I Want A Divorce But My Parents Are Not Happy

I have been married for 1yr 2mths. My husband is a microbiologist, initially read medicine but didn't make it. 

Said he read pharmacy but yet to see the certificate. I knew this before I married him but though
I tot of changing my mind to marry him I tot since I got to know after our introduction that it was too late.

Since marriage its been one issue over another. Domestic violence, his insecurities over my job cos I'm a Doctor. He is always jealous. He's inconsiderate over my job knowing how stressful it is. I come back late and still do all the house chores. He even beat me up when I was pregnant tho I lost it.


The last straw was 2weeks ago wen he dragged me over d house insisting I must leave that late at night.
He later came to apologize but I made up my mind I would leave. He has been apologizing. Even his parents called to apologize when they got to know.


I want a divorce but my parents are not happy over it
I know I deserve better and I think I settled for him as a husband cos I tot age was not on my side
What do I do? I'm confused. This is affecting my job and my future

Comments

  1. Will your parents be happy when you continue to live in misery enduring a bad marriage?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Do you boo. Please get a divorce! God forbid your parents bury you!
    But did you not see signs while dating ?even if you wanted to change your mind at the introduction you should have done that. Once an abuser always an abuser! Please do not bring a child into a spiteful home! You can do so much better sis . Take care of you and leave that scum behind in your past .

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wow. I felt sad reading this. Tears almost came down. The only thing I can ask myself now is "What will Jesus have told you, if you ran to Him to tell Him of your plight"? Will He say you should stay? Will He tell you to separate? Will He tell you to divorce? He has all the answers. The best. I honestly don't. The mistakes have been made, but you don't have to live with them. Right them. If you ask me how, I don't really know how.

    ReplyDelete
  4. U peo r stil in d honeymoon stage and alrdy u hv lost on baby 2 battery? Pullin u 2 leave his house! Losing dt baby myt jst b 4 d best sef. Pls pack ur bags n tak a hike. D.V doesn't stop. All d prayer in d world won't help xcpt he's d one makin d prayer. B wise

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous8/20/2013

    Politely tell your parents to mind their damn business.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Fyn Ijebu Chic8/20/2013

    Hi poster,
    In lyf, I av learnt not to care abt wat pple say. Once God is okay with what I am doing, then others do not count.
    Back to u, pls and pls, jus satisfy God and ursef.
    I do not encourage divorce, bt I think its high time you packed ur things out of the house. Give him his space.
    My dad of blessed memory had only grade 2. My mum did her NCE and BSc in his house and he didn't raise dust over it. Your husband should go and get delivered of his witchcraft(envy, battery).

    ReplyDelete
  7. The signs were obvious but were ignored. No point crying over spilt milk. Well, this is a tough one but dear poster, even if in the law court, you aint granted divorce immediately you file your case because it is a process. Even the court will give both of you a period to resolve your difference; they might grant you separation before the final divorce and trust me it is always messy. Well, if you are in lagos, the domestic violence bill has been signed into law so you can sue him but I don't have the contacts. You could google it, however, you could contact the citizens' mediation centre(CMC),it is an initiative of the lagos state government on access to justice and they render free legal mediation services on matters like this. Their website is cmc.com.ng tel: 01-8790586, head office:1, motorways centre, opposite 7up bottling company, alausa ikeja, lagos. Agege centre: 07044431460, agege local government council opposite total filling station agege; ikorodu: 01-89107720, yaba: 01-8963966, you can also send me a mail via search4amaka@yahoo.com or call 08036850022. It is well

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous8/20/2013

    I don't get this post. You saw the warning clearly before going ahead with the marriage, now you want out? Ladies can never cease to amaze me ni o. I must marry syndrome is dealing seriously with most ladies and it is not funny.
    Poster, you made your bed, please lie down there like that. KMFT

    ReplyDelete
  9. pls seperate for sumtime say 6mnths. Use dat period to pray 4 him. Talk 2 ur parents y u must do so. U learnt neva 2 be desperate. Seek counsel frm pastors or marrge counselor

    ReplyDelete
  10. Have you had any counselling? DO that, and also talk to him heart to heart. After that give yourself a timeline where you both work on being better, or going your separate ways. In the mean time, use birth control.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Supported... except for the birth control. What is the rationale for this? Would this please God?
      Better to be optimistic that things will work out... the Poster has more of the work to do if she wants her marriage to succeed.

