I Need Advice Please: Is My Wife Cheating?

Hello Ma'am
 
Need your advice urgently
 
I suspect my wife is cheating on me and am contemplating filing for a divorce. Well, I haven't exactly been caught her red-handed. But I have reasons to believe she is.
 
We got married about 4 years ago and have a kid together. I am actually very crazy about her. She is the kind of wife anyone would pray for, she is smart, God-fearing, beautiful and diligent.
 
 So what exactly is the issue? Well, a few months ago, I met one of my wife's colleagues at an occasion and just as I was about to leave, he got close to me and whispered in my ears, "I slept with your wife". I was shocked beyond words, but couldn't react then because I didn't want to create a scene and didn't want to embarrass my wife in front of her colleagues. I brought the issue up with my wife on our way home and she dismissed it saying the guy is known to be a nuisance. I waved off the incidence and never thought of it again until 2 weeks ago.
 
About a fortnight ago, my wife and I had a very heated argument. I have to admit I was at fault, I had done something very silly (had nothing to do with infidelity, I played a joke on her). In the heat of the quarrel, my wife bloated out "You want to know the truth, I slept with my colleague X (the guy at the event some months ago), I also slept with Mr. Y and Mr. Z (Mr. Z being my neighbor). I was devastated. After she had calmed down, she came around and apologized, claiming it was a lie and she said it to get back at me. I believed her and forgot all about the incidence until yesterday.
 
Well, the last straw that broke the camel's back happened yesterday, while trying to retrieve a message from my wife's fone, I saw a  message on her phone to Mr. Z (my neighbor), telling him she is been trying to reach his fone without success and that she is waiting for him at a bus-stop a few streets from our house. I was shocked, I checked the call history between the 2, 3 missed calls from the guy to my wife's fone and no other conversation history. I immediately brought the issue up with my wife. She got quite irked, in her words "you are just overreacting and being childish, he only wanted a ride to work. I saw his missed calls, I called back, he told me he had left earlier, so I asked him to wait for me at the bus-stop". I wouldn't have been too worried about it if not for an event that happened a month after our wedding, 4 years ago. While discussing how to decorate our room, my wife suggested we decorated it the way Mr. Z decorated his room downstairs. I was utterly taken aback because I had lived in that house for 2 years, prior to that time, and had never seen the inside of Mr. Z's room. How on earth did my wife know how Mr. Z (a bachelor then) looked like. I challenged her and she said she escorted a friend to the room to collect some books. I believed her back then, so I didn't make much of an issue then.
 
But thinking about the whole events I am worried sick, can't concentrate at work. Am I just being paranoid or do I have a case of a terribly cheating spouse on my hand. I don't want to bring up the issue with anyone around us, because I wouldn't want to embarrass her. But am just very worried.
 
Please advice me.
 
P.S. I am posting this on your forum because it is her favorite blog and I know she would get to see it.

Comments

  1. Oma ga o! Words fail me. ☹

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    1. When will life stop getting unfair? This is a cool man, the kind I desire. And a woman out there has him and doesn't appreciate.

      *sobs*

      Lolz.

      Your wife is quite funny. Who opens their wide mouth to say stuffs like this? I'm lost here. Let me relax and read others advice.

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  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  3. Ahn Ahn!! Na wa o!! This Woman by herself wants to bring her home crashing round her head. Who says things like "I have slept with X,Y,and Z" to their husband??? And it seems Like she always has the perfect explanation/excuse for everything.

    God abeg o.☹

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    1. Hi soulspams pls hv been waiting for d concluding story of iya nylon(hope I got the name right)

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    2. Ok debby. Sorry been very busy. :(

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    3. Realist09:49

      Let me tell you the type of woman that will say such.

      The type of woman that no longer respects her husband.

      The type of woman that knows that no matter what she does her husband will forgive her.

      The type of woman that knows she has total control over her man.

      Thats the kind of woman that will say so.

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  4. Nekky07:06

    Like seriously? Why would she joke with that kind of thing? And why would her colleague have the effrontery to tell you that if he hasn't? Even if she's not cheating which I'm seriously doubting, she certainly doesn't have regards for you.
    Before you conclude, I suggest you set out on a mission to catch her to ascertain if she's really cheating. Don't confront her yet cos she will not yield and as usual she will become dramatic and say more balderdash.
    Some are praying for a good man and she's there taking the one she has for granted. It is well!

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    1. Anonymous12:42

      No need 4 all that, like the Man said, his wife reads this blog..so most of the comments should be directed @ the woman who is obviously a disgrace 2 womanhood, and to tink dey say only Men are dogs...

