Should I Get Pregnant For Him?

Good evening  Aunty Eya and fellow blog readers. I thank God for you all and what am learning from the blog. I need advice please. There's this guy I have been dating for about a year now. He is the perfect husband I always wanted, has everything I want in a husband. This has been a long distance relationship because we live in different cities. 

Last weekend, he visited and proposed. I was
the happiest person on earth that day but there is a problem. He told me he had a confession to make and that he had introduced someone to his family and gone ahead with a few friends to meet her family too. He says that he had tried many times to breakup with her but she is the very violent type that won't leave his life. She promised he can't break up with her after meeting her family.

When I asked his reason for wanting the breakup, I was shocked at the revelations. All those habits she hid before the introduction but suddenly changed after he met her family and got a list for their engagement ceremony. He gave me some reasons like she started stealing monies from him and denying  even when there is no other person living with him. 

That when she visits and is asked to shop and cook,whatever amount he gives,she asks for more and still cooks very poor meals giving reasons that money wasn't enough.As a bachelor, he cooks more ingredient-filled meals with a very small amount while she cooks with nothing reasonable in the pot even with so much money given. Attimes she comes up with excuses of spending some of the feeding money on her personal items. 

They would have been married before now but he developed cold feet when she started showing true colours. Says he does not double date, that the only reason he started a relationship with me was to get married and end it with her once and for all. 

I was very heartbroken and angry he dated me while still in a relationship but he explained that his family is mounting pressure on him and won't hear that he broke up again. He has been very unlucky with girls and it's making them think he is never going to settle down. 

Back to my problem: He is not ready to go start doing any intro and explaining why he left her and wants me to get pregnant. He wants to surprise everyone and is not kidding as far as I know him. This is a man in his late Thirties with a good job and great attitude. 

He actually succeeded in convincing me to get pregnant and he will have to only tell them I'm pregnant and we are getting married at that's all.I love him and am very sure he is not playing games. Where I need advise is in the area of  pregnancy before marriage. He loves me dearly,he says that is the only thing that will keep his ex off his back with her new "street life tendencies." That is the only reason he wants to give his family for breaking up with the girl they met. 

He wants to tell them someone is pregnant for him and he has to marry her. 
But will his family not think I tied their son down with a pregnancy? His fiance may also look at me as desperate when I'm not. I need advise please whether to leave him since I now know he had a relationship or go ahead and get pregnant like he suggests. My head is confused right now. Aunty Eya pls don't post my email, the name is OK.

Please help me with good.advice.
Steph.

Comments

  1. Don't even think about it. Marriage is not by force!! if he doesn't want to marry the other girl, then he should be man enough to break it off. Or is he that scared of the other girl? all he needs to do in my opinion is to call his family members to a meeting and tell them the how he feels about the other girl and her recent bad attitude and state that he can't go ahead with the marriage, after all he's the one that wanted to get married to her not them.
    On the other hand, are you sure the pregnancy thingy is not a ploy to test your fertility? cos men and even women can't be trusted these days. My opinion is this: Don't get pregnant for such flimsy excuse of his not that any other excuse would have sufficed.Let him be a man and take charge!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aunty Eya, biko i don't like this italics o. its blurry and i'm straining my eyes a lot. can u make it bold at least? Thanks.

      Delete
    2. ashawo6/06/2013

      I thought it was my eyes.aunty eya abeg ooooooooooo

      Delete
    3. Duchess6/06/2013

      Infact Nekky you said my mind!
      @Poster, honestly this guy doesn't love you at all neither does he have any iota of respect for the said fiancee abi fiance sef! Do you know that one fool wanted to try that shit with me and another girl, trust me, you don't want to know what he had been telling the other lady about you. Of course i am in touch with the girl and we have told our selves the things the fool had been telling us. Believe me, the guy is a loser and wants to eat his cake and still have it. He is a bad news, please your man will come. Forget that 'i love him' nonsense, he isn't worth it! I don vex type novel for here sef, mcheeeeew.

      Delete
  2. how can you believe all these stories he told u about the other babe? are u a learner. you should'nt conclude that he's tellng the truth f u have not heard the other side of the story. my advice.....RUN AS FAST AS UR LEGS CAN CARRY YOU!!!

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  3. So you must get pregnant before he will have the liver to tell his people he wants to marry you? A man in his late 30s has to justify his choice for a wife to his relatives? Pls he is not a kid. If he wants to marry you, let him do it, f not, he shud leave you alone.

