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Discoveries After Traditional Marriage, Is It Too Late To Call Off Church Wedding?

Dear Aunty Eya, pls help me to publish this so I can get advice from people.
I have written before but it was not published.

My name is Rose, I am 30 yrs old. I got married to a man I dated for only 3 months this January. The bride price was paid by Jan and we are planning for our traditional and church wedding by Dec and we have been living together since then because of my job.

The problem now is that I have found out that we don,t have so much in common. We argue almost everyday because he always has this feeling that I want to show him that I am a graduate. He rejects any suggestion I bring and tells me that he may not have gone to school but he knows he is better than me. I try all I can to let him know that it dosen,t matter if I am more educated than him but he already has this believe that educated women are full of themselves and will always want to control their husband so he has decided to turn down any suggestion I bring so that he will be in control.

Secondly, he dosen't give me
money for anything I want to do personally. Since that Jan, he has never given me money for cloth, shoes, even to make my hair. He keeps promising that he knows how to take care of women that when the time comes, he will spoil me with money. He gets money and buys enough food and anything we use together but dosen,t bother about my personal needs though he is still good in a way.

He tells me about a girl he dated for almost 6years but the girl refused to marry him because he forced her to do abortion. The girl still calls him even demanding for his financial assistance though he turned it down but he refused to tell her he is married. Tells me he wants to tell her after our wedding because he doesn,t want problem.

I have a strong feeling that I he may even become worst after the wedding but the issue now is that I don,t know what to do because I feel that if I stop the marriage, I may find it difficult to get married again because I have some health issues that has to do with reproduction. My people will be disappointed in me because my sisters are happily married with kids and there has never been a case of break up in our entire family. Also my sister warned me against the marriage a day before the bride price was paid by telling that she noticed that I am not in love with the man but only wanted to get married but I told her it was too late.

The issue is that I am not happy, not even excited about the wedding plan. I feel I am walking into a pit but don,t know how to stop myself. Please I need to hear what you have to say on this issue because I am confused.

Comments

  1. Anonymous9/17/2013

    Dear poster you are definitely walking into a pit. Please call off this wedding. It is not too late. A friend of mine called off her white wedding after the man changed after the trad. She is happily married now. People will tell u to talk to him and involve ppl yo talk to him to make him change. He will not change. He already has a complex and that will not change. Remember this is ur life and happiness at stake. Good luck.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous9/17/2013

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous9/17/2013

      "The smoke you see while dating becomes a full blown fire in marriage"

      Delete
  3. Mrs Dayo9/17/2013

    For better for worse I do. You have not yet promised "for better for worse my dear". Life is too short to live in misery all your few days on earth.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous9/17/2013

    My dear, pray to GOD for direction.it is well with u

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous9/17/2013

      Sorry 2 devaite 4rm d topic,pls z it possible 2 make african salad without potash???heard dat potash is BAD 4 pregnant women,I've bin craving 4 it badly.pls do reply #thanks#

      Delete
    2. Anonymous9/17/2013

      Pray and watch says the Holy Book! Now the signs are obviously being displayed and you want her to pray the man to change? Please poster, run for ya dear life. It is obvious both of you are not compatible. Secondly, your partner has complex problem and will do everytin to ensure he frustrates you in the marriage especially you being a graduate and him not. Like Anon 3:11 said, the "smoke you see now will definitely become a full blown fire after the wedding".

      Delete
    3. Anon 2:18 pls hi ahead and make your meal without potash, the taste is the same. I personally do not add it always to d salad, only my meat and fish (nkwobi). Madam LNC come answer ooooh

      Delete
    4. Anonymous9/17/2013

      Thank you ify.

      Delete
    5. @Anonymous September 17, 2013 at 2:18
      PM
      You can make your abacha without potash but if you so desperately want that ncha(soap) feeling that oil and potash combo gives, you can go for ngu. Ask Igbo women of ngu, it does same thing as potash. Potash caused me seriously running stomach while preggers but when I switched to Ngu, I ate abacha every two days till few weeks to when I had my baby. Make sure to sieve it properly like you would powdery potash

      Delete
    6. @Anonymous September 17, 2013 at 2:18
      PM
      You can make your abacha without potash but if you so desperately want that ncha(soap) feeling that oil and potash combo gives, you can go for ngu. Ask Igbo women of ngu, it does same thing as potash. Potash caused me seriously running stomach while preggers but when I switched to Ngu, I ate abacha every two days till few weeks to when I had my baby. Make sure to sieve it properly like you would powdery potash

      Delete
    7. Anon 2:18 pls go ahead and make the abacha without potash, just fry your hot oil and crayfish well, it taste as nice. Or buy ngwo from market women.(it looks like ashes).
      Ify and Debbie has said it all. Be safe

      Delete
    8. Anonymous9/18/2013

      Thank you sooooo much.#hugs#

      Delete
  5. That's your cross to bear cos you are married. but for how long? I no fit abeg. God understands and he won't wish you unhappiness just like that. That man will gradually destroy all your self esteem and leave you a walking dead. Tufiakwa

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous9/17/2013

      So marriage is now a cross that should be borne. You must be SSS.

