What Do I Do About My Wife?

I'm a husband and came across this after another session of nagging! It is so bad and so draining. I've lost my job due to it. Not that my job was ever good enough..nor were my social skills..or the way I eat..or the way my family (parents n siblings) are overly informal..I compared all the time and labelled.

I have isolated myself. I have no one to to talk to. After 5 years marriage I feel broken. I love being alone now and can't wait to go to my garage and work on my sculpture. So many times I've wanted to end it..but the love is still there between us. She shows her
lighter side once a month and I instantly remember the woman I Love and married. I only see the good in her while she just sees the bad and focuses on it..

I did start drinking but stopped completely as I was going down a bad way,instead I exercise like crazy, I go on 4 hour marathon runs at 1am. I was so close to cheating recently when a woman showed interest and admiration..but I couldn't do it. I couldn't betray my marriage vows or love for my wife. I try talking to her but she says I can't articulate or express my self like an adult. I suggested councilling and she refuses. I used to be a happy person full of life and enjoyed helping other people. I appreciate everything in life and in no way materialistic.

What can I do to help my wife? She is never happy and blames me. I dread celebrations and especially birthdays. Any gift I buy is criticized and she tells me I don't know her. I keep thinking of ways to self improve but just ran out of ideas..so tired.

Comments

  1. Anonymous6/21/2013

    Yay! 1st to comment madness

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Abeg no bring that craze 1st to comment come here oooo. Rolling Eyes with Eyelashes mtscheeeeew

      Delete
    2. Anonymous6/21/2013

      Annon, see how stupid u are? you think this is Linda ikeji? ode. these are real problems, and wht u have to say is first to comment? oya take ur award and vanish. stinking fool

      Delete
  2. Anonymous6/21/2013

    Nawa oo

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  3. Anonymous6/21/2013

    Please give constructive advise, what's your problem?

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  4. Anonymous6/21/2013

    1) Open this post on your laptop, leave your laptop where she will see it AND most importantly, "ameborise" and read it.

    2) Pray. Yes, pray and loudly too. Women do it all the time to guilt their partners into doing what they want. Report her to God, and let her hear. "Father, I thank you for my wonderful wife who I can not live without. I thank you for our love that has stood the test of time. Father soften her heart towards me, even when I seem to irritate her for no reason, help her remember our love. Amen." Or something like that. That's all.

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    Replies
    1. Gbam!!!!! I support your no 1 advise, recently i find out that people focus on DP update,face book post,and what have you, but come to thing of it. If i had a man acting like your woman,i don't think i'll have that grace to endure with out pouring out my mind not minding how he'll feel,knowing fully well he'll think about it. Women (not all) tend to put up attitude when there Man is not working e:g Muah, Secondly they want things they can't afford with their money expecting you to step them up on that,and sorry man did i just read you typing no materialistic! well your chick is and expects you to cute up! Don't make her keep admiring what she is not seeing inside,its hard to live low after being up,guess that's all the problem i see here. All you need do is reason together or play mind game (not too much ooo)! Am not saying you should cheat,but form it by receiving plenty of calls and avoiding her hear your conversation. It works like magic! Na she go dey pray... ahahahahahha Am outta... please ooo no one should come after me, just airing my view

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    2. O Y̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥å!! I luv Tosin's idea too. Jst b proactive.No woman wnts 2 share ha husband. Job or no job, cultured or uncultured.

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    3. woooowww, in my wildest imagination i dont think i would have tot of the second advise praying out loud. i will take that piece of advise. @ the poster pls i want you to think very very well women generally dont wake up and start nagging. There must have been a long period of stating the issue and the man consistently fails to change. That is when the woman gets upsets and starts nagging. please try and figure out what you used to do that you dont do anymore. Basically the easiest way to find out is by just asking your wife. Women love to talk and express themselves, give her that option to say exactly whats on her mind. dont try to defend or make excuses just listen and accept okay, and promise her you will make amends.