    Dnt be surprised when after you get married, they'll say you 'tied him down' by getting pregnant. What if he starts seeing ur 'true colours' after you get pregnant then his feet start freezing. Why does he not have a say at his age? How will he defend you if ur in-laws attack you in the future? What if he cheats when you are married and the girl gets preggers and so he HAS to marry her too? After all, he cheated with you.

    Pls start ur marriage with the right foundation so that it can stand the test of time. But then, the decision is urs.

    All the best.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ashawo6/06/2013

      @ahda my best friend help me tell am bcos I don write sotey my hand dey pain me

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    2. felicia6/06/2013

      @ Ada: well said.

      Delete
    3. My thoughts exactly. A man in his late thirties can't make decisions without his family's interference. U're an adult and u know what is good for u but don't be surprised if his family start deciding where u'll live,what u wear,eat n even ur sleeping positions in future.
      His wife to be is violent n desperate. what is the assurance that she won't pull a gun on u? He has all the QUALITIES of a good husband yet he is not man enough to make a decision and stand by it.
      My opinion? Let him go n settle with his wife to be, then come back n marry u.

      Delete
  4. Babes! sharp up!!!! tell the guy to 'man up' and stop being a coward, he should break all ties completely with her before coming your way. Please don't even think of getting pregnant for him before marriage o!

    dressed2dnines.blogspot.com

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  5. ashawo6/06/2013

    Get pregnant fast 4 him ooo shebi na wetin u wan hear.ibelibe

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  6. Anonymous6/06/2013

    My advice is run away 4rm him as fast as u can. If possible,borrow Bolt's legs. Dis guy is not man enuff. I tink he's givin u flimsy excuses. U haven't even heard d oda side ooo. I bet u'll b shocked if u eventually hear her side. He wants u 2 get preggy so he can tell his pple bla, bla, bla. Can't he tell dem u r pregnant (even tho ur not?) Wat if u eventually get preggy, n den he decides he doesn't want 2 hav anytin 2 do wit u, but he wants 2 take ur child 4rm u? U r goin 2 lose on both sides. My dear, b wise n stay away 4rm u. Oma Baby.

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  7. Wariandre6/06/2013

    Get pregnant kee before marriage in this modern world? My dear don't mind him, he should be man enough to handle his relationship or do you want them to see you as a desparado?

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  8. Pls dnt get pregnant for him. He's matured and can take decisions on his own. If he really wants to spend the rest of his life wit u he will marryu without waitinng to convince people with ur pregnancy

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  9. Emerald6/06/2013

    Hmmm this your story, in short get k-leg.
    In your case there are 3sides to this story. Yours, his and hers. Its far too complicated. How sure are you about his issues with the other lady. Besides what makes you think she can't come up with her own story of being pregnant for him.
    Secondly, life is very fragile, we live in a world of uncertainty. What if God forbids he dies, leaving you pregnant, who claims responsibility for it? Iam very sure his family members will say they have not paid your bride price.
    Lastly, in our world of today, people forget that its a sin. Even if a thousand people indulge in it. You shouldnt

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  10. If u marry that guy, u are a fool. He doesn't have any reason to leave his ex, that is bull crap. He is a wolf in sheep's clothing, I have seen his type biko

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  11. Please leave that man to sort his personal issues out first and not drag you into the messy situation.

    In fact, I doubt if all he told you about the other woman is true. Think about it, he claims she's violent and all that. Why hasn't he told his family this? He hasn't broken up with her and hasn't told his family he wants out of the relationship either. He's not a child, so for him to be unable to do this tells me there's so much more to this story than he's telling you. I find it extremely hard to believe that a man in his thirties can not tell a woman its over.

    So, you should get pregnant while to everyone in his world, he's getting married to someone else. The family won't ever like you because to them and his fiancee, you're the reason he refused to marry the first lady.

    This could have so many outcomes that won't be beneficial to you. What if you get pregnant and the fiancee still insists that she's not leaving him? Or the family refuses you?

    Babe, please leave that man as fast as you can. A man who truly loves you would never knowingly put you in harm's way like that. Seems like he just wants to use you as an excuse to get out of that relationship instead of doing things the right way.

