Why Nigerian Wives Accept Illegitimate Kids?

Hello Eya, how are you and the baby? Can you please help  post this on wives connection blog? There is something I want to know about your country Nigeria (Mine too by marriage). From advice given on your blog, whenever a married Nigerian man impregnates another woman, his wife is advised to accept the child and if possible, bring it home. Why is that? 

Don't the women on your blog
know that if they are legally married, that makes every other child illegitimate? Why take your husband"s love child when you know that by Law that child is not legitimate and cannot have equal rights with your  legitimate kids?

For those not legally married, it is understandable because I understand your tradition permits that, but I'm worried about the blog advice encouraging  legally married women to accept hubby's cheat-kids born after marriage. WHY?

Comments

  1. Anonymous2/18/2014

    I dont think accepting an illegitimate child has anything to do with whether or not the woman is Nigerian and I think its silly to assume its a Nigerian thing. American women also accept illegitimate children of their husbands, its a matter of choice. Some people feel the child should not suffer for the fathers mistakes. My grand father had illegitimate kids and my grand mother didn't accept any of them so pls don't generalise

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  2. Anonymous2/18/2014

    Its not a general thing. like someone said, its a matter of choice. I think such women jst do it to save their marriage and for the child's sake. Check this out http://bit.ly/1jrovi8

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  3. Anonymous2/18/2014

    If you were an "illegitimate" child, how would you feel tagged with such a dishonourable status ? Accepting an innocent child because of a man or woman's irresponsibility or carelessness does not make one a fool rather smart and humane. A child should not suffer for what he knows nothing about. Even if the woman doesn't accept the child, it won't change the situation or will it? This has nothing to do with tradition or a country, it has everything to do with being a human being and having a common sense.

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  4. it is the law that tags it illegitimate, i don't think a child born out of wedlock should be treated differently from the legally ones, cos it is just circumstances that makes them illegitimate. at least they were also born through a woman and also feed with breast milk with others

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  5. Anonymous2/18/2014

    Pls there's no such thing as 'illegitimate child'! Even the law says so. Let's stop all these tagging of individuals. Anon 12:15 has said it all.

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  6. Anonymous2/18/2014

    there are no illegitimate child but irresponsible parent! those children are innocent and they do not asked to b born that way. talking of we Nigerians, poster pls don't u read globally? what about the news going viral that Beyonce is yet to accept her father,s child he has with another woman, to crown it all the the birth of the child was responsible for Beyonce parent's divorce. even the white men country people are begging her to accept the child and fend for him cox he and and his mum lives on stamp food stamp in u.s . only poor people lives on stampfood in usa.ooh let me stopP here

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  7. The 1999 constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria does NOT recognise any child to be illegitimate.

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  8. who cares about the 1999 constitution? any illegitimate child should go to hell for all i care. i am a very jealous person. If i accept the child, does that not mean i am condoning my husband's infidelity? the hatred that i have for the child's mother will be transferred to the innocent child. so for the happiness of the child and my sanity, i will not accept him/her into house.

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    Replies
    1. @precious oguamah that is not a right attitude, it takes the heart of a mother to accept a child that is not hers. saying any illegitimate child should go to hell is very immature and selfish.

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    2. Thank God for the circumstances of your birth. Pause for a while and empathise with the 'illegitimate' child. How would you feel if someone thought that way about you? Let us learn to love the way love was meant to be.

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    3. i understand, but that is just my opinion. you are entitled to yours.

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  9. Anonymous2/19/2014

    Hmmmm,may God help us all,its difficult accepting a child born out of ur husband's infidelity but to save ur marriage n even ur family name,u just av to accept and give dt child a future bcos most times due to lack of care n luv,these children turn waywards thereby giving ur family a bad name,anyway God wl giv us d grace to do d right thn if we find ourselves in situations lik dat,its not an easy thn but its doable,may God help us all,mrs M

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  10. Anonymous2/19/2014

    My dear it's sometimes acceping these iilegitimate children causes a lot of problems in d home. My hubby has 4 kids out of wedlock. Wen their mother died, I told my husband to bring d kids home worse mistake of my life. I have not known peace since those children came to my house. Don't get me wrong I treat them like I treat my own children, wat I feed my kids I feed dem. But those kids beat my kids in my absensce, they steal money from my purse, they'll break stuff and say my kids did it. I speak to dem in lowtones to change their ways, for wia, I shout in anger for wia. Wem I report to my hubby, he says u said I should bring dem so y r u complianing,. Thay have dis, attitude of" after all it's our fathers house, after all it's our fathers money u r spending on us. If only they knew it wasn't their fathers money I spend on dem. I work and earn good money. Sometimes I wish I had listen wen people adviced me not bring dem in cuz I am too young to accept such a responsibility. It is well.

