Hubby Tried To Sleep With My Help, Now Refused To Eat My Food, Should I Be Worried?

Hello Aunty Eya. I beg to be anonymous. I ve been married for 5yrs now wit 2 daughters. My mum gave me her best help ever who loves my kids like her own sisters, treats me and my hubby with a lot of respect. 

She has even stuck her neck out and took all d blame for sometin I did in anger in order to save my marriage(not cheating thou). She is indeed a nice Christian too. 

Just last Saturday, she told me that her family was coming to take her away. That was when I discovered that my hubby has been asking her for sex, touching her etc. 

The one that happened on
Thursday scared her so badly but she refuted him vehemently. And out of fear, she called her sis instead of calling me. Her sis asked her to leave d house immediately but she hung on outside cos of my lil gals. Since she was my best help and I wouldn't want to loose her cos not many girls would refuse such advances, I had to reach d only person her family would listen to which is my mum to appease them to let her stay. 

I also promised them I LL never leave them at home again while I go to work. After taking d disgrace of begging her family, I called my hubby and finished him in anger and told him how I reached my mum to salvage the situation with her family. Instead of being remorseful, he is carrying faces and even angry that I reached my mum to go plead with d family. 

He insists dat I shld ve called him first. I find that very funny cos he has made a disgrace of himself and he thinks he could have salvaged anything?. My help's family would ve verbally mutilated him if he had shown up at their house. I ve been so angry and disappointed that I ve ignored him, no longer sleep in our room. 

He on his own has refused to eat my food but I really don't care. He just showed that he neither loves me nor respects me. I strongly feel I deserve an apology from him and would ve him run tests b4 I would ever let him in btw my legs again cos I don't trust him anymore. 

That is d 2nd time he is cheating on me and if forgiveness always comes easy, he wouldn't value his home I believe. Pls WC, hope I aint being too mean on him?

Comments

  1. Anonymous9/15/2013

    Wow!!!in my own opinion u handled the situation with a lot of maturity.and your help is also an awesome person BUT I think u need to start making other arrangments for a help. Hubby ,might still go back to her nd she might not be able to resist him,or he can rape her too which is worse for u to handle. Its really a difficult one coz if u get a new help she might fall for ur hubby's advances and u cannot get a male help coz of the safety of your girls,whew!! As for ur husband,pray for him and also look for a good time to talk to him about his conducts(maybe u take him out somewhere)

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous9/15/2013

      Some of you women fall my hand o! I will only bring a young girl into my home if and only if she is my husband's close relative! She better not be fine too! Other than that, 45+ is my aim. If he wants to yansh his relative or a mother figure that will be his cross to bear. I am shocked when I see married women with young girls with plum breast and firm bums. I shiver. Send that your help away! I do not care if she is MARTHA STEWART. get an elderly person that comes and goes for now or find the poster whose mom got them someone ugly with a hunch back.

      Delete
  2. Mrs Dayo9/15/2013

    Yeye man!!! "YES I SAID SO"
    bUT COME O, IS IT TRUE THAT AN ERECT PENIS HAS NO CONSCIENCE???

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous9/15/2013

    What a man.Please send the girl away cos he might just rape her.Get a person that comes to clean and doesn't sleep over.As for your husband,don't even know what to say

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  4. Anonymous9/15/2013

    Let go of the help at once! And for your hubby, ignore him too. Don't even dare to make the settlement move, it will be your weakness and he will continue from where he stopped. Men are plainly dogs and Ace will soon come and yarn that '95% of men cheat' bullshit. KMFT

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  5. Oh my days!You absolutely deserve an apology from this man,kai!i must commend you though for handling the situation maturely.but in my opinion,try find another help.you can't just rely on your trust in your current help.when 'conji' hold your man na,he could attempt to rape or entice her with luxurious gifts and she could give in. so find another help nne...

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  6. Anonymous9/15/2013

    Na wah o! what's this one naa. This is a very tough one for me o, knowing just how hard it is to find a good help. Not to mention the fact that the randy hubby of your's will still attempt it on the next help who might not be a good person.

    Don't be in a hurry to send d help packing since you work. Instead like you said find a way to make sure d two are never home alone. There must be something that can be arranged. Leave absolutely no room for it.

    As for that randy husband of your's maybe you should stop giving him food for now(after all he doesn't even eat it). Yeye man. I really commend people that can take this kinda things lightly. I would a probably done something CRAZY by now.

    Dont forget to ask God for mercy. Good luck.

    *28 year old mother of four*

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  7. Wow, I feel for the poster. Her husband is a let down. I'd like to say not all men are cheaters. And the 95% cheating rate among men is not true. While, there are some men who are predisposed to cheating. These are men who have a hard time saying no to an attractive woman or never saw a woman they didn't like. A man who cheats is usually frustrated about something in their relationship. It could be something the woman at home is doing or not doing. It could be anything from a lack of sex from the woman to a nagging woman or a woman that let themselves go. It could also be a case, where the man doesn't respect the wife either because they bring in the money in the home and therefore, they feel empowered. In any case, it is up to the woman to find out what is distracting their partner.

