How Do I Make Her Leave My Family?

Hello Aunty Eya, my name is .........., my number is........., please I need some good advice. My sister in-law started living with my hubby before we got married. She has finished school and job hunting. I can't stand her anymore. This girl has no iota of respect for me. She talks back and insults even my family.

 Each time I report her to my husband, he calls us both and tries to see that we make up but I don't like that approach. I feel disrespected when I have to
start explaining before a small rat. If I refuse to talk, my husband will conclude that I disrespected him. What do I do? 

After explanations, he apportions blames right there in front of the beeach.

Our marriage is just three years and I don't enjoy being married. I am not happy with the way things are in my home. This girl fought me last weekend and all my husband did was ask her to apologize. 

What he should have done was send her home to their parents in the village but he feels that will ruin her career. Is it my marriage that shd be ruined? 

There is so much tension at home right now. She is still very disrespectful even after apologizing in the presence of her elder brother. I can't live under the same roof with her anymore, I can't send her back to the village. I even suggested that he rents her place for her but he won't. What can I do to make him send her away? I need advice please.

Comments

  1. Hmmmm *sigh* . i dont even know what to say, i'd just sit back and learn from others.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wives Connection Witch7/24/2013

    Hehehehehe.. If I tell you what to do,u won't do it...

    Were la fi n wo were mehn... Sometimes,u need small madness.. Anywayz,let me leave u for the people that will preach patience,humilty and love to you..

    ReplyDelete
  3. hmmm,wahala!!!she shouldn't be living in your home if shes disrespectful .talk to your hubby seriously about it ,let him know how you really feel.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dearest warm hearts,
      How are you today and the family?
      To your comment, don't you think she's done that already and yet no result hence her mail to WC?

      Take care :D

      Delete
  4. Anonymous7/24/2013

    Pele o, mabinu, but u have to put ur picture so we will be sure we can talk to u if we meet u in person.Also disclose ur salary...kikikikik

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous7/24/2013

      Lmaoooo!!!!! She earns more than 400k ooo let us just take several seat

      Delete
    2. Anonymous7/24/2013

      Kikikikiki no, na #offshoretinz... Lmao

      Delete
  5. I have not seen a home where in-laws lived with husband and wife and there was peace. Out she goes. Does your husband even understand that its you first before anyone else, even your kids?
    Make ur hubby's fave meal, when he's done give him a mani-pedi or just rub his head or tummy (wateva works for him) and in the sweetest voice possible, let him know what is really going on and chip in what you would like him to do. Bear in mind dat u may need to do this whole song-&-dance more than once for it to start to sink in his big head but I've come to discover that a pampered man responds better than a confronted man. I hope u get d general gist cos I'm tired of typing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Does your husband even understand that its you first before anyone else, even your kids?"

      My dear,
      It isn't all men who understand that. You know in our culture, a wife is a 2nd class citizen in her matrimonial home.

      Husband~in-laws~children~wife OR
      Husband~children~in-laws~wife. Whichever way, the wife comes last; that's the cultural hierarchy of family.

      Delete
  6. Oh I forgot to add, if ur hubby is well and able, u guys shld rent her a small (emphasis on 'SMALL') place till she gets dat job & can start to pay her way. At least u would have peace in ur home.

    ReplyDelete
  7. My dear fast fast oo, just as Amy told u use all d necessary weapon u knw to get ur hubby to ur side, once u knw u ve his heart in it hands safe moni too then off his sis goes. D home s for u ur hubby amdd ur kids, and ur marriage s still young for dis kin wahala jare. Pls pardon my typos

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous7/24/2013

    Hmmmm! I also ve d same problem in my house,infact my own Is dat d sis in law is older dan me ooo(she's 32 nd á♏ just 24) nd she does things dat irritates me,talk to me anyhow nd insults my family.
    I don talk tire... He's brother said he will not send her away that she will go wen she gets married nd she can not rent house cos dat will scare men away from her, á♏ tired of talking so all I do is pray for husband so dat she'll get married nd leave my house for me ooo,so my sis pray for job nd husband so dat she'll leave in peace nd allow u to enjoy ur marriage and I believe God will answer our prayers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous7/24/2013

      Lmaooo, and d way some ppl describe marriage ehn, scares d hell outta me! Make una dey pray for husband for dem sha

      Delete
    2. Anon. 6:44PM,
      The funny thing is when she gets married, she won't tolerate the things you tolerated from her from her in-laws.

