The British Woman Wants Me Back In Nigeria, What Can I Do?

Hi eya..pls I need advice cause I really dn,t knw what to do now.i,m 27, married with a kid.my hubby left nigeria 2010 to d uk for greener pastures..i was still a student when he left..he said I was too young to stay all by myself n so I had to stay with his family.it was,nt so easy stayin there but I survived it.

He tried bringin my child and I to the uk 5 times but our applications were refused.miraculously we were granted our visa this year and joined him.After some months here,i found out he had a baby with someone that has a British passport.

The lady in question wanted me to go back to nigeria while she moves into his home and takes care of my child n her own child.i bluntly refused the offer and even though my main plan was to see my hubby n come back to nigeria because of school(was in 300level) I was scared to loose my husband to this lady...i made
sure hubby paid the child support(50 pounds evry week)to her child but she wanted me out of the way and because that din,t happen she called the police on my hubby claiming he raped her.

My hubby has been in police detention over a month now awaiting court hearing 4 next year.i could,not pay for our rent as I dn,t hv a valid passport to work n had to move out..my child is out of school now and I really dn,t knw what to do next.

Coming back to nigeria would mean starting over again staying with my inlaws. (sorry for the long writeup) but right now i,m sooo confused and praying that my hubby dosen,t go to jail next year..pls what do you think? What can I do in this situation?

Comments

  1. Anonymous13:17

    @ poster don't fight a fight that u can't finish,tk d right step and cm bck 2 naija,am a woman like u but I ll advise u 2 cm bck 2 naija if u ve d. Lady's num call her and tell her 2 come bck home dat u ll leave and also talk 2 ur hubby 2 dance 2 her tones u r in uk and uk's immigration r wicked. Bcus of love go bck 2 naija so u can complete ur sch n tk care of ur child, and rmba 2 tell ur hubby 2 always send u money evri wk asin ur allowance and also move out of ur in law's huz 2 ve ur self respect bck and I kn ur hubby ll understnd u. If u refuse 2 cm bck home ur hubby might b sent 2 jail n u ll loose evritin u ve den u ll b saying had. I kn, now d bow is in ur court let her in and ve ur peace I kn ur hubby don't love her, he jst wnt d papers and bliv me very soon they ll ask for devorce mostly wen ur hubby has gained his rightful self. He ll surely work out ur papers for u ok n don't stop praying,God ll see u tru and. I kn its painful. Tk care love

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous13:20

      ??????????????? huh?????????

      Delete
    2. oyinspirit06:04

      Pls learn how to spell. This is beyond me!

      Delete
  2. patsy13:35

    This is a serious mess oh, but how could you let go of school?
    My advice is you come back to nigeria and complete ur study... It's ur hubby's decision to either drop the other lady, or keep her... For now you may remain until ur hubby clears his case so he doesn't say you abandoned him. As for the bills, get a friend of ur hubby to help you clear them if you have the cash... Pls try as much as possible to ignore the other lady so she doesn't get you thrown in jail too, and leaves ur child to suffer!
    You need ur education my dear, and I hope u're legally married to this man, and not just having a child for him as well... Pls get ursef empowered, life is not all about fighting to keep a man... Hope u understand my last phrase shall, dnt mean any harm.. Get a self worth u know, smthing that keeps u running incase of raining days like this... Hope I didn't hurt anybody, I ve a lot to write down, but dnt wanna hurt feeling pls...

    Patsy

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  3. Johnson14:17

    Some questions for you:
    1. Are you really married to this guy – I mean customarily & legally?
    2. The other lady – is the relationship between her and ‘hubby’ legalized or it’s just the baby between them?
    I know that your blessing and prosperity is not tied to any location. If you cannot make it in Nigeria, you won’t make it in the UK!
    Would they really detain your hubby, for over a month, over an alleged rape? Then all the men in UK are in trouble cos the ladies can just call police and shout rape!
    You would be staying in the UK illegally if your stay is over 6months, irrespective of the visa you have – so be careful… you might get yourself into immigration trouble – that would be double wahala.
    You need to come back home and work out a future for yourself. Hubby would have to sort himself out. The best you can do is support him with prayers. However, he cannot expect to dine with the devil and not get stained. He must free himself by recognizing where mistakes have been made, while taking necessary steps to correct every wrong.

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  4. Anonymous15:07

    Pls check Abefe ibadiran on Facebook she might be able to help,she lives in the uk too.