    The poster can find another maid so as to protect the young girl. She could replace the current maid with a much older woman. But most importantly, she must address the underlying reason why her husband keeps cheating. If not, he will still find another woman to cheat with.

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    Replies
    1. Well said JJ. Poster for how long will you two avoid or stop talking to each other. I suggest you seat down and talk to him and lethim know how you feel, DEMAND and apology and discuss the way forward.

      Delete
  8. Anonymous9/15/2013

    JJ hit the nail on the head. Find an unattractive help and address the non trivial relationship issues you guys have. None will be easy, but it's what you need to do for a lasting solution. What does the help have that you don't?

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    Replies
    1. @Anon 12:14pm. You really think the help has something poster does not have? Other ladies outside also have it! No wo/man can have it all...
      Poster - not giving your hubby sex will drive him out in search of sex outside. Is that what you want? Definitely that's what the devil wants and I'm sure you won't let the devil have the last laugh!
      You need to 'disgrace' this hubby of yours - report him to someone he respects and get this issue discussed. You might be surprised with the things he would say you did/did not do. You cannot handle this situation on your own - seek help.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous9/15/2013

      Bj, I still think they have issues that they need to address as sincerely as they can. Else he will find both sex and food as far away from the home as he can.

      Delete
  9. Anonymous9/15/2013

    A man that wd cheat wud cheat,it doesn't ve to be anything the poster has done or not done,if he has a roving eyes and lacks self discipline then he wd cheat. Dear poster pls dnt over stress urself or become anxious cos u wanna be "perfect" for ur man,keep doing well n being the good wife with the help of God,cos in dis situation it is very difficult to be d gd wife ooo,its very easy to become angry always and turn into a shrew cos of dis kinda man. But pls ehn,just pray for him,talk to him and keep being happy,it is well. The hrt of a king is in God's hand.Some men ehn dey just act like He-goat very disgusting.

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  10. Anonymous9/15/2013

    I am the poster of this. I also need to let u all know that my hubby is never alone with her anymore. Even if I am going to the junction to buy stuffs, vry1 gets into the car and we all go together. When I go to work now, I drop them off with my mum. Rape(hahaha) u all forget that a man caught in the act suddenly becomes quiet. He wouldn't dare since he is scared of his parents knowing, plus he is also scared since my help's family knows and my mum has not told him jack about it. That leaves him all the more confused. I also give him the cold treatment plus I also sleep in the same room with them all. Good to know u all feel the same disgust I feel. I prayed for my marriage in church today and asked God to give him an overwhelming guilt, one that won't let him concentrate and I trust God will. HE MUST APOLOGIZE. I deserve some respect and I don't intend on changing helps, the one I know and can trust is the best. Any other contrary opinions thou are welcomed. One person doesn't know it all.

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  11. chioma9/15/2013

    Thank God u are a wise woman. Pls let d help go. Dat man of urs is a shameless cheat! He can even rape d help. Abeg try to have a heart to heart talk wit him o. Pray 4 him. Pls 4gv him even if he doesnt deserve it. If u deny him sex na GOBE B DAT. HA. HE WIL BUY IT. B4 GIVING HIM,LET HIM DO TEST.

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  12. I wonder why you think you should be worried about being mean to your hubby. The man has shown that he has no atom of respect for you. Any man that can sleep with his wife's sister, friend and even housemaid definitely does not have respect for the wife. Cheating on its own is bad let alone cheating with your maid, a girl that calls you daddy at home. Now to cap it all he does not even show remorse. Instead of him to be apologetic and he's even angry you made moves to amend the situation....na wah for some men ooo. I am a man and while I am not claiming to be a saint, I do know that there are certain things we as men should not be caught dead doing and one of such is sleeping with the maid. Anyway, my advise is that you let the girl go because as far as your hubby is not remorseful that means he can still rape her one day. If he had been remorseful, you would have been assured at least that he wont try it next time but right now,there's no guarantee. So please send the girl away and look for an older person who can be doing your chores for you. The person does not need to stay in your house. She can resume in the morning and close at night. There are a lot of women like that, because taking another young girl again as your maid wont solve the problem and a houseboy is definitely out of it. I wish you good luck. Cheers

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  13. Anonymous9/15/2013

    Letting the help go doesn't solve anything,d help is not the problem its his dick,u bring anoda help his dick wd still stand mscheew its so annoying d way some men let deir dick rule deir lives. @poster good of u jare God wd continue to grant u wisdom.

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  14. Anonymous9/15/2013

    Dnt allow The cold treatment to exceed its temperature. If nt, u may nt like the experience.. 4give so dat God wil 4gv u. It is ur home. He is ur hubby. Act wisely. I didnt support him o. Never! But stil 4gv and dnt overdo things

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  15. I think you should let the maid go, get someone who comes cleans d house and leaves in d evening. Above all, talk 2ur husband+pray 4him also

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous9/16/2013

      You all are saying, let the maid go as if its even easy getting maids. Personally, i have tried all the types young, old, come n go but all of them are full of craps. anyday, you scold them, thats the end of the work! In essence, sending the 'good' maid away is not the solution as it will put further pressure on the already frustrated mother! I support her not allowing them to stay alone in the house. As for the man, you must sit him down and talk. Ask him questions, you might be surprised you pushed him into the habits. Not dat I supported what he did anyway! Above, keep praying for him!

