My Husband's High Blood Pressure Plus Attitude Towards Me, I Need Hep

Please I want to remain Anonymous. I find it difficult to post on ur blog, pls help put me through.
Pls post this for me.

I am a married woman, and my husband was recently diagnosed with high blood pressure, we don't know what to trace it to, though about two years ago he adopted a habit of drinking and smoking which he was not doing as at the time we got married about 6yrs ago. After the diagnosis, he stopped and adjusted his life style which includes low salt intake Regular exercise, rest etc. 

He complains that he does not sleep well at night, cos
be wakes up at any slightest noise and will find it difficult to sleep back again. He recently said that I snore while sleeping and as such disturbs his sleep. I was not snoring before except for cold and he usually sleep with AC. 

When I sleep, I sometimes wake up to see him tapping me hard or saying all sort of harsh words to me. If I step out of the room to go and check the children, he will immediately lock me out that I will go and sleep with the children. 

At a time, I stopped sleeping with him. There has not been any intimate relationship since then. Though he has some times made advances, but I turned him down cos I felt he is using me as a sex tool. 

Prior to stopping sleeping in his room, we did have sex only on weekends which of cos not all weekend and that's when he wants it because if I make advances on him he will say he is tired and needs to catch some sleep as to stabilize his BP.

 But this time around, I am even tired of the sex thing seeing that he uses me when he wants. I sincerely don't know what to do. I need help.
Thank you Ma.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. I am also a very light sleeper so I kind of understand your husband on the noise issue. I find it hard to sleep and even when I do the slightest noise would wake me up again. And then I have to struggle to fall asleep again.
    Have you spoken to your husband about how his behavior is affecting you? Maybe you guys can come up with a solution. I know a couple that one snores and one does not, so they agreed that the non snoring one would go to bed first and after she falls asleep her husband can join.
    Also you can find ways to reduce your snoring. I heard they are nose strips that help.
    I know for a woman, sex is a turn off when we don't feel we are being treated well. The only way your husband can know how you feel is if you tell him. I think the pressure of his diagnosis is getting to him.
    Please sit down and talk to him so that you guys can have a solution to your problems.
    Also since the cold is affecting you maybe you guys can switch the AC on to cool the room before you sleep so that when it's time to sleep you put it off, but the room would have been cooled a bit. I think your husband can compromise on this since he's the one complaining of you snoring.
    Hope you guys sort this out

  3. Anonymous9/29/2013

    Dear poster. Ur man doesnt see u as a sex tool. U shuld try and express ur worries to him. Luv him. Ask him y his negative attitude towards u. Proper communication, love, patience wil do d trick. If u dnt gv him sex do u want him to get it outside? Rejectn ur advance was due to d fact u were nt considerate abt d way he feels. Tlk to him fast. Pls dnt mention d sex tool issue abeg.

  4. Anonymous9/29/2013

    its stil anm 6:55pm. Also tell ur man to compromise. Since d ac mks u snore due to cold. Tell him to put it off. Tell him dats d reason u snore. Dnt be angry or shout. Be vry diplomatic. Gudluck.

  5. Great Advice @That African Chic: I pray it works out for her, to save her marriage.

  6. Anonymous9/29/2013

    Dear poster,
    To help with the snoring, try sleeping on your side. U snore because u sleep on your back.

  7. Dear anon., sorry about wat ur going thru but I feel u should cut ur hubby some slack....he might not show it but he is scared too...I also feel he is getting cranky and irritable cos of he had to stop drinking and smoking....more like withdrawal symptoms. You guys need to sit down and TALK....COMMUNICATION is d key . wish u da best!

  8. Poster, please remove the mindset of your husband using you as a sex tool. Your little difference is reconcilable and it starts with you(comunication). I urge that you talk to your hubby about his recent attitude and it's effect on you negatively. Please help with your choice of words as you know his health issues, so you don't aggregate it.
    Again Snoring as i have learnt has to do with sleeping posture, weather, unclear airways, weight etc please strike a balance by laying on your sides for a start, cooling the room as someone else suggested, checking your intakes, then maybe your last resort should be using clips. I guess there is an old post as regard snoring, you may want to check it out.
    I do not want to seem too Chineked** of a person, but if your duty permits you, read as regards behind closed doors with your hubby.
    Eeeerhm no forget to tell oga say that door wey him lock, dey pain me ooooh.
    @that African chic, well said.

    1. **but if your duty permits you, read 1corithians 7:1-5 or a Muslim S. 2:223
      They both speak the same language as regards bedroom matters.

  9. Anonymous9/29/2013

    My dear ur husband is tired of you. No need for pretence. Else why will he lock u out of ur matrimonial room.

