So Heartbroken About Hubby's Infertility Issues, What Do I Do Now?

Please I need you to publish my story as soon as you can before I lose my sanity.

I've been married for two years without even one pregnancy; not even a miscarriage. We found out last year that DH has very low count/motility and the Dr said there's no hope for natural conception. 

To cut the long story short, DH has been on several drugs but our Dr asked him to stop smoking and alcohol which
he doesn't seem to take seriously. He claims he's addicted and is trying so hard but I don't see why he can't stop for something more serious.

 We have done two IVF's all Negative. I go through a lot of pains taking those injections, the EC and all that is so heavy that with 2 bfn I'm loosing hope. 

I don't know what to do anymore. If DH was serious with his medication, we would have conceived before now because it take 3 months for a sperm count to increase. 


Taking medications since last year and still taking alcohol and smoking even weed. What do I do now? 

Can I talk to his mother? I need a family member whom he fears to talk to him. His people think I'm the one with problems but I'm clean. They keep asking me why I'm not yet pregnant even his mother carried out a deliverance section on me. 

Please I need advice before I do the wrong thing. 

Thanks

Comments

  1. Dis is a rily serious issue o. It seems ur husband is not rily interested in children bcos if he is, he wld use his legs 2 run away from d smokin n drinkin. I tink. U hv 2 wake him up bcos d longer he doesn't tak dis seriously, d lesser d chances of u takin in. If der is som1 he listens 2, go n plead ur case. Wish u success dear.

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    Replies
    1. Dear poster, Sorry about your situation and please don't loose your sanity. Did you know he smokes weed before you married him? If you knew this and still married him, it's certain you were positive there will be a change about him someday. Still hold on to that positive thought. Marriage is for better for worse. You'll need to talk to him, through few trusted and elderly people. It's well with you.

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    2. Anonymous9/20/2013

      In my case, hubby can't father children at all(no sperm count), and I've sorta resigned myself to this fate..but if I were in ur shoes,and there was even a lil chance, I'll give him an ultimatum -mend ur ways or I'm out-. Keep trying to make urself happy and don't allow urself brood..also make sure u use this 'single' period to improve urself cos. At the end of the day, no one can love u or be there for u the way u can,and don't forget to pray... God still answers prayers and he'll answer yours. Don't allow ur mama inlaw bully u into doing wat u don't want to. May God's peaace be with you my sister

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    3. Anonymous September 20, 2013 at 6:10 PM

      HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT ADOPTION/DISCUSSED ADOPTION WITH HIM?

      Delete
    4. Anonymous9/20/2013

      Ryt now, he is totally against adoption and is determined to explore any option to hv his own child, which is rather expensive, and uncertain.for me, I've decided to give myself 1 full year of joy cos I've worried enough. Anyways..my fingers r crossed.

      Delete
    5. Anonymous9/20/2013

      you go Get Belle , infact U. Go born Tire IJN, be positive, ur situation is not hopeless God in his infinite mercy will cos d dry bones in U n ur hubby s life to rise again. E hugs , @Poster dat ur husband needs beating I swear no vex, but wats wrong with him , time waits for no one does he Tink highness is sweeter dan d joy of being a father, now put ur foot down, threaten him with divorce N promise him u ll announce to d whole world y u re childless. Long hiss.

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    6. Anon, I'm sure things will work out, with your own children or adoption. My suggestion is that you support him, find out the things he's looking into for his health and take an interest in those things and how you can help. Is it by improving his food, help prepare it, or taking medication and exercise, help remind him. The worst thing that separates infertile couples is not that they don't have children, but that they are not on the same page concerning their treatment. Unless your own life is on the line {me I no support juju o, lol...} try to get on the same page and love your man. He is hurting badly, you know?

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    7. Anonymous9/20/2013

      Yea, I do... I'm seeking out healthier food options for us, esp him, encouraging him to exercise n live ryt..problem is that he isn't being open with his feelings (I've told him dat if we can't talk abt this, that one day he'll look for me and I'll be long gone). Anyways, I'm jst tryn to do the best I can.

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    8. Aww...that touched me. It will be fine, give him time. HUGS.

