RE: Should I Tell The Doctor My Husband Raped Me? Thank You All

Thank You From The Poster

Thank you for your swift response yesterday.

I took your advice and did not leave my house, I am still not talking or relating to my husband in any way for now though.

I’m living in the visitors’ room temporarily too.

He has been trying to apologize but I’m not ready to face him yet.

I don’t doubt

that its wrong and selfish of me to keep my husband waiting for s** for this long but raping me was also a very very bad move on his part…I hope to be able to get over the hurt soon and be able to do what most of yourcommenters have advised– submit my body to him and bear the pains.

I will update you when that happens.

Thank you for the warm water suggestion it helped a lot and I hope to buy the KY jelly like people recommended to me when I’m able to leave the house. Thanks everyone.
Thank You a lot.
Chi

66 thoughts on “RE: Should I Tell The Doctor My Husband Raped Me? Thank You All”

  1. Awww, that's so nice to hear.
    PS: do away with Uche Onuora, she is a frenemy, that kinda friend would just be praying for what you have.
    Aunty post my comment abeg

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  2. Good to know sweerie. Between, in case you guys are planning to conceive soon, pls, use preseed lubricant instead of KY jelly(kills sperm). Cheers!

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  3. Chi,u just somehow have to face ur hubby, babes d earlier d better…let me also suggest u both goin to buy d KY jelly together dis way he can really get it dat he was rough on u n b careful nxt time,dis can also bond u 2 better sexually(during application).
    Darling pls just forgive him n hear him out, glad ur feelin better…

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  4. wow… babe, one tin remaining is to get on talking, sharing and … terms. b d first 2 break d silence. it may sound crazy and absurd bt it wil go a long way to heal you. ur hubby wil adore u lyk mad if u cn brak d silence soonest. if u can mek it ds nite either physically or tru text. btw, av u tot if first sex rily hurts as much as u re belivin y re teenage girls enjoyin it thereby increasin d rate of promiscuity. u re blesd 2 av such a darlyn as a husband. he is stl so much interested in u. one of our family frnd passd tru somtin like ds unfortunately she is damn regretting it cos wen she was ready d husband had already gotten a mistress whom he is livin wt now. no use ur yeye fear dt dos nt exist scatter ur marriage. plenty gals dey outside 2 give am 2 ur hubby as how n wen he want am. dnt tink he cant do it. he is man nt nt god… delay is dangerous. break d damn silence asap and stop bein selfish. marriage is abt us nt i alone. b wise….cheers

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  5. I marvel at some things I get to read on this blog.this story sounds like what a white will write,but with this I have learnt that people exist on this planet earth in varieties. Well poster the sonner u get over your fears the better for u and your marriage and learn to act maturely from now onwards. Goodluck to u.

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  6. You SHOULDN'T have to SUBMIT your body to him and BEAR the pains. That is not what marriage and/or sex is supposed to be about. You can't do this by yourself. You need to talk to someone about this and the aftermath of the rape. I would suggest a SENSIBLE psychologist or friend. You and your husband need to talk about this, and again, preferably with someone who can help you both. Again, a sensible psychologist would probably be best.

    It might also help for both of you to read up on sex and pain during sex – from what you described, you seem to have a bad case of vaginismus. So you probably should talk to your doctor (OBGYN).

    Patience, understanding, lots of foreplay, being comfortable, and feeling secure should treat the vaginismus issue, I think. Feeling like you have to "submit your body and bear the pain" won't make it go away, and in the long run only make you both resentful of each other.

    You can't just do nothing about it. You NEED to talk to someone about the rape, he NEEDS to talk to someone about what he has done, and both of you NEED to talk about what has happened and how to move forward in a way that both of you can enjoy your sexual relationship. Otherwise this won't end well.

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  7. @Chi, he did not rape you…
    Sincerely nothing has changed, you haven't forgiven him yet, u still stay in the guest room, you not relating to him even if he's trying to resolve things!

    Somehow, after a 2nd tot… I began to guess may be you have a spiritual husband, probably he needs you more now than ur real life hubby!

    Take ur time babe! 1 kid per world would do.

