What Do I Do? I Need Your Advice

Hello every one,thanks so much,this blog has helped me in so many ways.
  I am a devoted catholic and my fiance attends

GDM aka ngozi church(where u must remove shoe b4 entering)he said we can get married in catholic but I don't know what happens after,I love this guy a lot and he does too,don't just know what to do,pls help.

I spoke to a few people about this, most said a lady must go to her husband's church after marriage,my mum can never imagine any of her children leaving Catholic neither do I want to leave,what do I do?
 Thanks again as I await your comments,AUNTY please don't include my details to my mail.

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Comments

  1. Try to convince him become a Catholic.

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  2. chique6/06/2013

    for one who loves a guy and wish to spend the rest of your life together difference in denomination should be the least of your worries. if u can sacrifice every other thing to be with a guy, why not choice of denomination. bottom line is if you arenot very comfy with his wait till if puts a ring them after that you can subtly let him see your reasons. besides your character maybe the convincing factors to change. you may not need any other thing to woo him to your side..

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    Replies
    1. chique6/06/2013

      'wait till he puts a ring then'

      Delete
  3. Have you considered talking to him about life after marriage?

    You need ask him about such salient issue. Some men are not rigid and would allow their wife attend her own church. We've seen couples who are from two different religion and yet practice their faith independently.

    Give it a shot, ask him to know his views about it. If he approves that you can keep your catholic faith then you are good to go, if he refuses then you need to make a decision to choose between him and your faith.


    Nuff'Said!

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  4. Get good pre-marital advice, as this will help both of you for a long time in your marital life. Be sure of what you want; a happy marriage of distractions about who you want to satisfy.

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  5. Omotee(Pinnacletee)6/06/2013

    This is d bane of christianity today. In the bible, d body of Christ is classified by loacation(church in antioch,ephesus n all) not denomination.my dear, discuss it cos u don't want 2 av a home where ur taught diff interpretations 2 a verse of scripture n ur children not having a foundation. This can be a major source of conflict. Agree on it b4 u proceed if not u might regret it. U can opt 4 a diff denomination u r both comfortable with cos not all men will want 2 follow u 2 ur church esp d one with a lot of doctrines. Once married, its where ur hubby goes u follow cos a house divided against itself can't stand....-f d truth be told

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  6. Traditionally, the woman should follow the man to his church but personally,i take exception to some churches esp the ones with weird traditions and uniforms. I think you talk to him and do a background check on the church. Cos the kinda churches in existence are scary I'd rather go with orthodox.

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  7. My deat this is a very important issue that u both needs to iron out before u walk down the aisle.
    Believe me this is a particular headache the church still finds difficult to overcome,we've seen a situation wherethe man weds the wife in another church and agrees to allow her attend het church even after marriage,but after that the man fails to keep his promise and the woman on her part may never want to attend the man's church thus leading to disunity in the family.
    In the words of my Bishop John Cardinal Onaiyekan,he stated that he's nolonget to grant such requests again,coz most times after marriage all his gets is complains upon complains from the man or the wife.
    Like my people will say its not how the kolanut sounds that its tastes,for instance you're already calling his church the place where you need to pull your shoes before you enter the church,to me you already sound condescending.
    I'll advice you discuss this issue extensively and you also need to be resolute,coz it seems u're ready to go either way. You need to take a stand and work towards making others see reasons with you.
    Late Stella Obasanjo was a Catholic married to Obasanjo a non catholic,they wedded on methodist but for Stella's zeal to continue recieving the holy communion she later got wedded to Obasanjo by Bishop Kukah and she lived her faith and died a Catholic.
    Its fallacious to say that a woman has little or no say in choosing her faith.

    ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

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    Replies
    1. Plz bear with me many typos,feeling dizzy already.

      ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

      Delete
    2. Lol..can see how Ʊ mistook R for T and vice verse...hehehehe.

      @Aunty Eya! I have serious reservations about the blog description. Doesn't make sense 2 me..Ʊ were trying 2 copy linda...Ʊ woulda just given WC a slogan....
      WIVES CONNECTION : Women Meeting Place or whatever.
      The men who come here feel like dey are spying on women.
      The single ladies come 2 learn.
      The women come 2 air their views.

      When a person asks a question, he or she expects the women point of view..what Ʊ can do is team up with someone 2 flaot the male version of this blog and see how the men think.

      That long description isn't worth it.

      #My2Cents

      Delete
    3. Lol @ "in the words of my bishop" Bona Bona nwa fada lol

      Delete
  8. Anonymous6/07/2013

    @bebe: E be like sleep dey catch you. Abeg hug U̶̲̥̅̊я pillow k.