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  5. Johnson07:22

    Has your wife being sleeping around and lying to you? From the scenarios planted, this is very likely… what is the benefiting of you trying to know:
    1. Have a case for divorce – with no strong evidence.
    2. Live a miserable married life after knowing what has happened.
    3. Decide to forgive and put plans in place for a better tomorrow.
    A friend of mine had a similar case some few years back. I am aware the wife was sleeping around and people actually gave him a call to tell him. They are still married and looking happy together. I am not aware of the other steps the man took apart from moving out of that neighborhood immediately after the event. Though very difficult & painful, you can take the same option and save your marriage and home – don’t give the devil an opportunity to celebrate!

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    1. Anonymous09:21

      This is a fatherly advise sir, please i think the poster should heed this advise. As one intending to be in the "club" soon, i thought over your comment sir, it will be my guide for many years to come, but i know i will never have such case. please poster if you are a believer take uncle Johnson's advise to heart. I earnestly prayer that God will heal your marriage. Divorce is not a point to ponder here. Seek counsel from Godly men, make up your mind to forgive her in case turns out to be true. Also find out why she's doing that in case its true.

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    2. Uncle Johnson,
      Well said, very well said sir!

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    3. gloexcel16:19

      Nice 1 @Johnson.... Bt come 2 tink of it d woman get real luck, if na another man.. Na 4 hosiptal she go wake up after 3 days taking d nurses tryin 2 revive her 4 angels.. Anywayz poster she might b lie too n probable has a spiritual husband tryin 2 destroy her home.

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  6. Queen Bee07:58

    Mr,what I see is that for the so much deep love u have for her,u have ignored all the clues and she's given u enuf already!
    Am sure even while dating she probably was cheating but it seem u are a very naive and gentle person that believes pple easily to avoid confrontations.
    Esp with the issue with ur neighbor hmMmm*lips sealed*
    But well,since u have not caught her redhanded,it will be sin against her' to file for divorce.
    Let the issue rest for now,act like uv forgotten,but secretly start working on catching her redhanded,by then u will have enuf reason to act.
    Sorry Sir,life is so unfair.

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  7. She clearly sounds like a woman that has no regards whatsoever for her husband. She's also so good at forging sweet stories. Super stories.

    While Johnson has a beautiful story, the one I know of a woman that was sleeping around and disregarding her husband and forging sweet stories the way your wife does, went thus: the man always forgave her, loved her so much and turned a blind eye every time. They had a kid too.

    But what did she do with all of that? She woke up one day and said she'd rather end her marriage than end her relationship with her boss and she moved out and never came back.

    Poster, me don't know how to advise you oh. Even your wife sef. He who has ears let him hear sha.

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  8. Anonymous08:16

    Beautifully painted story. But it one-sided. Isn't it possible the wife is saying the truth and not cheating?

    Some of the wife's actions were clearly stupid but not necessarily signs of cheating.

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    1. Veev12:45

      U are that wife...repent

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    2. Lolz! @ u are d wife repent! But seriously d annom sounded like one

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    3. Anonymous19:39

      @annom its either u re his wife or there is bomb(C4) in ur head. How can u say that when there is enough circumstantial Evidence to conclude. What was she looking for in d neighbour room? Or wat gave her colleague the liver to approach her Husband and say he Slept with his wife? Jesus Said the only reason a man can be separated from his wife is infidelity. But I also knw dat he can forgive her and let start afresh wif her.

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  9. Wow! Who talks like that? And how come U dint know she was carpooling with ur neighbour? Those r d kinds of things a wife will want to get out there to avoid misunderstandings.

    Sir, one incidence might be weird. Two incidences, coincidence. Three or more, Iota of truth. Ask God to open ur eyes. You just might find one thing that'll clear ur doubt finally. Either that she is, or is not. There must be something that'll prove her innocence or guilt. Asking her is no use, except she decides to come out plainly herself.

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    1. She has actually come out plainly in the midst of anger and blurted out the truth. She also knows the kind of husband she has and the kind of rubbish he can take. That is why she is this way. Advice would be best given to the woman. It is in her hands to ruin or save the marriage as the man obviously loves her too much to act decisively.

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  10. Anonymous09:20

    Where is the wife of the poster na? He said she is a regular here, i hope she is not one of those that have painted a sweeet picture about her marriage o. Madam come out jor, you have been BURSTED!!!

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  11. Anonymous10:32

    Don't mind her,d bible says a wise woman buildeth her home but a foolish woman destroys her home wit her own hand.i jst feel for d husband,God will give u d wisdom dat u need to embark on dis journey becos its really a journey!