      Delete
  11. MAMA NNUKWU8/20/2013

    Dear blessed poster,you need to apologise to ur husband and also beg for forgiveness for u ve sinned.
    U wanted to ride ur hubby cos u are a med doc,u said he was jealous of u,u also said u married him cos age was no more on ur side.
    My dear blessed poster,u were wrong and u know it.u never loved that man from d begining cos if u did u wouldn't ve noticed all this things u metioned here.May God guide u as u take a wise decision
    Pls one more thing u must be submisive its very important

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Eya pls can you delete this dumb comment asap. I believe u shud ban this I really don't know what to call from your blog. Very fake and demeaning advice. Its so obvious she can't read or decipher posts

      Delete
    2. Anonymous8/21/2013

      @Diuto - you need to open your eyes to see beyond the ordinary. Don't you think the poster coined the hubby in marrying her? Did the man look desperate for marriage?
      We heard only one side of the story - wonder what hubby would say concerning this our doctor?

      Delete
    3. Anonymous8/21/2013

      Mama,may God bless you for this comment.

      Delete
  12. Anonymous8/20/2013

    Pls madam Nnukwu, what do u mean she shd apologise to her hubby, d guy hits her, lied n did all sought...mama nnukwu, if she was ur sister is dat what u will tell her..abeg pack well...

    Poster, pls leave him for now, get ur head striaght n ur self soughted out, I can't imagine how u consult with patient with ur drama..pls save urself from potential death.

    Pls bone his family's side cos they are just enablers,smh apologising on his behalf....pls free everybody n do u..

    ReplyDelete
  13. God does not get involved in other people’s biz… You cannot take a personal decision that has the potential to backfire and expect God to take care of it when it does.
    Like Mama Nnukwu said, you married your husband knowing under the deceit that you love him and began to show your colour. Knowing something at introduction and going ahead meant you were ready to live with it - obviously, in this case, you were not. You cannot be innocent of your hubby’s current actions and dispositions.
    Divorce, at this stage will not help you. This situation requires both of you to seek help from a good counselor and weigh the options before taking a decision.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ... you married your husband knowingly...

      Delete
    2. Johnson8/20/2013

      I’m aligned with this line of thought… Maybe the poster wanted to marry a doctor and is ashamed getting ‘less’. Did he ever raise his hand on you before marriage? Though I am not an advocate for a man to raise his hand against a woman, it is possible the poster had made a monster out of her husband.
      Both of you need to seek godly counsel and sought ways to make your marriage work. Hope is not completely lost if you would obey God – husband love and wife submit…

      Delete
  14. Anonymous8/20/2013

    My elder sister got married cos she felt age was not on her side n d marriage lasted 4 only 6months.if u saw the sings u would have backed out.my sis was not in support of Divorce she had 2leave 2 save her life.so dear poster u ar d 1 leaving whit him u know him better than us if u feel u can't handle it pls take a walk but if u can then its your decision.N remember you ar not leaving your life 4 ur parents you need your own happiness.let your parents know what you are going through.

    ReplyDelete
  15. God is against divorce! Biblically, once one is divorced, the person should celibate to death. No re-marrying, relationship, dating and SEX!! If you are down with the aforementioned then you can go ahead and divorce him.
    On the other hand, if you got married in the catholic church, you can seek for an annulment. The marriage will be cancelled totally. You can't be referred to as 'once married' cos annulment means it never was.
    But assuming you want to go with the annulment or even divorce, be rest assured its not going to be a walk in the park. You have to be physically, psychologically, emotionally and perhaps mentally ready for it.
    You could have prevented all of these the moment you had your doubts but you chose not to so I advise you take a break from the home front to clear your head. You need to be in the right frame of mind to attend to your patients cos your profession doesn't allow mistakes. And I support Myne on the birth control ish. You don't wanna bring a baby to the world in this circumstance. I pray that God will see you through. Amen

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous8/21/2013

    Some Nigerian women will never cease to amaze me the woman says she was beaten while pregnant lost the pregnancy etc you are here advising her to go for counseling another one is telling her to ask for forgiveness from hubby! I just pray that your daughters, sisters or friends never have to go through something similar. Poster you saw the signs you ignored them because age was not on your side I do not blame you I blame this society that has put marriage on a pedestal. You are the one in the marriage not your parents you are highly educated a Doctor for that matter what are you waiting for pack your bags and leave.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous8/21/2013

      @Anon 12:21 - so she should blame this society? You have not failed until you find someone else to blame for it... So she should pack her bags and leave? When your daughters get married, would you ask them to come back home when the situation is still redeemable?
      @Poster, you can still make your marriage work – you’re at the lose end and the only winner is the devil!

