How Do I Investigate My Long Travelled Husband?

Hello Eya and Wives connection readers,
I am a reader of this blog who has kept my problems to myself until I saw the post from the Nigerian lady whose husband has got a baby with a British woman cos of papers. That post increased my worries, I could not sleep the whole night, the helpful hints, tips and advice from readers also made me confident enough to send in my problem.

My husband
left Nigeria two years ago with the promise of bringing the whole family over after one year. Things didn't work out as planned and up till now I do not have a passport/visa. No successful Interview till date. I am so frustrated. To help him travel out, We sold our 3 cars, house, furniture and moved into a small rented apartment.Last year December, he visited and it was after his departure that I discovered I was pregnant for our third child. I have a two month old baby right now, my husband and I never saw each other all through the period of pregnancy.

From what he tells me on the phone, things are difficult for him over there and even the phone calls have reduced, no more as frequent as he used to. Right now I can't even reach him unless he calls me. With three kids, managing in a self contained apartment, I never thought it would take this long before the whole family joins him in The UK. 

I am deeply worried that he might be living with or married to another woman over there. I asked him and he vehemently refused and says he was shocked that I'm losing trust in him but for obvious reasons like his inability to send us money like he used to, infrequent calls and my being unable to reach him unless he calls, I don't know how to keep trusting.

I want to keep trust aside and investigate my hubby if that is possible cos my little salary is overstrained. The shame and everything after announcing to friends that we had only one year to be in Nigeria and now it is two years with no concrete hope of leaving the country. If there is a way of finding out if my husband is living with a woman or married, please someone help me. I am not very versed with internet use but I do understand that any one can be investigated on the internet if you know how to.

Please I need advice and tips on how to find out if hubby has married another for the sake of papers.
No insult pls.

Comments

  1. BeeCee13:16

    This one is not easy at all. Speak with Nigerians over there, those who know you and him as husband and wife and also search his Facebbok profile.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous15:33

    Start from facebook, ask questions.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous17:09

    The fact that you cant reach him when you want to has just reinforced my opinion that he is living with a woman. I live here and i can tell you for free that marrying a british woman is the only way he can get his papers unless where he works files for a visa for him. But am guessing thats not the case. You are in a real pickle. I suggest you just live your life and forget about him. Because chances are he now has a family here. Which is why you can call and reach him when you want to. If he comes back fine if he doesnt at least you didnt waste your time waiting. Good luck dear and God bless.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous17:33

      Kiky! U wan give the poster HBP?
      Poster, what type of visa did your husband leave with? If it's tourist/visit, the chances are that he's either living illegally or as Kiky said he's doing something really dodgy.
      He must be getting in touch with friends and family - contact those that are close to him for info.
      You sold cars, house... for him to travel? The babalawo wey tell am to leave Naija na real bastard!
      Tell your hubby to post his pics on FB, esp those he took at home... You can actually track the location (GPS) of most pics taken with phones - that will give an idea of his coordinate. For the trust mata - na only God you fit trust for this case...

      Delete
  4. Lizzy17:56

    This is a tough one. Doesn't he have a number you can reach him on? How come you can't reach him or else he calls you. Ask for his address and get some1 to help you investigate.
    Facebook is good to Investigate but some people are very good at hiding therefore you might not find any useful info there.
    I'll suggest you speak tto him and suggest that he starts saving up and after a couple of years (2-3yrs) if things are not getting better and you haven't joined him then he should return to be wth you and the kids. The money he saved over the years should be used to start up a business when he returns or he shoould look for a job when he returns.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous18:19

      Person sell house & cars to leave Naija, and tell am to return - dat na deportation! All the single ladies, and mamas in the house, say no to husbands wanting to travel out without concrete arrangement. Either the whole family travels or una rock am together. Haba, no bi for dis Naija Dangote hammer?!
      Poster, you go need contact SSS, CID, FIB, Scotland yard to help you investigate… Which kin marry bi dis? The man no get close relatives – habalistically!

      Delete
    2. Zaram10:46

      Bikonu, this brings ne to this question,my hubby too is planning to go and continue his studies, says he'll get a job over there and invite us over with time,shld I let him go? Cos honestly, I dnt feel like joining him as I dnt know wat lies ahead of us in the states.I have a very vert good paying job here and I see no reason why I shld leave Naija.Pls WC, shld I let him go or just follow him to strt afresh? These stories re quite scary!