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    9. @ poster i have a friend that her husband had a seprm count of about 5million. he quit smoking completely and the very next month she conceived...

      tell your husband you want to go for donor sperm since he doesnt want to father a child bad enough to quit and see if that shocks him to his senses. you can also report him to his parents or someone he trusts

      Alternatovely you can go for ICSI not IVF

      @ anon with aspermatozoa, hugs*, has he seen an urologist? if he hasnt he should see! the u can also look into TESE. i hear the bridge does it here in lagos. good luck

      Delete
  2. Did u say he smokes weed? Hhhmmmnn I will advise u start praying to break every chain of addiction is his life, sincerely over coming addiction is very very difficult but with God all things r possible. Pray for him and let him go to a rehabilitation centre, you can also get books on addiction so u will know the role to play for him, when he start getting help. Pls don't tell his family because they cannot help him overcome the addiction. When he gets better how will they look at him, Just pray and help me. Its well

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    1. Brandy9/20/2013

      Keep whatever Dhd to yourself abeg. Why write coded language? Is that the advice she needs???

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    2. It is a mistake, am sorry everyone

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  7. You need to start praying and fasting for him to be deliver from the stronghold of smoking and drinking. Be a praying wife, be an amazon woman. God will help you

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  8. Hi, aside praying have you poured your heart to him? Is it that he is not serious about having a child or pride is stopping him from doing the right thing.
    I think you should open up to a family member about this so you all of you can sit and talk about this issue. The only problem is you should be careful about the selection of the family member. Do not choose someone he naturally would share his problems with. Go for the person that you know he trusts and listens to.
    How did this addiction start? Was it before after or during marriage? I am asking because before you can battle it you need to know the root cause of it. All the best dear
    www.lifeofanafricanimmigrant.blogspot.com

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  9. it seems your hubby isn't serious about having children because he still smokes and drinks against the doctors advice. You can fast and pray, unless he. ....mehn, the divine intervention of God is needed ASAP. I

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  10. As a christian, I won't advise you to get a sperm donor since he is not serious.

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  11. 'Taking medications since last year and still taking alcohol and smoking even weed.' what women go through eeh only God will save us if the woman was d one having fertility issue am sure d man would hav taken a second wife by now.
    My dear take heart i really dont know the best advice to give u except to pray nd ask God for divide intervention.

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  13. Anonymous9/20/2013

    Poster, pls consider adopting a child ist. Some people get blessed with a child around. Hmmmmm, singles, you all should ensure you carry out all the necessary tests before signing the dotted line.

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  14. Can you adopt? Since he can't break his addiction, what other solution can you come up with?

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  15. Anonymous9/20/2013

    POSTER: thank you all for the advise. I knew he was smoking but he stopped and then started again behind my back. He says its an addiction he've been fighting.

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  16. Anonymous9/20/2013

    Poster: he said he would never use donor sperm and we have talked about adoption but he said he would want us to have 2 kids and then adopt. He's also insecure about how his people will see us adopting this early in our marriage.

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    1. Anonymous9/21/2013

      U can adopt legally but codedly.
      My younger brother is adopted only immediate family know.
      He was jst two wks wen adopted and my mum was away frm d public for a whmy brother is now 18, he has been a blessing to us.
      Even tho i ve a biological borhter am tied to both same way.
      I am soo attched to him, i even forget hes adopted.
      If u are worried about lineage or wateva u can invite ur rev or pastor to d orphanage.
      If u adopt an infant even better so u can bond early, nothin stops u frm having ur biological kids in future.
      God will not punish u for doing smethn soo noble.
      I ve an aunt who adopted a sickly child after several miscarriages, she nursed d child to health, when she took in she didnt know. She later had 3 kids in cls succession.
      Sorry for d epistle, ur story touched me.

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    2. threaten him further with this donor sperm issue! tell him you have gone to make enquiries and the dr said its X amount and you are really considering it mehn cuz u want to be a mom. say it in a very convincing way

      i mean his refusal to quit is very very selfish, since you have no issues better to let him know that can be a mother any day you chose. and you can also walk out of the marriage....do something drastic to shake him to his senses.

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  17. Sorry dear poster, I can imagine how tough this must be for you. Talk to your hubby, cry and bare your innermost thoughts. Don't accuse him, just state how it makes you feel that he's not taking his doctor's orders seriously thereby limiting your chances of conception. There may be no need telling another family member for now, if you're both young, you may have several more years to have your own children. In the meantime, show him love, try to initiate love making often and around your fertile period. Also enjoy your hubby in other hobbies, playing board games, going out, and traveling. Hugs and all the best.