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  12. Anonymous11:23

    Dear poster,you need to draw a line between trust and stupidity.in a bid to trust ur wife ur ending up stupid(permit my language). Please do not confront her with it anymore as ur honest confrontations have not cleared the doubts.u need to catch her red handed nd you have to be matured about it too.take your time be patient nd apply wisdom. When u eventually find her gulty then you can decide what d next line of action will be.(there is more to life than a cheating spouse)

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  13. Anonymous11:53

    Dear poster i really have to commend your restraint. You are a really good man. But it seems that woman thinks you are a fool and is playing you. You have to outsmart her. Catch her red handed. And you will be justified in what ever action you take. (Just dont kill her).

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  14. It pains me anything I read/hear of how a fellow woman like myself takes a good man for granted and disrespects him.

    When some are fasting and praying, going to prayer hills and rocks bombarding the Heavens for a good man as husband and here is someone who I'm "assuming" didn't even fast to get a man to marry and she's belittling him.

    We don't know and appreciate what we have until we lose them!

    The part of this mail that irks me is the "negative" effrontery her colleague had to walk up to you to spill such nonsense to your ears-what rubbish!

    I could be wrong but for that man to do such means your wife has been belittling you before him. If not, why would he do that or have you had a confrontation with him in the past that went awry?

    Madam, if you are innocent/guilty, please settle this issue with your husband and never take each other for granted. That man that tolerates your excesses will one day shock you if you so push him to the wall.

    I put it to you today: choose which is important, your marriage or the other matter. I pray you choose wisely.

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  15. Anonymous12:51

    I don't even know what advise to give you. But in the meantime, I will highly recommend you to go do DNA test to make sure the kid is yours. Also, if you are going to continue to be intimate with her, please use condom

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  16. In d mean time, u can do what Anon12:51 advised.. If everything u wrote above is true, she's probably cheating on you and she doesn't respect you at all.. Am sorry but that's d truth.. Stay blessed

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  17. Anonymous14:06

    Thanks everyone for the comments. I'm d wife in question; I was going to ignore this post because I don't believe in washing my dirty linen in public , but I thought better of it and decided that some people may learn from it. So, here is my own side of d story:

    The first accusation has 2 do with my colleague dat dropped me off, and then claimed dat he had slept with me. Hubby didn't tell me dis on d day of d incident, it was quite some time afterwards dat he told me abt it; and sincerely, my first reaction was 2 laugh, cos seriously, I felt my hubby knew ao much disdain I had 4 dis guy. He's d last guy in d world dat I'd ever consider dating, and I thot my hubby knew this. Apparently, he didn't. In hindsight nw, I shd av taken up d issue with d guy. Buh then, I just didn't think much of it since everyone knew (including my hubby) dat d guy was very playful and immature. and yes, my hubby knew d guy's attitude too since they once worked 2geda. If I had slept with d guy b4, would I av laughed off d stmt? I'm sure I'd av been mortified, angry and ashamed. Buh I wasn't; cos I saw d whole thing as some stupid attempt @ a joke.

    Then, about me going 2 a male neighbour's room shortly after our wedding. Hubby's friend came around, and I was seeing her off. Then, she said she needed 2 pick up sth frm d neighbour, and I followed her there. We got d items, and left immediately. Mind u, I was d one dat told hubby dat I visited our neighbour's house, and I was telling him how he arranged and decorated it. I didn't bring it up during a conversation on decoration. I told him straight up, and it was on d day of d visit, not after. Moreover, hubby's friend (dat I followed 2 d neighbour's house) has confirmed to hubby d reason 4 d visit as well. Note dat I said hubby's friend, not mine. So she definitely has no loyalty to me.

    And about d msg 2 d same neighbour, I was preparing 4 work when my maid brought my phone saying it had been ringing. It was frm an unknown number, so I called back and it turned out 2 b d same neighbour, saying dat he needed a ride 2 Ikeja (which is where I work), and dat he had been waiting 4 me by d car so I could drop him off; but dat he had left when he couldn't reach me. I asked where he was, and he said he was abt getting 2 d b/stop. So I told him 2 wait there as I was just almost ready to leave d house. Ten or fifteen mins later, I got 2 d bus/stop, and couldn't see him. I called d number he had earlier called me with, but couldn't get through. So I sent him d following sms:

    I'm @ d b/stop. Calling u but can't get through. Can't see you anywhere around here. Or have you left?

    According 2 hubby, dat msg sounds "intimate", like a conversation btw lovers. I don't even knw when he chked my phone and saw d sms. He only brought it up cos we had an argument. I wanted 2 show him d call history, dat the guy called me first, after which I called back. But unfortunately, he had deleted my call log on d day he saw d msg; and according 2 him, all he saw were missed calls frm d guy 2 me and that I didn't call him back; which is nt true. But then how do I prove dat, when he had deleted my call log? Besides, I av a driver and a maid who can confirm d incident. He pays their salaries, so I'm sure they will be more than willing to tell him the truth.

