See My Ungrateful Maid?

Hello Eya,
                Happy new year to you all. I just want to rant a bit on how ungrateful and selfish maids can be. I had a maid brought to me from the village last April, three months after I gave birth cos I has to resume work. A Very neat and hardworking girl. And the kids loved her. What did I not do for this girl? Never raised my voice at her,  Paid her salary every month end, bought toiletries and weavons for her every month end, gave her money to make her hair, buy clothes, bought her a new phone, give her days off. 

When she came, I opened an account for her and held unto the withdrawal booklet, she went behind my back to request for an Atm and kept withdrawing from her salary instead of saving for university as her folks are very poor. I advise her tiya, I later realized she was sending money home to a guy, not to her parents. She told me she was travelling for Xmas, I promised her a raise in January, as well as jamb classes and jamb form, bought her bag of rice and Semo, Xmas clothes for her parents, three different Xmas clothes for her, to mention but a few. I kept asking if she would return, she said yes. 

I called her recently to
ask when she wants to return so I can send transport , and she said she is not coming back cos of some trivial issues like why my husband blocked African magic channel when he noticed she was more interested in that than the kids, she has free reins to the kitchen but prefers  drinks and fruits reserved for my husband, so he complains  etc, I asked about her schooling and she said whenever God wants her to go to school, she will go. No be God wan use us to help you so? She is 23yrs old. I spoke to the mum, who said they will call back but didn’t.

I can get help from the village very easily, but since the kids were already used to her and training a new person all over again, I decided to call her again.  See someone I wanted to help her future oh, giving me attitude. I just bone her and the mama, I just pray she doesn’t become pregnant for one village okada rider soon.

                After looking for another help who promised to come at the end of the month, I decided to ask an idle married woman in my church to help with the kids for three (half days)days a week for three weeks, to pay her 5k a week, she said she will come to my house with her three kids as they are home schooled, she offered to move in with us with her kids but I refused cos my house is small and I don’t really know her however  I agreed she comes with the kids,  even went out to purchase cartoon of noodles and beverages for their comfort, only for her to send me a nasty text that if I cannot pay her 25k for the 3weeks I should look for someone else, that she cannot settle for worse just cos she is idle…hia!! I was angry but told her thanks, I understand. My husband asked me to raise the pay to 20k but I refused, instead I’ll take them to my mum’s until the new help arrives.

I have been so bothered and just wanted a place to poor out my emotions, sorry guys for the long post, hopefully these three weeks will sort itself out by God’s exceeding grace.

Comments

  1. My dear sis, we all have stories about helps and their ingtratitude o, some are just a different specie of humans. Thanks for venting so you don't start acting out on your family and being moody. If you can get another from the village, please do and try not to think about training again. I got so tired of introduction and orientation of househelps at a point in my life, tried getting some equipments that can help with chores but it's still not easy. If you have more than one or two kids who close from School before you, then you need someone at home, picking them on your way home, changing and feeding them before thinking of dinner and other things can be really stressful on a working mother.

    Dear sistah, we have no choice until the kids are grown. It's a passing phase, the kids are growing daily and before you know it, you won't need all those Shakara people anymore.
    For now we just have to go with the flow, continue to do what you can not forgetting that soon your kids will be old enough to stand without assistance from a help.

    They disappoint a lot!!!
    Only few people are really lucky with helps. Most travel home with promises of returning, but never come back. No matter what you do for them, they still see you as a stranger, treat them like family and and see yourself cry when they treat you like an enemy. Africa Magic is a big distraction and pl;ease do not regret blocking it cos when you are not there, she will watch together with your little kids without minding the Age restriction. With Africa Magic there, she will rush to do chores only in the evening when she hears your car horn at the gate and that will increase your shouts and complains.

    Only few helps recognize and appreciate a good family. Forget the second woman cos her conditions won't even favour you. Get another from the village to help you maintain your sanity cos stress from chores plus kids can make a woman bitter and always angry, which is not good for your family, you need some rest daily to remain cheerful and sweet.
    Take care.

    With time, you won't need any stranger as a live-in-help any more. They'll just resume work in the morning, close after work and leave you in peace and please do not let this experience make you hard and btter on the next help that comes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous1/12/2014

      aunty eya welcum bk on board! Run no more!lolsss..

