Become A Housewife Until All Our Kids Are Grown?

Good morning aunty eya I've been a silent follower of your blog since 2012.God has been using you to save many marriages.pls ma don't disclose my identity my name is.My husband wants me to be a housewife till after giving birth to all my kids and I just have a son now.

He said
he doesn't need a househelp.he meets my financial needs well but I just feel like practising my nursing profession.I feel so backward when I see my mates I graduated with.I'm beginning to get depressed.I need advice from d house

Comments

  1. Anonymous1/19/2014

    I can understand the depression especially if you stay home all day with no adults to have adult conversations with. Talk to your husband about it you don't have to go back into full time employment but you can do it part time even if it means volunteering a few hours a day three times a week at your local health centre. Professions like nursing require you to be always on the job whether part time or full time otherwise if you leave it for many years you will have to do a refresher course as many things change while you were away. Find a way to talk to him calmly and rationally about it and have an agreement that you will take time off when you get pregnant and too heavy to work until after delivery and the baby is old enough. If I was you I would use the part time volunteering approach to win him over with the idea and take it from there. Depression can be very dangerous. In the meantime while still at home keep on educating yourself using the internet or with any medical books that you may have do not let your brain stay idle. You can even look for a health centre that has a creche so you can take your son along with you for the few hours you will be volunteering your services you need to make your husband see reason behind your wanting to go back to work.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous1/19/2014

      You don't know what child bearing plans God has for you so you can use this angle as well you could be done child bearing in the next five or fifteen years only the good Lord knows. So God forbid your next baby is to come in fifteen years time will he want you to stay home for that long? Try and reason with him along those lines.

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    2. You said he takes good care and provides for you so, I'll advise you try your best to save reasonably cos you never know. If he insists you stay home with the kids, have your savings intact sweetie

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    3. Anonymous1/20/2014

      nonsense! She shuld practice wat she had learned.

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  2. My dear, I understand how u feel. The first annon, has answered u correctly. It is well. I pray he understands.

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    1. Am so happy to recover my gmail acct bk#dacing#

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  3. Fyn Ijebu Chic1/19/2014

    One of the things I av discussed severally with my fiance, we even fought over it.
    He likes the idea of a full housewife and keep saying once he is comfortable enough
    But as a proper full blooded ijebu chic, my head is always thinking business. Infact, I only fall sick when I am idle, I can't be idle sef. I must find business to do or something to learn.
    Pls, explain to ur husband. Tell him how u feel.
    But be calm abt it. Dnt do gragra. Poco a poco.
    Single ladies, make sure u thrash this issue out before marriage oo, if ur husband na cunny man, jus jejely sign agreement wit am.
    And if u r d lazy type, make sure he pays ur salary. Anything can happen @ any given tym!

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  4. Anonymous1/19/2014

    Even if u cant do proper work u can volunteer at ur church hospital if u ve or any other mission hospital.
    Explain to him that as a nurse u cant be outta work for long cos u may forget somethings plus it wont be good for ur c.v wen u eventually want to work.
    Use wisdom nd dont make it s fight. U can insist nd still win.
    Dont forget to also save save save

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  5. poster1/19/2014

    Thanks a lot to you wonderful ladies for your sisterly advice.I've been saving money little by little.I will look into d area of volunteering.

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  6. Anonymous1/20/2014

    The best part about this post is all the ladies advising her to save save save. That is a step in right direction Nigerian women are slowly relying the importance of having their own finances in your their name.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous1/20/2014

      *realizing*

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  7. Anonymous1/20/2014

    U can use that time to develop ur self like taking a professional course,learning a skill etc which will be valuable to you later. Cheers! Don't get depressed. Before u know it u will be done with child bearing.

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  8. I will advise you talk to him about opening a Pharmacy around your neighborhood. Then, your nursing profession won't be in vain cos pregnant women will be your customers.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous1/21/2014

      Nursing and pharmacy are tow different professions and any nurse running a pharmacy without being a qualified pharmacists and having a license to practice is doing so illegally and can actually do more harm than good to the patients. Only in Nigeria na wah!