    Hope you make the right decision

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. adaeze6/06/2013

      Thanks mrsB. You said my mind

      Delete
    2. adaeze6/06/2013

      Thanks mrsB. You said my mind

      Delete
  12. As in, babes. Lemme not lie. When you were trying to narrate the reasons behind why he's leaving the chic, I really got bored and felt sleepy. Those reasons don't hold water. I feel like Nekky has said it all.

    But wait o, so you mean to tell me that the only reason
    he started a relationship with you was just cos he wanted to get married and her leave her? That statement means a lot. *yawns

    He wants you to get pregnant so that he wouldn't have to start doing explanations? *yawns

    I thought he would be explaining to them that you got pregnant and that is why he's marrying you?

    If he can man up to 'explain' that you got preggos and that's why he's marrying, why can't he also 'explain' that the lady began showing her true colours? *yawns again*

    Abeg shine your eyes. If his reasons for not wanting to marry the chic are genuine, then he should be man enough to 'explain' why, just as he is ready to 'explain' the pregnancy. The two are both going to still be 'explanations' after all.

    I see a "After all, I only married you cos you got pregnant, nothing else", coming from him in the future. BE WISE. Don't go and enter one chance.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *kisses* @ Jay. The man has deep rooted issues he needs to deal with and he's far from being sincere to the lady. *yawnstoo*

      Delete
    2. *kisses* Nekky. You just hit the nail on the head. There's more to it than meets the eye. *yawns out loud*

      Delete
    3. Nekky and JaY oh JaY, are you both done yawning?

      Delete
    4. @Rubynnia: We would soon be done *yawns more* :-)

      Delete
    5. I got bored n sleepy too reading the narration of TRUE COLOURS. No one is perfect n i bet u have ur own TRUE COLOURS too.*joins in yawning*

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    6. lol @ true colours u go fear rainbow yarns... the story be like say tse tse fly bite person.. this one wey everyone dey yawn so.. @ poster, i even feel like he is married and lying to you, they probably dont have children and maybe its the wife that has fertility issues..
      i agree with everyone that you should run yea, but for someone like me i like to get down to the matter. if it were me, i go lie dat am preggers, get a fake doctors report and even get a pregnant friend to pee in a cup and put it in ma bag, then go to his house and get a test kit and do it in his bathroom just to convince him. and then ama watch the movie unfold and see what hez really up to abd then suddenly disappear after everything.. curiosity kills the cat yea yeaa, but na ma way lol.. if u r like me Detective Fab! heheh then u cld try that..
      wish u d best...

      Delete
  13. Anonymous6/06/2013

    Pls the guy in question does he reside in ph?
    I will be glad u reply
    Thsnks

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous6/06/2013

      No. Not in PH

      Delete
    2. Are you the babe stealing and disgracing your self or won't let the guy have a life,abeg make we know oooo or maybe you should mention the guys first name and nick name so that Steph will know.... Lolllllllllllllllllllll yawn's



      Am loving myself... ahahahahaha

      Delete
    3. Anonymous6/06/2013

      Oluwatosin u r a very annoying person

      Delete
    4. Anonymous6/06/2013

      @oluwatosin, I don't have words for you Ok, just keep embarrassing yourself in public. See her rubbish cut and join sef green cloth.

      Delete
    5. I hardly respond but don't try me ooo cos Ahdaisy Jayde is not to be compared to me! Mumu,be asking for his location why still doing yash giving don't leave that guy alone! Na witch like you them suppose to dey give ax cut. No try me oo, like if i give you the dress you won't nominate me for national award for giving you the best dress you could ever have had in present and future time..... Awon Anonymous Ode oshi mtscheeeeew

      Delete
  14. Anonymous6/06/2013

    Anon 10:31 why do u want to know where he resides? U wan go get pregnant for him???

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous6/06/2013

      Because I can relate with the story.

      Delete
    2. Lmao. Probably someone in ph has told anon 10:31 the same thing, so she wanna knw if it's d same person. Poster, lets knw if he stays in ph o!

      Delete
  15. The story he told you is so full of loopholes. Babe, if you get pregnant, you are doing so at your own peril.

    I find it unbelievable that a man almost nearing 40 can't voice out his mind that he doesn't want to marry his fiancee. He's looking for the easy way out and you are the perfect plan for that.

    So many things will crop up if you go along. Do you cherish your peace and rest of mine or you like strife and wahala?

