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My Fiance Thinks He Is A Rock, What Can I Do?

Hi aunty Eya,
I stumbled on ur blog yersterday when I was looking for answer on how to handle my fiance's attitude and it has been a wonderful experience since then.

Please I need help. My fiance is a man that loves me so much but at  times his temper scares me. He doesnt shout but it is something u rather avoid. He is of the opinion that his woman shouldn't talk back at him and that anyway a woman's home turns out, it is her own making cos she has the power to form it. That if am to tell him something I shld put it in the right perspective and in a calm voice. But the annoying thing is that in anger he says hurtful things like" I wonder how u reason at times" I have

warned him abt that bt he keeps on repeating it. Most times when we have a misunderstanding, I apologise. Even though he does sometimes but 70% is me. He always says that I shouldn't push him cos he makes decisions more in anger and doesn't go back on his word his word.

I feel like is a threat and like am being enslaved if I didnt voice my opinion. Am human and won't be in a good mood always. The worst is dat if I try to show my anger and act moody, he will just keep off and leave me to come around.

Please I need advice on what to do. Cos I don't want to be scared of him in marriage and I need some reapect too.  I intend to discuss this with him soon, and conclude by telling him that if he wants a master- slave relationship, then am out. What do u think? Am really confused cos I really love him. I can't even focus at work right now. Am sorry for such a long note but I needed to talk to somebody.

Thanks for ur help and God bless u!
Esthy

Comments

  1. Anonymous2/12/2014

    I would advise you to run from that relationship. You don't want to be married to someone who sees himself as a demi-god. Marriage with a reasonable person has its own issues not to talk of someone who already puts himself on a pedestal.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous2/12/2014

    Well the ball is in ur court. I can't marry somebody am afraid of,its definitely not a good sign. One day when u talk back at him,he might slap you! Well dat doesn't mean u shouldn't be submissive as a wife

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous2/12/2014

    No enter, if u enter, u do enter 1 chance o.. I'm in my 1 chance, mine hs anger management issues, he says stuff like u can't use ur brain, u stupid, u r a fool n he expects u not 2 react.. My dear, from experience, fleeeeeee!!! Its nt worth it

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi Esty, good afternoon. Your mail will be published immediately. I think your fiance is a controlling man and it will take the grace of God for you to really be free to express your opinion and be yourself in that relationship. It doesn't get better with marriage. You seriously need to have a talk with him at his most sober moment.

    Take care of yourself dear.
    Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thanks dearie. I really appreciate. Lots of hugs. Aunty Eya, thank you for publishing my mail. Thank you so much and God bless you all.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous2/12/2014

    Hmm ♍γ̲̣̣̥ D̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥α̲̅ a broken engagement I̶̲̥̅̊s̶̲̥̅̊ better than a broken marriage, i bet ў☺ΰ happiness I̶̲̥̅̊s̶̲̥̅̊ far from ў☺ΰ if ў☺ΰ marry him i saw dis signs too and i went ahead to marry him today ♍γ̲̣̣̥ kids ª̳͡Rε̲̣̣̣ ♍γ̲̣̣̥ source O̶̲̥̅ƒ joy not ♍γ̲̣̣̥ husband pls and pls run for your life.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Noelle2/12/2014

    My dear esthy, don't depend on the "love " you feel right now because when you eventually get married and you can't express yourself, you might fall into depression. Be wise because he seems like he can't hit you if he feels you " disrespect" him.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous2/12/2014

    These are the signs, tomorrow u will come here to complain about your hubby. Better take a walk now b4 it's too late, like Anon3:40 said broken engagement is better than a broken marriage. Have a good life dearie

    ReplyDelete
  9. Will advise you read he-motions by TD jakes it will give you an insight to how many thinks. After that talk to him and see if there will be improvement. If not call it quits

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous2/12/2014

    Have you read the eBook, "Why Men Dump 'Nice' Ladies..."? It will really help you to turn the tables around for good. Get it for free on www.upgradeyourdating.com/secrets

    ReplyDelete
  11. Khloe12/12/2014

    My dear, I'm in the same boat ooooo. Married for almost 12yrs and it is a full blown master-slave relationship. Like someone mentioned earlier, my kids are my only source of joy at the moment. At least uve seen and can read the signs. During my time I was soo naive, thinking he could never shout or talk to me the way he does to his workers or sisters, not realizing that one day I will be just like one of his workers. I'm not sure if leaving him is the best ooo. Consider how much u av invested in the ship (I don't mean money ooo but spiritually, etc). Check within your spirit, pray and talk to him about his attitude. Confront him first and give him some time before deciding to throw in the towel. No one knows tomorrow.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Khloe12/12/2014

      *consider how much you have invested in the relationship.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous2/12/2014

      my dear d lord is ur strength.

      Delete
    3. You are very right Kloe1. She should be prayerful and not just leave him yet. Nothing good comes easy and besides, marriage must be built on a spiritual foundation. You will still see some things after marriage cos it isn't a bed of roses. Listen to our spirit first then make your decision.

      Delete
  12. I really appreciate ur advises esp the books. I have started reading the e book and its so so helpful and fulfilling. I feel so lifted emotionally and have taken the stirring wheel already with Gods wisdom. Thank u all once again. U are God sent

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous2/12/2014

      Pls just leave dat UR guy alone o. D bible said make no friends wit an angry man.