      Delete
  2. Anonymous1/11/2014

    My dear u r so nice n rich haba! I av a 20yrs old gal I pay her 6k per mth, she buys her toiletries n pays 4 her. Hair herself. Abeg I cannt come n kil me in satisfyin 1gal, I feed her we'll, don't shout @ her n luckily 4 me she takes care of my baby well (yes I confirmed it by puttin her in various test). So my point is u don't av 2 satisfy dem or go 2d extreme b4 dey good 2u jus be gud as in moderate treatment no vip treatment if dey wuld be nice dey wuld be n if dey wuldnt be so shal it be. Goodluck

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fyn Ijebu Chic1/11/2014

      Haba!
      U can @ least buy her toiletries in addition to d 6k.
      6k is nt upto minimum wage ooo and u r commiting an offence.
      Wat if she's ur daughter.
      Treat others d way u'll like to be treated.

      Delete
    2. Mrs Dayo1/11/2014

      I agree, six k is too small for her to buy her toiletries and still do her hair. That is not fair enough at all at all.

      Delete
    3. Anonymous1/12/2014

      How can you pay the person who looks after your children 6K? Is this not wickedness? I'll be surprised if she doesn't steal from you sef. If someone offered you 6K to watch their children would you not spit in their face? Please don't lets look down on the people we hire o. This kind of behavior towards your servants is criminal and definitely not God's will o

      Delete
    4. Anonymous1/13/2014

      The title of this essay should be "The trials and tribulations of maids and gheir madams." While some people treat their maids nicely like the writer, often times, the maids are treated badly like slaves. The woman who pays her maid N6,000/month should be ashamed of her self. If Nigeria had strong labour laws that are enforced, such things won't happen.

      Also, people that live in Nigeria have the luxury of maids. If you live overseas, you have to do these things yourself.

      Delete
    5. Anonymous1/13/2014

      @Anonymous 9:49, if your method work for you continue but once in a while give her a special treat she will appreciate you a lot. having leave with my sister for years i can tell you from experience that 99.9 of them like been treated as slaves.


      Delete
    6. Anonymous1/17/2014

      Abet I need the contact for 6k maids......will gladly pay 10k

      Delete
    7. Anonymous1/21/2014

      Did I miss something? I didn't see where she mentioned the amount she was paying the maid from the village except the idle woman whom she was paying 5k for 3days in a week which is fair enough. She said she was buying toiletries for the maid as well as giving her money for saloon and buying weavon for every other month. I don't see any offence she committed here o. Maids can be very unappreciative. And am do sure dat u people dat are critisizing are worse or would be worse if u were to have a help. Abeg beg una let person hear word.

      Delete
  3. Fyn Ijebu Chic1/11/2014

    Aunty Eya!
    U don chop d whole space with ur epistle ooo!

    ReplyDelete
  4. With six thousand, can she send even a dime home to her poor parents or save anything for herself? In thirty days ?? Pls give her a raise or provide all her needs aside the six thousand naira.

    ReplyDelete
  5. My own experience with maids na episode... Kai! Maids can be dangerous a beg... Now I got a nanny from my children's sch that comes and go and do my Sch runs after sch. And am grateful to God for sending her my way. She gets 12k @the end of the month and T.fare home daily... We share food stuffs together, even as low as tomatoes, and she is so grateful cos she's a widow with 2 daughters... Her condition is quiet poor and I hope and pray I'll be able to help her with something really tangible someday.... @poster, why not check with the nannies in your children's sch... Any of them might be willing to help..

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hmmn It seems as though the girls never like to stay at the places where they treat them well. I have a theory that if you want your domestic assistant to start misbehaving or to leave you, begin to make plans to improve their welfare or secure a better future for them you'd be amazed at how quickly another side of their personalities reveal itself. I've not been proven wrong yet.

    Just this afternoon my cousin was gisting me about a friend of hers who take her domestic assistant on international vacations with her family, they travel at least twice a year and have been to a lot of counties with her so-tey the girls passport don full and a second one had to be obtained for her sef. The babe is taken to the same salon as her madam and her family in the village are well catered for by her bosses, fantastic plans had been made for her future only for the girl to take her own hand scatter her life by getting pregnant for a driver who is probably already married with kids. Sharply-sharply, her madam dispatched her back to the village, where am sure her parents would curse her for pouring sand-sand into their garri.

    Sometimes its as though village people no dey commot hand for those girls matter.

    But that shouldn't stop us from performing our Christian responsibilities for them o!!! Pay them fairly, nurture them well, BE KIND TO THEM, counsel them about their future, pray for them and expose them to your faith then leave the rest for God.