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    1. Anonymous14:07

      And about me saying I slept with so and so. Let me tell u dat there's no greater hell than living with a spouse who doesn't trust u, who always tries 2 look 4 holes in wateva u tell him. One thing I find very painful is dat every time we have a quarrel, hubby accuses me of sleeping with so & so. Every single time 4 d past 4 years; and we've had our fair share of quarrels. I'm TIRED of defending myself on a crime I never committed. This has happened several times dat I've lost count. So one day we were having a disagreement, and he was insinuating as usual dat I was unfaithful, I was annoyed. Infact, I had never been dat annoyed in my life. So I told him on dat day, dat if he'd rather believe d lies, if telling him lies would make him feel better, and get him off my case, then, yes, I slept with so and so. Nw dat's a stupid thing 2 say,and I regretted it immediately. But I was seriously pissed. What's d essence of trying 2 prove urself 2 som1 who won't believe u anyways?

      And there, that's my story. I've never cheated on, and I will never cheat on my spouse. I was brought up better than that, and besides my faith won't allow me to do that.

      I'm nt an advocate of divorce, as I knw how much God hates divorce. We've both hurt each other, and I'm sorry for whatever hurt and pain I have caused him. If I could take it back, I wouldn't hesitate to. But if he'd rather break up with me based on some suspicions which he cannot substantiate, then I'll leave it all in God's hands.

      Thanks all.

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    2. Na wa o! I suggest that when people bring their stories here, they should invite the second party to come and defend themselves also. From the pic ur hub painted, u r very guilty. But seeing ur side of the story, I understand you. Pls U and hub should sit and talk things through without getting angry or arguing. I suggest U send each other mails. Even if U r in the same house. Send each other mails and talk things through and come to an agreement. Cos ur marriage is still young and many more things will try your relationship.

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    3. Hmmm thank God I didn't say what was on my mind after reading your husband's side of the story.
      The Holy spirit in me told me to be still and the spirit was right. Hmmmm I hope your response has allayed your husband's fears. If he's wise and matured enough he ought to be very thankful to God that he got this rare revelation today.
      I pray henceforth you'll have a blissful married life devoid of suspicion and distrust.

      ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

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    4. Realist09:59

      Na real wah o! Madam abeg forgive me. I DO understand you now. Kai!!! Well you guys should go make up. Its obvious that you love each other very much. Wish you the best.

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    5. So right, Ahdaisy. My opinion has been modified with her response. That brings to mind Chimamanda's talk on the "Danger of a single story". The couple have a lot of issues to resolve in their marriage. Communication, love and trust are essential ingredients of a good marriage. The two of you need to address the issues raised together. You are both blessed.

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    6. Anonymous22:05

      Hmm na real wa. Lol@ "Pastor Bona".

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    7. Amanda09:39

      This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  18. Anonymous14:23

    Well, well, well. I said it earlier. People should not be too quick to judge.

    I am assuming the whole story is true and that both parties have said the truth and nothing but the truth. Now my advice:

    Wife - You have more at stake. No matter the provocation, you should mind what you say. 2 wrongs don't make a right. I suggest you apologise and move on.

    Husband - You need some talking to. Some serious talking to. You also need to grow up. Relationship is about trust. When there is no trust, little little things pulled together start appearing like big issues. The mind is powerful, it can create stuff out of nothing. Just take your wife's words in good faith, apologise to her and move on.

    As for the colleague, please invite him over to your house, then accuse him of attempting to rape your wife (lolzzzzzz...just kidding)

    All the best folks, don't let a little mis-understanding spoil a good thing.

    By the way, i have a nasty feeling i know this couple. I am definitely going to investigate if they are the ones and have a good life with the rest of the estate over this

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  19. Hmmmmmmm! I just read d wife's post and I feel ther might be an atom of truth in dat post. I can understand wen a woman is angry d estend she can go esp wen u feel not trusted. I feel wat is lacking here is TRUST, oga and maddam abeg mk una two work on this. Its so painful wen ur clear and not trusted but madam I don't really get d part of any time u both ve an issue he accuses u of sleeping around: for a man to do dat den he might as well bin suspecting u and U gave him d room to suspect u. Plz oga poster and madam, mk una two settle dis, rebuild ur trust and mak up ur minds to mk dis work. Divorce is no case for christians. I rest my case

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    1. As for reading maening into minor issues I sometime ve my own share of dat with my fiance dat I now lerant to be slow in speach cuz he will remind and judge me wit wat I said previously evn d ones I said out of anger. Whenever am angry I try not to talk cuz if I do I tends to be rude. Woman biko tame ur mouth, u both should appologize to each oder and rebuild ur love. Thank God I waited patiently before I commented cuz I needed to hear from d said wife.