    Nuff'Vexin

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  8. dearie,
    i want to be believe you are a true believer that was why you chose to keep you virginity till marriage and not succumb to pre-marital sex. you are indeed a virtuous woman. why are you finding it hard to surrender your body to your husband. read 1cor 7:3-6. i thought you keeping yourself intact until the day of marriage was to give him the best of gifts. so why are you denying him that gift? if you were in his shoes how will you feel? do not allow the devil whose mission is to steal, kill and destroy ruin your godly marriage. stop believing the devil's lie that you husband raped you. the devil is just sowing a seed of discord and hatred in your marriage. have you thought about what becomes of other sisters that are looking up to you if you marriage should crash tomorrow. what i did not like about what your husband did was just doing it when his friends were around. forgive him. believe me there could not have been a better time than then. shame the devil and be the first to talk to him. apologise to him and let bygone be bygone. sweetie, stop believing the devil's lie (sex is painful) and enjoy a sweet and healthy sexual life with your husband. remain blessed

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  9. Pls free Uche she is not an enermy in anyway. She is a friend dat is sick and Tired of advicing chi.

    And for you Chi u seem to find it hard to forgive and that is not good for anewly wed at all or for anyone for that matter. Be careful cos at this rate,you will lose ur husband. Learn to FORGIVE. U v nt been talking wit hubby for how many days cos of? Ur hrt is too strong!

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  10. Anty Eya have been commenting on diff posts but can't see my comments! Pls did I offend u? @ poster don't worry, with time and love, forgiveness will surely come. Just take it step by step, wish you all the best

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  11. You better go and talk to him before another babe talks to him with her vj.

    I cant stand silent treatment sha, tell him what he did wrong and tell him off, then you both MOVE ON from this. This is Nigeria o b4 his mum adv him to get gf outside u tink say she no fit bcuz ur mum n his mum are friends. Remain der make pant dey wear u.

    Chi go and romance and make love to your husband #nuffsaid

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  12. @Chi, he did not rape you… halt the mis-information

    Sincerely nothing has changed, you haven't forgiven him yet, u still stay in the guest room, you not relating to him even if he's trying to resolve things! i really don't think this post was ripe enuff.

    Somehow, after a 2nd tot… I began to guess may be you have a spiritual husband, probably he needs you more now than ur real life hubby!

    Take ur time babe! 1 kid per world would do.

    Nuff'Vexin

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  13. @Chi… I pray you don't push hubby out and come back to cry dat he's having extra-marital affairs. U are definitely taking this too far.
    As hubby comes begging & apologizing, I suggest you do the same – you have been grossly unfair and for this reason I sentence you to take 3 rounds of s*x everyday for the next 2months…
    Months sleeping on the same bed with your husband without…. haba! This is wickedness of the highest order… Abeg, behave yourself before you create problems that will be bigger than you.

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  14. Dear poster, don't let the sun go down on ur anger… That's a command from God!
    Go to ur hubby and face him.
    And again dearie, sex is sweet! Trust me, u won't feel pain anymore. Hubby will be gentle this time, and you just might climax during ur next sex… So look forward to the enjoyment, and make it fast too, so u dnt get him too hungry again. After 1 week, u shld be ready!
    Sex is sweet dearie, believe me… Just use ur lubricant, and let him touch u in areas the tickles, …

    Patsy

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  15. Babe, are you one of those who feel that bcos they were 'virgins' when they got married, the man should lick the ground the walk on. Pls dear, having a hymen does not make you a virgin. If you had done as much as kissing before marriage, you were just a physical virgin.

    Chi, I am now curious as to whether you really love ur husband cos by now you should have forgiven him. I mean, you are still in your marriage honey moon phase so forgiving him whud av been easy. Pls let go. Remember you hurt him too.

    I wudnt dismiss Uche as a frenemy just yet cos I dnt know the dynamics of ur relationships on a normal day. Moreover she came out openly to say who she was. A frenemy wudav gone anonymous to bash you,

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  16. Chi, like Anon. 8:50PM said, you find it difficult to forgive. You've got to forgive him. Forgiveness is one of the virtues of marriage.

    I'm sorry this happened to you; I apologise on his behalf, please forgive your husband and try to resolve this issue so you can get the closure you need.

    Please don't give the devil an inch to take a kilometre to destroy your marriage; you guys should be in your honeymoon stage at this time.

    The real challenges of marriage hasn't come and you are like this; what will you do when worse things happen?