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  9. poster1/20/2014

    @Oge Odu tanx a lot for DAT idea.I will make inquiry abt DAT before discussing with my hubby

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous1/21/2014

      my dear are you a qualified and licensed pharmacist? Because if you are not then you will be what is known in the medical circles as a "quack pharmacist" do not even attempt to do so if you are not a qualified and licensed pharmacist and may actually be endangering people's lives. Doctors write prescriptions and pharmacists administer them so where do you come in as a pharmacist?

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  10. Dear Poster......I'm your professional colleague and I know how it can be when a Nurse does not practise.
    My advice is.......if he doesn't want you to work, ask for his permission and support to take an online course.
    You have to do something that will keep your brain functioning(academically and professionally) on a regular.
    GOD'S Grace and guidance.

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  11. poster1/20/2014

    @Ayo my professional colleague tanx a lot do u know any online course to recommend.pls can I have ur email so we could talk more.I reside in Lagos.Tanx for ur anticipated support

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous1/20/2014

      Check out university of derby's online top up degree in nursing on Google.

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    2. Hi. Meetcorkie@yahoo.com

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  12. Anonymous1/20/2014

    anonymous 8:51, money is not the poster's problem. she just want to keep tab about her profession, she does not want to stay idle after labouring so hard in school to go thru the training. my dear just talk to your husband mildly and start by volunteering in a nearby healthcare centre so as to remain current, by the time u are done giving birth you wud not have forgotten most of the things you were thought in school. believe me you will be fulfilled.

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  13. Poster the first anon said it all. Please try to speak to him so you work part time so as not to loose ur Nursing skills.
    I don't intend to scare you but working and bringing up young kids is very demanding and stressful.
    I'm on maternity leave and I'm so not looking forward to resume back to work and I'm seriously weighing my options of going back part time or quitting (I don't want to financially depend on hubby 100%)
    Once kids get into bed at 8pm I can hardly keep my eyes open so I tend to sleep just after they are asleep. Ican just imagine how going back to work will be for me and still manage to be a mum, wife, home maker. Earning ur own money and being in touch with your career and the outside world for us women does wonders to our self esteem and confidence but the stress level is just soooooooo full on when a family is involved. I guess we can't have our cake and eat it,

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    1. Anonymous1/21/2014

      Infact ehn, working and managing a home is not easy at all, I am expecting my second child now, and I've been seriously thinking of resigning soon, I just need to start up a small business of my own first before I do.

      When I read fyn ijebu chic's comment about thrashing such issues out before marriage, I lol'd. She shld get married and start having kids first, then she'd know it's easier said than done.

      Mothers who do not work are not lazy, people have different priorities, and for them, that's one of the sacrifices they choose to make for their kids

      Delete
  14. Anonymous1/20/2014

    i am anonymous 1:04. Believe me its not easy, I have always wanted to quit my job cuz of the stress, just that i feel fulfilled with working. that is why am now seriously in need of an househelp. I have 2 kids and i have always manage that alone but right now i have spoken to my husband to see reason with me for the househelp and thank God he agrees so i cant wait to have one. Am praying to God for a good one.

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  15. My dear. Discuss with your husband o. Because tomorrow now it will be raise the kids to a certain age. I pray he understands for your sake

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous1/21/2014

      true the earlier this is resolved the better and then when the kids reach the certain age he will now tell you that you are too old to go back to work men sha! very selfish human beings always thinking about their interest and no one else

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  16. My dear. Discuss with your husband o. Because tomorrow now it will be raise the kids to a certain age. I pray he understands for your sake

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  17. Anonymous1/21/2014

    My dear. One thing we Nigerians have not been doing in volunteering. Why not look for a hospital to volunteer some hours every week? even if it is once a week. you said he meets your financial needs so you don't need to be paid plus you have something o write in you CV as work experience. I am sure your husband will not mind your stepping out of the house for some hours one or twice a week. also why not take a public health online course? you can study at your paste. trust me when you consider all these options you will not even have time for thinking.

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  18. Anonymous1/21/2014

    Men!!! I don't have any child yet and my husband won't let me work. Our marriage is a year old. He told me if I start any job I should be prepared to leave his house. Told his sisters about it and one of them said I should pray about it so God can change his mind while the other one said if he doesn't want me to work then I shouldn't work.
    Right now I am too angry to pray about it cause I don't understand why a man will marry a graduate( when there are lots of illiterate women around) and tell her not to have a career. The worst part is when I ask for money to buy things he doesn't give me. If what I asked for isn't for food, he would tell me there's no money for it.
    I hate being broke and I also hate begging for money from anyone even my parents are aware, that's why I have always worked to earn money for my self rite from when I graduated from secondary school. The Lord knows am not the demanding type but whenever I want something then that thing is very important I should have it.
    Ok, what about my parent needs? though they have jobs but I feel as a graduate am supposed to work and send them money every month to show gratitude of what they did for me. And not being able to do so hurts me.
    I don't know if anyone understands what am writing because am not the type that knows how to express my problems I just keep them inside*confused*
    The only thing I think about now is how to quit this marriage.....