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  9. Anonymous6/07/2013

    they can go to the woman's own den go for his own the same day.

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  10. Anonymous6/07/2013

    Don't marry this man.
    In fact, break up with him now.

    Sorry to be harsh, but no man is worth sacrificing your immortal soul, or the immortal souls of your future children.
    __________________
    - Miss Kristen

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous6/07/2013

      Really? Well, you didn't sound harsh, you sounded stupid! What makes you think that the poster is a born-again-holy-spirit-filled? Abeg I'm yet to see all those 'I'm a die hard catholic, i was born in catholic, I'm not leaving catholic, catholic that, catholic this' preachers that are filled with the holy spirit! *Rme*. Make una no dey deceive una selves biko.

      Delete
  11. Anonymous6/07/2013

    I really don't like it when ladies say they can't leave their churches to their future hubby's, especially catholics.
    @Poster please convince him to leave that place and enrol himself in a very good church not necessarily catholic and YES when he does, you will change church to his own without thinking twice sef. In our tradition, a woman doesn't have a particular church until she marries. All those catholic die hard fans, take note!

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  12. Anonymous6/07/2013

    ye ye people! and what makes y all think that catholic is better than the mans church? judgemental morons. let rapture take place quick and burst ya bubbles. mtsheeeeew:)

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous6/07/2013

      Even your own bubble will be busted too.

      Delete
  13. Johnson6/07/2013

    There is no rule that says when a woman gets married she must attend her hubby’s previous church. However, it is expedient that they both attend the same church when married. How did people in same situation sort themselves out without causing division their home? Marriage Counseling! It does not matter which church the lady/guy attends, as long as the lady wants to remain where she worships, there needs to be prior discussion before they settle down. And the solution is in compromise… Both of you should discuss and get to a middle ground – the middle ground is usually to agree a completely different church/denomination that you would attend after your wedding. It is important to get a third party involved in this agreement…

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  14. Dear poster, the answer to your question is all in the 2nd paragraph of Ace's comment.

    There's no such thing as 'in our tradition'. Whose tradition?

    Since the days of Abraham Lincoln, there have been such unions as Muslims+Christians in which there is respect for each person's faith and each is allowed to practice theirs.

    Also, inter-religious marriages aren't against the catholic doctrine.

    Yours isn't even inter-religious, but I could try to understand why you're making so much fuss about it. When I was younger, I used to hear a lot about this said church. But that's by the way. I don't really know about that.

    You both should sit down, in a calm atmosphere, discuss your future plans including where you choose to worship after marriage (this is one of the things you should discuss during the courting period though).

    He may say that you can keep practising your faith. People do it all the time. He may insist that he wants you both to go to the same place. The question would now be 'where?' You two have to be on the same page. Have you spoken to him about the reservations you have about his church? Has he explained them to you? Have you talked about the catholic church with him? What does he think about it? You too should discuss and come to an agreement.

    If you want to get married in the Catholic church, you'll attend marriage classes. I believe you both will have someone to guide you as regards the answer to 'where' during those classes. Perhaps/maybe.

    The bible said "Work out your salvation with fear and trembling" not "Follow your husband to any church/religion he was attending/practising before marriage".

    It's not really about church at the end of the day. Are you both born again? What's your relationship with God like? Those should be your greatest worries, not 'Where to worship'...

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  15. If u really love ur catholic faith, u'll leave dis guy. I made d same mistake bcos love was shacking me & 2day my husband does not allow me go 2 any church except his. Even d days he doesnt feel like going 2 church, he'll drop me & d kids in his church & come back 2 pick us.
    Do u know wat it feels like 4 ur children 2 miss out on d sacrament of baptism, d Blessed Eucharist, Confirmation & all d doctrines of d church. I had all these but i cant give it 2 my kids. I taught dem d Hail Mary & some other simple catholic prayers but they dare not say it in their father's presence. My dear it hurts. Its 2 late 4 me but its not 4 u. U can still make d right decision 4 ur own peace of mind.

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    Replies
    1. i'm with you on this Yucee. I'm an Anglican and will love to marry one as well but i'm not uptight about it. i want a Catholic if not Anglican. i don't want all these new generation churches except for like Daystar or Winners. And because i know what i want already, i'm praying about it and if a 'toaster' does not fall into any of the churches i want i don't even bother.

