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Pastor Anselm Madubuko: How Long Is It Advisable To Wait Before Remarriage?


The blog post on  the passing of Televangelist Pastor Anselm's wife Connie on July 6, 2012  was the most read post on this blog for a long time. Biblically, we know it's only death and infidelity that's permitted to separate couples. 

Losing a spouse, dating all over again and settling with another feels like the hardest thing to do. I know that the passing of one's spouse is not the end of life. Yes, Life has to go on for their significant others.

Why do
I always get this feeling  that it's too soon. Am I being selfish or what? I remember when Pastor Bimbo Odukoya's hubby remarried his South African wife then, as a die hard fan of Bimbo, I wasn't too happy, still sad about Bimbo's early passing to Glory. I wasn't too keen then about his second marriage.*That was then o*

When W.F Kumuyi remarried, there was still that feeling. Now again, Ever since I learnt about Anselm Madubuko's plan to remarry, my thoughts have been going to his late wife Connie who collapsed and passed just like that. 

I think I need some enlightenment please. One year is a whole 365 days, no be small time, so why I feel it's early I don't know. Is it because they are ministers?  But  ministers are human too. Someone please enlighten me on how long is very appropriate/OK for a spouse, especially the husband to "mourn" his wife's passing before moving on.

Comments

  1. Anonymous7/20/2013

    Maybe it is your ego talking. As humans many of us assume the length of time a spouse mourns is equal to their level of love for the departed. So someone who never remarry is seen as loving his/her spouse so deeply they could never take another. In truth, they could have hated being married and just don't ever want to relive the experience again, but of course nobody ever thinks this.

    Someone who remarries within 6 months is seen as never loving their spouse, and while one year is considered universally acceptable most spouses would hope that their partner loved them so much it would take longer. In my opinion, it is your ego talking.

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  2. RoleModel7/20/2013

    Well,looking at it from a religous point of view,a man wasn't created to be alone,he is supposed to have a help Meet..suitable for him,so if the first helpMeet dies,nothing stops him from recievin another... That is if its done in accordance with the word of God..they might not neccesarily remarry for pleasure sake..it might be bcos of their assignment..wich is the ultimate..also,dnt forget that we christians dnt mourn like those who dnt hv hope..we know our beloved are at the bossom of our LORD,so why cnt they continue living life? Pls EYA,this a very controversial subject that could generate a lot of blapshemy judging frm ur readers comment..,I would not like it when pple insult my religion bikko.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous7/20/2013

      Fear fear, allow people express themselves cos me want to know too

      Delete
  3. RoleModel7/20/2013

    Even in the bible,moses and most prophet were mourned for 120days.. so me dnt think 365days is too small.

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  4. Anonymous7/20/2013

    If the reverse was the case, there's no way their wives wd have married after just one yr

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous7/20/2013

      GBAM!
      THE WOMEN WOULD BE CALLED NAMES!

      Delete
  5. mrs krixx7/20/2013

    I won't say pastors. But I feel its generally easier n faster for men to move on after loosing a mate irrespective of dere age. For women its a different story. I think d period of wait depends on the individual involved. A year might be enough time for some1 to heal but might not be enough time for another.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous7/20/2013

    I hope people will be as open minded about it if a woman marries after one year. The truth is that in most cases these men already have eyes on the sister that replaces their wives if not look at it like this the woman dies suddenly, you spend about one month preparing for funeral after the burial the next 3 to 4 months it is assumed you are still grieving and try to get over it. 6 to 8 months you come to terms with what happen and start praying about a replacement. 10 months to 1yr you pick and approach a sister, do about 3 months courtship use one or two months to prepare for the wedding by the time you marry it is almost 2 years. But if you marry with 1yr, iMO is either you already have d the replacement or you chose one at the funeral.

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    Replies
    1. mrs krixx7/20/2013

      Gbam...

      Delete
    2. Anonymous7/20/2013

      Gbamest truth

      Delete
    3. Was laughing about your narrative. Pretty interesting point of view. Look at another perspective. Do you know that at that moment when a spouse is late, there will be some women who have been S&SS who would realise that a "vacancy" has been created and will be jostling to fill up that spot? Look at it from that point of view and you will see it won't necessarily take that long.

      Delete
    4. Single & Strongly Searching.

      Delete
  7. I believe Kumuyi's re-marriage seemed the best for me... The married for companionship and not for his most selfish desire as perceived!

    1) He married a very elderly woman unlike others
    2) She's a church member unlike others
    3) And he has no child rearing in purview.

