I DO NOT WANT TO COME-OFF AS DESPERATE, WHAT CAN I DO?

Aunty Eya, kindly make this a post for me. Can't get thru to your email.
I was dating a guy a while ago and we havnt seen for close to two years and all of a sudden he comes into the country this week and insisted on introducing himself to my mum last night. I was a bit hesitant but I had to allow him.I think he is going to propose to me. Infact I'm sure of it. I am 28yrs old and I beliv its time to get married. People have started being on my case about it too.
The problem now is that while I lost contact with
this guy(I will name him A) I started seeing some1 else (B). I have weighed my options and ticked off qualities I will like in a husband and B ticks all the right boxes so far. B lives in anoda state and told me some months ago that we need to see and have a serious talk. I pressured him on the fone on what the serious talk was about and he replied 'do you want me to tell you that I'll marry you over the fone'? But we are yet to have time to meetup and talk. I really don't want to be in a situation where A will propose and I will have to regect becos I'm waiting for B's proposal. Infact I don't want to blow my chances and keep waiting for B to come and have the talk with me. Please is there a way that doesn't sound desparate to tell B abt A's visit with my mum. I really want B to make a move quickly b4 A proposes. He just hasn't had the time to come to Lagos and I havnt had time to go to c him. B is what I want in a husband. Please how do I go abt telling him to hurry up in a non-desperate way? I need to somehow tell him to know wat his decision is. I don't want to come-off as desperate cos he might just think I'm making up stories so he can propose quickly. Sorry about the epistle.
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Comments

  1. Anonymous9/28/2013

    I just think u should create time to go and see B,just try.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. IMO, I mean u not a child n u can tell u have a future with B whether he is ready to propose now or not...right? If that is d case, boldy tell A off; trust me u don't want to be married to A while thinkin of som1 else(B). Tell A u sorry u met som1 else n hv moved on. Don't worry, even if it seems B is takin his time,it will happen at God's time n u'll be married to ur best friend n be happy. Its worth d wait dear.

      Delete
  2. Anonymous9/28/2013

    Yes u need to go and see him

    ReplyDelete
  3. Don't go and see B cus he is the man. If he is serious abt you he will make out tym to see you. IMO, goin to see him will show how desperate you are.
    Just be patient. What will be, will be.

    www.amycharles.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous9/28/2013

      Thanks

      Delete
    2. Yw

      PHOTO $ VIDEO: Jim Iyke Delivered From
      Evil Spirit By TB Joshua


      http://amycharles.blogspot.com/2013/09/photo-video-jim-iyke-delivered-from.html?m=1

      Praise the Lord!

      Delete
    3. Anonymous10/02/2013

      Biko go and see him but don't give off the impression that your coming is because you want him to propose. If he is your man, you should be free enough to see him at anytime. Anything can happen, do what u can to get very sure that A will definitely marry you, and Soon! There's nothing desperate about visiting your man, just tell him you miss him.

      Delete
  4. You and B both live in Nigeria. He is what you want in a man. Pls make out time then and go talk with him. That can't be too hard. Don't you have transport money or is it the time away from work that is the problem?
    Does A have proper papers abroad to ensure he takes you as soon as possible. You don't want to be the wife who is having kids for him in Nigeria.
    You need to act fast as this is a very important life decision. No dulling at all required at this time.
    Remember until a man formally proposes to you, you can not assume that he wants marriage. Good luck

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous9/28/2013

      Thank you so much Eya for posting this. I havnt had time to go becos of work. He keeps on saying he will be here soon. I don't even want A bcos of the fact he lives abroad and he has some character flaws that I can't live with. A lot of things A has told me comes off as lies and I question the kind of life he lives abroad. I wudnt want to get married and be in nigeria while my husband is abroad. B is so calm and manly. He is my idle man. I need strength and direction to talk 2 him and not sound desperate or stupid.

      Delete
    2. Your answer lies in what you just wrote. Read it again and look within yourself.

      Delete
  5. Anonymous9/28/2013

    use wisdom. Tel B a friend is d one is dat situation. C wat he wil say. Be diplomatic. Pretend u are nt d same. Dnt b excited. Dnt let him suspect. Then choose wisely

    ReplyDelete
  6. Awesome Mum9/28/2013

    Please I need urgent assistance on how to treat ring worm on my 4 months hand. I noticed it this morning and am yet to locate any hospital within the environment I just packed into. Please help. And please anyone conversant with berger area in lagos should please suggest a good hospital for me.

    Thank you!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just clean & apply Baby Tribotan Cream to it as often as u can.