      Delete
  5. Anonymous20:15

    @ poster u ve to be prayerful and forget abt the incestigation and move on like notin hapnd cus if u kn d truth u ll b hrt broken and if u don't kn d truth u ll still b hrt broken so jst move n neva u trust any man,jst ask him 2 giv u a certain amt use it 2 start. Somtin good that ll b. Ok 2 feed ur family and also maintain a sealed lips so frds won't laugh at u.find smtin doin dat ll help u n ur kids and ve it in mind dat he is smwhr wit or witout a woman.don't kill urslf our notin cus evn if u investigate and d truth is out u ll still welcome him bck 2. Ur arms.so dnt ve HBP ovr notin.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Shayor@SoupaBowl22:14

    My own advice fit get as e be o! I'm assuming u av a job since u talked abt salary! Its no rocket science getting a business visa using ur work place. Infact getting a Uk visa is not as tough as ppl think it is! Attempt it! Don't tell him u r applying, just apply, n trust God dt u will get it. Stylish ask for d area he lives or name of office! Sometin to work witj! Den try an impromtu visit! U know d name he travelled with, trust me, it won't be difficult to find him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous15:46

      A no no for me.

      Delete
  7. Wait oh, you guys sold 3 cars, ur apartment and I guess you also emptied ur saving just for 1 person to go to "space" sorry UK?????????

    This is same advice I've been giving to all my peeps... Stay home! Put all those visa money into a business pple are genuinely making dough here.

    See madam.... There is a 100% possibility he already has a mistress over there, even if he was in naija, he'll play around under your nose least to speak fro him being far away!

    You don't need to investigate anything, just take the bitter pill. Except you are tryin to tell me ur hubby is a Reverend Father on a foreign mission trip to London!




    Nuff'Said...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous12:16

      Ehis ooo. Let me laugh in peace fa - habatically!

      Delete
    2. Hmmm, who be this wey kno ma native name?

      Ebere you are a suspect!

      Delete
  8. I feel for you. The Lord is your strength. Please try to put yourself together for your children and believe God to touch his heart.

    Things may be hard for him over there and he might have move on without telling you the truth so as not to break your heart.

    I wish you well.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous11:29

    Hmmm... The risk pple take in life enh, is HORRIBLE!! What were u thinking... My only advice is for you to get rooted in God, and expect nothing or anything from ur hubby! If you investigate him, and find the truth, can you change anything? What can you do, if he's cheating on you maybe u'll insult him and call him names, faint, get sick, start hating pple and depressed and if he's suffering, u start praying day and night for him... What can you do!
    You sold all for ur hubby na wao, I just can't comprehend this at all... A house with 3 cars, u guys where doing well... All u need is prayers my dear, not investigation, bcos u can't sue ur hubby if u find fault or can u? Did u guys sign any paper of agreement? I don tire abeg! Gosssssh!

    Patsy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anon 11:29 has said it all, just because of traveling abroad they sold car, house etc, my advise is that my sister forget about investigating ur husband and be praying for ur husband cos things might be tight for him over there. God help

      Delete
  10. Anonymous12:12

    seconded. may God help us, selling all u ve just for him to travel? na whao God please open my eyes not to make this kind of mistake. my sister na whao u dont need to investigate any thing pick up ur pieces and move on ur life.. mostly continue praying that whatever it is that is holding him will let him go. i wish u well.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Nife15:19

    Your husband wanted to do away with you! Can't you see? He wants a fresh start and needed all the money he could gather. He sells 3cars and a house just to travel! I know prayer is good but haba! Habatically! This is clear for you to see already don't be in denial

    ReplyDelete
  12. POSTER15:54

    Thank you all for comments and suggestions. I really needed a closure and it's as if some comments here made me stronger. I don't think I can handle any unfavorable truth neither do I want to make my children motherless. I will move on cos by my standards, am still young and good-looking. Men still turn their heads at me so when next he calls, I will give him a piece of my mind and tell him the wait is over.
    Am on the losing side I know but no problems. life can be difficult times.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Anonymous20:36

    Av bn a reader of dz blog bt av neva commented.. But ds one, I cnt pass @ all especially seeing dt d poster has decided 2move on
    Dear poster, plss, I beg u in d name of wteva u hold sacred, tink again about ur decision 2 get a closure.. I knw it myt b hard, bt hv u eva tot of d fact dat tyns myt b hard 4ur hubby ova dia, or probably, he's bn hiding 4rm d cops cos of one reason or anoda.. Dia r so many tyns u nid 2 consider.. May b he may nt wnt 2 tel u his challenges cos he myt feel dt he'll b viewed as A̶̲̥̅ disappointment especially afta all d sacrifices made 2 see him get ova dia (dts selln d hauz n cars).. Well, dts nt 2 say dt ur fears may nt b ryt, buh I'll say u shud jst gv him d benefit of doubt and hope tyns get beta soonest.. All d best!! Luv from Zee