      Delete
  17. Anonymous8/21/2013

    Hmmm me I'm confused oh! But for those that said the poster turned the hubby into a monster, I disagree with you-johnson and the likes... Every man is responsible for his actions! Well to some extent, one can be pushed to the wall. But all the same, a sheep cannot be turn into a lion, no matter how you try... Dear poster, be wise! Seek for help, restore your home, give your hubby anoda chance.. Though at the beginning when I saw ur post, I screamed divorce him! But not anymore... There's always hope when you take the right steps. Go for counseling, attend marriage forums together, you can find one in heritage assembly church nationwide.. Pls and pls be submissive to your hubby, and watch what you say to him; do you ever tell him he is jealous of ur profession becos he cldn't get there? That's an hurtful thing to say! He has everything he ever wanted in you, I'm sure he adores you.. Be wise, and give him a second chance.. But stress him a little, so he won't ve ur forgiveness on a platter of gold and nxt time, he will think twice. All the best!

    Patsy

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anonymous8/21/2013

    Yes; I believe ur marriage can still work; provided ur hubby is willing to change and u might av areas u av to work on ursef; I av a couple living in my nxt compound here(dr own apartmnt o) if I tell u wt dy went tru' in d early yrs of dr marriage u won't believe it;(hubby used to beat wife too cuz her mouth is sharper dn razor blade; hubby a doc yl wife is a nurse) bt today dy are firm n strong; dy will tell u dy av come to understand each odr better; so u two can make it work bt d beating has to stop abeg! MrsAjaryee

    ReplyDelete
  19. Dear poster pls take time to evaluate yourself, I would have love to listen to the two sides! But pls ask urself did your attitude change towards him? Is it possible you never loved him but loved it idea that he was a doctor? What are your working hours? Does ur working hour affect the running of your home? To really evaluate yourself well, you need a little distance frm your husband, and you need to prayerfully do so. Once you are done with the assesment have a heart to heart talk with your husband and then give the marriage another try. Getting a divorce is not easy, besides your marriage is less than two years, unless you can prove exceptional hardship the court won't listen to your petition now, even when the marriage is above 2 years the court will advise you to settle out of court. May God give you wisedom.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Johnson8/21/2013

      Thanks Debby & Anon 8:31am. I see the possibility of a marriage being restored here...
      @Poster, it's possible your hubby has not gotten over his failure to accomplish his dream and he could also be regretting what is currently happening to your relationship - esp. the lost pregnancy. God can restore all you have lost and bring joy to your home. Give Him the chance!

      Delete
  20. I have read carefully peoples comments. Some are ok and some you will ask yourself if they actually read between the lines before commenting.FYI the man in question is not the DOCTOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Dear Poster,your case is very similar to my colleague back in school.Would have as well concluded you are the one but for the duration of marriage.
    I cant even put myself in your shoes right now,dont even know the advise to give. But you know what?You are the right person to give yourself the right advise.
    Go to a secluded environment,sit back,think through, analyze.......the conclusion of the whole matter will come into you.Act fast and dont seek any consent anymore. But most of all,pray about it before 1st.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Anonymous8/22/2013

    Thanks Oge. Yu hv actually summarized everything for me. FYI for de other replies I neva said he was jealous of my job but inconsiderate. He's jealous of other men around. But I thank you for your input. It has helped a lot. @oge wat happened to ur frnd back in school?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Poster for the impact I made in your life.Are you sure you are not that friend?Oya disclose your identity.lol.
      From the last I heard,She's still in her marriage,suffering and smiling.

      Delete
  22. Anonymous8/22/2013

    Calm down for a minute Poster. Have a talk with your husband when he appears happy. Let him know what your expectations are from ur marriage, let him share his with you. You need to let him know there is now a law against domestic violence in Lagos and you are not afraid to have it enforced against him. Tell him you will not be beaten, maltreated in ur own home. The next time it happens, you will leave for good. And you should start saving just in case. At the end of the day, whether you have a good nite sleep without fears or worries is your problem and your alone. Ur parents will never consent to a divorce but if the beatins happen again, I say leave andd save ur life. U cldnt save ur baby, what if u r next?

    Pray also. Pray for peace and work on being A virtuous wife. Wish u God's strength.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous8/22/2013

      Have which talk? Pls leave now b4 he kills you. Aside killing u sef, why shud u b unhappy cos of ur marriage. Forget ur parents and go.
      When u die now they'll dy busy regretting but it wil b too late.
      Just leave.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous8/22/2013

      I forgot to add, why do we always try to please our parents in matters such as this?
      If you are unhappy pls go. Simple.

      Delete

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