      Delete
  16. Anonymous9/15/2013

    Aunty Eya, what's ur advice on this one? We need to hear from you on this, what do you think?

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    Replies
    1. I think the girl should leave to avoid future wahala but then, her kids still need a sitter

      Delete
    2. Sometimes, an about to stray third leg doesn't rest until it gets a taste of that particular dish. Once may not even be enough untiiiil it lands it's owner in big trouble then eyes suddenly clear fiamm.

      Delete
    3. Well said!or she can get a nanny who is elderly to help with the chores and baby sit her kids. Prayer should also be key and be watchful please.

      Delete
  17. Anonymous9/15/2013

    Wwow..had a similar situation..I know how hard it is to let go of a maid that is God sent..had one that was sooo pretty and sooo hardworking. Loved my kids to bits and I trusted her 100%. But when ny hubby started making moves on her I still found it so hard to let go. I kept her for another year. But that was dangerous. And although my husband was truely sorry I wasnt comfortable deep down in my heart. Pls let d maid go. My new maid is sorry to say very ugly but also very hardworking. But I like it that way. I can leave her home. Husby doesnt even look twice. Lol. Pray for a better maid and surmon the courage to let this one go. God b with u and your marriage

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  18. Anonymous9/15/2013

    I also think the girl's parents no try at all. So they knew that their kid could be harassed sexually at any time, yet they allowed her stay with you? Haba! What ever the world is turning into is what we can't say! My mama for don come bundle me go house sef.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous9/15/2013

      U were not there to know what happened and how they were assured o'er this issue. It obviously was not easy for them. I m also sure they ve followed up on this matter after it all. Our prayer is that God shld give us money to cater for our kids ourselves.Pls do not jump into conclusion. Thank God every body no be ur mama.

      Delete
  19. chizly9/15/2013

    Letting the maid go is not the issue, a man lyk tht (who is not ashamed of his act) my dr will get it anywhere if he wants. Jst have a heart to heart talk with him. Move bck into ur bedroom bcos if u refuse him sex, u jst made tht jobless and useless devil happy. Jst pray for your man, God will surely see u true.

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  20. In as much as i dont support u starving him of sex but to b frank i cant stand an un- remorseful man giving me a drive, it wont move me one bit. I knowledge your wisdom and maturity in handlin d matter but am of d opinion that u should report him to someone that will speak to his CONSCIENCE. Yea! He has a dead conscience. Changing a maid wil not solve it but taming his manhood will. U cant do this alone and by ur power u know, use the only just weapon u have and put ur home in order: PRAYER. I wish u d best.

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  21. Anonymous9/15/2013

    I have always said as a woman,if u must hv a female help,she shud be from ur husband's place a close relation for dat matter dats jst d remedy,for God's sake if a man must cheat y wont he go outside n do it,some men like cheap tins too much msheeeew

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  22. Anonymous9/15/2013

    Get him tested for STDs before sleeping with him raw again remember HIV has a three month window period before it shows up in someone. Please let go of the maid for her own safety she can go back to working for your mum and you can drop the kids there in the meantime as you have been doing as you look for a day maid

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  23. Anonymous9/15/2013

    Aunty Eyah. I dey feel u o. Na recipie term u cum dey use. Taste and dish. Lol. Na u biko.

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  24. Anonymous9/15/2013

    Ugly help with hunch back... Anon 5.13pm Rotfl! But really enh.. How long will you continue like this, taking ur help wherever you go is not the solution dear.. Get a lasting solution.. This is only temporal

    Patsy

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  25. Anonymous9/16/2013

    Sad. It is quite obvious your husband has a great character flaw that only he can fix. Removing the temptation is one thing, but how will that fix the problem which is inside of him? Go seek marriage counseling, also ensure you teach your daughters about inappropriate touching, personal space and a no secrets policy in the home.

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  26. Dear try and know how to manage without a house help until ur children are of age to assist u or better still find his close relative to come and stay with u. The house help should go, wherever she is, u can still assist her from there. Also find a way to resolve d issue with ur hubby before it affects ur children also. I wish that the next post we see will be to inform us that you have settled evereything. Good luck.

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  27. Please let the help go asap! I hope you do get someone elderly soon who will be able to take good care of the house and kids. Be very prayerful about the marriage too but as for the man, he must see the wrong in his act begging a maid to have sex, and so he MUST apologize!what type of Ogboju is datt?

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  28. Harbie and Harbey9/18/2013

    If he refuse to eat d@ means He is not hungry abegiiii free d sex slave,if U beg him or not he will still sleep around cos d@s his nature, a scorpion will always sting, pray to God to help U take care of Ur lovely girls and pray for him as well there is a room for repentance , he is only invoking God's wrath over himself destroying God's work,he is a cheater or u pushed him to be, so try and work things out with prayer buh don't beg him if he is not sober cos Ur sister might be d next victim, buh pray to God for assistance notin is impossible

    ReplyDelete

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