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  5. Anonymous15:39

    Happy Sunday Aunty Eya please can you recommend a good gynaecologist, that his service is not too expensive in Lagos. please it is very urgent! thank u!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous10:06

      Royan hospital Ojodu, very good gyn.and not expensive..

      Delete
  6. What type of visa do you have? The 1st step is going to whatever welfare services they provide in the UK. Also, try and find a job, There are many Nigerians there.... reach out to them and see if someone can help you. Do not let that woman take your child from you. Forget that man... he cheated on you, has a baby with someone else and you're trying to help him out of jail? He can rot in there for all i care.

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  7. Anonymous18:05

    Are you really married to this man? Depending on your immigrant status if you cant get a job just go back to ur parents in nigeria. That man decieved you and has put you in a difficult situation. It is not worth it to waste your life on him.

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  8. Anonymous18:21

    @Anon 3.39pm.Dr Ajao-Toki Medical centre,3 sabiu Ajose cresent,off Modupe Johnson cresent,Adeniran Ogunsanya st,surulere

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous18:24

    Sad,but the man cheated on you,u need to be wise my sister,I really hope u are legally married to him like you said cos if not when u leave the uk for him and the other lady,he might just marry her,for a man to get another woman pregnant...when he knows he has another child in Nigeria,well I just pray he doesn't keep cheating on both women,which kind man be that self,na wa for some kind men,just using women any how

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  10. Anonymous19:16

    The people saying he cheated on u suprises me,a lot of naija men that go to d uk to hustle witout any strong reason there(school,job or biz) always end up marrying a white woman jst 2 get papers,it doesn't mean he loves or bcos he has a child here he shld go there 2 suffer wen he sees an easy way out,yes ,I am a woman,maried and with a kid,let's b real,no naija guy wld go to d uk 2 hustle witout marrying a white woman when we knw how uk is,my dear sorry 4 d long epistle,him marrying a whit woman doesn't mean he loves her,@ least he showed he hadn't 4gotten u wen he even brot u and ur baby over so don't desert him now
    Come bck home,finish ur schooling,u can engage in petty biz to support urslf,call an tell d woman u are out of d way and make sure u don't leave ur child in d uk,tell her to release ur hubby by dropping d charges.
    Move out of ur inlaws house if u are not comfortable,make sure ur hubby still sends money,when he is bouyant,tell him 2 come bck home and establish himslf.
    Shikena

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous19:19

      Sorry 4 d typos,I was in a hurry but I hope u get my drift

      Delete
    2. Amanda19:53

      Correct comment!!!!!!!!!!

      Delete
    3. Lizzy21:07

      The mistake here was that he made this white woman pregnant. He could havve also hid the poster and her baby away from the white lady. Mayb rented a room or apartment for poster explain the situation of things to poster. Then play happy families with the white lady until he receives his indefinite leave to remain.
      Now he has blown it bcoz I'm pretty sure the oyinbo will do everything to stop him getting his papers.
      Poster I'll suggest you return to najia, start up a business and continue school.

      Delete
    4. Anonymous00:48

      what a STUPID comment. So all naija men in the UK are using white women for papers? Sorry to break it to you but not all nigerian men are in the uK doing yahoo yahoo rubbish. Many nigerians are in the UK legitimately. If you ask me this girl has married a criminal. And how can you say he's not "cheating" if he doesn't love the white woman. He slept with a woman he is not married to. I don't care if she is black green or orange. As long as he slept with her he committed adultery which is a SIN. So not only is he a criminal, he's also a cheat. This girl had better run back to her own family, not her in laws, in nigeria, before he lands her in trouble

      Delete
    5. Its simple, the man cheated on his wife, had a baby with the said white woman, and without bringing that unholy relationship to some sort of closure, brought his wife to come handle the mess for him. Question to the poster though, what does he have to say in all of this? Anyways, I second the advice to come back home. Your staying there doesn't help him in anyway and puts you at risk and you have to think of your child too. Send a message across to the white lady that you're taking yourself out of the equation and returning home. If that prompts her to drop her charges, then I think you should advice your husband to return to Nigeria and forget the "greener" pastures. As someone said, success is not location based.

      I hope you deffered your studies and can pick up where you left when you return to Nigeria. And about staying with his parents, why don't you move back to your parents home? At least until you can rent a place of your own?