      Delete
  9. I read this same story on Linda's blog some months ago. Eya, i think some people now make up stories or copy stories from other places and send to you. People, that is bad. Stop it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous7/24/2013

      I have noticed some topics like this,but i keep quiet not to be cussed out
      I read without commenting when i come across them.

      Delete
    2. Oh crap! It's the exact same story! I just read it again, and i remember that the people who commented really bashed the guy in the story, calling him irresponsible and all sort of names. Haba na!
      I remember the story 'cos i was so angry with the dude, and i didn't have a google acct, so i commented as an anon and cussed him out.

      Delete
    3. Anonymous7/26/2013

      Its possible for the same person to post the message again here if she hasn't gotten solution to her problem. Or is there a rule that says if you post on LIB, you shudnt put it up somewhere else? Well it goes to show how much blogs have become a very popular media for reaching out to people.

      I res my case

      Delete
  10. Is it just me or I've read dis story on dis blog before? I actually think dis matter has been brought here before.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous7/24/2013

      Seconded

      Delete
    2. Anonymous7/25/2013

      Thirded

      Delete
    3. mrs pea in a pod7/25/2013

      Very true! Wen I started reading d story I was confused cos I knw I've read it here before! Dis story has been posted here sm mnths ago, bt let's jst believe d poster re-sent it still seeking for advice

      Delete
    4. Anonymous7/25/2013

      I read every post on this blog and this is not the exact same story in anyway. Grow up Pink Sunset and stop multiplying your replies. That's immature.

      Delete
  11. POSTER7/24/2013

    Aunty Eya pls who did you offend? Why are people fighting this hard to bring your blog down? I still have a scratch below my eye from the fight. I gave ou all my details you even called and spoke with me before posting my story.

    I don't understand why people are doing this. I am in pain, not knowing who to meet for advice I bring my story to you and people are trying hard to prevent others from giving me advice that I need?

    Thank you Amy N, Chinyere, Anon, warm hearts and others who adviced me. I appreciate you sharing your experience with me. Right now we are not on talking terms but she still eats my food.

    Thank you Aunty Eya but I must tell you the truth these enemies have succeeded in discouraging me I don't think I can share my problems here again. God can do it even without advice. Bye

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. POSTER7/24/2013

      *I gave you all my details

      Delete
    2. Anonymous7/24/2013

      This style of commenting looks familiar.
      The commentator always correct herself after each comment.




      Delete
    3. Anonymous7/24/2013

      problems might be similar but never written in the same manner!

      @Poster, it's a cross you have to carry until she moves out of your house! You are already fighting a lost battle because your husband would never send his sister away so as not to cause quarrel with his parents and be called names!

      I don't believe you are blamless in what is going on in your marriage, because every action gets a reaction. Something must have gone down during your courtship or after your marriage to make her have so much gut to be rude to you.

      Learn to ignore her,and keep your distance because over familarity brings contempt.

      Delete
    4. Anonymous7/25/2013

      Poster don't get offended by what people are saying. Just be patient with her. Very soon she will get a job and get married. As much as possible try to ignore her. Silence is the best answer given to a fool. In short when her mates start getting married na she go shame,say she still dey her brother house dey chop food.

      Delete
  12. Anonymous7/24/2013

    Poster sorry about the negative comments. They should have pasted the link to back up their stories. As for your sister in law try to ignor her and pray she changes her attitude towards you. Stay strong and hope for the best.



    Bibi

    ReplyDelete
  13. Anonymous7/24/2013

    You must make him understand that you are not enjoying your marriage but enduring it. And pray for God's intervention. The truth is that ur hubby has not fully understood the word leaving and cleaving to your wife.

    Pls don't get discourage by what pple are saying, they will always talk. Pick the advice that u deem useful and ignore the rest. All the best.

    Pretty

    ReplyDelete
  14. Anonymous7/24/2013

    Hmmm! Its so sad a story. May I ask, what's ur attitude 2wards d gal b4 n after ur marriage? Again, u dnt xpect ur huby 2 just throw his sis away frm his house, wat wud d whole world say abt it, dat he threw her away just bcos of a wife? No na! Just pray dat ur husband's eyes n brain shud open n come 2 full understanding abt marriage. And u Aunti Eya's antagonist, d poster can decides 2 post her comment on anywhere she wan't it 2 appear n here is nt exception, be it 10 or 20 blogs.