      Delete
    2. Try Solid Rock Hospital on Akinsanya street. The street is close to that FRSC compound @ berger. Its a church hospital and well competent so u're in safe hands

      Delete
  7. Anonymous9/28/2013

    Try n fix up a time for Ʊ n B to actually discuss. Once Ʊ know his mind then Ʊ can politely tell A Ʊ Α̲̅я̩̥̊ε̲̣̣̣̥ already engaged. Wish Ʊ. The very best


    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous9/28/2013

      Thank you

      Delete
  8. Anonymous9/28/2013

    Op dese is nt coming late.u will also tell him u have a hot gist for him.pls creat time ASAP to c him and gist him abt A but u will tell B dat u already told Au r nt interested in him dat u've got a fiance.dat he insisted on seeing ur mum wc u disagreed immediately,show B A's number for him to b sure and tell B u,ve made it clear to him dat u cant marry him cos u have B and u want to spend d rest of ur life with him.u should no ao to put it down for him so dat it will really get into his brain and do sometin fast.dats my own litu advice ooooo,i dont no if it will work.wish u all d best

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous9/28/2013

      No, its not comming late dear. I appreciate your advice. It makes so much sense to me. Thank you.

      Delete
    2. I agree with this comment 100%. Men tend to act fast, when another in encroaching on their perceived territory. Be subtle when u tell him about A.

      Delete
  9. A proposal doesnt mean you have to marry. A could propose but you dont have to say "Yes". Like someone else said, B is the man and you should wait till it's convenient for both of you for him to ask you . Do not go to him.

    ReplyDelete
  10. A proposal doesnt mean you have to marry. A could propose but you dont have to say "Yes". Like someone else said, B is the man and you should wait till it's convenient for both of you for him to ask you . Do not go to him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous9/28/2013

      I agree. Thank you.

      Delete
  11. Hmm..this is a tough dilemma, pray alot about it and try to choose the man you love more or see yourself being with the rest of your life...don't rush it

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous9/28/2013

      Yes. Thank you. I'm praying abt it. I have no doubt in my mind that B is my ideal man if I hav to choose btwn the 2. Its just as a woman of age like me, desperation sets in which is just humanly and we don't want to miss chances. I mean, its not everyday that proposals come. I spoke 2 B just now and he said he will b here next week. I'm crossing my fingers that nothing disrupts it this time. After he come next wk and we talk, then I will know where I stand.

      Delete
  12. I would wait for B to come and visit you if he is going to propose. If A is proposing first, you can always tell him that you need time to think about it. You already know what you want (guy B), so that's who you should focus on marrying. Why is guy B taking so long to visit you? If you want (guy B) to hurry and come you could let him know that a guy friend of yours who likes you is coming to visit you. You don't have to give him any more details. If he's smart, he'll make his move fast.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous9/29/2013

      Exactly ke???

      Sum guys would see Ʊ as unfaithful and back out...

      Men are jealous, the last thing you want is for him 2 think Ʊ would cheat or is chetaing on him.

      Don't mention anything about one 2 d other...

      Tell A, you want 2 think about his proposal(that's if he does) let him understand that a lot of waters must have passed under d bridge...

      Note sumtin dat this abroad guys can be funny? Mayb he wants unrestricted access 2 ur VJ that's why he is deceiving Ʊ wit seeing ur mum. IMO, Ʊ wouldn't have allowed him, Ʊ woulda told him ur mum is a no-nonsense woman and Ʊ can't introduce a man who Ʊ r not sure of settling down with to her.....

      That said, keep A on ur right hand and wait 4 B......I wil suggest Ʊ even play A, eat his money and feed him lies, deceive him.....and only walk out on him when ur wedding is by d corner.
      Liars like him desrves all d deceit in the world......

      This is what I would do, infact its what am doing.....my abroad bf wil just see my weeding pictures cos d idiot is married and has a 5year old daughter by a nigerian woman who he met in d UK, and has been deceiving me....am receiving delivery of a car he sent this new week, which I will sell and feed my bank acct to buy me a new one after my wedding.
      He thinks I do not know he is happily married....mschew.....the last time he came, I stuffed ketup in my pad and he just gave me money and said bye......

      Babes, enjoy urself very well...

      BeBe

      Delete
  13. Hi poster,i understand ur dilenma but again i dont think its a dilenma.look at it dis way,if A is not the man u love,even if B wasnt in the picture,wud u go ahead to marry him with all his flaws which u cant live without.Then tomorow u wil come and start tellin us stories dat touch.most of d advice and responses i have read are good but i think we need to address the real issue which is that u r insecure.it dosent have anything to do with A or B but with u.y wud u want to marry a man u dont love out of desperation bcos at 28 u feel u r old.learn to love ursef first,be a strong independent woman.Know what u want from life and wen d ryt pesin comes he wil find u.contrary to what evryone is telln u,id advise u to just tell A straight up that ure in a relationship bcos d way i see it,even if B dumps u(God Forbid),A is nt wat u want either.women shud try and kno wat dey want from life,dont settle for second best abeg. Secondly,i say wait for B to propose,it dosent make sense for u to travel to see him to be proposed to.let him be d one to come,do u even kno y hes delayin,mebbe he wants to do it in a big way or sth.be patient,face ur career,buld urself.u cab gist B wat hapend in passing,dont make it a big deal,just like u gist him anyoda thin.If hes smart enuf he shud decode #my2cents.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous9/29/2013

      I agree with u, dis is a life time tin we r talking abt here. My cuzin married a man abroad and is regretting now, am sure it was out of despiration. Its better u wait 4 d 1 u love and ur sure of and not some guy dat wud make u regret 4 d rest of ur life.