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  5. I know many peo wld attack me 4 d advice I'm about givin bt here goes. Leave ur marriage!!! Temporarily ofcos bt she doesn't hv 2 knw dt does she? Since u don talk tire, tel ha u give up. N u cnt take it anymor. As long as u r sure she luvs u, giv ha d space 2 si dt dis ill mannered, uncultured man she married Is d luv of ha life afterall n si wht hapuns! Spouses tend 2 4get all d sparks n emotions dt made dem marry der partners. I tink she jst nids an eye opener dt wld jolt her 2 reality #oya let d replies begin#

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  6. I was going to say the same thing. Report her to God. Remember that Song, I'll tell it to Jesus? Trust me, He's the only one who can help you out. And also keep insisting that both of you see a counselor.Someone needs to put her right.

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  7. I remembering reading something similar on nairaland about a man whose's wife was complaining about his attitude towards her.

    The wife poured out her heart to him through email and he posted it, seeking for people's opinion.

    Dear Sir, I suggest you do the same since verbal communication isn't working, please try written communication via letter/email. Pour your heart's content into the letter/mail.

    Appreciate her and reminiscent the good and wonderful times you spent together before this situation crept in.

    Let her know you love her like never before and want to make your marriage work with her help and participation because you can't do it alone.(Can two work together except they agree?)

    Like others above have said, if she loves you, she will respond in likewise manner. Also, pray before sending it to her that as she reads it, the Holy Spirit should soften her heart and begin a transformation in her.

    This is one of the storms of marriage and you both shall overcome, amen!
    #Please stay positive#

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    Replies
    1. Desire6/22/2013

      Gbam!! Exactly my thots. Write her a letter since she said you cannot articulate your words.

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    2. Topmost6/25/2013

      I totally agree with you

      Delete
  8. Anonymous6/21/2013

    (˘̯˘ ) every woman complains for a reason abeg. Oga listen to your woman biko and see reasons with her.
    @ivy brown, leave his marriage for who? You? Rubbish! I must comment by force *rolling my sexy eyes*.
    I'm sure the writer's wife has a totally different story to tell.

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  9. Dear poster, who is ur wife comparing you to? An ex? A guy in the picture presently? Think about that. Also talk to her and ask her what the real issues are.

    It's rare to see women who behave this way to their husbands. The reverse is usually the case. Pray about it and maybe write a letter to her where you can express urself better.

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  10. Good evening poster,

    I sincerely understand your plight.. As I read I could articulate every strata you have evolved from. Communication goes beyond our normal understanding.

    I won't bore you with so much... I'll just say this: the best way to deal with arrogance is SEDUCTION, I don't mean a sexual kind of seduction but an inter and intra-personal kind. I know you are willing to make things work, the power could be in your hands.

    Visit the book store, and buy the book "Art of Seduction" by Robert Greene! I promise you, if you patiently assimilate this book you'll find out how easy it is to fine-tune and manipulate any living soul.

    Be Strong!

    Nuff'Said...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. where can i get it in lagos?
      bros abeg help a sister!

      Delete
  11. Anonymous6/21/2013

    my friend my friend(ivy) y on earth wil u advise som one to leave his or her marriage??

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    Replies
    1. Ma dear o! As anon 6:02 said, I wnt him 2 leav his wife 4 me. Bt anyways on a serious note, I'm nt sayin he shld divorce ha. He shld simply mak himself scarce. It annoys me wen peo tak der spouses 4 granted.

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  12. Desire6/22/2013

    @ Ivy, don't you think making himself Scarce might worsen the situation? Its possible the wife knows abt the affair he almost had and already thinking in her mind that he's cheating on her. If he nows makes himself scarce, she will definitely conclude that he's gone to the other woman.
    Abeg Mr Poster, there's no fire without smoke. There's something definitely bothering her. That is what you should try and find out.

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  13. Ȋ̝̊̅ do kw dat wen a woman naggs, she is constantly complaining abt somethn. Firstly, ΨђåƮ doz she nag abt? U̶̲̥̅̊ never mentioned ΨђåƮ she complains abt. Wen U̶̲̥̅̊ kip ignorin it, she Wȋ̊ℓℓ kip sayin it. One thing is to hear her talk, anoda is to actually listen and dat is one talent a lot of guys lack. Yes, pray to God abt it, den most importantly talk to her wen she is in her good mood and try to listen to ΨђåƮ she wants cos dats d only way to find out ΨђåƮ d prob is in d first place. God be wt U̶̲̥̅̊ .