    But for those pastors wey dey find young girls wen dem go take dey do angle 360 style.... God dey watch una ooo



    Nuff!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. precious7/25/2013

      Hahahaha,laughing at loud at angle 360 style.but I really tink its best to remarry fast considering who they are(pastors)instead of messing around cos na una go still talk

      Delete
  8. Anonymous7/20/2013

    Any woman that remarries after one year wd most definitely be judged by the public. SMH

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  9. Anonymous7/20/2013

    @Ace so on point. U make very intelligent comments. See Idahosa wife, Godwin oosagiede wife. They hv managed to kip d church moving. So i dnt knw why dese pastors can't do same. Instead dey go n bring in foreign wives. IMO sha, na so solomon go marry foreign wives dem cm bring am to serve deir foreign gods, kasala burstt o. God ll help us.and save we d flock dey r shepherding. IJN, Mrs. O

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  10. Lol@ Rolemodel... True. I personally dnt like talkin bout Pastors. If you dnt like what they do, pray for them cos they do more good by leading ppl to Christ.

    The people that will come here now and be yapping about how it is wrong, will use their same hands and type the most vile, vicious, hateful, bitter, terrible comment ever. If hell were to come to into play here who would make it there first? The man of God who remarried after his wife is dead. Kowing that he is a man of God, he will rather remarry than date ladies up and down...or the commenters who use every excuse to express their hate for a fellow human being who did them no harm?

    Pls think carefully about the consequences of ur actions before U start pointibg fingers at men of God.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous7/20/2013

      Off point and Yawns

      Delete
    2. Anonymous7/21/2013

      "If u don't like what pastors do,pray for them"...lol... I don pary for myself finish?

      Delete
    3. Anonymous7/21/2013

      Forget the fact that he is a pastor...Now think about it, when did she die? The burial? Mourning? When did he meet the girl? When did they start courting? How long was d courtship and when did they marry?... All of these in a year?

      Delete
  11. I agree wit anon 8:14..... It has 2 tak mor dan 1yr excpt d per had backup plan waitin by d syd.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Johnson7/20/2013

    It is important to note that the new wife is not a replacement for the one that passed away...
    Let's ask ourselves - How long does it take to marry from the time you started searching? My opinion is that it varies - some take less than 6months and have the best marriage as long as God is in the equation. God permits re-marriage after the death of one’s spouse. The length of time it takes is not an issue for me but the reason behind it. Re-marriage that is borne out of selfish reason is bad even if it takes 5years!

    ReplyDelete
  13. but I think a man can move on after 1 year (and a woman too)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Anonymous7/20/2013

    At least church members will now know that it is only God that has power over death. The pastors keep promising to protect them. Why couldn't they protect their wives from dying. Feeble minded people wake up and serve God not pastors.

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  15. I think Kumuyi married way too early 6mths is never enough whether companionship or otherwise. I luved Pst Bimbo bt Pst Taiwo took 5yrs n his children urged him to as he needed company n was lonely. If a woman remarries after 6mths for companionship, society wud ask if her children n friends arent enough to keep her conpany. Really double standard. Most pastors wives dont remarry

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  16. Anonymous7/29/2013

    MADUBUKO IS ALREADY ENGAGED ,HE IS MARRYING A KENYAN SINGER.EMMY KOSGEI.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous8/18/2013

    well my father lost his loving wife 28 years ago and he has never remarried uptil today my father is 78 years now he is still very single he takes joy in seeing us his children succeeding in our different profession we do ask him he said to me i can not love any other woman the way i love your mum so there`s no point, .so it is just discipline and how u love that woman when she was alive .

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  18. Blossom10/08/2013

    Your father is a rare gem! Hope you show him lots of love.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Anonymous11/13/2014

    I believe that 6months,1 year or even 2 years is too short to remarry after a spouse has gone suddenly. If you truely loved that person, you would not remarry too soon. you will mourn that person until you actually heal come to the realisation that it is time to move on and if you have kids, they will be your priority not even another marriage. The death of your spouse would always remind you that life is bitter as well so you would take time and care in searching for another good spouse again. It is not the same case when you marry barely a year after your wife dies and do a wedding that calls for world attention, then start flexing, roasting chicking in public, Pastor doing duck face pose, travelling to Russia with wife in the name of Ministry, buying wife expensive cars and showing it off to the world to see. Doing all these things which you never even did for your late wife and you tell the world you your late wife was your life. Who are you fooling? The truth and you know it is that you never loved your late wife. She died of a heart break in the guise of a heart attach, she died of too much thinking and weight gain. you were never around and you never took her for any of your Russian trips. Remember you told me saying " I don't know what i am going to do about my marriage, its not working and I can't divorce because of my status" I already knew there were hitches in your marriage and love had died pastor but you could have respected her death and mourned. Rather her death brought you relief and you could not wait to jump into another relationship. We all know that you courted your new wife soon after your late wife died instead of mourning. Yes you did. If your late wife died in July and you are getthing married in August the following year then when did you court her? you courted her during the mourning period. God forbid!

    ReplyDelete

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