    ReplyDelete
  15. put your self in your sister inlaws shoes. how would ypu feel if you were treated that way. ypu expect your husband to abandon his family because of you. someone that is blood that he has known all his life. my dear you just have to accept his family and be at peace with them. in africa you marry both the man and his family. besides you didnt tell us what you did am sure you are one of those women that will expect their husband's siblings to bow and worship them. better be careful before they pack your things out for you one day

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ada, pls are you married? Also what makes you so sure that she's one of those women you just described? Do you even know that some SIL's are just extremely troublesome? So pls don't comment like you are entirely blaming the poster.

      Delete
  16. http://lindaikeji.blogspot.com/2013/06/dear-lib-readers-between-my-wife-and-my.html?m=1

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous7/25/2013

      Thanks 4 d link.
      Yes,d story is d same,but it was sent in by d husband in june.
      now it is d wife that came here 2 ask 4 advice.

      @poster, learn 2 control your anger.
      give us details on what really transpired & lets c where d root of d problem is.

      Delete
    2. That's the link. Same story but from the man's point of view. Poster, is he your hubby? Does that mean that the issue has been going on since the story was posted on LIB on the 2nd of June even after people seriously advised your hubby? Wow! That's unfortunate.
      And for the record, I'm not trying to "bring down Eya's blog". I was just concernd that her blog will begin to lose it's credibility if people go around copying stories and sending to her and she posts them unknowingly.
      Sorry poster. Didn't mean to discourage you from posting subsequent stories.

      Delete
  17. Anonymous7/24/2013

    Anybody that dare disagree or do not follow a popular view is always seen as an enemy!

    Then we are all enemies and antagonists to different people in our lives because every now and then in our lives, we have argued or disagreed with a decision, statement and idea of somebody!

    For example,the poster is an enemy and antagonist to her sister-in-law because she disagrees with her!

    The way we use words without knowing the full meaning is so annoying!




    ReplyDelete
  18. Anonymous7/25/2013

    Wow. Its the same story o. My dear you need to shake the guy up. How? By leaving for a while. Now is a good time when the kids are on hols. Hopefully by the time school resumes, he would have made the right decision.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Anonymous7/25/2013

    U made a mistake,ull never succeed while fightin wi ur sis in law if u r fightin wit ur sis ilaw u r definately figtin wit ur mother inlaw bcos no matter hw disrespectfull her dota is shell bck her nt u nd while u hv hv issues wit ur inlaws ull never enjoy ur marriage no matter hw much ur hubby loves u.jst try nd be friendly to her be patient drag her close to u,treat her as a sister,show her luv,buy her gifts nd ladies accesories a giver must be respected no matter wat,hv it in ur mind dat hell never send her away bcos of u no matter hw much he luvs u,nd if u r showin him dat u hate his sister ur luv wil be decreasin in his hrt blood is thicker than water jst drag her close to u nd bribe her wit watever u knw she luv ull be suprise she must respect u

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous7/26/2013

      The is the best advice I have read so far. When I just got married I had 3 of my BILs living with my husband and I. They made my life a living nightmare! They brother hardly saw anything wrong in their actions. Any thing they was a quarell, their mother and sister can to their support. They never did any house chores and ate like gluttons.
      All efforts to get my hubby to send them away proved abortive. I just had to learn to ignore them. Don't get to familar with your SIL, even if you don't have a job find something that takes you out of the house (you can enrol in a fashion school of something). Believe me sooner than you think she will move out of your house.
      God is your strenght.

      Delete
  20. Anonymous7/25/2013

    @Poster, please understand that there is no way your hubby will send his sister away. Its gonna be a lost battle. With lots of love and understanding, I am sure you will over this trial. Overlook/ignore some of the things she does and you will surely live in peace with her. The watchword is LOVE, MUCH LOVE!!!

    ReplyDelete
  21. The way some humans reason, the fact that a man posted a similar story somewhere doesn't make this his wife's story. Does it ever occur to us that there are billions of people on the surface of the earth with similar occurrences taking place every second of the day?

    That a little girl is raped in Lagos today and another one experiences same circumstances in Enugu tomorrow does not make it the same story pls. There may be similarities but their names and towns are different people. What makes you think that it must be the same family? Is it just one family that faces this in Nigeria. Desist from discouraging people who need your help. Commenting and replying yourself to make it look like you are many? The height of childishness and idleness.