      Delete
  14. @poster this is crap! What I can't seem to digest is the ambiguity of the things you guys post. It's just like watching home video and their unintelligent storyline. You ask a question u already answered ur self and yet seek answers... r u for real?

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anonymous9/29/2013

    hmm, take a deep breath and relax please. This is Marriage we are talking about here, its a life journey, not the colour of shoes to buy! If A proposes before you have a chat with B, simply put him on hold, I.e tell him you are honoured, but will need two weeks to pray and give him a definite answer. Then you can have the time to talk with B. Marriage is a very serious issue , pls dnt be under any pressure. enter with ur eyes wide open and all ur senses alert, take it from me.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous9/29/2013

    Im so happy i stumbled on this website while i was looking for a recipe for jollof rice. Im zimbabwean and i just love west african food and i think this is going to be my favourate cooking website from now on.Me and my husband Zimbabwe we just love Nigerian cooking.. Firstly i would like to commend all the ladies here who are sharing and advising passionately just like sisters would do. As for the case at hand, I strongly suggest that you arrange a meeting with B asap because I fear that the pressure you are getting from friends and family to settle down is going to force you to marry the wrong guy. You seem to not trust A and he seems like a dodgy character who might have a lot of skeletons in his cupboard.I like the sound of B. Sometimes men need a little push so that they are hasty with decisions. As women we have the power to influence our men to think what we want them to think.So I would suggest you actually tell him that you have a few days off work and you will be visiting him so you can have that serious talk he suggested so that he actually thinks oh yeah, i did say i wanted to have a serious chat with this girl. So you have re planted the idea in his head but he knows it was his idea in the first place. But just make sure he knows you are visiting for that serious talk he suggested. Do this asap because time is not really on your side. While B sounds perfect, you need to know if he is ready for commitment. hope this makes sense...

    ReplyDelete
  17. hi dear! i totally get it that you are 28 and with the pressure from our society its not easy for you but from your mail, i see there is a clear decision on whom you would rather spend the rest of your life with.....so forget A and wait till B do what he has to do and remember B did not say he was going to propose o, he only said you guys needed to talk and insinuated that it is as important as a proposal so you should not talk over the phone about it. Just relax everything would happen when it should and know that a guy can sense from a mile when a girl is trying to get him do something and all that....wish you the best

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anonymous9/29/2013

    Thank u all for your contributions. I'm so touched. I have learnt so much from ur views. I'm totally grateful you took time out to give me advice. I will surely put it into practice. Lots of love.

    ReplyDelete
  19. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Sum guys would see Ʊ as unfaithful and back out...

    Men are jealous, the last thing you want is for him 2 think Ʊ would cheat or is chetaing on him.

    Don't mention anything about one 2 d other...

    Tell A, you want 2 think about his proposal(that's if he does) let him understand that a lot of waters must have passed under d bridge...

    Note sumtin dat this abroad guys can be funny? Mayb he wants unrestricted access 2 ur VJ that's why he is deceiving Ʊ wit seeing ur mum. IMO, Ʊ wouldn't have allowed him, Ʊ woulda told him ur mum is a no-nonsense woman and Ʊ can't introduce a man who Ʊ r not sure of settling down with to her.....

    That said, keep A on ur right hand and wait 4 B......I wil suggest Ʊ even play A, eat his money and feed him lies, deceive him.....and only walk out on him when ur wedding is by d corner.
    Liars like him desrves all d deceit in the world......

    This is what I would do, infact its what am doing.....my abroad bf wil just see my weeding pictures cos d idiot is married and has a 5year old daughter by a nigerian woman who he met in d UK, and has been deceiving me....am receiving delivery of a car he sent this new week, which I will sell and feed my bank acct to buy me a new one after my wedding.
    He thinks I do not know he is happily married....mschew.....the last time he came, I stuffed ketup in my pad and he just gave me money and said bye......

    Babes, enjoy urself very well...

    BeBe

    ReplyDelete
  21. Anonymous9/30/2013

    I think everyone has said enough here. I'm just going to say follow your heart. Pray about it wait for the answer and go for it.

    ReplyDelete
  22. In addition to the advices above,on no account should you give urself out to sex as in do not be carried away/pressurized to the extent of giving out urslef cheaply.SAY CAPITAL NO TO PREMARITAL SEX. Also i will advise that you let B come to meet you and not you going there to visit him ,this brings more honour to u later on.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Anonymous10/02/2013

    Thank you Temi.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Please don't go to B,if he is really serious about you,he will create time to come to you.Going to him makes you look desperate.And if you ask me,the way he sounded on the phone to you,"'do you want me to tell you that I'll marry you over the fone'?"Who makes his intentions known to a lady that way.He sounds rude to me;like one of those men who think they're doing a woman a favor by marrying them.

    ReplyDelete

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