      Delete
    2. Please leave this man. He obviously has a complex. Try not to get pregnant otherwise leaving will be difficult. The doors of change can only be opened from within, you can't yank it open from outside. He has to realise there's a problem with his attitude first before he can think about changing. I wish in my culture we did traditional marriage first and wedding much later. I would have escaped from this nightmare i'm currently living. Going to 16 years now, he hasn't changed. I'm waiting for my kids to finish their education then I'll be free at last.
      I know you won't listen. They'll tell you to stay and pray. Goodluck with that. See you at the different vigils and church programmes.

      Delete
  6. Johnson9/17/2013

    Poster – this is a bad situation you are in and you went into it with your eyes wide open. You are thinking of getting out… weigh the consequences of getting out and be ready to bear it. You cannot eat your cake and have it.
    Not sure if you shared your medical issues with your spouse, but it seems like going ahead with this man will make you live a very miserable life. Is that God's plan for you? NO! Would you live happier if you move out? PROBABLY! The ONLY way you can win is to bring JESUS into the situation. He is the only one that can bring out a MESSAGE from the MESS you’ve put yourself into and He will do it in His own way. Whatever He tells you to do, do it!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous9/17/2013

    Na wa o. Dis kind of jealous husband. Well i think u should call it off, u go c suffer when u marry. I think u were desperate . Y go 4 dis kind of jearlous fellow? Nw u have learnt ur lesson. Dis man fit kil u

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous9/17/2013

    This is really serious my dear Rose,in a suituation like this u hv to think the best way to talk to him on how to stop this marriage and be carefull cos he may try to hurt you,this type of man may change or become worse,my adivce is to call off the marriage thue is usually difficult to do so, I hv a similar issue although not as bad as this cos my man was Educated more than me but he made sure I graduated but do no think i have a better opinion thue we are happily marriede with kids but I still fill unhappy to know that some of my opinio does not matter but wen sometin happen he will say I said it oh but he will not accept my opinion.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous9/17/2013

    Na wa o. Dis kind of jealous husband. Well i think u should call it off, u go c suffer when u marry. I think u were desperate . Y go 4 dis kind of jearlous fellow? Nw u have learnt ur lesson. Dis man fit kil u

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous9/17/2013

    Your instincts is your best friend and you have to listen very well to it. We are not all perfect. We all make mistake, you have made yours. Learn from it but don't let it consume your life. If you are my sister, I will tell you to leave that "marriage". If an individual exhibits a bad bad behaviour before marriage, it will get extremely worst after it. Leave now before it is too late. Avoid pregnancy with him please.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Diamond Girl9/17/2013

    Marriage is not something you enter into lightly. Choosing a marriage partner is serious business because the union is supposed to be for LIFE. When you go into it for superficial reasons, you will SURELY meet unnecessary hardship. Before choosing a partner, you must answer some hard questions as honestly as possible. Ask yourself, I'm I willing to live with ABC character traits in this other person for ever? Or are these things I can easily overlook by the help of the Holy Spirit?' Also bear in mind that you also are not perfect and always make allowance for adjustments in your own character.

    Having said all that, I won't advise you to leave or to stay. Who's advise did you seek before entering into the union? Do whatever you know you will be OK with ten, fifteen years from now. Be honest with yourself and answer those hard questions only you have the answer to. Go on your knees and sincerely seek help from God.

    All the best!

    ...Telling it like it is!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Diamond Girl9/17/2013

    Marriage is not something you enter into lightly. Choosing a marriage partner is serious business because the union is supposed to be for LIFE. When you go into it for superficial reasons, you will SURELY meet unnecessary hardship. Before choosing a partner, you must answer some hard questions as honestly as possible. Ask yourself, I'm I willing to live with ABC character traits in this other person for ever? Or are these things I can easily overlook by the help of the Holy Spirit?' Also bear in mind that you also are not perfect and always make allowance for adjustments in your own character.

    Having said all that, I won't advise you to leave or to stay. Who's advise did you seek before entering into the union? Do whatever you know you will be OK with ten, fifteen years from now. Be honest with yourself and answer those hard questions only you have the answer to. Go on your knees and sincerely seek help from God.

    All the best!

    ...Telling it like it is!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous9/17/2013

      A 1000 likes!!!

      Delete
    2. Anonymous9/17/2013

      A million likes !!!