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    2. anonymous21:30

      Somehow,I dnt bliv her. Oga I suggest u go 4 a petternity test if u feel strongly in ur heart dat she's cheating on u(jst 2 b double sure)

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  20. @ Wife: no matter how angry u are, Never Ever Ever Ever tell your husband u have slept with so so and so..its not even Funny and what sort of colleague is dat? What stupid joke is that? He should never in his life jo with you or your husband again like that.. Is he sick??

    @Husband: Oga u need to relax..Really felt bad after reading what u sent in and I kinda judged from it.. U see,u need to learn to trust and stop suspecting your wife unnecesarilly.. Stop making this woman's life unbearable. Thank God she came to defend herself.. Please learn to trust and love your wife..

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    1. Anonymous15:15

      How did the trust issue start? I would tell you. A few months to our wedding, wifey told me she was off to see her Aunty, it turned out she went on a date with a guy from the UK, who has been asking her out. Wasn't pissed about the date, but was angry on the lie. We had a fight and made up. Some days later, found some clothing items in my apartment, asked her about it. She said the UK guy brought them from the UK. So UK guy came to my apartment and both of you spent time alone there? No answer. Why my apartment and not your folk's, where you stay, no answer. My guess, my apartment is quite big and usually empty during working days, so no one would know anyone came unlike her folk's place. How many hours did he spend? Over an hour. Why didn't she lie over the visit, my sister passed outside and saw them and was wondering why wifey wasn't at work but was seeing off a guy in the afternoon.

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    2. Few months before your marriage, dats like 4yrs+,want to believe you guys have actually talked abt it and settled it and u are supposed to forgive and forget cause she's your wife.. Even if she wants to cheat, what makes u feel its your house she will use? I know she has her faults too but can we forget all these and move on...Forget the Uk guy, forget the neighbour and colleague nonsense,u and your wife should sit down and have a fresh start.. Please Please and Please, u need to trust your wife.. Stop making her feel like u don't trust her, appreciate the fact that she tells u all these things herself or do u want her to start keeping stuffs from you?

      Please try to control your jealousy and just trust her, Trust is Key.. God bless your home

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    3. Anonymous16:05

      Poster,please stop living in the past ,forgive and let go . You need to let go completely cos I can see holding on to it is hurting all of you so bad! Have you ever heard that unforgiveness is like taking poison and expecting the opponent to die? Please start afresh and let by gone be by gone.

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    4. Mrs Anon22:46

      It's easy to tell him to stop living in the past but as long as he's not convinced in his heart it will be difficult. He' wasn't convinced because she had no answer when asked why she brought the man to his house and not her parents house. Who does that kind of thing months to her wedding please? To me her behaviour has been consistently disrespectful towards their relationship and it is truly difficult to believe in her innocence. (Hope she has an explanation for this UK guy incident too). Even tho he went ahead to marry her cos he loves her that nagging feeling will always be at the back of his mind cos she keeps doing things that seem to buttress it! Well madam if truly u are innocent before God in heaven I will advise you: pls kneel down and sincerely beg ur husband to forgive you for all you have ever done to raise suspicion in his heart. I'm sure it will help to restore ur hubby confidence in you. Right from the UK guy to every other episode. Then henceforth be open and truthful with your actions and stop whatever you may be doing outside that shows people that u don't respect ur husband, because it's where you place him that people will place him too. Trust is not something you play with, in as much as u want it u must earn it by your actions and not otherwise.

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  21. Anonymous15:23

    Please Oga, it is imperative that you trust your wife. without trust, all the love in the world will not save a relationship. Madam, is it possible to go to HR and report this colleague for sexual harassment? He is the devil and wants to spoil a good thing

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    1. @Poster madam - you need to demonstrate that that man that spoke to your husband did not sleep with you. Take up the matter officially... else you've not closed that end. What boldness can a man have to tell your hubby he slept with you? Abeg madam, redeem yourself.

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    2. Yes madam,I agree.I think the major problem ur husband had was ur reaction wen he told u.personally,I really don't believe all the lies u hv told,I think ure just a very good actress and a sweet talker.I can't imagine anybody saying that to my hubby.there and then,even if he told me by 11pm on tthird mainland,we go reverse and I will bring the world down.and I'd make sure he loses dat job bcos I wil write a petition to my bosses,I wil bring an action against him sef in court..the point is u dint act like der was any thing to it.oga I suggest like odas dat u do a dna test,if ure nt sure again if u have friends that work with d telecomms company ur wife uses,ask dem for her call records and text message records.at least dat one no dey lie.

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  22. Anonymous15:26

    If this last bit of information is true, then i take my last comments @ 2.23pm, defending the wife, back.

    My new advice: Wife, you sowed the seed of mistrust and if i were in your husband's shoes, I would be suscipious also. Now i am not exactly sure you are innocent. Maybe, you have a good excuse for this one too sha.

