My Husband Used His Mother As Next Of Kin

Hello Aunty Eya and WC blog readers, my name is ......... my number is ...... I started following this blog sice last year and since then, my story has changed. I used to be a very bad cook but not anymore, not with my lappy in my kitchen.

Please dear blog readers, I have something bothering me. I just made some discovery
yesterday and I'm still really dazed. Hubby is my next of kin in every document that needs me to write next of kin.
Is it right for a husband to use his mother as the Next Of Kin?


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Comments

  1. Anonymous7/06/2013

    To me, it's nt right.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous7/06/2013

    Not right in any way..
    Sorry to ask poster is ur hubby hopin to die b4 his mum? Am sure not...
    On d other hand, u cld ask him y he made his mum his next of kin..

    ReplyDelete
  3. I think it's wrong. I wouldn't support my husband using his mom or siblings name as next of kin when his wife and mother of his kids=me is there and I won't do that either.
    However, these are the type of things couples are advised to discuss during courtship or very early in the marriage and reach an agreement. We talk am wella and agreed properly to avoid stories that touch.
    If am in this situation, I'll cook a nice food and cheerfully bring up the topic with a question like "Honey do you think its right for me to use anyone else aside you as next of kin? Or Do you think a spouse should use his family members as next of kin instead of his/her spouse?" From there, if its my hubby he'll then say did you check my kini ko and we can MATURELY start our talk from there. You should know him better and understand his temperament so it doesn't end in whoo haa and then he'll refuse to iron it out.
    Make sure he understands that he's the only one you use as next of kin.
    Take charge

    ReplyDelete
  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous7/06/2013

    One chance husband. Taaa

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous7/06/2013

    Its wrong dear but that shouldnt bring misunderstanding blw you two. Take it easy and ask amicably, let him tell u why. He must have a reason for it. May God give u d wisdom to handle it.

    ReplyDelete
  7. It is wrong...but he might have his reasons... but on ur own, do you have any guess or idea why he might be doing that? Any feeling?

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous7/06/2013

    It is big wrong, did ur hubby want to die B4 his mother? abi there is some hidden agenda or secret u don't know, all d same sha ask him, pray b4 u do dat 4 God's wisdom.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous7/06/2013

    No reason justify using ur mum as nxt of Kin. It means he doesn't trust her. God forbid anytin happen to him, u wil his mum slave as well as ur children. Pls kindly call his attention to it but it shldnt leads to q

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous7/06/2013

    you people just say it is wrong without any proof. where is it written that the wife should be the next of kin? btw i a wife. i m o if he is using his mum then he must be having either issues of TRUST , INSECURITY AND FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN with his wife. he may also have depended so much on his mum and still does. and then it may be because of the ways his culture perceives their wives especially if the wife is not from same geographical region with him. in all work harder so that he earns your trust. btw i hope he is worth the head ache. hope he has money oh and property and every every if not he can as well use his maternal grand mother for all i care. lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Opeoluwa7/06/2013

      there is nothing funny about what u jst said my dear. i will ask u two questions cos lack of knowledge dey worry u. 1. what is the meaning next of kin? 2. what is the essence of next of kin

      Delete
    2. Anonymous7/07/2013

      shut up your mouth you moron. you simply are shallow but you answer your own question and read my comments again. OF course it wont be funny to you cos you are doomed for bitterness. life is not so hard .

      Delete
  11. Johnson7/06/2013

    Possibly he had used mom as next of kin before meeting/getting married and had forgotten to make the necessary changes after getting married. This is very common with men and there is no ulterior motive behind this…
    However, for your education, next-of-kin is only an emergency contact and not necessarily the person that receives your estate in the event of death or permanent disability. What do I mean? When someone dies, your next-of-kin is the contact person. This has nothing to do with the person that the company will release benefits to… for that to happen, the relative (spouse) will need to get a ‘Letter of Administration’ from the relevant court… Lawyers in the house can explain better.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Am not a lawyer but from my experience, letter of admin is only needed when one dies intestate (Without will). Where a man has a VALID will, its not neccessary. Back to the issue on ground, I also reasoned the way you did but if that's not the case, she needs to discuss it cos this type of man can Will everything to his mum or sibling. God forbid he dies early, what happens to the poster?

      Delete
    2. Johnson7/06/2013

      Thanks Mabel... you're on point with the 'without WILL' explanation. >95% of Nigerians have no will and people think that being next-of-kin guarantees getting the required benefits. WILL is very important o!
      Poster - @ least there could be an excusable reason: if hubby had been working in the place before getting married & had forgotten to regularize his documents. Except for this one reason, your guy mess up. Point this, next-of-kin issue, out to him and watch/listen to his reaction... You might just be pleasantly surprised.
      Food for thought - when one spouse dies (while still in active service) leaving grownup children, who should be next-of-kin (1st/2nd/3rd child)?

      Delete
    3. Anonymous7/07/2013

      Was going to explain this when I saw the post before reading this comment. But like someone said for him to use his mum as next of kin. He. Can also will all he. Has to her.

      But dear poster why not work and earn yours so he does not take you by surprise and you won't be starnded in any event. If you hve your own earnings then ignore him and start using your children as your next of kin.