    1. Anonymous9/30/2013

      bad adviser

    2. Anonymous9/30/2013

      U r really stupid&immature... Pple like u cnt hold a family 2geda! Smh

    3. Anonymous9/30/2013

      Everybody is entitled to his own opinion.... I gave mine... Stupid or immature. What's urs? U Low life

  10. Anonymous9/30/2013

    I have to admit i snore myself. so does my other half. We are used to each other now. Some years ago, we didn't alway get along. We started communicating and praying. We finally got along.

    I will agree with most of the posters on here. Communicate with each other. But have someone guide you both into understanding on how to accept each's flaws. Gradually, both of you will get used to each other. Good Luck!

  11. I hope you understand that BP is a silent killer. Also one of the factors that leads to BP is lack of sleep. If he complains that he does not sleep well at night and then he wakes up at the slightest noise you will therefore need to work on your sleeping habit. I do not encourage couples sleeping apart so going to sleep in a different room is not the solution. Just like you have been advised..... communication is a key in every marriage. I would advise you sit him down and tell him how you feel about the way he treats you especially as regards the snoring aspect. Let him know its not your fault and that you are willing to work on it. You guys can come to a compromise at the end of the day, switch off the ac after some time or reduce it. Also you need to let him know that its not only when he wants to become intimate that you do it, you let him know that you do have feelings too and besides a good time together will likely aid him in having a good sleep *wink*. However, try to be understanding. BP is a very serious issue so you need to tread softly and work with him on this. Good luck

  12. Please pay attention to That African Chic's advice because it is spot on!

    My dear, your husband is going through a lot. Taking up smoking and drinking was the first sign and those may have caused/worsened his high blood pressure. Another sign is his inability to sleep well.

    Hypertension has been linked to cold weather or sudden changes in weather so sleeping in an airconditioned room is not the best for him. Other links to hypertension include: mental stress, obesity, diabetes, age and physical inactivity.

    He is already on the right path by following his doctor's advice but you need to have a heart to heart talk with him and find out what exactly is bothering him. That is an important aspect of keeping his blood pressure low. Sorry for his new way of treating you but please try as much as possible not to hold it against him. It's his way of getting back at the world for whatever he is going through.

    Denying him his conjugal rights can cause his blood pressure to shoot through the roof. And he should do it more often than weekly because great and romantic sex life = better blood pressure. Fact. :)

  13. Anonymous9/30/2013

    I can relate to d two of u. I have dis pregnancy induced bp and it cumes wiv a nasty headache. All d doc adviced me to do is sleep .but I wake up at the slightest noise, and my son doesn't help matters he tends to whine a lot and seek for attention and he does it wen I'm trying to sleep and it irritates d hell out of me, sometimes I storm out of d room and leave him wiv his dad. Luckily my hubby understands. 2ndly it sucks wen ur hubby resists u wen u make advances, buh only gives it to u wen he wants it, it makes u feel used. Ur hubby may not be chasing u out of d room becuase he hates u but because of how he feels from not sleeping well.
    Like d others have said, sit him down and tell him how u feel, about the sex thing he will change. As for d sleeping arrangements, nobody wants to be the bad guy and say u should have seperate rooms. If that will help maybe u should, marriage is all about sacrifice, compromise and most of all understanding. By the time he makes u happy, u make him happy every one will be happy.
    And above all always commit ur marriage into God's hands.cuz there r sooooo many ways and tricks d devil uses to put confusion and disunity in peoples marriages.u can use d prayer points on page 19 of ODM.
    Stay blsd poster!

  14. Man2man is so right.There is nothing else to add.Tell him how u feel and listen to him.All the best.

  15. The heart of the matter is that you need sex when you demand it not when he does?

    Anyway, sex will forever be a source of pandemonium within partners, understand, dialogue and sacrifice is the ultimate solution.

    BUT.... Denying a man sex is very dangerous and can be a serious place of concern. Even a cock won't accept that from a hen!

    Watch it!


  16. Anonymous10/01/2013

    Forgive me for posting under someone else's problem. I really do not know how to post on WC directly. I have a 2yr old daughter,& married to someone else& not my baby daddy. We've been married for 8monthss now & I'm pregnant with his child,due November. I knew him since my daughter was 2months oldd & he wass totally ok with me & her. He's been so supportive until now that my daughter moved in with us from my mum's,he complains at anything my child does,& even scold me in front of friends for spoiling her. I beat this 2yrs old even though I know itss wrong just to please him. Plus I'm pregnant & my daughter needs me more than before. Meanwhile,his 7yrs old niece lives with us ass our child also & l love her like my own. My husband doesn't see any mistake in the 7yrs oldd because her mum is late so we have to let her rot. This girl beats my Child & dare not mention. I need help plss as this gives me a lot of concerns. Thanks much.

  17. Anonymous10/03/2013

    Thank you all for the advice. Working on them bit by bit.


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