    BTW, how do i create a user name for myself?

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  23. MrsB15:26

    Husband:
    From the scenario your wife painted, you constantly accuse her of cheating. Do you have any cogent reason not to trust her or is this just stemming from insecurity? Your wife decided to hurt you too with her words (since that's what you've been doing to her) While I'm not trying to justify this, you sort of pushed her to it. Please learn to trust your wife... Trust is key.

    Wife:
    I understand where you're coming from, I understand how the wrong words said over and over again can hurt. You reacted the best way you knew but that doesn't make it right. Words are like eggs, once broken, they can't be patched back. Imagine if he'd decided to leave you, your marriage would have been broken because of mere words. Also, as regards your colleague, you should have handled that immediately he said that crap. That was utterly disrespectful to your husband and I'm so sure he felt worse when you only shrugged it off. Please don't give people the impression that they can say whatever they choose to your spouse and get away with it.
    I understand how your husband could have believed that. In fact, your husband tried. I'm sure mine would have punched him in the face.

    Please you should both retrace your steps to each other with love, respect and trust. Don't throw a good thing away for no reason.
    All the best to you both

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  24. Anonymous15:37

    hmmmm.....mr husband, i understand your grievances. but the truth is you have to forgive and let go. u cnt judge her present with her past. You guys should settle your differences and let go. if after the incident you just described you still went ahead to marry her, it shows how much you love her. Remove that clutter form the past and you will see how that door of happiness will open in your marriage.

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  25. @Husband: I understand why the whole trust issue is there cos she lied 4 years ago. You still hold on to that incidence. You clearly do not still believe her explanation. What she did was wrong, but it's 4years!!

    @Both: Please you both should have a one on one. Thrash out past issues, thrash out present issues. Just talk, no-holds-barred kinda thing. I would recommend a face to face talk though and please try to forgive and forget, move on, leave the past as a past and do the best to fight for your marriage and do all it takes to earn each others trust, both of you.

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  26. Anonymous17:29

    First and foremost madam there is NO WAY someone can have the effrontery to tell ur husband that he slept with you without either of the following: you do not carry and respect yourself as a married woman in your office and has probably had some rough play with that idiot. what nonsense? 2 you probably slept with him . full stop. otherwise, i am a woman if any idiot tries such an expensive joke, even management will get involved settling the issue, and u had d guts to laugh? just laugh? a normal woman would call the man right away in the presence of her husband and warn him seriously. Your hands may be clean o, but you have not in anyway respected your marriage or your husband, giving him a reason not to trust you! Husband, please forgive and learn to trust, trust is essential in a marriage. Gosh! some women can be childish sha...how can you implicate urself the more by saying you slept with z and x? Both of you kindly sit and talk things out. will pray for u guys. i personally am anti divorce o, God help all our marriages.(excuse my long story)

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    Replies
    1. ****Mufasa Said23:16

      NOW THIS IS A LOT OF SENSE! Woman u must b silly to laff at such stupid joke dat ur colleague made! I mean who does that? This is not any guy we r talkin about, its ur husband!! And he had d guts 2 spill such? Who knows what he's telling other! Abeg I don't want 2 get in2 dis I'll just tell u to grow up and stay married!

      ****Mufasa Said

      Delete
  27. Having read both accounts, the two things I feel affect this couple are:
    1. TRUST
    2. EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

    @Husband: sir, what happened in the past is still hunting you till now. Please let go so that you can enjoy your present and future with her.

    @Wife: madam, I understand you but the only thing I feel you didn't handle well is the attitude of that colleague of yours. He disrespected you and your husband too by saying such.

    I won't take it lightly if a man was to say such about me, how much more to my husband. That's taking familiarity too far!

    Husband and wife, please pour your hearts out completely so you both can find healing and move on. It is well!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Anonymous18:27

    I suspect you ar cheating on ur wife and looking for a way to end ur marriage nd ur tryin to lay the blame on her. Just ended a relationship with some one who accuses me of cheatin simply cos I got a new job n moved to a new state turns out he had been cheatin all the time we where dating. If deres anyfin I've learnt is pple accuse oda of what dey ar doing,intend to do to make themselves feel better

    ReplyDelete
  29. Anonymous18:45

    Since it is weekend, you two should just knock yourself in the house and let everything out. Talk and talk and talk until you can't talk anymore. What I notice here are lack of effective communication and lack of trust. Those are very fixable. All you need to do is have an open discussion about your feelings and start building effective communication and trust again. After that, you can have crazy make up wild sex in every room in your house and all is solved.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Interesting!!!