    And above all don't be lazy about your household responsibilities, train your children to do chores even at age two!!! People living abroad don't have house-helps o!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous1/13/2014

      I completely agree with you. I don't know why they behave that way. My first help and I braided the same hairdo in the same salon on the same day at Christmastime 2011. I did everything to try and make her happy. She left with my neighbour's gateman when he was sacked.

      The second time, in the beginning I put my guard up, tried not to be too emotionally involved. Over the months, however, I couldn't help it. It got to the point that, in the market, the women there knew us as always laughing, etc. They couldn't believe she was a help. She left for Christmas this year, was supposed to come back on the 5th. She called to say her mother was dead, and that she wouldn't come back to Abuja. I sympathised with her, and sent her a small sum to help out in the burial. Guess what? My gateman saw her in our estate living with another gateman!!!

      I don't get it. It's like I just brush the girls up for gatemen to carry them off!

      Delete
  7. You all are lucky but really its a necesity not a luxury when u have kids and you have to work? Househelp kwa, an average joe cannot try it here and moreover its illegal in the UK. Au pairs and nannys are used but they only help with kids and nothing more or less. Their job description does not include chores, cooking, laundry, washing up, shopping. Some only help bath n get kids ready for school, give them breakfast, drop dem @ school, pick them up, give a snack, assist with homework, iron uniforms/kids clothes only, tidy play area, give dinner, shower n get kids in pyjamas n leave at 6 or 7pm when parents get back. They are usually registered with agencies, well trained and have childcare qualifications, criminal record check done and mandatory immunisations taken before theycan work with kids. Some are live in au pairs but they get weekend off thereby might b in d same house but not on duty and won't interefere with u, kids or anything at d weekend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous1/12/2014

      Ur Lucky if u have a nanny,am a mom of 2 (1yr and 3yrs) in school with no help can't afford daycare for the mean time. Believe me its tough from housewife duties to student

      Delete
    2. Anonymous12/07/2014

      Their nanny system abroad is nonsense! you are to work and hand over all your earnings to another person t o assist you with taking care of children. Thats why the families only have one or two children bcos home childcare is unreasonsbly exhorbitant!

      Delete
  8. Anonymous1/12/2014

    Sum pple r jst ingrates!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous1/12/2014

    Yes yes yes am d anon who pays her gal 6k. I pay her 6k cos she ws workin 4 a frnd b4 as a receptnist was paid 5k wtout accomodatn n feedin so I decided 2 add 1k 2 her fee plus many @ times myself n. Hubby dash her moni like 2k 3k n she is so grateful so nt like I gt som1 n offerd 2 pay 6k even self na 1yr. Contract fin she wuld b goin bk 2 resume her receptnist job middle of ds year cos I jus nided som 1 2 takia of my dota (I av only 1child) urgently.I nided 2 sort out fins so I jus Beged Her 2 release d gal2me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous1/12/2014

      Still, 6k is too small.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous1/13/2014

      6k is small. Whether you give her "perks" or not. There is something called minimum wage. You are worse than the leadership of this country if this is what you can afford to pay someone that cares for your kids.

      Even with accomodation, feeding and the Perks. 6k is SMALL. IT IS SMALL, SMALL, SMALL and unfair.

      Delete
    3. ANON 10: 57 and others condemning the employer, yes, 6k is small we know, it's not upto minimum wage, YES.
      How come no one has bothered to think that the employer herself may not even be earning that much? Are we saying that every woman who employs a house help must be very rich?

      Delete
    4. Fyn Ijebu Chic1/13/2014

      @Aunty Eya,
      Haba!
      If d person earns little then he/she shd forget abt the maid.
      We have a boy living with us. My mum pays his uncle 5k every month and sends him to school.
      My brothers still give him pocket money every week and we are responsible for his feeding and clothing.
      5k is small but his school fees cover the rest.
      The boy is respectful and hardworking.
      6k is small for a maid. Remember she is a girl(making her hair, buying sanitary pad, body cream etc will be difficult)

      Delete
    5. Anonymous1/13/2014

      Correct jare my sister!some comments re so annoying to read..everybody keeps saying its too small,if she's not comfortable with the money she wouldn't ve taken it in the first place!she eats at home and buys only toiletries which may nt even b up to 1,5k/month.do we even knw the pocket of d employer,haba let's b realistic.Even if u pay her 30k,she'll misbehave if she wants to.those dt pays 20k do so cos they have excess and may not even treat d maids well

      Delete
  10. No matter what you do for most help, it will never be enough! Mine left me the day after baby's dedication, so i was left to clean up all the mess, thank God my sisters were around.