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  14. Anonymous6/22/2013

    Hey! Aunty Eya, this is probably my husband.
    I've been asking him to visit ur blog for some time oo. Abi? Wait ooo, but I dnt nag na, just that the no job thing is really killing me, and a lot of stress on me and my little money jor!
    Ha! He excersises by 1am... How possible or did he say 1pm.
    But my marraige is 4yrs nah, or did he put 5yrs to deceive me.
    The non materialistic part is my hubby, and that is the part I hate abt him.
    What do u mean by non materialistic, when you go after every gagets, yet to care for ur own body, and wear smthing nice, you term it materialitic!
    If you say you love your wife, then show it! How often do you tell her that!
    Affection is not expensive at all, but u always miss it each time you get her a gift! You know what she likes, yet you think it's not neccessary, instead you get her a dunlop slipper! What's that! This na my own case oh!
    This poster must be my husband seriously!
    Lemme talk to you a little!
    How often do you tell ur wife you love with your mouth, since you can't act it one bit!
    All you do is ignore and run away from your problems... Playing gentle man! Gentle man my foot!
    Your husband is a good man, that's all I hear all the time! But you are not gud to me!
    Each time I try to tell you my challenges, you ignore and walk away! What's that! Which woman will live like that...
    If you use to be a happy going person, where has that person gone to, did I take it away from you.
    You only know how to be nice to our kids, and that's the only reason I'm still hanging.
    You lack thank you in ur mouth, even God crave for this!
    You only comment on food that are salty, peperish or tastelest! You never say anything about the one that came out good!
    I stoped attempting any recipe I find on this blog, cos u never appreciate anything! Instead you look for faults!
    You've turned me into a miserable person, only my faith is still keeping me moving, nothing else.
    The only reason I keep forgiving you and letting go is becos of God!
    Is it romance, you're zero!
    Is it sex... Quick ejaculation, ssmtimes before penetration!
    Is it manner of approach, you suck!
    Is it care... You get angry when I fall sick and behave like God knows what

    Aunty Eya, send me the email of this poster, I need to know. If u'll send it, lemme know so I can inbox my email to you.

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  15. lolzz!!
    oh dear!!, dis is serious!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous6/22/2013

      Lmao! Na serious matter oooooo

      Delete
  16. miss laura6/23/2013

    Hmmmmmm. Seems like a case of two people who have forgotten why they loved each other and got married in the first place. Y'all need to talk it out, kiss and fuck. Oga, get a job, leave her money alone and do something about ur erectile dysfunction, also, appreciate ur wife more, she's a person, not ur maid, listen to her and show her you love her. Madame, talking is not nagging, nagging is not communicating, let ur husband know what exactly the problem is, no need to nag regularly and put him down, encourage him in everyway u can, u say he can't take care of himself, then take care of him, u are the one keeping the home so since u don't trust his ability to get u something nice, if he has the money, during special anniversaries, insist that u guys go out to get what u want. You are married so u better get used to the fact that only u can initiate the change u want to see.

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  17. Anonymous6/24/2013

    Hello everyone, I'm the original poster. Thank you all for your messages and opinions. I like to see other perspectives on things.

    I would like to clarify that I am not wholly blaming my wife or seeking to vilify her. Off course not, she is my wife and I married her out of Love. I respect her as a person and don't have unreasonable expectations from her. In fact she can be very supportive and giving as a person.

    I don't look at petty silly things (even though the food can do with a bit of spice). I had a professional job and worked my a** of to provide my family with a comfortable life. So much so, even when I am not working, it's generated enough to make them more than comfortable even now.

    Our essential differences is our approach and attitude to life. I can never forget my humble beginnings and I am there for my family and community. I feel that my success comes with responsibility towards others. Yes my family are the most important thing to me and they know that. However, how can we as people abandon our communities and not help those who need our help? If I have a house and a car and the vacations and the kids education and the health care and all the other life comforts that god has blessed me with, what do you have to complain about???????

