The Daily Fights Have Become Unbearable

Hello Aunty Eya and Wc Readers. Please I need advice and tips before I kolo. I am a mother of 5 who had no problem bringing up my very first 3 kids. They are so gentle, cooperative and obedient. 

They are in boarding schools now and we miss them a lot. Even when the house was full with five kids growing up, it wasn't as stressful for me as it is now.

The last two have turned me into a chatterbox. There is no single day they don't complain and fight a dozen times. I have tried flogging, tried
teaching and even making them write "I will not fight my sister again" in the hundreds. They write until their tiny hands ache, yet the moment I forgive them, the next day they forget and start arguing and fighting again and banging doors to hide.

Just 5 and 7 year old yet I can't have peace. I return home tired every evening, these my two little babies won't let me breath some fresh air.
Please I need tips that worked for other people, even the ones your parents used on you that worked please share with me cos it's not easy.
How do I make these two stop fighting and reporting all the time?

Comments

  1. Hmmm. How about firstly, talking to God about your kids and how u hate that they are always on each other's throats. Then talk to them about how it stresses mummy out and that God doesn't like children who fight.Make them say 'I love u to each other and I would never fight u again' and any day they keep to that promise,always reward them. U know children don't have wahala.. any form of reward would work for them..maybe a bowl of icecream,or tell them u would take them to their favorite place during the weekend if they don't fight during the week or a simple high five to each of them. I think reward system should work for any child. MyTwoScents.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous7/11/2013

      Reward system works very well. Like my 5 year old son, whenever we are doing his homework and you shout at him, he will loose concentration but gentle talking him and trusting his capability works wonder for me.

      Pls introduce the reward system and prayers and see how it goes.

      Delete
    2. @ ama...nice one. reward system works but not all the time o!lol

      Delete
  2. They wil grow up 2 b best of friends....relax

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  3. I used to fight wit my 'lil sis all the time. Ok, lemme rephrase that, my 'lil sister used to fight me and we'll keep malice for days! My mum usually ignored all the bickering back then. Now that we're all grown up, we just avoid doing those things that rile each other up. I hate confrontation, so i do wat i can to avoid it.

    Here's how to handle your bickering kids:

    Like Ama stated, have a reward system but start little first. For example, "If you don't fight today, I'll give you an ice-cream treat" "If you don't fight for 3 days, I'll buy you.........(Insert watever you know they've been longing to have)" then move it up to "If you don't fight for a whole week, I'll take you somewhere special this weekend". If they don't fight, pls make sure you keep your own end of the bargain. And if they fight, don't do any of those things for them, and even take away things they love.

    Whenever they fight, make sure they makeup, apologise to each other properly, hug and say "I love you" to each other. (Very important. I do that to my kids all the time.....ensures that their bond is still intact 'cos i know some siblings who grew up resenting each other. Started from little fights which weren't resolved properly.

    Finally, always pray for them and their relationship. I always pray for my kids to be best of friends as they grow....irrespective of their gender.

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  4. Anonymous7/11/2013

    Lock them up in an empty room,no tv,no toys nufn,lock dem up all day,every day and release dem only to eat and sleep.let them fight as long and as hard as they want to,pls don't interfere.some Children can actually drive one crazy,u need to nip their unruly behaviour in the bud not cus they'l turn out to be enemies,never that cus they won't,but for ur own sanity.if that doesn't work,give them super apeti...they'l sleep like no man business.I don't have ur patience.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous7/11/2013

      They'll becom mor bitter.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous7/13/2013

      Not a good way to handle issue, what if they injure themselves? Why bring them to earth when u can't train them? Pls stop this fast abeg.

      Delete
  5. Anonymous7/11/2013

    Thank you very much. And she's always using the sympathy cards. Her thick voltrons cannot see through it. And when you mention it they call you a hater.
    It's one thing to like controversy and not care but it's another to crave for it and pretend as if you are the victim.
    And that is my BIG problem with Eya. Over last week, the blog was quiet cos she made people believe that she doesn't like chaos and was also deleting comments.
    Now after the blog became peaceful she started posting controversial topics, knowing very well that it would not bring peaceful comments. The most surprising thing is that this time round she is not deleting the hateful comments cos she wants to increase traffic. When you point out these things to her, you are labeled a hater. Of all her voltrons, it's only Deborah I respect, cos she was the only one that could question some of her moves and eventhough things were clarified later I will always respect Debora for that cos I know she is someone who does not blindly follow

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous7/11/2013

      Lol

      Delete
    2. Anonymous7/11/2013

      Deborah, is this you? Just asking

      Delete
  6. try your best to make them fight less.. my sister who is 2 years younger than me and we fought a lot!, we went to boarding school and we never got close.. today I am 21 and shes 19... still not close, I envy how my other friends and their sisters have a close relationship but we don't. So if it means telling them to squat and hug each oda till they can't feel their thighs or putting them in one shirt while kneeling down, they should be close friends because your older kids may not have their time..

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous7/11/2013

      U r older, pls set the make-up process in motion, I beg U. She d call Ur bluff for a yl, truth is she needs U n U nd her too. Biko. Cant imagine life without my younger sis, we quarreled well back then, but my mum kept telling m I m older.
      Thank God we r friends today.

      Delete
    2. Anachunam7/13/2013

      @peazlz,pls don't take this in a wrong way,did ur daddy back ur lil sis too?just asking.