    I remember listening to late Pst Bimbo message "How To Tell I'm in Love" and she said "that man you love will hurt you; yeah he's gonna hurt you". He's hurt you in a way you never imagined and he's remorseful for it.

    Please don't make him hypertensive because of your withdrawal at the moment. Remember everyone has a tolerant limit till they blow off. Keeping exhibiting your withdrawal and silence attitude and watch him lose it.

    He's sending you hence your yanja; once he doesn't send you again, na you go dey do the begging. Babe, abeg make hay while the sun shines and a stitch in time saves nine.

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  17. @poster how can you be in a house for days and. Nt talk to ur hubby? For a marriage of just 27weeks? Hmmmmmm u find it hard to forgive and you should be feared. The bible says we should forgive dat we may be forgiven. You no read dat part? I doubt you love your husband.

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  18. Honestly, don't knw what eya thinks she is doing wit this approving of comment thing. That is a major attraction to your blog if you don't knw Eya. If you like don't publish this comment. But its really annoying

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  19. sister, you are suffering from erotophobia. seek professional help as soon as possible. try 2 let go and let God. kip bin happy new njoy ur marriage.

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  20. chi like anon 8:41pm said u case mit nt be physical. cos it bits my imagination how u could be so indifferent to sex at this generation even to your legally married husband. nt dt you av not been sexually abused b4. believe me there is more to this than the normal. guess y never had premarital sex was because of fear of sex and not because of moral value. get on your knees and talk 2 God like never before. ihe nkea agbaro aka. sucumbus n incubus or whatever mit b @ work. u should be worried y sex doesn't catch your fancy. try and go to church tomorrow and ask God 2 deliver you. resolve and resolute to start doing 2nd half of the year on an active sexual relationship with your husband. act fast with wisdom b4 u start had I known. a word is enough for the wise. choose to be one. wishing you the best.

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  21. Honestly Chi, I put it to you that you don't love your husband. How do I know? I was once in your shoe. The only reason why you can live in a separate room from him and be that unforgiving towards him is because there is no feelings for him.

    You just married the unforunate young man to satiafy your mothers. I think both your mom and his are to blame for this. They made you marry a man you don't love now the poor boy is the one suffering it.

    He loves you quite alright but you, you have no iota of love for him and because of this loveless marriage, it can only get worse. If at this honeymoon stage you can e this mean to him, I forsee you mistreating and showing him pepper without caring. Your mistreatment will push him away and because you do not love him, you won't bother when his behaviour changes but will cry when you see or suspect another woman which will happen very soon.

    He is the only son of his mother and I ASSURE YOU, she is going to arrange a beautiful lady for him who will kill him with love and carry his baby. You think your mother inlaw is happy? She is strategising on how to help her only son, she cannot bear to watch you put him through so much misery. She has always doted on him abi you no know Ibo women an their sons? Not to talk of when it's an only son. Your days are numbered but you don't know.

    If you like don't hug your husband and tell him you have forgiven him. His mom is aware of all the treatment you are metting out on her son and will soon shock you to your bone marrow.

    You think because you don't love him, that you are not bothered, wait till you begin to auapect another woman in the picture and see how your love will skyrocket for him and you will become the one begging. I pray no woman treats your child the way you are doing to this unfortunate young man. I wish he opened his eyes and married a woman who loves him truly, he would have been a very happy man by now. You are so depriving him of this honeymoon happiness. Marriage to you has made him miserable. Always begging for either sex or your forgiveness after sex.

    I hope he didn't disappoint any lady to marry cos by now he would be regretting.

    If you like forgive him now, if you like postpone the foergiveness the way you postponed sex with him.
    I just felt like telling you the truth.

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  22. Uche Onuorah is the kind of friend I would like to have. She put her name out there, do you know what that means. She really wants this marriage to work and her friend Chi won't listen to advice.
    A frenemy would write rubbish under anonymous and disappear.
    Uche took a risk with her true name and because she isn't picking their calls, she had to use thius space to inform her of Ebere their friend who was in town and leaving the country that evening.

    Uche Onuorah is the best friend you have if you ask me. I pray I find such an honest friend. A frenemy would have cheered you on and given you the wrongest advice until you lose your husband. She came with the details to help us advice you better, Even though you are yet to take any good advice.