    Ppls Poster and Wife, talk, talk and talk!
    Dazallb

    ReplyDelete
  31. Anonymous19:10

    Wife: stop giving your husband reasons to suspect you, full stop. Btw, if you have not been respecting both yourself as a married woman or your marriage, it is never too late to learn. Now is the time to start, infact you have a serious apologising to do to your hubby right away! Go on your knees, cry your heart out, don't stand up until he says he has forgiven you! He is your husband, he is still your head and please, sometimes, when he talks, learn to be quite and talk when you both are calmed. your marriage first, any other thing can follow. That colleague of yours needs serious spanking tho.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Lizzy20:17

    Hmmm very good comments from every1 and I have learnt a few things from both scenarios and comments.
    Marriage no easy at all. God help us.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Dear Oga and madam, I just lost a very long, very personal epistle I typed to you both. After clicking on publish, I saw cocmodo dragon not responding, then blank page. I just switched over to my Google Chrome now to try and see if I can remember what I said earlier.

    You see us women, we grow older, wiser and more mature in our marriages. We are very childish and naive at the early years of marriage (most women). I used to be as naive and chidish as your wife was four years ago but now I'm wiser.

    Oga, your wife is no longer that naive woman that brought someone to deliver her gifts at your apartment. Now she knows better. She couldn't have done that in 2013. You both should start this night and make up, you can start through text messages or mails but you both have apologies to make.

    Madam, incase you haven't apologized since that incident before your wedding, you need to do that too now. You are not guilty of anything except that you disrespected him by bringing the UK guy to deliver your gifts in his apartment. He is a man and no man will praise you for doing that.

    I will advise you not to talk when angry cos I have suffered the effect of thet many times. When angry, I tend to say things that end up making me forfeit the apology I desrve, things turn because of my bad words and I become the one apologizing rather being apologized to. Please keep quiet when you are angry cos that will earn you many apologies from Oga in the future.

    Oga, please build on what you have planted and do not try to start afresh at this moment we beg you. There is no saint/ perfect wife on planet earth, women? we have our wahala no be small o. Thank God it's men and not boys who get married to us. Forgive her cos I can relate wella. I am like your wife when it comes to false accusations, if I am accused wrongly, I tend not to fight or argue about it, I just dare you the accuser by teling you I did what you are accusing me of, pls forgive her.

    And again, when we are not trusted, it pushes us to do those things we are accused of cos afterall no one trusts. Most women are like that, Distrust can force them do what you don't expect.

    Believe whatever your wife told us here and take charge his night. Don't let the devil destroy your home. When you start afresh today, never bring up this issues again, let them be bygone. Make up before going to bed and when one partner has apologized, the other one should do same and you both talk about whatever you have stored in there. Open up and talk like man and wife.
    God bless your marriage.
    Peace Hugs to you both.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous20:55

      Aunty eya, you are a blessing to us your readers, God bless you for your advice and this blog. Am about to get married and have learnt a lot from your blog. Oga and madam, pls kiss, apologise and make up. God bless your marriage.
      Chy

      Delete
    2. Yay! The mama of all epistle writers is back! Comment on point! Bless you!

      Delete
  34. Anonymous21:49

    My neighbor use to bring her collegue to d house to sleep wit him cos she knew that no one will believe she brought someone to her matrimonial home. So madam ur guilty.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Anonymous05:04

    Madam the Summary of everything is that your husband detest or doesnt like you being too close to men, and pls END it. Pls STOP your relationship with that your neighbor by the way why should a man be calling a Married Woman to come and drop him somewhere? That doesnt sound right for God's sake you are married! The is a saying that "over familiarity brings contempt" Madam the problem here is OVER FAMILIARITY with men and you have to stop it and know that you are MARRIED. After hearing from your wife Sir, i appeal to or beg you from the depth of my heart to please forgive your wife and forget, pls advice her to end or moderate her relationship with that your neighbor and any man you suspect at all. Pls always calm down and talk to her and remember to Pray Together Always. May the peace of our lord Jesus christ rest and remain with you and you family in Jesus name amen. Thank you and God bless. From Mr ...

    ReplyDelete
  36. Anonymous06:55

    I think women need to learn this: sometimes when ur man gets unnecessarily angry, it shows he needs love. Although, this doesn't apply to everyone, but in this case, it's obvious the poster loves his wife. So wifey, give ur hubby that love by respecting and doing what he likes. TRUST is an expensive enterprise to come buy. It can only be earned, not bought. So y not try to earn it thru ur actions.

    I must really commend ur hubby. He try oo, gaan. Mine would av almost gone physical. But that's by the way. Anyways, I suggest u cut off ur relationships with men. No reasonable man will be comfortable having such an issue to contend with. Even if u must keep male folks as friends, ur husband should be aware of however it goes. Lastly, "LIES" are the greatest killers of trust. The only reason y u shud lie is bcos u're definitely doing what's not right. Why then shud u bother doing what's wrong?