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous08:39

      Thank you Zee

      Delete
  14. Anonymous20:38

    Av bn a reader of dz blog bt av neva commented.. But ds one, I cnt pass @ all especially seeing dt d poster has decided 2move on
    Dear poster, plss, I beg u in d name of wteva u hold sacred, tink again about ur decision 2 get a closure.. I knw it myt b hard, bt hv u eva tot of d fact dat tyns myt b hard 4ur hubby ova dia, or probably, he's bn hiding 4rm d cops cos of one reason or anoda.. Dia r so many tyns u nid 2 consider.. May b he may nt wnt 2 tel u his challenges cos he myt feel dt he'll b viewed as A̶̲̥̅ disappointment especially afta all d sacrifices made 2 see him get ova dia (dts selln d hauz n cars).. Well, dts nt 2 say dt ur fears may nt b ryt, buh I'll say u shud jst gv him d benefit of doubt and hope tyns get beta soonest.. All d best!! Luv from Zee

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anonymous20:43

    Av bn a reader of dz blog bt av neva commented.. But ds one, I cnt pass @ all especially seeing dt d poster has decided 2move on
    Dear poster, plss, I beg u in d name of wteva u hold sacred, tink again about ur decision 2 get a closure.. I knw it myt b hard, bt hv u eva tot of d fact dat tyns myt b hard 4ur hubby ova dia, or probably, he's bn hiding 4rm d cops cos of one reason or anoda.. Dia r so many tyns u nid 2 consider.. May b he may nt wnt 2 tel u his challenges cos he myt feel dt he'll b viewed as A̶̲̥̅ disappointment especially afta all d sacrifices made 2 see him get ova dia (dts selln d hauz n cars).. Well, dts nt 2 say dt ur fears may nt b ryt, buh I'll say u shud jst gv him d benefit of doubt and hope tyns get beta soonest.. All d best!! Luv from Zee

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous20:46

    Av bn a reader of dz blog bt av neva commented.. But ds one, I cnt pass @ all especially seeing dt d poster has decided 2move on
    Dear poster, plss, I beg u in d name of wteva u hold sacred, tink again about ur decision 2 get a closure.. I knw it myt b hard, bt hv u eva tot of d fact dat tyns myt b hard 4ur hubby ova dia, or probably, he's bn hiding 4rm d cops cos of one reason or anoda.. Dia r so many tyns u nid 2 consider.. May b he may nt wnt 2 tel u his challenges cos he myt feel dt he'll b viewed as A̶̲̥̅ disappointment especially afta all d sacrifices made 2 see him get ova dia (dts selln d hauz n cars).. Well, dts nt 2 say dt ur fears may nt b ryt, buh I'll say u shud jst gv him d benefit of doubt and hope tyns get beta soonest.. All d best!! Luv from Zee

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous15:34

    Nice 1 zee. U just said my mind. Poster pls keep praying 4 ur hubby. God is ur strength. Iphy

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anonymous14:10

    May God bless u Ace,how can u sell 3cars and house just to go the Uk???? Even if he wanted to school or smn why would u move ur family to a room???? Where is the logic behind that? He could have just gone to the uk and then have u sell everything if u had got ur Visa and u were leaving with the kids,u guys could have tried American Visa Lottery,so many other options and now ure stuck with 3kids.ur husband didn't even think about how u'd cope wiv the 2 u had before he left! What about u madam? Weren't u thinkn of urself and kids.if u had 3cars and a house it means u were doing relatively well so why did he leave?maaaan,I don't even know what to say to u ma'am,I can only pray everything works out for u cus I'm stunned.pls think of ur kids and don't develop High Bp cus it kills.God be wiv u

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous15:33

      Madam no 1 can know in totality wht u r currently going thru rite now no matter how hard we all try. Dere's no doub t. U made a mistake. Buh it is nt d end of d road for u. I am glad u know dt u r still young which means u hav a lot of yrs ahead of u..pls do nt be in a hurry. Ur husband might js b out dere keeping himself for u n working hard to mke u proud . My advice is dis, if u can, pls go on n investigate but until u hav found him guilty, pls dnt give ur children a step father on d basis of suspicion. More over u need God in ur life right now. He is d only one that can truely help n console u.

      Delete
  19. Anonymous23:46

    ladies please help. My husband and i decided to apply for american lottery. We decided to apply as a family, him, our 16weeks old baby and myself. When he went to the café to apply, they said they wanted my passport picture and the baby's. He didn't have them and i was at that time with my mother so he couldn't get my picture and had to apply as single. I wasn't pleased with his decision as he could have waited to get our pictures and then later go to register but he took the decision right there at the cafe and registered as single. Now he has won the lottery and wants to leave saying he will arrange for baby and I join him when he gets there within 6 months. Should i believe him and let him go? Can it be done that way. Your comments will be helpful. Aunty Eya, I can't send you an email. Please help.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Madam, allow him get the visa, then burn it...

    Lemme brief you of his metamorphosis... When he gets there, he begins to complain as usual that there's no job, he starts to do car (sending) sales and you keep waiting until menopuase.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Anonymous08:49

    Omo your husband wants to play smart.. Did he not knw dat they normally ask for picture. Hmmmm....nawaa. My dear just burn d visa quietly.

    ReplyDelete

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