The Relationship Between Domestic servants and Their Employers, I Need Tips For A Seminar

Hello Eya, I just found your blog on Google and read some past posts and comments. The advice on the blog is so on point. Your commenters are truly awesome and real. I also checked on Google for what I need but couldn't get the exact tips I wanted.

A church in Lagos has just invited me to come teach on the relationship between househelps and their madams. I need your readers to
help with tips on how madams and helps should relate both at home and outside. 

We all know that keeping a stranger in your home is not the best, it's better to get a housekeeper who comes to work and leaves at close of work BUT sometimes and in many homes, especially when kids are still coming and quite young, having a live-in help is unavoidable.

Many times, the society puts all the blame on the madams forgetting how mean, insensitive and cold some helps can be towards the family and the kids they are supposed to be taking care of. 

I have been asked to teach families how these two should relate to make the family and society a better place.

KINDLY HELP ME POST ON YOUR BLOG AS THE SEMINAR COMES UP THIS WEEKEND. 

I need practical tips and examples please. Thank you all in advance. May you all find help when you need it.
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Comments

  1. Mrs Chukwu10/16/2013

    Respect is very important here from both madam and househelp. Trouble begins when one party loses respect for the other. Some househelps are very good at eye service and that doesn't show respect for employers. Once madam is not around, nothing is done but as soon as madam drives in, she rushes to start doing dishes that could have been done long ago. This to me is disrespectful and can irritate even a saint. My former girl was like that, every time you look at her, she is busy doing what could have been done earlier just to avoid being sent on other errands or to make it seem she is over worked.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous10/16/2013

    I currently have my first ever househelp with me now.its rily bin God dat directed her 2 me.she is a nice person o,bt I also feel my attitude towards her made her remained good.Madams shud try not 2 treat househelp as thou dey are less of a human being.dis pple live deir loved ones not cos dey wanted 2,bt cos it was necessary 4 dem.in my own case,after the agent brought her,i contacted her family and wanted 2 knw dem.dat gave us a good platform 2 start cos dey knew who had deir dauta.she is not a small gal,so I try not 2 treat her lyk 1 too.i buy her tins,giv her money 2 change her hair witout asking,i Dnt introduce her 2 any1 as my 'housegirl',she is free in my home etc.am not saying is bad 2 be vigilant o,bt jst trust dis pple abit.Neigbours even think we are related when dey see us.1 mistake most pple make is also not being concerned abt their helps appearances.from the way some of dem are dressed,you already knw dis is their housegal.my gal has no contact wit Husby cos I dint give her dat chance atall.i told him 2 get her a fone so she can communicate wit her pple bt he gave me the fone wen he bout it of which he can give her directly.she washes my clothes and baby's own bt I wash husby's own,she only cooks wat all of us except Husby wants 2 eat,let madams make dem see dat Husby is not part of their job bt yours as his wife.I noticed she was feeling too comfortable and 4got she was here 2 work 1 time lyk dat and I called her 2 order immediately and she buckled up again.i have my bro-inlaw at home dat is younger than my gal bt he respects her a lot and does his own share of the chores.i dint cos we now hav a help he shud stop doing anytin in the house.i share food and tins by giving her more since she is older and don't luk down at the fact dat she is jst a help.Also,madams shud try and give dem a break.give dem deir own time.dey may jst want 2 be alone and think abt home or somtin,give dem deir little privacy.i jokingly asked mine if it was her bf dat was always calling her from her villa and she admitted he was.dat cos I dint give her dis strict odas of no calls from guys and all dat.dey have deir own lyfs too.dey wudnt be working 4 you if dey had a choice.Be smart,be prayerful,be vigilant,bt above all,treat dem right and dey will not even think of hurting you even if dey had plans of doing it b4.Biko,dnt mind any typos abeg.i have not written an epistle in a while now.hope you get 1 or 2 points from this.cheers!!!!
    Mummy MJ