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  23. I agree wt u,
    dts how al ds spiritual hub/wife operates wen dey get jealous n try t frustrate ur home.
    D supernatural controls d physical.
    Hehehey

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  24. GBAM!!
    You took the work rite out of my mouth, i already commented that his she tinks bcus his mum n her mum are friends that his mum wont arrange or encorage him to get a gf outside. Ok naw, babe dont fool urself u just started this marriage thing you have a hell of a long way to go.

    Also you are too spoilt GROW UP

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  25. chi, u jux added petrol 2 d already burning fire by coming 2 Internet 2 let us no dt u don't av our brother's interest @ hat. we won't sit n watch u ruin his life n damage his reputation. don't worry a new wife that will bear us children is being arranged. there is a limit to everything. we can't take it again. enough is enough.

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  26. Marriage is not by age but by maturity. U obviously lack d latter. U expect ur husband 2 worship u bcos u r a virgin. Ur virginity wld hv been appreciated in d convent not by a sex starved husband. Dont push dat man 2 d wall. He might be hooking up wit an ex or a new babe while u r forming annoyance. If u value ur marriage, break d ice else u will loose ur marriage & then u'ld hv lost ur almighty virginity 4 nothing.

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  27. Pls if u went 2ru a counselling session u shld no dat malice keeping wit ur hubby is wrong no matter wat he az done remember ur vow even b4 God 2 giv him ur body as we'll as till death do u path

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  28. So what is the thank u note for? Cos u still not talking to ur husband after u were advice to do so!

    I think u have a wicked heart!Yes,I said so. Cos I don't understand why u would be married for 27weeks and u are keeping malice with ur husband cos he slept with u? He did not rape u,stop saying that rubbish. U marrried a man for 27weeks and u telling him u wwill have sex with him in sept on ur bday! So he should be waiting around for u. U are very wicked

    He didn't rape u,I repeat again! By marrying him,u have consented to having sex with him. If u go to court,u wouldn't be heard,I know so cos am a barrister,but if he goes to court and tell them u have denied him his congugal rights,he would be answered immediately,but go and tell the court u were raped,u would be dismissed.. But if he seeks for seperation or divorce or any thing,he will be answered..

    So u berra respect urself and come out of the room and talk to ur husband.. Or u think u are untouchable cos u married a virgin,I did too,so I don't get ur hype,u can give blow job but not have sex? Didn't u know sex was involved in marriage? Why didn't u wait till u were ready before marriage? Now u starving the boy!

    U think u mom inlaw can arrange a gf or wife ffor him,her only son,who she would be waiting to give her grand kids and u are yarning trash.. Come and take the whole world cos u married a virgin… U should have gone to the convert

    Eya,u berra post my comments.. People need to tell this girl what she did is wwrong,rather they are supporting her. Even the bible condemns women who deny there husband sex,that's very bad. U don't know how frustrating that is… U frustruated him till he couldn't bear it again and u want people to clap for u.. When a wife is starved self,she gets worried and frustruated talk more of a man…

    Don't give ur husband a reason to go outside o,that's if he has not even started sef,cos everybody has there limit of tolorance….

    I don't even think u love ur husband at all.. U came here seeking for advice,what do u expect us to tell u,that u should pack out of ur husband's house? Oya pack out na,no need staying in the hotel,rent a flat cos u would be staying there a long time

    Why didn't u ask since one month ago that u started reading this blog that readers should help u with ur fears,now he slept with u and u coming to announce he raped u,u are not even ashamed to say u starved ur hubby for this long… And some people are shouting rape is rape. Oya take him to court na since rape is rape. The way the judge will throw ur case away out of annoyance,u will know..

    Lots of peeps got married as a virgin and they are having healthy sex life,u coming here to claim phobia for sex,lie lie… U are such a drama queen

    Kai,I'm so angry but lemme stop here..

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  29. Nawa ooo. Chidiebere get ynash she no sabi use am Siddon! As God take dey merciful to u, u can't b merciful to another, or rather to ursef since u and ur hubby r supposed to be one. Berra chnge ur name! U dnt hv challenges yet I pray u never encounter such. Cus u married as a virgin ur husband shld remain celibate! Better shine ur eyes and knw it's nt a biggy, soo many women r married to dia 1st! It's evn d men I blame sef, shebi he wanted a virgin, he has gotten one. I'm sure pple around him wld dread marrying one now, they rather test d water first.