    Let us talk about real life issues at www.bride2mum.com.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous1/12/2014

    Maids are vry dangerous and ungrateful only vry few are gd. We had one dat been staying with us 4 more than 23yrs! Shes is hardworking, doesnt steal but vry rude! My mum trained her frm pri one to ss3. Despite when my dad died. Nw she dnt want to go and c her mum 4 23yrs nw. She is enjoyn 2 much and hv 4gotten her mum. Nt dat she wont cum bk but she wan enjoy lag. I got her a job of 15k. She stil dnt snd moni 2 her mum. At poster u went 2 fas. Neva wil i treat a maid like dat. They dnt deserve it. I wont maltreat any or overpamper. Just put them in their shoe. And dnt b 2 free or harsh.b careful.na maid nt child...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous1/13/2014

      I totally concur with this statement. If you are a helper, you are a helper and you will have clear job descriptions.

      Delete
  12. Anonymous1/12/2014

    stil anon 204pm. She is stil stayn with us as i type dis msg. I have put her in her shoes cos she is 26 nw and since i was 2 free wit her she want to start acting rudely.
    Nw she gv me 100 percent respect. Dnt ever pay d new maid 25k. We dnt pay ours dat y i got her a job. And we feed, clothed since age 3. No one knws shes a maid

    ReplyDelete
  13. Annonymous 2:04. Is she not some one else child, wat do U mean na maid not child, dt Ur statement is very wrong and @ poster not dt am happy wit wat Ur househelp did but my dear dt word maid sounds some how,me personal dt like it,house help culd hve been beta to address her wit. Sorry abut wat happened wit Ur house help. Some of dem can be very annonying attimes, dnt worry U ll soon get a good one.

    ReplyDelete
  14. The bible in the book of Proverbs says something about servants and foolishness. It has been in existence since the beginning of time. There's a spirit in them that usually fights against them becoming something in life.just very few end up well,and those are the ones that give in to training from their madam.Wish I could remember that passage in Proverbs

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anonymous1/12/2014

    While its good to be nice 2 helps, its really good to draw a line. They are not ur kids n so don't expect 100% loyalty n appreciation from them. Treat them well, so that your conscience will be clear at all times. Remember, however that to them its just a job n if they find a place that they feel is better or get tired of the job 4 whatever reason, they will quit. I have had many helps n from experience, I know that the one that wants 2 stay will stay n the one that wants 2 leave, will. Be urself with ur helps its an employer, employee relationship. My current househelp has been with me 4 close to 2yrs. I've not treated her any different from the rest.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous1/12/2014

    I can Imagine how u feel, in novemebr I got a maid to look after my son cuz I'm preggers and my son needs special attention. She claimed to be a prayer warrior in lords choosen church, for my mind I don get born God fearing maid. She resumes work by 9 and closes by 6 but on tuesdays and thursdays I let her close by 3pm to enable her attned church. All she did for me was wash plates, and sweep my house and look after my son and spend d entire day watching AFMAG. My husband sometimes had to go out to watch football so he wouldn't disturb her . I wash clothes, go to d mart and cook. She eats bfast and dinner in my house, I paid her 12k and give her t fare once in while though she stays a street away from mine. I even dashed her cloths. My dear one morning in december she didint show up, I tried calling her and it was switched off! Wen I finaly reached her she said she was sick. I said y didint u call to tell us. She strtedd beating about d bush. I was sooo pissed. I told her she didn't do well.
    This is a woman who complained so much of how diffficult it is for her and her siblings to feed. Even d church she attends after every serious fasting getting food to eat and break d fast is a problem. One I day I over hrd her asking a pastor over d phon to pray for her for God to send her money to start a bizness. Abeg is d money suppose to fall from d sky! D very week she left my house she went to extract her teeth and lost a lot of blood, do u know dis woman refused to eat becus they were fasting for 7 days in her church I said u need to eat so u'll take ur drugs, for wia she no gree Oo°˚˚˚°! .
    Wen u see people who r poor, u pity dem but u don't know some of dem r the cause of their misfortune.
    She told me she ran to that church becus devil no want her to progress, abeg tell me how she wan take progress if she no work!
    Infact I don vex all over again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Monique1/13/2014

      SORRY, OVER THE YEARS, I HAVE ALSO COME TO BELIEVE THAT SOME POOR PEOPLE WE SEE ARE THE CAUSE OF THEIR MISFORTUNE, THEIR MENTALITY AND SENSE OF JUDGEMENT IS SO QUEER. TRY AS YOU ,MAY, YOU CANNOT CHANGE THEIR FORTUNES AND TRYING HARDER MIGHT JUST LEAD YOU THE HELPER INTO BANKRUPTCY. na me talk am.