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous1/21/2014

      Were you working when he met you and married you? Did you have this leaving work discussion before marriage? My dear looks to me like you have married a dictator who wants to control all aspects of your life. that is how they start by crippling you financially. I wouldn't quit just yet if I were you try and involve both families in this matter as in have a sit down family meeting with elders (forget those his sisters) from both sides and lay down everything you have written here. If he does not want you to work then he better be prepared to give you a stipulated house/feeding allowance, a personal allowance and an allowance for the child or open a business for you to manage that way you are working but not working if it makes sense. And like women have said in this post whatever the outcome start saving o if you aren't saving already.

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  19. Anonymous1/22/2014

    anonymous 5:34, i agree with you. anonymous 3:26 shud involve family fast before you get pregnant o, if he does not want you to work he shud pay you some monthly allowance that wud cater for your needs or else, find your square root b4 he impregnate you. its a serious issue o cuz cant imagine what he his doing that for when you dont even have any kid yet he does not want you to work and he does not give you allowee, does he want you to go abt begging for money, na wa for some men sha. most men ask their wife to stay at home when kids start coming and they compensate them for that, your parent needs to be catered for when they retire especially cuz they labour so had to educate you.

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  20. Anonymous1/22/2014

    my dear i undastd u whole,cos i leave wit dat kind of man.i am a graduate.although i stay in d east n lyk u knw dere r more shops dan firms dere.cos biz is dere tin.i got a bankn job thru my uncle but my hubby said if i try it he wud throw me out cos i was going to prostitute.n i had to turn d offer dwn wich my uncle till date is still angry abt.my inlaws feel am lazy,cos dat d pic he paints to dem.but wen i go out n get a job,he frustrates me out of it.d last tym i got a teachn jjob,at nyt wen i try to write my plan,he makes it hell for me.at tyms he wakes d kids up deliberately.he say dat he pays his secretary two times my salary n yet i slave my sef for nuttin.i had to stop cos i was drying up.i hv two kids n preg for d third,but dis stayn at hm is drivn me crazy.n d waste is her doesnt meet my nids at all butt he is finanacially capable.he said nuttin wud mk a wuman feed him.n i dnt evn pray for dat.i dont evn see my sef earng more dan him.his entire fam is biz minded.but am not a biz person at all.he says i shd cm n stay in one of his shop.wich i do but he doesnt gv me a dime oly for my food dats 300.i am so sick n tried of all dis.i cant afford to buy tins for me n d kids.

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  21. Anonymous1/22/2014

    @Anon 12:56pm I suggest u join him in his biz and leave work for now though u could start later.I think it u should go to his shop u mentioned regularly at least to clear d air abt u being lazy or not .Wit DAT u could even sweet talk him into opening ur own for u.U could still be fulfiled as a business woman.

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  22. Didnt u heard what she said... 300 naira for food only.. Ha! Pls go get a job somewhere...

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  23. Anonymous1/23/2014

    my husband offered to pay me my current salary every month for me to resign. i refused. its kinda wrong to be paid for looking after my kids and taking care of my house, but even if its not, how sure am i that he will pay regularly? what do i do if he does not have? will he still give me upkeep and feeding allowance after paying me my salary? i weighed all these options and kept on working even though im having issues with the baby sitter and getting a maid but we are coping somehow somehow

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  24. Anonymous1/29/2014

    My dear proffessional. Colleque it is not really easy becos l once had dat experience on fifteth issue but l applied patient and wisdom,l went and learnt another trade which he helped me to start a business,which l was managing til all entered boarding school then l went back to my proffession also went back to school for my BSnursing now l am a graduate nurse.just try to involve urself in the voluntry work as u are being adviced becos staying will demorilize u and lead u to depression.just Love him more.one day he will change his mind hold on

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