I Am Confused: Should I Tell Him Or Not?

Goodd afternoon Anty Eya, 
I'm a fan of ur blog.I'm scared of loosing him,if I tell him.

 I'm a student,in my finals and am 20+.

I met this guy last year and he asked me out but I dint Accept his proposal because I was once raped by his friend's cousin some years back (thou I

donno if they have met b4 
or not, but I have this feeling they would have met or they will still meet some day), he apologized but I made up my mind I would never have anything to do with such a person.

 It was later I knew I was pregnant but I dint tell him, I went ahead for an abortion (he dint knw abt the pregnancy nor the abortion, I kept that as a secret).

  This guy is back again, my fear now is "should I tell him about the rape and the abortion" or should I still keep the abortion to myself alone? And hope he won't have a second thought about me if I tell him?
 Thank you all.


  1. Anonymous8/26/2013

    Pls dnt tell him about the abortion o dat 1 no be him concern but u can tell him about the rape but pple differ he might not take it well.

  2. My dear no need telling him about the abortion,to avoid shooting yourself on the foot.

    ~BONARIO~says via NOKIA3310

  3. Johnson8/26/2013

    What would it profit you to tell him ‘deep’ personal things about yourself? Absolutely nothing!
    You're about to start a relationship with no assurance of leading to anything serious and this thought is coming to your mind…? I’ll rather you stay focused on your studies and build healthy relationships, while hoping one will lead to courtship. Then, and only then, should you consider sharing such personal information. My dear, stay clean!

  4. Anonymous8/26/2013

    well. It depends on d type of relationshp u guys are into , if he is really serious of geting married to u and loves u then u must let d cat out of d bag. If he is justn datin u and it wil take longer time for u go deep into a serious relatnshp. Dnt say it nw. But u are stil in doubt abt d relationshp. Close ur mouth. Dnt say it. U didnt state ur level of commitment?

  5. I'm not so comfortable with all these "don't tell him", blah. I too was raped. I kept nursing the wounds of the incidence of being raped by a close friend for months. I met a guy, didn't tell him at first. Was sad one day and cried and he asked how I was, I said "I'd been crying", he called and asked why and I just had to say why. He interestingly helped me get over it all. The moment he talked to me about it, was the moment I healed and disregarded the whole thing.

    So, it's up to you. You're not under any compulsion to tell him. If u tell him n he acts awkwardly, have no regrets. It's not your headache. It's is. If u r not comfortable with telling him, don't. I wasn't either, but it ended up working fine. Be more interested in healing from the process and making your peace with God, rather than telling whoever.

  6. Fyn Ijebu Chic8/27/2013

    People react to matters differently. Take your time to really know him and pls, though u've been there, u can still keep yourself pure.
    It's left to you to tell him or not. But pls, if you want to tell him cos u feel he is the one, kindly make sure his intentions are pure, u can wait a while. Bt if u want to tell him cos u want the burden off your heart, den make sure he doesn't av a temper(he cud hunt the other guy).
    Above all, pray for wisdom cos it is profitable!!!

  7. It all depends on wot u both want frm eachoda n where u guys r headed. If its serz btw d both of u, I do not c anyfn wrong in u telling him...buh dats only if u guys r srzly getting dwn. Buh if u r jst starting, I advice u take a chill pill n hold ur tongue. U wld nt want to tell all d guys u'l date ur secret b4 u find d ryt one. If u r sure hez ready for marriage, u can spill n damn d consequences. If he loves u, he'l stay n if hez fake, well, good riddiance to bad rubish. Alws make ur spouse ur bestfriend. U guys will b stuck togeda for a long time. Dats y its called "soulmates". For ur makeup pls add 25C1DB17.

  8. If it's a serious rship, tel him abt d rape but nt d abortion oooo, cos dt one wl nt go down wt him, he wl start having some funny tots, wish u all d best

  9. Yea! I agre with some people here.if u can build ur confidence in him den be free to share ur rape experience with him and allow him guide u tru the healing phase. But please save ur abortion story to ur self and ur God alone. I believe he is the only one dat has the right to knw those intristic part of your life.

  10. Anonymous8/28/2013

    Dear poster, work on your relationship first before Ÿ̲̣̣̣̥ø̲̣̣̥u̶̲̥̅̊ start sharing such personal details.

  11. This comment has been removed by the author.

  12. blessings.......

    Unless you are in a serious committed relationship with this person that will lead to marriage you need not be spilling your guts to him. You need to choose wisely with whom you share your personal business. Each person has a past and one is not obligated to share every moment, action, word, thought and deed of ones lived experience.

    If the relationship is serious then you may want to disclose the sexual assault for your safety in the event the person your are with wants to hang out with you and the person who you raped you. You need not be subjected to that kind of stress and cruelty. You have to be your own advocate and ensure you are taken care of, you life, your responsibility, you cannot put that upon another because they may fall short and you will have no one to blame but yourself.

    Even saying all that, at the end of the day the decision is yours on whether to confide or not to confide and to what degree. Just be sure that person you are sharing with is willing to keep your confidence, do not assume they will, rather ask/say, "I will like to share something deeply personal with you, will you keep my confidence?"


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