      I will like to attend the same church on Sundays with my future hubby cos we are one already by virtue of marriage. Dear poster, i will advise you talk it over with him and get to a compromise that will make both of you to attend the same church. I don't subscribe to the idea of husband and wife attending different churches when they are both Christians. If it were a case of two completely different religions, i will understand.

      Delete
    2. Yucee u make it sound like its the end of d world bcoz u didn't get to give ur kids what u had as a child in the catholic church.
      Are u trying to imply that u regret marrying ur hubby because of this. I know religion and denomination is important to quite a lot of people but it doesn't determine ur outcome in life.
      Leaving ur church for another due to marriage is part of the sacrifices you make when u love some1 and want to spend the rest of ur life with them.
      The thing here remains that catholic, anglican, baptist, CAC, RCCG and the rest all serve the same MOST HIGH GOD and that is our 1 common goal.

      Delete
    3. Anonymous6/07/2013

      Can't u drive? Y must he drop u off? Wat happens to evening song services? Or weekday services? U can still attend with ur children,

      Delete
    4. Anonymous6/13/2013

      What if u were not born into that doctrine? What if u were born into a muslim family? Its one God and making heaven shld be our aim. At the end its only God that will judge us all. Discuss wit ur hubby if he agrees to change fine, if not don't go into d marriage if u don't like his church... U will end up frustrated and making heaven becomes questionable as u will be distracted with thr mode of worship thrby affecting ur personal relationship with God. I was lucky, I gave my husband reasons why I can't attend his church and he agreed we change after our wedding. Today we attend mine; Winners chapel. God bless you. UC

      Delete
  16. Anonymous6/07/2013

    U knw u don't wnt 2 leave ur church bt u re in a srz rship wit a person wu is nt a catholic

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  17. Anonymous6/07/2013

    After discussing with him and he refuses to see reasons with you,you should choose between the man and your catholic church. Love is blind they say, but marriage cures the blindness!

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  18. chiomz6/07/2013

    My bf ex dint want to be with him cos of ds church ish.....anyway am so super grateful dat she insisted on breaking up if not aw wud i v met ds wonderful person.
    Ok to d point.....love is a decision my dear. I thank God dat we r both in d same church buh trust me...even if not..i wudav followed him whereva cos hs d best tin dats eva happened to me. Buh don't forget d fact dat religious matters r very sensitive. Pls reach an agreement with him...don't leave dat till after d wedding, cos it ll just tear ur family apart. In all pray for God's guidiance...all d best

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    Replies
    1. Wow ds so my story....

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    2. Anonymous6/07/2013

      Was born Anglican. Attended Pentecostal churches throughout. With my parents! All my other siblings were dedicated in those churches and never attended Anglican. Didt knw I was born Anglican nor baptised unt during marriage counselling, and I strted asking. We wedded in anglican church.Now attend Anglican Church with my hubby and I'm loving it. To revitalize my prayer life, I attend mid week services and other programmes in other churches. Need I say too that my hubby had d same prob with his ex cus she was catholic and had a problem with leaving d Catholic Church.

      Delete
  19. Duchess6/07/2013

    @chomz, i can relate to that comment ;)

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  20. This is a very dicey issue and if you really know your faith and yourself, then you must have known the answers byy now. You just want to be convinced about why you should do it but nobody can do that for you except yourself.

    My little story, a love being catholic but while i was dating and till date, if I count my exes that I still love to love they are all muslims. Usually, everything will be perfect except religion. I wasnt after tribe, cash etc. Just similar belief. And you know what, they were all core Northeners. One even came came of the lineage of a royal family meaning that nothing could make their wives anything except what they nelieve in. I had to weepingly quit these relationships because they werent liberal. Today, I'm happy in my home (except for usual quarrels - frowns)nothing serious about the faith of my children in contention.

    Your answer
    1. What tribe is the guy? I matters because I'v found westerners to be more liberal regarding issues of religion than easterners. A typical Igbo man and his umunna would question who the head of house is?

    2. Woul dyour children be baptiized catholics? and would you uphold it for them? A mixed marriage in the church means that you proomise to continue to worship in the church and train your kids by the church.

    3. Have you really sat down to discuss the after-wedding scenerio with your guy rather than worry

    4. Have you told your parents? It will be good to put them in the loop, most prents want the good of their children and will give you a splendid advice.
    Got to feed baby,so i 2 stop here n sorry i cant correct typos

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  21. Cyndrella6/07/2013

    Na wao oooo

    christianity and stuffs 2 much wahala.So what now happens to SOUL AS GOD
    REALIZATION.

    Just asking sha.