    My cousin went through this exact experience in her early years of marriage. If she posted for advice, am sure some Pink Sunset would have suspected her of copying someone's story. We are adults and shouldn't reason like kids. *RMEand waiting

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry to disappoint you darling, but i never replied myself up there. I'm not that jobless. Why should you also assume that it's the same person posting and replying herself? I guess it's safe to say that your reasoning is also warped.
      I tink i apologised to the poster for kinda discouraging her, i didn't mean to.
      By the way, you go wait tire. (˘̯˘)

      Delete
    2. Lmaoo. pink That ur last line had me in stiches.and that smiley u put there just had me laughing! Pink ure a case! Lol

      Delete
    3. Anonymous7/25/2013

      fear no go let people talk true 4 this blog again!
      pink sunset i hail u 4 your boldness & honesty.
      me,i no get spleen 2 talk true here.
      make i waka pass b4 they begin cuss me.
      tufiakwa!

      Delete
  22. I just read the link you posted lady and to my understanding, it's not the same story.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Anonymous7/25/2013

    I was in that same situation but then my hubby was working out of town so it was just the two of us leaving alone the rubbished i endured then ,my prayer then was that she should get married and leave my house and God answered my prayer today shes in her husband's house and her younger ones can't even go and stay at her place. my advise to you is to pray that God give her her own husband and not just a job so she can finally leave your house for good.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Pink Sunset,its not the Same Story. Please let's not discourage people from seeking advice here.
    I haven't read this story here before. And the story on Lindas blog is different from this one here.
    A lot of us learn from advice given here. If we begin pursue dem,then d purpose of this blog is defeated. This is not just a cooking blog o,its where ppl come to seek advice.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ok Soulspasms, i understand. I honestly tot it was same 'cos there are a lot of similarities between the two.
      Poster. I'm so sorry for assuming that it was the same story. Pardon me dear. Pls don't be discouraged.

      Delete
  25. It breaks my heart to read that you are not happy being married because of your rude sister in-law. I do hope your husband can see the effects her presence and rudeness have on you, and take steps to correct it.

    Visit leyejisola.blogspot.com
    The one-stop rights, health, and beauty blog
    Know your Rights, stay healthy and beautiful, live your dreams!!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Leye u from SDK lol aniwaz do ur tin. *thinkingcap*

    ReplyDelete
  27. Anonymous7/25/2013

    I had a similar issue dear my inlaws 3 of them 2 males and a female stay with me,and when I give instructions they just do what suits themselves, I have complained to hubby and he seems to take it personal can't see why I can make good suggestions for their benefits and when they do wrong he can't correct them,so I end up doing most of my house work and am pregnant,I thank God am a working mum so I quickly sent for someone from my hometown and placed her in charge when am not around and totally ignored those lazy lieabouts and when they try any thing funny wo I give them the tongue lashing of their lives, they dare not start any trouble with me o. If they don't like the changes av made they can relocate even my hubby was taken unawares if they make more noise I will send for more of them,let the war begin.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *iron lady*

      They have really pushed you to the wall.

      Delete
    2. Abi now... Na so e suppose be jare.. Just that not everyone has liver like u and if u tell another person to do this they might think u wan chase them commot for their husband house..

      Delete
    3. Mama Ijebu,
      Like you said, not everyone get liver to do that kain thing but I lay the blame on the men who allow their wives to be pushed beyond their tolerant limit.

      A man I know said when he newly got married, his younger brother came to stay with him and his wife for sometime.

      He had to travel out and before he left, he called his brother in the presence of his wife and said, "brother, you know this is my wife. The same respect you give me should also be accorded to her. If you both have a disagreement, the first person I would side with is my wife whether she's to blame or not before I listen to you".

      Won't the younger brother behave himself after listening to that?

      Men, please put your house in order; lay down the rules else na you no go get peace for your house oh.

      Delete
  28. @Rubynnia:So many boys getting married these days while marriage is for MEN..

    If na me,I know as I go take tackle this issue especially when e don enter make una dey fight physically..Na my house na,u no fit make am unconfortable for me..its either she leaves or I leave plus me I no dey go anywhere..Na my husband house and I have come to stay.. But then,one has to be careful while advising people o cause what works for me might not work for u..

    Poster,tell God to give you wisdom on how to tackle dis issues.. U need his wisdom right now

    ReplyDelete
  29. Anonymous7/27/2013

    my dear this issue of inlaws shld be prayerfully handled.It is not as easy as we see it . We need God,s wisdom and intervention what works for one might not work for another because every famoly is unique. God bless you all.

    ReplyDelete

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