      WHO DISAGREES?

      Delete
    2. Anonymous1/13/2014

      vry true.

      Delete
  17. I tot dt I'm only one wt househelps issue, ds ppl can be so mean, no Mata how good u 're 2 dem, I 've nt recover frm my encounter wt d last one.Na only God wl help us.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anonymous1/13/2014

    housemaid or help hv a vry stupid mentality! If u are 2 free wit them u are in 4 trouble! Just b firm in handling them. If u pamper them u wil regret it. And if u maltreat is wickedness. Then b careful with them and correct them.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Anonymous1/13/2014

    please anybody that can offer me a job @ ibadan should please a sister. Thanks

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous1/13/2014

      Where in Ibadan? and what type of job are you looking for?

      Delete
  20. Anonymous1/13/2014

    Any job like a receptionist etc. Am a final year part time student studying bussines admin i receive lectures only on saturday ,am married,an associate member of institute of strategic management of nigeria and am very hard working. I need this job to keep body and soul and to support my husband please i wil appreciate if you can help me. I reside around akingbade gbagi ibadan.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Anonymous1/13/2014

    go to www.nairacareer.com. I stay in lag. I dnt knw ibadan vry well. U might b lucky.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Anonymous1/14/2014

    alright thanks

    ReplyDelete
  23. Anonymous1/14/2014

    Everybody is talking about maids, but no one has talked about the madams and Ogas. The truth is that immediately you start treating someone like a stranger, the person will start feeling unsafe and would always find all your good deeds as a Greek gift. Which yourselves to know if you bred the monster living with you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous1/14/2014

      really? Maids whether treatd gd or bad dats their mentality ok! Did d poster maltreated her? So pls dnt say wat u are nt sure of.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous1/15/2014

      stranger? we speak same language and she calls me aunty so everone assumes she is my sister, she dresses well, enters my room, free in the kitchen. yet she misbehaves. some madams are harsh sha oh, while some helps are good to.

      Delete
    3. Anonymous1/15/2014

      No matter what you do to some house helps, they will still be bad to you. The funny thing is that the ones with good madams are mostly bad and never appreciate anything the madam does for then while the ones with bad madams are mostly good. It just baffles me sometimes.

      Delete
  24. Maids, househelps are all ungrateful, av had my fair share of deir bad attitudes.......In oda words does anyone in d house knows how to get corporate live-in househelps in lagos mayb dey'll be different. I need asap. Help a sis plsssss

    ReplyDelete
  25. Anonymous1/17/2014

    I have a maid I do not pay a dime,but gives her pocket money of 2k monthly,I buy all she needs.Her dad personally called that I do not pay for her services but to ensure she goes to school.I enrolled her in an evening lesson where I pay 5k monthly.I want to have her wit me until she get married,She's 16 years old and takes good care of my kids.Some days she does not go for lesson cos I may come late home.I treat her like a sister cos I dont know who will care for my own kids tomorrow.I do not give her VIP treatments like my sister does,cos u spoil dem doing so.Always pray to God before you pick ur househelps,ask him for direction and He(God)will work out things for ur good.Educate dem about sex and let dem know d dangers involved outside mariage.God will c u thru sis.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Anonymous1/19/2014

    My own question is why are these people so proud. Why do they feel like they are better than us. I have done my best. I don't know if its because I have a lot of kids but they keep leaving. I pay 20k by the way. Excluding their maintenance. And I creche my baby. Yet I can't sleep well cos I fear they will leave. No wahala sha. The young too shall grow. In 5 years this won't be my story.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Anonymous2/24/2014

    PLS am seriously in need of a maid . i stay in abuja. pls who can help

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Feel free to email us with comments, suggestions, recipe ideas, or pretty much anything! We love hearing from you an are always excited to receive a comment or email from a blog reader.
Contact Email: cuulme@gmail.com

Most comments are by blog readers. Always seek Professional Help First.
“As an Amazon Associate I earn a commission from qualifying purchases.” When readers purchase items through links on this blog.
- Eya Ayambem

SHARE POST

BLOG VIEWS