      Delete
  13. Anonymous9/17/2013

    Hmmmmmmmmn

    ReplyDelete
  14. Anonymous9/17/2013

    I'll advice u to leave nw b4 its too late. Am in a worse issue but cos of my kids ave decided to endure but honestly, it's not easy.dnt 4get to pray about it and follow ur instincts

    ReplyDelete
  15. Getting married to a man you dated for only three months is too soon in my opinion. I'm sure the handwriting on the wall was crystal clear in the early stages of dating him, but who am I to judge? its a good thing that you haven't said I do yet so my advice would be to RUN girl. Trust me, he will only get worse
    If he can't take care of you now, what guarantee is there that he ll take care of you after marriage. it's so obvious that this is really eating you up. If something is bothering you deny it access gbam!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous9/17/2013

    @ Anon 2:18 I'm in my second trimester and I have eaten african salad 3 times already wiv potash, nothing has happend. In my early pregnancy I ate isiewu and licked d sauce wella. And u no it's made wiv potash. Nothing happend to me Oo°˚˚˚°! Not even runny stomach. U can go ahead and add potash to ur african salad my dear. Me I haven't hrd it's bad for pregnant women Oo°˚˚˚°!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ajebutter9/18/2013

      Shut up ur big mouth! The act that u ate it & nothing happened to does not mean its safe for a pregnant woman. My sister ate the same isiewu only once and she nearly died from it, she was 3-4 months pregnant & yes she lost the baby. So stop being ignorant & silly by giving such advice. Im out!

      Delete
  17. Thank you so much for your kind advice. I know you will definitely be of help and i feel more convinced that i have to take a permanent decision now. It is not going to be easy at all but with your prayers, i will be directed towards a better path. Thank you all and God bless you.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anonymous9/18/2013

    RUNNNNNN FOR YOUR DEAR LIFE MY DEAR. THINGS WILL ONLY GET WORSE. he might eventually get abusive. A man with insecurity issues is a dangerous Man. Trust me

    ReplyDelete
  19. Pls walk away while u still can. Ur family wnt b d ones brkin dwn wen u begin to suffer d hrtache. Pls walk away nw. U'l def find sm1 who truly appreciates u. Besides, hw can u date a person for jst 3months? Who does dat? Even a life time aint enuf to knw a humanbeing. For ur makeup anuwhere arnd d east pls add 25C1DB17 or call 08162066075. God bless ya'll

    ReplyDelete
  20. Pls walk away, it will b worse......d inferiority thingy and he will frustrate u bigtime

    ReplyDelete
  21. Anonymous9/18/2013

    walk away is an understatement. Quit today and get anoda tomoro.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Anonymous9/18/2013

    Don't stay in that marriage because of what people will say or think. One thing is for sure, you won't be loved, respected or cared for; is that how you want to live your dear life just to be married? And that ex still hanging around the corner, are you sure there's not much to it than he says? As for your health issues, visit a fertility specialist, there are other ways to aid reproduction. Above all, use your HEAD!

    ReplyDelete
  23. The situation is not pathetic but you must still check for facts about who he really is... Insecurity is normal in a relationship, it can come in any form... Do not fret.

    Try to get into his mind to really find out who he is and what he stands for.

    I would advice you stay.. For me, you've said nothing grave enuff to warrant calling it off. Don't be deceived no man is perfect we all just come in different forms and not a complete affront.





    Nuff'Said....

    ReplyDelete
  24. Queen Bee9/21/2013

    Pls leave dat man asap since are not soo in love with him!
    He is intimidated at ur achievements in life and it can only get worse!
    Such a man will even be a stumbling block to ur rise career_wise cos he will never want to see u above him.
    Well it depends on what u envisage in ur future with him,but I forsee sorrow tears and pain for u!why?cos I have an aunt that was in such a marriage exactly as urs!she tot she could manage it and pray it thru', but the marriage is literally over

    ReplyDelete
  25. Anonymous9/21/2013

    My dear to be candid with u- age is not by ur side! And mind u there is no perfect husband or marriage. I fink ur case is no big deal, afterall u said he has his good sides. Urself u ain't perfect, can we just be realistic! If u can just understand ur hubby u find out that men r just babies. @30 baib u r matured enof to know how to deal wif some issues. I fink am in a similar shoes wif u but I never cared abt wot pple were saying, d impt thing is that my hubby is a good man and has a good heart, though its not easy but dia r changes now. My dear make sure he is a true christain with conscience first of all. Ur target should be to have ur own children nd I believe he also have his own target 4 d marriage. If he doesn't seek 4 ur advice let him be, but make sure u don't tell him everyfin. Keep hustling wif ur own seperate/secrete acct for a mean time bcos u can't tell d future today. Avoid advicing him not to help his people, infact a lot more . Just be diplomatic and continue praying 4 God's wisdom to make dis marriage. All men r jealous u know, no matter how much they pretend. Nnem if he happens to be a faithful man just thank ur God. Try to be nice to his people but don't be fake, just be urself nd real. E don do 4 now! As far as he is God fearing nd not lazy, abeg go ahead with d marriage nd put evryfin in God's hands. But hope u ain't the one forcing/making him to marry u?! GOOD LUCK dearie

    ReplyDelete
  26. Anonymous9/21/2013

    U should even thank ur God he is straight forward to u nd not pretending. D devil u know is better than d angel u know nofin abt. Well, all diz r just my advice. U r still entitled to make ur decisions. Good luck still dear

    ReplyDelete
  27. Lady Eva11/13/2013

    He even forced his ex to have an abortion. Hmmm.... Too much baggage with this guy

    ReplyDelete

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