    Like Ahdaisy said, the foundation of your relationship is very faulty. You've got one live to live; please live it right and well!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous6/06/2013

    Pls the guy in question does he reside in ph?
    I will be glad u reply
    Thsnks

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Duchess6/06/2013

      Oh dear anon, mine resides in PH. Please let's expose the fool if you are also in the same shoes... Some men are not just worth it at all. Mcheeew, i just felt for the other lady cos she was asking where she went wrong.. #waiting oo*

      Delete
  17. @ Steph. ROTFL, babe sorry am laughing my ass out, but come to think of it,its never difficult for a man to break up with a woman,like seriously they do it faster than a snap shot, so this excuse and confession i call it wash,won't be surprise when he comes up with the story that the girl has turned a new leave and something about and she also took in for him too. To save your self tell him if he really wants you and play his game/card well,he should tell his family whats up as well as his game plan before he take you to his family and play pregnancy stunt with both family(with is family knowing its a stunt to avoid their son making a mistake) but you taking in its a no no for me! I am a victim of this wicked act,won't let you going through same! The end rest is hurtful kia no no don't try it. Good luck




    Am loving my self now..... ahahahaha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous6/06/2013

      Always re-read ur comment b4 you post. Gave me a headache. Is English really that difficult?

      Delete
    2. @ Steph. ROTFL, babe sorry am laughing my ass out, but come to think of it, it’s never difficult for a man to break up with a woman, like seriously they do it faster than a snap shot. So this excuse and confession i call it wash, won't be surprise when he comes up with another story that the girl has turned a new leave and something happened and she also took in for him too. To save yourself, tell him if he really wants you he should play his game/card well, he should tell his family what’s up as well as his game plan before bringing you into the family to play pregnancy stunt with both families (with his family knowing it’s a stunt to avoid their son making a mistake) but you taking in its a no no for me!

      Anon 12:12 hope i did it well this time eheheheheheh see me ooo with all my 1st class.... lol

      Delete
  18. if she never get the bell.e self...

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  19. Anonymous6/06/2013

    Abeg get pregnant then see his true colours... Berra go and wash ur eyes

    Hot Geh

    ReplyDelete
  20. very soon anoda email go enta Aunty Eyaa fone seeking advice if she should commot the bell.e.,,

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  21. Anonymous6/06/2013

    How r u sure he's telling u d truth abt his ex? For God sake,he's not a kid,he shd be able to stand up to the occasion and settle whatever he has with his ex and d family. Pls u don't need to get pregnant for him to marry u. Ok,wat if u get pregnant and d family rejects u,since he can't face his ex and family now, wat gives u d impression that he will not follow his family after much pressure. Be wise girl

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  22. Babes u dont know d full story. This guy's tongue is obviously sugar-coated. See how u swallowed every word hook, line & sinker. Did u even bother 2 add a pinch of salt. I see ur story making headline on Hearts & Hints magazine. D issue here is dat dis guy is hiding smth consequential from u not dat he cant break up wit d bad gf. We r in d 21st century. Dont fall mugu. Try 2 locate d other girl if u can & hear her own side of d story. U'll be so shocked u'll hv a miscarriage if u r already preggy. Think wit ur head not wit ur heart.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Anonymous6/06/2013

    Paaahan, ti a fi lu iyale, o wa ni oke aka fun iyawo# its an adage that says the cane used to flog the first wife, is waiting by the corner.

    ReplyDelete
  24. tochukwu6/06/2013

    My life is a testimony, I relate so much to the posters story, except that I never stole a penny and I cook excellently well. But every other thing is same with what happened to me even to tiny details.
    Well pls u beg of you not to that guy or rather watch him closely, because the reason your fiance gave doesn't hold water. And if you go into findings you might be shocked @ the kind of man you have.
    Pls look before you leap, pray that you case is different from mine.

    ReplyDelete
  25. tochukwu cont6/06/2013

    Did I forget to add that I was pregnant for him and he begged me then to have an abortion with his reasons been that his parents are #holier than thou# or do I say more Catholic than the Pope. And he didn't want to appear loose, lol. I foolishly gave in and you know what? After the abortion we started marriage plans, all of a sudden, my pple he started finding faults in me. The always perfect lady he virtually worships.
    Mt sister Abeg leave matter for mathais

    ReplyDelete
  26. Anonymous6/06/2013

    Calculate wen u re safe and sleep wit him, later tell him u re pregnt and watch his actions for sm months, then the real reason y he wants u pregnt will b out! My dear men re not what u think they are! Run as fast and far ur legs ¢øυℓd carry u. Luvlycat said so...