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    Replies
    1. Babe you tried oh.i can't do such. I'll just make sure my husband takes care of them but I will not bring them home. Which one is saving your marriage? Your husband cheats without protection thereby endangering your life and you bring the child home to save your marriage? How?Shouldn't he be the one seeking your face and trying to make it up to you? I really don't understand the average woman's mentality

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    2. this is the point i am trying to make. the people that are saying they will accept, when it comes down to it they will surely not. heart of a mother or not. its like bringing fire to help burn down your house. to each there own pls

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    3. You 'over-tried' self. You either have a heart of gold or your sentiments got the better of you. You made it too easy by offering to take them, now he is using that against you. You would have minded your business in the open, while praying in secret to God. Your husband would have humbled himself and really pleaded with you to help him out. Then you could have laid some ground rules for him and the children. Quite frankly it is not advisable to just dump them on your own children. It is important to study them from a distance so that you can get the best strategy for dealing with them. Remember, they had a different upbringing. From your experience now, I think the best thing anyone in your situation should do is to advise the husband to let the children stay with his mum/sisters (they probably supported and encouraged his bad behaviour to destabilise your union). From there, they can come spend weekends and short holidays until such a time that you can see genuine integration and mutual respect. Then, if you feel up to it, you can all live together. Even at that, let it be your husband asking you in humility to please take them in, be sure the children are happy to come and specify that you will not allow any undue interference by his birth family. Above all, if you take them in, make the effort to love them and set boundaries.

      By the way you need to tell your ungrateful husband that you were only lending him a helping hand to tidy up his mess, and he had better play his part and be a real man and father.

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  11. Anonymous2/19/2014

    Hmmmn!i thinking am loving this blog!i need a regular visit on this blog....:eheheeheh

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  12. Anonymous2/20/2014

    True true,e no easy sha,lik I said earlier it wl tek d grace of God to accept d child or children,may God no let us see such situations shaa,but if e hapen,maybe d best option is to tekia of d kids whereva dey wl be not in ur own house,but d man has lost d trust of his wife shaa bcos I wl neva trust him again,even d luv go drop by some percentage,may God help us all,mrs m

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  13. Anonymous8/22/2015

    Though it is not limited to Nigeria, I can say it is very rampant among our men. With due respect to he responsible ones who love and fear God, Nigerian men have been raised in homes where the male child is over-indulged and over-pampered while the girls are mostly well-trained and taught to honour themselves and maintain their dignity. Such boys grow up with an entitlement attitude that says I can get away with anything , after-all I am a man. The father who was raised, probably in the same way cannot pass down strict moral and sexual values to his sons, unless he first rids himself of his own lust and wanton behaviour. Such boys feel little or no sense of commitment and have no qualms about sleeping around, since they are controlled by the dangling thing between their legs. Mothers should rise up and teach their sons to have some self respect and treat their wives better than their dads did. We should teach them the joy and benefits of commitment and self discipline. Parents should raise boys to become real men and not sex studs.

    Honestly, the issue of accepting your spouse's love children is very delicate. It is less painful if the man truly repents and totally gives up the other woman. No matter how loving you are, if you ever find out that he is still seeing and sleeping with the other woman, you will find it very difficult to love those children like your own.

    My treacherous and deceptive husband has 3 illegitimate children with a concubine and I do not even waste my time on them. When he is ready to come clean and walk right, we will work out a plan by God's leading. Until then, let him carry his baggage. I will not play nanny to some children while their covetous mother has free time on her hands and is frolicking with my husband. No way! My only prayer for my husband and his concubine is that God will have mercy on them and deliver them from the bondage they freely walked into before it destroys them further.



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  14. Lust children Not love children. Poor children, bearing a stigma for their adulterous parents' lack of discipline.

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