      I wish you all the best and God's grace

      Delete
    6. At anon7:16 pls I don't agree with u! So its allowed for a man to go hustle in uk, marry and have kids. While d wife is in 9ja. What if the reverse was the case? Can a woman leave her husband in 9ja then head to uk and marry a white man for papers? Pls what the man did is wrong. And we should not encourage it, at all. He cheated shikenan! There are also men that go to uk and start working legitimately so all that is no excuse to me. @ poster find away to come back to Nigeria. Go see your husband in jail and explain to him that its not that you want to abandon him, you just need to go back and finish your school and you can't keep up with the unpaid bills. Am sure he will understand. Then for the oyinbo woman tell her she has won that you are going back to Nigeria! Am sure she will drop the charges then. When you get back to Nigeria, you can start up business, moreover you are 27 and old enough to stay on ur own, u must not stay with inlaws now. Engage in prayers and let God help you$

      Delete
    7. Dearest Deborah,
      Your comment is so on point!!!
      Poster, please take to her advice.

      Delete
    8. Anonymous10:20

      Dear Deborah, ur comment is too much..u said d right thing.

      Poster ur guy cheated on u dat alone shd give u a heads up dat u got to better urself, ur guy is not only selfish but selfcentered.

      Pls don't get it wrong peeps it not only getting invovled with a white woman dat our black men can get papers, its only d cheapest(attitude wise), n selfish way to get papers for married Nigerian men, other ways cld b stressful n long but worth going thru.

      Poster this cld b hard but try and move on cos ur man made his decision without getting u involved, pls try and come back to Nigeria n better urself by 1st finishing school. Pls...very important.

      Delete
  11. I say pray, pray hard. You don't need to work there. Come to your country and start something creative. With effort and persistence you are going to save your marriage.
    Jdy last posted...How to approach women anywhere

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous16:30

      Abeg make una rest with 'pray, pray'.
      @Poster, you better carry yourself home. When you wanted to marry that man, why didn't you do you investigations to know what he is doing in UK? Oya na, mrs somebody, na ur cross, carry am well

      Delete
  12. Anonymous23:24

    Whether your husband was motivated by the need to acquire papers or not the point is he has defiled your marriage vows. You need to 1) reach out to any NGO that can help you
    2) if your visa has expired then u need to leave so as possible to avoid negative consequences. 3) finish your education and get something going to provide for your family because your husband might be in jail for longer than u anticipate. As for your husband you need to pray for him and see if u can arrange legal help for him throught the NGO's. You need to take control of this situation because it is your home and your marriage not the baby mama's. If she can do that then she can do worse...

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  13. Anonymous00:46

    Sometimes I swear the daftest women write in to this site. Your hubby has FOOLED you big time! If you don't pack your load back to nigeria quick quick that oyinbo woman will land you in jail as well! What kind of rubbish is this? If you had been the one to have a child with another man, would he have welcomed you, your baby daddy and your baby with the other man into his home?!

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    Replies
    1. U dnt really need 2 be insultive 4 u 2 make ur point, it's impolite

      Delete
    2. Anonymous19:48

      sometimes impoliteness is necessary. You need to call a spade a spade. If it's stupid to remain there waiting for him to come out of prison jeopardizing the kid's futures, then it Just is!

      Delete
  14. Anonymous10:10

    poster pls come back home and complete or studies so that u will get a better job to take care of or son. or husband loves u, he only marry d British woman to get his papers(which is very common of naija guys in abroad) and besides he lovs u morethan her dats why he wanted to settle her out in d first place. hid my advice ooh Com back home ur husband is big enough to take care of himself over there. ®mama twins©

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  15. Anonymous17:24

    Y'all saying she shouldn't stay with her inlaws, is it better to go back home and stay wv her parent? Isn't it money she will use to secure an apartment for herself? She's not working and she doesn't have a biz. So what do u expect her to do.

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  16. Anonymous21:44

    I have so much sympathy for you poster. D mistake u made was to stay back with a visiting visa (deduced from your story). Do you think its easy to survive in the uk without papers? Its very obvious your husband is at d mercy of d lady who must have given your hubby the papers thru marriage...hmm, u better leave before she sets u up with d police too. Visit your husband in the prison and discuss at length with him. Let him know you are not abandoning him but d law demands that you leave. Its better to leave on your own than to be caught and deported! U might be denied access to the uk for years.

    ReplyDelete

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