      Delete
  13. Anonymous2/13/2014

    I would caution you against going ahead with the relationship for now. It could be that yes, he will be your husband but he has to change first. But keep your mind open to the possibility that he may not be the one for you. No man is perfect but I don't think verbal abuse should be managed

    ReplyDelete
  14. Fyn Ijebu Chic2/13/2014

    Dear Poster,
    Your man is lucky to have you ooo
    What can fa iranu? I do not tolerate abuse in any form or shape. This is emotional abuse ke? If he wants an 'unemotional' relationshipe, he should get engaged to a doll. Even she-goats get emotions.
    If you are still in love, please pray for him(there is nothing impossible for God), buy him books and refer him to sites that speaks on this issues.
    Then check his upbringing, is this how is father is/was? What about the church he attends cos some church no dey allow women talk.
    If symptoms persist, speak to ur legs and gbeja(run)
    Much love

    ReplyDelete
  15. Johnson2/13/2014

    Esthy, there's hope for you in this relationship provided both of you want to make it work. My wifey told me she used to be afraid of me when we got married almost 14years ago... Things are much different now; in fact, na mi dey fear now!
    The 1st thing you need to do is work on your self esteem and make a personal commitment that no one will make you unhappy. One thing he said correctly, though, is that 'a soft answer turneth away wrath'.
    However, it is important to note that Jesus made a very big difference in my life...
    I hope my wifey will comment on this post and give some tips.

    ReplyDelete
  16. he has given you enough signal to make you decision and take off,what else do u want?pls dont allow him to make that decision first bc that is exactly where this r/s is heading too.protect,defend and save your own ego fiest assuming you still have any.sorry about that but this kind of story pisses my off

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous2/13/2014

    Wot's with men and saying if a marriage should work its in d woman's hands that's so old school #inmyopinion that's total nonsense can two walk together except they agree you have to make effort as a man and woman for your marriage to work don't put all the weight on your woman!!! most men think they are doing women a favour by marrying them so annoying...Dear Poster be lucky that God has given you the privileged to notice all this before marriage my pastor would always say "God gave us brain so he can rest"...please be wise 'Love' alone cannot keep that marriage if you cannot take it now u will never tolerate it later.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous2/13/2014

      Wisdom is profitable to direct....it might seem difficult to walk away now considering everything but how about looking back in the future and thanking God for the Grace to take the step...

      ...Philo...

      Delete
  18. Anonymous2/14/2014

    My dear just leave. I know how that love can feel especially when u think of leaving. The signs are there thank God u can read them. You are unhappy now. Imagine what it will be when u are married. Now officially trapped. You can no longer easy get out. Think well my sister. Hmmmm....

    ReplyDelete
  19. Anonymous2/14/2014

    If I would advise u from my experience I'll say u should flee from that kind of man. I've been married for almost 11yrs to a controlling, proud traditionalist who believes a woman must not be heard. A man that cannot be influenced by his wife in any situation. Worst part is he listens to every and any other person outside even if they are saying what I already said or suggested to him.
    When he has a dream, he knows d spiritual implication but my own dreams no matter how detailed or scary or revealing it is is term a result of my imagination.

    Pls no woman should willingly go into this kind of master/servant relationship. I didn't see d signs b4 going into this as a virgin at d age of 27.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Leaving is nt necessary d best option here. Hav u had a discussion abt it wit him? Iasked ds cus a lot of people have such attitude and dey never get to knw until someone points it out to them.u knw him more dan I do dats to say u should knw if he is willing to aknowledge it as his weak point. I speak from experience.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I am really grateful for all the help. I just finished the e-book I downloaded from www.upgradeyourdating.com/secrets. God really opened my eyes from it to know that I am saddled with the responsibility of how I want my marriage to be. I have spoken with him last night. I must confess I was a bit scared but God helped and I was ready for anything. I pointed out all these to him while he listened. Made him to understand that he is not doing me a favour by trying to marry me and there are things I can't take. To cut the story short, I notice he respects me more now, controls his tongue now cos I made him understand that he still have anger issues cos he cherish it, but it is pure trash. He has been looking for my face since then, he knew I was ready to leave him and he didn't want it. And before I forget, he apologised today. Something he hasn't done for a long time. He told me am a blessing to him and explained that God has opened so many doors for him since we came together. We are still on it though, but I won't give him the hand to ride me again. We women are the complicated ones not the men. The key is with us just to know how to boldly handle it and still be submissive. U guys shld help me thank God, His Holy Spirit saw me through all these even when I was scared of loosing him. I will equally encourage my fellow bloggers who are passing through this to check out that website on their personal time. The tips sure helps. God bless u all. Lots of *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awwwwww! Am so happy it worked out fine. Kip praying for him and ur family. All is well

      Delete
  22. Anonymous2/15/2014

    Esthy my Advice for you is to talk to him, had a similar situation his is always controlling, telling me who to go visit and who not to visit Etc, until I got tired of it had to confront him and tell him I can't stand it almost called off the the engagement, now we are married we are closer to each other than when we where engaged we are best of friends, talk to him tell what. His is doing That you don't like or he will think all is well no woman wants to be live with a man that treats her like a slave. The devil you knw is better than the angel you don't knw, what makes you so sure the next guy will be better. Good luck sis

    ReplyDelete
  23. Thanks love! God bless you!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Anonymous7/23/2014

    Another good book to read: "The Rules". They are a great series of books by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider.

    ReplyDelete

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