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  18. Anonymous9/20/2013

    Poster: Thanks myne. You cracked me up with "enjoying hubby in other hobbies".

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  19. DH needs to give up smoking and drinking. Previous research has shown that long-term
    smokers are up to twice as likely to have
    impotence as non-smokers.

    Smoking has a direct, negative effect on the
    sexuality of a man on every level.

    How ready is your hubby to be a dad? Miracles happen but he has to help himself.

    Do visit Leyejisola.blogspot.com
    A rights, health and beauty blog

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  20. Anonymous9/23/2013

    @Poster, I know what you are passing thru, my DH has the same problem as your husband but the difference is that mine doesn't drink or smoke. But all the medication he has been taking doesn't seem to help, the result keep getting bad each time he tests. DH has stopped taking hot bath and wearing tight pants also. We've been praying and hoping for divine healing. Please does anyone here know of any other means of improving a very low sperm count and motility? This will be highly appreciated.

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    1. Anonymous9/23/2013

      Pls visit a Urologist for proper diagnosis of the actual cause. Otherwise, the medications and all d stuffs hes taking will be futile. May be has undescended testes, maybe infection etc.

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  21. Anonymous9/23/2013

    @Poster, Has you n DH seen a physician? If yes and all tests come out ok, then you can opt for TESE (testicular extraction of semen) combined with ICSI with Prayers will come good. Otherwise, visit a Urologist with DH for thorough examination and treatment. I am sure if proper treatment, you both should get a good result at the end. Also, help him get over his addictions by learning to slow down on the number of sticks, bottles and gradually before you know it, he snaps out of it. gudluck dear!

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    1. Anonymous9/25/2013

      Yes the test from the Urologist came out ok. Just like u advised, the doctor said we should consider ICSI. Please do you know much about ICSI, do you know anyone that has done it and came out without any problem, or the side effects after undergoing the procedure. I just want to know if it has any bad effect on the child and the mother. Cos I read somewhere that a lady got
      cancer after undergoing various fertility treatment. Please help

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    2. Anonymous9/25/2013

      I recommend nordica fertility centre to u,I'm a proud mother of twins boy nd girl thru TESA nd ICSI ,DH had serz issues with his sperm,check online for the centre closet to u.thnks

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    3. Anonymous9/26/2013

      Ohh thank you very much. Please did you have any side effects after the procedure? Is the procedure very painful?

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  22. Anonymous9/25/2013

    Yes the test from the Urologist came out ok. Just like u advised, the doctor said we should consider ICSI. Please do you know much about ICSI, do you know anyone that has done it and came out without any problem, or the side effects after undergoing the procedure. I just want to know if it has any bad effect on the child and the mother. Cos I read somewhere that a lady got cancer after undergoing various fertility treatment. Please help

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  23. common girl you don't have to lose hope. you've not got to the end of the road yet. listen talk to his mother. that's the key. men have a way with their mother. open up to her totally and watch as she brings him to order. keep showing him much love and he will work wit you Ok. all the best.

    ReplyDelete
  24. common girl you don't have to lose hope. you've not got to the end of the road yet. listen talk to his mother. that's the key. men have a way with their mother. open up to her totally and watch as she brings him to order. keep showing him much love and he will work wit you Ok. all the best.

    ReplyDelete
  25. common girl you don't have to lose hope. you've not got to the end of the road yet. listen talk to his mother. that's the key. men have a way with their mother. open up to her totally and watch as she brings him to order. keep showing him much love and he will work wit you Ok. all the best.

    ReplyDelete
  26. common girl you don't have to lose hope. you've not got to the end of the road yet. listen talk to his mother. that's the key. men have a way with their mother. open up to her totally and watch as she brings him to order. keep showing him much love and he will work wit you Ok. all the best.

    ReplyDelete
  27. common girl you don't have to lose hope. you've not got to the end of the road yet. listen talk to his mother. that's the key. men have a way with their mother. open up to her totally and watch as she brings him to order. keep showing him much love and he will work wit you Ok. all the best.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I think if your husband suffering from this you must support him and consult to good infertility clinic for success

    ReplyDelete

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