      Delete
  12. Are you newly married and those documents you saw, were they acquired before your marriage. If your answers are NO then in my opinion, without being angry or aggressive, let him know what you saw and ask if you offended in any way for to have lost TRUST in you. If you want to finish him join it with some crocodile tears too! This works for me cos my hubby too is mummy's puppet! God help us

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks mabel. I need not type anymore.

      Delete
  13. Fyn Ijebu Chic7/06/2013

    My fiance brother is his next of kin and I care not. I am my mum's next of kin. I can't categorically tell u who myn is.
    BTW, I cooked corn and beans today and it was nice. (Sorry I cudnt send it in)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous7/06/2013

      U should start caring oh cos when ur married it won't change

      Delete
  14. Anonymous7/06/2013

    anty eya why did you block me from commenting from some old blog post. this is so unfair. can t remember cussing any one oh. pls use your i p tracker and track all my comments let me know why i deserve to be blocked. since tracking anon comments is your new hobby rather than food recipes.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anonymous7/06/2013

    In an unrelated topicc, my wivesconnection doesn't open in my laptop. It only open the home page but when i click on a post it loads but nothing shows when its done loading. Plz help. Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  16. phil okes7/06/2013

    Hmm,this a very sensitive issue. If you bring it up and he makes an issue of it, the mom will probably say you have plans to kill her son hence the fight over next of kin. My dear just ignore it, change your own next of kin to one of your siblings, write a will leaving everything including your kids to you mom, keep the documents where he is bound to see them. So he will be the one to raise the issue, then both of you will discuss it and revert to norm. But if that doesn't work ignore it and continue praying that both of you outlive mama.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Queen Bee7/07/2013

      Two wrongs cannot make a right' they say
      If she is to change,she should rather change to her children's name whether she has any now or in the future
      Cos both couple willing to siblings and parents is quite risky.cos believe me when u are no more,u will be shocked when ur mum and siblings don't take care of ur kids with what u left them.
      Humans are selfish dese days nobody really cares!
      Watch it madam.make ur decisions wisely,not cos of ur hubby but ur kids.

      Delete
    2. Queen Bee7/07/2013

      Two wrongs cannot make a right' they say
      If she is to change,she should rather change to her children's name whether she has any now or in the future
      Cos both couple willing to siblings and parents is quite risky.cos believe me when u are no more,u will be shocked when ur mum and siblings don't take care of ur kids with what u left them.
      Humans are selfish dese days nobody really cares!
      Watch it madam.make ur decisions wisely,not cos of ur hubby but ur kids.

      Delete
  17. Anonymous7/06/2013

    Hmm,this a very sensitive issue. If you bring it up and he makes an issue of it, the mom will probably say you have plans to kill her son hence the fight over next of kin. My dear just ignore it, change your own next of kin to one of your siblings, write a will leaving everything including your kids to you mom, keep the documents where he is bound to see them. So he will be the one to raise the issue, then both of you will discuss it and revert to norm. But if that doesn't work ignore it and continue praying that both of you outlive mama.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anonymous7/06/2013

    Next of kin for bank acct doesn't really matter.
    I wrk in a bank, I was curious and one day I asked sme1 in Legal dprt. He said next of kin is used wen d acct owner is alive incase he can't be reached. If d owner dies next of kin becomes void and only a letter frm d probate court wld tell them who to give d money to.
    I doubt ur hubby wants to die b4 he's mum.
    U shld b mre worried bout he's will.
    Don't go nd cause trouble by asking silly questions lest he sees u as greedy or worse that u wish him death.
    I understand ur fear, I was once like u.
    No1 knows 2mro.
    What I did was to suggest to hubby that we both write wills so that d kids future wld b secure incase. As we grow and buy mre properties we update. We even made mention of d age d kids shld be b4 sme of the properties are handed over.
    Just pray about it and work with WISDOM.
    Shalom.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous7/06/2013

      We also ve a registered biz name and evrything we own is in dat name.
      Even d small small contracts I do on d side is in dat name.
      Even if we didn't ve wills and anything happened to either of us who wld claim anything? at least u wld still ve ur half or 3/4 if u add d kids. It depends on how u register with CAC (lawyer wld help).
      U can go this route if he doesn't want to discuss will.

      Delete
  19. Debbie and Anon 10:49 pm have said it all.
    1. Where those documents filled before you got married?
    2. If it was filled after the marriage, does he trust her more than you?
    There's a clause somewhere.
    Whatever the case maybe, stylishly use Debbie's method to tackle the situation using Anon's view points of securing 'the kids' future. Let it not look like a wife/mil battle so to say. No need for that.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Anonymous7/07/2013

    I hate to be honest, but there is only one reason why your husband would not name you as the next of kin. He does not trust you.

    ReplyDelete
  21. A man has been joined to his wife and both must remain as one, not plus mother! Even if he did this before getting married, it was due for change when he got married, simple.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Anonymous7/07/2013

    Lemme talk from xperienc, whn my father died, my uncle was d nxt of kin whethr by act of commission or omission oh cuz my dad actually took dt job b4 he got married bt nt a dime cld be collected from his salary acct n evn b4 we cld get his gratuity we saw hell cuz ds requires him bn around and he wasn't residg here; d letter of authority ddnt wrk cuz our only male child wasn't up to 18 then; so it is beyond wt d person dt said (s)he is a banker said; jst trash it out wt wisdmon it cld be dt he has filled dos tnx b4 u guys got married. MrsAjaryee

    ReplyDelete

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