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  22. Anonymous6/07/2013

    @ BRODA BONA & ODA CATHOLICS IN D HOUSE. Ps I nid ur opinion. Am a catholic,my fiance is pentecostal. We hav discussd dis issue & decided dat we wld wed in d catholic church den aftaward bth attend pentecostal. My question is wld i b allowd 2 wed in my church? I dey fear. I went 2 meet d catechist 4 enlightment bt was scolded and was told am nt woman enuf 4 nt being able 2 convert him. I no get pawa 4 denominational ish. We are both born again dts all dt matters 2 us. So pls is it gonna b allowd. I wld rlly rlly love 2 wed in my church. I feel lyk weeping if i tink odawise.

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    Replies
    1. My dear you won't be allowed to wed in the church. Since u feel owk with his church,why not wed there and the earlier you start accepting your new found faith and its connotations the better for you.
      This is one of the points my bishop raised,some people just want to wed in the Catholic church,due to the euphoria that comes with wedding in a big church and having a colourful wedding mass.
      Not knowing that wedding in the Catholic church goes beyond the blessing of the union,the church approving your union meant that the Catholic church will be held responsible if anything arises from it and also the church will be ready to defend you in any issue as it pertains your wedding.
      My dear start adapting to you new found faith.

      ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

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    2. Cyndrella6/07/2013

      I beg Bona y do u keep using "ur new found faith" is christianity not the same world over?

      Delete
    3. Anonymous6/07/2013

      I'm sorry in the catholic church there's smthing called mixed marriage which I did, my marriage is 9mths old, I wedded in the catholic church in kubwa, my husband is pentecostal, we came to an agreement, I don't miss evening mass on sunday and other holy days of obligation, I attend his church on sunday mornigs and if he's nt in town I attend my cath church, no biggie, it depends on the understanding you both have... As for the cathechist, its normal for him to say such but if he kps hammering it plz put him in his place, let him know you know abt the teachings of the cath churtch and mixed marriages, it is done.... I'v got four priests in my family and my husband has two cousins who are priests too soo imagine the alter on that day when 6priests plus d priest of the church officiating my wedding... Plz it is done, just set d terms of church after wedding with ur husband to be and kids too b4 anyoda thing

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    4. BONA I totally disagree wit u on dis one. My cousin got married to a non-catholic last week saturday @ ST.Pauls cath church, airport road Benin. So pls @anon 11:07 dnt be scared catholics are not as uptight as Bona is making it seem.*rme

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    5. Thank you Anon 1:44: I had been taught long ago of something called 'mixed marriage' in the catholic church.

      Instead of coming here to seek opinion, why not go see your priest, not your cathechist. None of my priests has ever said anything against mixed marriages. It's allowed. And my priest at Benin always jokingly says that "Brothers why una dey let our sisters marry go another church na, una no be better people? Why dem no dey gree for una?". To say that it's very rampant these days. And no one will kill a woman for following her husband to his church. Catholic church doesn't have that law against their members marrying other denominational church's members like some churches do.

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    6. Also, it's a personal choice. If you know that you'd want to remain a catholic and marry a man that is catholic and raise your kids in a catholic home, then make your rules on the specs of whom you should date and pray about it.

      If you know that you don't really mind and you can leave the catholic church or you can raise your kids in a home where hub and wife attend different churches, make your own rules. Everyone's rule isn't the same.

      Delete
  23. Hi dear,

    Usually members of churches where you need to remove footwears before entering are very dedicated to their church so he could have the same dedication you hold for the catholic church for his own church. Have you considered this?

    I know how strong the catholic faith is because this is a big issue in my hometown: catholic girls not wanting to marry Anglican guys, catholic mothers being punished in the church for allowing their daughters to marry non-catholics etc. But if you are not ready to follow this guy all the way, then you don't love him enough to be his wife. Please leave him for another girl who will love him without reservations.

    Personally, I will think twice about any man that accepts to wed in my church, agrees to let me attend a different church after marriage or even follows me to my church because I forced him to. He may be doing it for peace to reign but it is not proper.

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    Replies
    1. Aunty Flo, about those people in your hometown being punished, it's just so sad the length some people will go just to be holier than the pope in this country. It's sad. They do not even know the true Catholic doctrine. Mixed marriages are 100percent permissible in the Catholic church.

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    2. Exactly Jay, when I hear those punishments, I marvel. It is actually the extent of fanaticism in our beliefs down here. Xtains and Muslims alike, there is a trace of fanaticism in us all. If not we shouldn't try to Lord our religious beliefs on others as if only members of our religion exist in heaven.