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous10/16/2013

    I currently have my first ever househelp with me now.its rily bin God dat directed her 2 me.she is a nice person o,bt I also feel my attitude towards her made her remained good.Madams shud try not 2 treat househelp as thou dey are less of a human being.dis pple live deir loved ones not cos dey wanted 2,bt cos it was necessary 4 dem.in my own case,after the agent brought her,i contacted her family and wanted 2 knw dem.dat gave us a good platform 2 start cos dey knew who had deir dauta.she is not a small gal,so I try not 2 treat her lyk 1 too.i buy her tins,giv her money 2 change her hair witout asking,i Dnt introduce her 2 any1 as my 'housegirl',she is free in my home etc.am not saying is bad 2 be vigilant o,bt jst trust dis pple abit.Neigbours even think we are related when dey see us.1 mistake most pple make is also not being concerned abt their helps appearances.from the way some of dem are dressed,you already knw dis is their housegal.my gal has no contact wit Husby cos I dint give her dat chance atall.i told him 2 get her a fone so she can communicate wit her pple bt he gave me the fone wen he bout it of which he can give her directly.she washes my clothes and baby's own bt I wash husby's own,she only cooks wat all of us except Husby wants 2 eat,let madams make dem see dat Husby is not part of their job bt yours as his wife.I noticed she was feeling too comfortable and 4got she was here 2 work 1 time lyk dat and I called her 2 order immediately and she buckled up again.i have my bro-inlaw at home dat is younger than my gal bt he respects her a lot and does his own share of the chores.i dint cos we now hav a help he shud stop doing anytin in the house.i share food and tins by giving her more since she is older and don't luk down at the fact dat she is jst a help.Also,madams shud try and give dem a break.give dem deir own time.dey may jst want 2 be alone and think abt home or somtin,give dem deir little privacy.i jokingly asked mine if it was her bf dat was always calling her from her villa and she admitted he was.dat cos I dint give her dis strict odas of no calls from guys and all dat.dey have deir own lyfs too.dey wudnt be working 4 you if dey had a choice.Be smart,be prayerful,be vigilant,bt above all,treat dem right and dey will not even think of hurting you even if dey had plans of doing it b4.Biko,dnt mind any typos abeg.i have not written an epistle in a while now.hope you get 1 or 2 points from this.cheers!!!!
    Mummy MJ

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous10/16/2013

    well. One thing that should be noted is this, househlp should be maltreatd or overpampered. If u overpamper ur househlp. U wil mk him or her nt to respect u at al. Sum are naturally rude. Never be familiar with them. Also some madam are devilish. They are out to maltreat anyone who is nt their child. My suggestion is dat a househelp shuld be appreciatd nt pamperd, discipline when they misbhave. Dnt as a madam bring urself 2 low. The relationshp must be semi formal.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous10/16/2013

    sorry. 4 typo error. A househlp shouldnt be maltreated or overpampered.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous10/16/2013

    Mummy MJ,ur comment brought tears to my eyes.i v a 13 yrs old house help.she s such a good girl dt so much lvs my 2yr olddaughter.they r best of friends.i dnt maltreat her,shes in a private school,has enof clothes n undies,does her works diligently.but my prob is dt i beat her at evry slightest mistake.i v ds anger issue dt is really killing me.i v tried t stop yet i see my self beating n calling her names.wat marvels me is dt after dt,she does hold grudges,she frgets immediately n relates nicely.i think my prob is dt i expect her t b perfect but she cnt be naa.i dnt maltreat her cos i gv her double of everthin my daughter eats or wears

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous10/16/2013

    i agree with Anon 3/;20. the way you treat them is the way you get treated. they can be rude and disobedient. but i guess i was lucky,mine i s very hard working and quiet, though she loves african magic a lil bit too much but she does her chores on time. i pay her salary but still give her money for hair and stuff and buy her something from the office daily. BUT lately i've notice that she over spends her salary, buying trivial things, and considering her background, i thought she would be more conservative or even send cash to her people in the village. i collected her bank booklet, but she applied and got an atm, so i gave her back the book. she wants to travel home for the xmas, i dunno if she will come back though but incase she does, i told her that i'll increase her pay but seize her atm and bank booklet

    ReplyDelete
  8. In as much as helps could be very ill mannered and culpable their madams must be courteous....