    Life will be much easier if we are truthful..that's the only shortcut to earning people's trust. I wish you both the very best of years in marriage as I await a gudnews...Omalicha.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Anonymous05:34

    madam u are a very lousy woman and takes ur huby's love for granted. in d first place y will yr neighbour wait for u outside to enter yr car if u dnt have skeleton in yr cupboard? why will somebody joke with sleeping wit you and u just laughed over it? anyway thank God your case is settled, i advice you make yr husband a pirority!

    ReplyDelete
  38. Maya09:31

    na wa o.wife bikozeinu eh............pls be fair to ur husband he deserves d truth.maybe you both need to go for marriage counselling.pls divorce shuldnt be an option biko

    ReplyDelete
  39. Anonymous08:58


    I’m Mercy brown by name I have a few testimony to share with you all about myself, I was in a relationship with this guy and for 3years and we were about getting married when we both have misunderstanding with each other and he ask me for a divorce and we both agreed and after 4months I head that he was having an affair with one of my closest friend and I was very upset and worried so a friend of my advice me and told me if I still love my ex and if I really want to have him back so I told her yes, and she ask me to contact Dr. Madurai the spell caster and I did although I never believe on spell so he gave me something when he was casting the spell and ask me to say my wishes on it and after the casting of the spell a receive a phone call from my ex and was ask me at which I did and now we are back together again I’m so happy and I wish not to ever have this mistake again in my life. I will also advice anyone with this kind of issue to contact him for help he is really nice on phone and always there to answer you question giving you the good advice that you need. his email is maduraitemple@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  40. i want to thank God for using dr. Awase as my source of savior after 2year of joblessness and my lover left me alone for 2 years,Have just been heart broken until i go in contact with dr. Awase after i saw a ladies testimony on how she was helped by this same dr. Awase,So i decided to get in contact with him and when i told him all my problems he laughed and said this is not a problem that everything will be ok in 3 days time.Exactly the 3rd day my ex lover called me i was shocked and what surprise me the most was that a company i applied for over 4 month called me and said i should resume work as soon as possible.Am so grateful to dr Awase if you wish in contacting him AWASESPELLCAST@LIVE.COM or is cell number +2348156885231. He do cast the spell as following

    (1) If you want your ex back.
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    (8) If you need financial assistance.
    (9) Herbal care
    Contact him today on: AWASESPELLCAST@LIVE.COM

    ReplyDelete
  41. LIFE IS NOT ALWAYS AS WE THINK.....WHAT I WOULD TELL YOU IS THAT GET YOUR ACTS TOGETHER , MAKE YOUR LIFE BETTER BY DEVELOPING AND GROWING IN MOST AREAS YOUR ARE WANTING ....THE BEST REVENGE FOR SUCH IS TO LIVE YOUR LIFE WELL AND BETTER ...IT IS HER LOSS.....DO NOT SHOW PANIC AND JEALOUSY , IT WILL ONLY EMPOWER HER MORE TO HARM YOU...DO NOT ACT LIKE SOMEONE THAT NEEDS TO BE PITIED....PLEASE ACT LIKE A VILLAIN AND NOT A VICTIM....GET TOUGH AND LET HER SEE THIS CHANGE IN YOU....BUT DO NOT GET VIOLENT WITH HER ....FINALLY GET GOOD FEMALE FRIENDS , NOT FOR ADULTERY BUT FOR GOOD AND UNDERSTANDING FRIENDSHIP..GO OUT WITH THEM FOR LUNCH, INVITE THEM TO FUNCTIONS IN YOUR HOUSE OR THAT WILL INCLUDE YOU AND YOUR FAMILIES...PLAY HARD TO BE UNDERSTOOD ..AND YOU WILL BE THE POINT OF ATTENTION EVEN HER LOVERS WILL NOT KNOW YOUR MOVES AND NEXT STEPS....TALK IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS TO YOUR WIFE..LIKE USING DEEP ADAGES AND PROVERBIAL WORDS

    ReplyDelete


  42. How To Get Your Lost Husband Back

    I am from New California, i want to use this medium to testify of how i got back my ex husband after divorce, i and my husband have been married for 6years with 3 kids, we have been a happy family. Last year his behaviour towards me and the kids changed, i suspected he was meeting another woman outside out marriage, any time i confronted him, he threatened to divorce me, i did all i could to make hings right but all to no avail until i saw a post on a "love and relationship forum" about a spell caster who helps people to cast spell on marriage and relationship issues, when i contacted this spell caster via email, he helped me cast a re-union spell and my husband changed and came apologising to me and the kids. Contact this great spell caster for your relationship or marriage issues via this email okosisi.temple@gmail.com all call him +2348133873774 Goodluck

    ReplyDelete

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