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    3. @JaY it is sad indeed because sometimes I wonder if the doctrine is from the top. Or they are applying the "special" doctrine only in my hometown because there is always this rift between Catholics and Anglicans. Such punishments include kneeling down at the altar during church service for a specified period of time while the punishment (opipia) lasts, suspension from CWO, relinquishing any posts held in the church etc.

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    4. Wow! An adult would kneel down at the altar as a form punishment? A punishment that is not a sin?
      Wow! Things are really happening... It's sad.

      We can't blame people who see these things and leave the church and condemn christians then. The end time is so near. This is what Christ talked about regarding 'false teaching'.

      The 'special doctrine' is indeed a false teaching. I believe someone in your hometown just started it and began handing it over to every other person. It's the punishment part of the 'special doctrine' that is really alarming!

      Delete
  24. Anonymous6/07/2013

    "mothers being punished in the church for allowing their daughters to marry non-catholics etc."

    Never heard of that, and I am catholic too! I am very sure the church does not teach this. Some society heads can be more catholic than the pope.

    To the poster, this is the time for you to dialogue, cos once you don enter that's the end. If you love him so much and are not ready to change denomination, then come to an agreement that you'd be allowed to attend mass with the children, but note that some men would only agree to this term before wedding, but after wedding they would allow you for a while, then start giving you reasons/ orders to stop.

    I also feel if you cannot change denomination, then why date a non- catholic in the first place? I once had feelings for a Muslim and was thinking of a relationship with him, but at a point, I had to cut off communication with him because I knew I could never marry a Muslim. So please, the decision is yours, and pray for God's guidance because marriage is a serious something and maybe you should pray that God should send a "God-fearing " catholic man your way and that above all God's will be done concerning this.

    ... Pj

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  25. @Anonymous 11:25am. I'm also Anglican. Born, baptised and confirmed and soon to be married in Anglican. I'm finding it funny that in order to revitalize your prayer life you attend mid week services in other churches. Which Parish do you attend cos I'm shocked.
    In my parish (which is infact a Cathedral) mid week service every wednesday has been changed to wednesday revival. There's 'start the month with Jesus' every 1st of the month by 6am, there's Bible Study every Monday by 6pm, there's monthly night vigil every last friday of the month by 10pm, there's prayer meeting every friday. Every saturday at 12noon, there's prayer & deliverance clinic!
    What are you looking for again in another church?
    The Anglican Church has become very vibrant. Please try and find out about the activities in your local parish and if possible join EFAC (Evangelical Fellowship in the Anglican Communion). The current Primate is their Patron.
    Please and Please 'revitalize your prayer life' within our Church, there's so much wind of 'doctrine' out there!
    Remain blessed.

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    Replies
    1. I'm so with u...b4 i entered in2 d university, my mom wuld tell my brodas nd i about ASF (Anglican student fellowship), though i am in covenant uni where m automatically a winner member i really do miss my church, i try to download a lot of hymns on my laptop and say the Anglican morning prayer, i miss communion and so many thngs.My brodas re fortunate to be in federal schl and when they gist me bout their fellowship its like i should be there.
      @poster your place of worship is really important for you, i broke up wit my boyfriend wen i found out he attends celestial, if d trouble start u'll forget love sef nd start regretting...dnt do somethng u'll regret nd ur children wuld reap of d regrets even though our walk with God is most important than denomination, following God's will is d main and God wuldnt want u disobeying ur parents.Remember the isrealite children, even though they were close to the samaritans and were one with them yet their children never married each other bcos of Gods command. Also the Rechabites, their father warned them not to ever drink wine, and God used them as an example to d isrealite children by telling a prophet 2 have them drink wine, they answered the prophet by telling him dat even though he was a prophet they werent going to obey bcos their father had commanded them never to drink wine.
      First tyme of commenting on this blog though m an ardent follower of WC
      Kudos Aunty Eya

      Delete
  26. Anonymous6/07/2013

    **@ bona,kimmy,anon and jay much thanks 4 ur comments. But broda bona ur reply almost gav mi BP (mi w6rse fear LOl)dats y am yet 2 speak 2 d priest. I no lyk scoldings. Well hoping 2 join d nxt marrige class blive i wld learn m6r dn. Thnx again!

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  27. Anonymous6/08/2013

    Dear poster, mix marriage is supported in d catholic faith. It is only catholic parishes in d east dat r soo fanatical. Pray to God for wisdom. But this 1 wey dem dey commot shoes. Nne think twice biko

    ReplyDelete

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