    I will chose who I socialize with and who influences our children. No way will I compromise my principles and mix with people whose only aspiration, desire and respect is money and material. We had a frank discussion and she admitted to me that her frustrations and anger are with herself. She has her own aspirations but thinks she can not do it because of the children. She says she loves me but fears losing me and that she is jealous of other women I worked with and the way they 'spoke' to me (and how her friends look at me?). She NEVER said anything like that before. Why the hell did it take years? I take responsibility for that, I should have engaged more emotionally.

    Anyhow things are slowly getting better. I agree with one of the comments here which said sometimes we forget why we got married. Why we fell in love and lose sight of things that really matter. We both know what changes we should do for our marriage and our family. Honestly I can't believe how 48 hours of bonding, being patient and understanding can change things around.

    Thank you all for your contribution. Peace :)

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  18. Anonymous9/21/2014

    Hi I just came across this topic im a wife and my hubby seems to b in a similar situation as you are,the im not judging u but im trying to give u mayb an insight of wats happening,lets look at it you wife is nagging cos there is sumtin fustrating underlinnin ur relationship dat she hasnt gotten over uncontiously caught flirting?iv come to find out dat wat most men DONT see as an insult to a woman actually is u r walkin down d road with her and men shmelessly staring at anoda lady(d one u did from monday to friday wen she isnt der never do?) its an insult,it has become like a curse!or somehow u mistakenly turned her fairytale into a nightmare d reason she might b nagging is because u hav not given room for COMMUNICATION mayb u r a game addict movie addict (like my hubby)so we'v spent over a year of our lifes not achieving anything WHY? bcos as much as i brought suggestions for how to achieve building a home my hubby is downloading movies nd games and even reads cartoons on line!as in 24/7 and every suggestion is thrown away until its to late and wat uv been sayin now comes to pass do u think dat lady will b happy?cheating isnt d solution cos dat would mean it has been a seed growing in ur mind !if u think about leaving her d truth is for her to b nagging abt a problem constantly she too is tired of not getting things done!so d point is u r married keeping to urself is also problem dat means der is no communication line open in ur marriage!

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  19. Anonymous9/21/2014

    phewww (dsame last poster)finally u r getting it ur family is having same issue mine is having as much as my hubby would make dsame statemnt u just made "der is nothing more important dan family dey know dat" yet u nd i will agree der r some action u do dat does not suggest dat! also blive me i didnt read ur last post before said sumtin abt flirting wen u r married der is a limit a no go area to oda women rit infront of me my hubby chest to chest hugged so called choir member nd he hold her lower back not even just back!im sure u might not see it but ur actions towards other women suggest u r d one inviting d attention !nd making ur wife uncomfortable im just sooooo tired of men behavin self centered (dont mean it as an insult)so y did u get married if u know u want to hav uncontrolled fun?mayb u cam help me out here?

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  20. Anonymous9/21/2014

    Madam poster dat wrote these man moat b my husband honestly i too would hav said dis most be my hubby postin but my marriage no even clock 1week wey him and him family nd his friends begin dey show me so tai u carry x girlfriend stay wit me for house nd i no know !ndso it cant b my hubby cos my marriage just clock 1yr den atleast una hubby dey excercise my own no dey excer nothing na game nd movie nd cartoon im a slim person he is like 3times my size yet he advices me on how not to grow fat?lol! he prefers to wear anko(same clothes) with his friends d choir pple dan wit his wife as in bliv me d moment ot comes to his friends choir memeber(female)he's ready to insult me !pls madam Eya give me dis two pple mail i think i need help here as in i cant thrust my hubby even with a teenage girl even baby girl sef its dat bad not dat he has carried it out but ur woman instinct as in he physically cant control himself around fair ladies wat baffles me is dat he is ALWAYS READY TO JUDGE ANODA MAN DOING SAME THING SO im beginning to think dis is psycological?more dan spiritual sef.HELP!

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