    ReplyDelete
  27. you are singing so much love songs about your fiancee. and from your tone,you are likely considering his plight.
    have you ever thought of your family?how will they feel if you inform them of your 'out of wedlock' pregnancy?
    the city he is living,dont you have someone there?so you can do little investigation.

    dis na my draw soup advice o!

    ReplyDelete
  28. He is probably already married and is just looking 4 a kid. If u take in 4 him ur gonna b his baby mama darling so shine ya eye ko!

    ReplyDelete
  29. Anonymous6/06/2013

    Men will neva stop taking us 4 a ride. My sister, fasten ur seat belt cos u r abt 2 go 4 d ride of ur life but first u need 2 get pregnant. This same guy begging u 2 get pregnant will beg u 2 abort.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Poster, are you desperate to get married? Have the previous men you've met treated you badly that this man appears as "prince charming" in your sight?

    If YES, I'm not too surprised you are thinking of giving in to his "get pregnant" proposal.

    ReplyDelete
  31. He actually succeeded in convincing me to get pregnant and he will have to only tell them I'm pregnant and we are getting married at that's all.I love him and am very sure he is not playing games.

    since ur mind is made up already, all i will say is to PRAY. Goodluck

    ReplyDelete
  32. Wow, are we ladies now so desperate to get married that men think they can make all sorts of requests of us and get away with it?

    My dear if your guy's story is true and he cannot call the other lady and tell her that he is no longer interested, then be ready for that woman to run your marriage from the outside if you eventually get pregnant for him and marry him. If he is this afraid of her, he must be indebted to her in many ways. You don't want to be used to settle the score between these 2 people.

    Or maybe the other girl's "sin" is that she has not been able to get pregnant since the introduction.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Anonymous6/06/2013

    @d poster I hope u listen 2 all dis advice cos it seems u ar madly in luv wit dis guy.I was onces in luv wit a guy n I did stupid tins all in d name of luv.if he really wants 2b wit u it won't b difficult 2call it quite wit d oda gal.n wot if d oda gal gets Pregnant also.remember dat his family does not know u but d oda chick so pls b wise.1 uk guy told me 2get pregnant b4 he brings me ova n I said if he really wnts me he should see my parents but he said no dat I should get pregnant 1st n wen its 3months old b4 we can make any plans n I told him 2go jump 4rm London Bridge.so dear u hav 2b careful ok.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous4/11/2014

      He's a mad fool. He don see maga. 3months indeed mscheew.

      Delete
  34. Anonymous6/06/2013

    I think you should get the girl's number from him secretly. Arrange a meeting with her and act as one of the guys relatives. Tell her the guy is planning to dump her and see what she will say. This is your entire life we are talking about here. Pls don't joke with it.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Anonymous6/06/2013

    Aunty eya I refuse 2 believe dat u r removing my comments. Let me try again.
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    ReplyDelete
  36. Shayor!6/06/2013

    The guy cannot face d gun but wants you 2 show up with pregnancy! Do u sell bulletproof vests ni?

    ReplyDelete
  37. I love WC so much....Good advice up there 4 steph.

    @Aunty Eya! I have serious reservations about the blog description. Doesn't make sense 2 me..Ʊ were trying 2 copy linda...Ʊ woulda just given WC a slogan....
    WIVES CONNECTION : Women Meeting Place or whatever.
    The men who come here feel like dey are spying on women.
    The single ladies come 2 learn.
    The women come 2 air their views.

    When a person asks a question, he or she expects the women point of view..what Ʊ can do is team up with someone 2 flaot the male version of this blog and see how the men think.

    That long description isn't worth it.

    #My2Cents

    ReplyDelete
  38. Anonymous6/06/2013

    Pls. Don't try it. He needs 2 be man enuf 2 stamd up 4 wat he thinks is ryt not only now but afta marriage. Wat do u think dis guy wld do 2 u wen his family go against u n den u r preggy? If he loves u, he'd do d ryt thing!

    ReplyDelete
  39. Priscy6/07/2013

    Girl are you a learner? Plz RUN. Or better still, lie that you are pregnant for him and see his true colors as well. If I were u, i would try and see if I can contact the other lady and hear what she has to say. This guy is a story teller..too bad you believed his story, hook line and sinker.

    ReplyDelete

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