    Hearing, seeing and reading of numerous stories of how women/mothers batter helps, bathe them with hot water and also abuse them morally, socially and psychologically.

    There's no logical argument for battering someones kid, if the child in question is that bad there's an option of returning such kid(s).

    The advantage of treating them as ur's is tied to posterity... I've seen women whose maid attend the same school as her own kid, infact one of the tenant at our BQ sends her maid to a private school, worthy to note that her only child is barely 4 months... This is a good example, and never have I heard any kind of mistreatment meted on the kid.

    Again... I state with clemency that there is and should be no argument for women who batter kids!


    The Au-pair system practiced in europe is an example of the master-servant system which in no way have been linked to any kind bad-blood.... We africans need to re-evaluate!




    Nuff'Said....

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous10/18/2013

    My mum's parents couldn't afford to send her to skool so she had to live wiv one or 2 madams in town,as a maid who sent her to skool but never treated her well. She said she was made to go to d market on foot,wiv d shopping basket while madams children would use d bus to d market to wait for her, after shooping they would place d heavy basket of grocceries on her head and ask her to trek Home (long distance) While they'd take d bus back home. Some times she'd trek like that with no slippers. One day she went to fetch water and stepped on a nail, her madam didint pay her any attention, my mum said she had to receive treatment from her skool sickbay. Sometimes they would cook rice and stew, but made her eat eba and stale soup. One day she had to prepare fish, d bone spiked her but she wasn't given d fish to taste. She neva wore neat uniform to skool, d day she attempted to touch d iron, her madam beat her silly and called my grandma names. My mum talked back, and she starved my mum for days! Well one day my mum was in her office (hospital) when she saw an old lady wit2 women and and old man, my mum walked up to dem d old woman couldn't recognize her, buh her daughters did. They asked if she came to visit a patient, she said no, I work here as a nurse she said they were speechless. It turned out my mum was doing far better than d womans daughters who were bizzy jumping from one man to the other. Lesson, never eva maltreat ur maid, she wont remain that way for ever.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous10/20/2013

    This maid issue is very sensitive. in fact right now I would say treat them too well. I just lost a very good help for stupid reasons and I blame myself completely. I don't beat her but the day she looked me in the eye and told me an unnecessary lie I slapped her. That I guess was where the camel's back started breaking. Then add the days when I came back from work and instead of commending her for the things she did, I latched on and scolded her for the ones she did not do.

    I didn't starve her or not provide for her but my words must have been too harsh because in the end she became hysterical. And screamed and screamed till I sent her on her way.

    I haven't stopped berating myself.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous11/04/2013

    Hmmmmm! Some people are just lucky 2 finf good helps. Mine came all d way from togo and dat girl carries a 1st class in lying and stealing. She lies so much. Even going as far accusing my kids/husband. Initially I used 2 spank my son after her accusations bcos I don't tolerate bad behavior frm any1 be it my own child or maid. But she was enjoying evry spanking my son was receiving dat she kept lying against him on evry lil thing till I caught her red handed. Oh! How enraged I was dat day. I really flogged her. U'll put food. 4 her, she'll divide d food into 2 and throw half ind dustbin. She still drops her unnecessary lies and its bcos I put my eyes down dat I catch her in her lil lies. She'll steal moni/baby food and accuse my hubby/son until u catch her. Abeg how person wan handle dat kain person? Its so annoying. Dis girl is always looking/smells neat, she became plump and fairer in my house. She just does few things in d house cos my hubby has boys and evry1 must take part. In house chores. Me inclusive. She attends a private schl and all. But her lies and stealing tire me. D worst is my son too has started lying. Vry frustrating

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anonymous12/27/2013

    Necessary evils is what most of them are. Don't we all wish we could do without them?

    ReplyDelete

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