      Delete
  7. Anonymous7/11/2013

    Simple, start giving them serious punishment like 'no lunch box/snacks'. If their teacher asks them, I'm sure they'd be ashamed to say 'i fought with my sister', cos their class mates will def laugh at them. Please, don't pity them at all o, cos if they grow up like that ehn, na super war!
    I didn't fight my sisters per say, if i misbehave ehn, they will so panel beat me that I'd cry till my parents come home. But I'm reaping the fruits now, i don't act anyhow and i CAN'T disrespect an elderly person. I love my sisters :)

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    Replies
    1. Please take away toys , tv but not food. I dont think its wise to punish Children or anyone for that matter, with food.

      They just need to be scolded with love (most of the time). Also, if it looks like you favor one over the other, it might cause a rift between them. Try to love equally and encourage your husband to do so too.

      PRAYER is the key dear lady, take it to The Lord in prayer with thanksgiving and faith and you'll get that which you desire. You need divine wisdom in training a child, you never know what little thing/experience can mold their life and shape them into the persons they become in the future.

      The Lord is with you dear.

      Delete
  8. Anonymous7/11/2013

    And please, if you used to fight with your husband in their presence, stop it! They mus have learnt it from somewhere and feel its normal.
    Btw I'm anon 7:00

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  9. There's often a lot of rivalry b/w siblings of the same sex who are close in age, I don't know why.

    In addition to the suggestions already given, see if u can get them to do things TOGETHER. For instance helping u out in the kitchen, tidying up their toys/rooms (supervised at first!), creating something, putting on some kind of performance for the rest of the family etc.

    Hopefully with time they'll develop a great bond.

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  10. If something is out of the ordinary, it shud be tackled spiritually. I dnt think any physical strategy will work on them except a strategy given to you by the Holy Spirit. Pray and fast about it

    Also, let them read 1st Cor 13 from their kiddies bible. Make them study it and recite it. U can also make it into a punishment to write a hundred times.

    @ Everyone, last nite(and this morning) I read 1st Cor 13 in the Message and Amplified translations and I was touched. Let's just say something in me changed. Pls read it for yourself and may God bless you as you do.

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  11. Anonymous7/11/2013

    Serve there food in d same plate,make them wear each other cloth shoes,pray with them,tell them 2 lead prayers. Try dat

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  12. Anonymous7/11/2013

    My case is worse oh! My kids,a girl and a boy are only 3 and 1 and half yrs resp. They fight all the time oo, imagine 2 babies fighting oh! Ssince the boy started growing teeth, that's when he started biting, now the sister has joined him, it's biting competition all the time... They always fight for toys, even when they are same type and same colours, they fight while watching catoon, they fight while eating oh, my water, my spoon, my that.. The sister never want her shorts on her brother anytime, nothing of hers goes to the brother, she always claim things as hers.. 'It is my own', and the next thing is bite all over from both of them...
    They are too small for reward system, and purnishment.. Even when I flog them, the very next minute is another round!... I don tire!
    What shld I do in this case.. Meanwhile hubby and I ve been praying abt it.

    Patsy

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  13. Anachunam7/11/2013

    Are you not one of the fighters on WC?Madam poster those kids are not from the same father,I think its confession time,you need to come clean so that your life can be at peace.

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    Replies
    1. Duh! Wha'ever! *yawn* very dry comment
      I guess u generate much response when u comment with sister,Ezenwanyi,queen of the coast,una mama etc.
      ntoi Ur plan failed this time. *drops mic,runsaway* loolz

      ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

      Delete
    2. Ezewanyi7/11/2013

      Lollllllllzzzzzzzz

      Delete
    3. Ezewanyi7/11/2013

      Bonario,biko leave me!my chef prepared a new italian dish biko and now afo na asam.
      So anybody that types nonsense is now Ezewanyi
      Pls am still memorising those bible verses sis Ahdaisy put up there so bro bonario pls close ur eyes let us pray

      Delete
    4. Hahahahahaha!!!!
      U pple for dis blog eh, I dey gbadun una no be small!
      Ezewanyi sorry about ur belle o!

      Delete
    5. Ezewanyi7/13/2013

      @chi,thank u oooooo!d guy wan carry medemede finish him mama no be me.lolz

      Delete
    6. Anonymous7/14/2013

      Lol

      Delete
  14. Anonymous7/11/2013

    Well am not a mum yet but I have raised more than 10 and I know just what your talking about. I personally do not like beating or flogging children, I shout but e nor dey work! Well I have a means of creating harmony!
    Once they start their wahala get them paper and Pencil, give them one word and tell them to form some number of words from it! It works like Magic, with time they form the habit themselves and that way they improve but get ready to start teaching them to find meanings of words..... All d best! #bighug#

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  15. Aunty, if they fight, order them to go and sleep in separate bed o, if they remember they will sleep my force when they fight, they will respect themselves.

    Let them kneel down and raise their hands up, don't beat them too much, its not good!

    Pls pray,and encourage them to do things together, like wash plates,hold hands wen going out,etc.

    All d best!

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  16. Anonymous7/12/2013

    I hv 3yr twin boys and their fight no get part2! Prayer is good but on this issue, its not spiritual and its not abt fasting. This is what I do and its working: leave them and let them fight but no object shld be used. When A beats B and he's crying, I tell him and encourage him to beat A back and it continues in that cycle until one surrenders or says "mummy am done fighting cos am a good boy". That's when I come him. I will tell them fighting isn't good and I ask them to hug and profess love for each other. Overtime, I noticed they fight less cos the less powerful one knows not to go out of boundaries

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  17. Anonymous7/13/2013

    Anon 7:33 that system will encourage bullying o. I agree with most suggestions above

    ReplyDelete

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