11/2014

      My dear u are not alone!my breast actually grew facing downwards! Wen i loose w8 they become flat !it has been dat way since puberty! So i hv accepted it as what God has blessed me wit! Improve ur confidence.and ur fiancee/hobby shd acpt u 4 who u are

      Delete
  22. Anonymous4/03/2014

    Pls dont do that, i remember before i got married my breast was nt firm but that did nt stop me from getting married. And my husband has never complaim of it. He accepted me the way i am. So girl dont u worry God wil bring a man who wil accept u d way u are.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Anonymous4/03/2014

    Everyone has given their advice and it's all good. I just want to comment on the breast issue. I am a mother of 3 lovely kids and I've also been married for 6 years like the poster but even though my breast are full, they aren't flat or shrinky and i did exclusive breastfeeding for my kids. For the benefit of the unmarried ones amongst us or the yet to be mothers, someone told me before the kids started coming to aways wear bra even to bed whole breastfeeding and not to give in to itches on the breast while pregnant and it has helped me so much. Always wear bra even to bed while breastfeeding especially those with full boobs. Just make sure u get good comfortable ones. U can wear ones dat are a bit loose to bed. With time u wil get used to it.
    To poster, u are a god man. May God continue to bless ur marriage.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous4/06/2014

      Very correct. After my 1st child I was visiting a fam friend who is well older than me like up to 8yrs. She just had a kid too and her boobs were still bouncy and normal. I could believe. She shouted when she saw mine DST after just one child? What is this.? She scolded me for not wearing bras to sleep during pregnancy. I told her I never knew. So ladies, try and comply tho it may look stress full. I really regret losing my beautiful boobs tho the hubby doesn't complain

      Delete
  24. Anonymous4/03/2014

    Everyone has given their advice and it's all good. I just want to comment on the breast issue. I am a mother of 3 lovely kids and I've also been married for 6 years like the poster but even though my breast are full, they aren't flat or shrinky and i did exclusive breastfeeding for my kids. For the benefit of the unmarried ones amongst us or the yet to be mothers, someone told me before the kids started coming to aways wear bra even to bed whole breastfeeding and not to give in to itches on the breast while pregnant and it has helped me so much. Always wear bra even to bed while breastfeeding especially those with full boobs. Just make sure u get good comfortable ones. U can wear ones dat are a bit loose to bed. With time u wil get used to it.
    To poster, u are a god man. May God continue to bless ur marriage.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous4/08/2014

      I'm so grtful to have found out about wc. I must confess iv learnt a lot frm here. I'm a single lady n I knw I'm connected wit d rit set of ppl.

      Delete
  25. Anonymous4/10/2014

    Mr Johnson GOd bless u.,poster you made ur wife that way please accept her like that. Stop thinking abut the negatives, look past it. Kegel or no kegel 3 kids came out of there and it can't be how it was. The sooner u accept the better

    ReplyDelete

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