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  30. So shakara still dey ur body? Its ur mother-in-law i blame 4 not bringing another wife 4 her son 4 d past 27wks. Its obvious u r spoilt, proud & stuborn. U wont last long in dat man's house if u continue 2 put up dis kind of attitude. Lastly, y tell d doctor he raped u when u can tell d FBI. Oshico.

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  31. Are u married?

    If u are married, did u date ur husband 3 years without sex?

    After marriage, did u tell ur husband he has to wait till your birthday to make love to him?

    If your answer to the three question is not a YES, then u have no case.. U just dey yarn opax! Keep quite

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  32. This woman/girl does not need any advice, you know how I know? Everyone here has been saying the same thing in different tones, be it gentle or harsh yet she is still not bulging…not as if she has not been advised by her family and friends that had already told her what we'd been telling you here. She is just seeking audience and attention and wants the whole world to know she married her husband a VIRGIN and we should not stop clapping for her for doing so. Well, I stopped clapping since. I really pity your husband, you gave him a blowjob and he bought you a car…so now u are withholding your vagina till your birthday when he will present you with a jet. You are indeed a wicked person. Wait till September before talking with him.

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  33. You must be really feeling like a 'Bawse'. I mean. It's clear that you are the boss in your marriage. I don't know if you expected people to clap for you for feeling like a 'bawse' in saying that he has been trying to apologise but you aren't paying any attention and you have no relationship with him whatsoever for now. It's such a pity. Why did you ever get married to him? To please your mom? Do you love this man at all?

    I'm very sure he must have been those men that wanted to hook up a girl by all means just cos she's a virgin and that's why you are still using it to do shakara for him. I mean, he gave you a car after a BJ? You really run the world girl (in Beyonce's voice). The shakara still dey your body. And you have clearly 'seen him finish', no doubt.

    A word is enough for the wise sha. He who has ears, let him hear. I'm with Anon 12:19 all the way. If u really loved this man, it's interesting u never sought for advice on how to overcome the fears. Instead, you had to wait till u felt u had been harmed. When you were harming him, it wasn't your 'consine' abi? It's all about u abi?

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  34. Gbam

    Abeg i dey vex for this matta

    No post anytin about this babe again

    We have pple with serious issues see the ikorodu woman that am sure will gladly wish for a hussy like urs n ur doing bigs girl abeg gerrout my friend

    MTSHEWWWWWWW

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  35. when a mid-wife talks harshly or even shouts at a woman in labor,that does not make her a bad person , she has seen from experience that if she keeps petting the woman she may end up losing her child cos she couldn't push and it is too painful, UCHE ONUORA your are the best friend she could ever have,bad friends will keep cheering her to her doom especially if they are still single, CHI sorry to say this but you are hard hearted, I'm a woman too i know love when i see one, truth is you never loved the man that is why you can not get yourself to submit to him intimately, why did you marry him in the first place? after what every one said, you only came back to tell us you are still in the guest room, what a way to thank God for the gift of a wonderful man, you can say thank you to the giver, but we know how much you appreciate a gift by the way you handle it,honestly I'm feeling for your husband,but remember you are sowing a seed now, i pray you don't reap it in ten folds, i have this feeling that you are an attention seeker, but you've gotten enough of it, move on, it is people like you that turns our good guys to monster,Mr Olisa, it is your cross, happy married life tho.

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  36. This girls is soo stupid!
    She doesn't deserve a man at all.She's very immature and spoil brat!
    People less than your age are acting grown up,see her behaving like a 5yr old.
    She didn't keep her virginity for fear of God but because she's a cold stuck up girl!
    Girl's like u scar men for life about women,u give women such a bad name.
    I'm not writing to advice u because u are very selfish!
    The description of Proverbs 31 for a virtuous wife doesn't fit u one bit!
    U aren't even a good christian,just a self centered narcissit.1Timothy 3:1-5 describes u,I'm soo mad with you.
    Stay in your room forever,have you been reading the letters sent in?even women who are given it to their hubby's 24/7 are cheating on them then u starving ingrate?
    Sit there and misbehave.Rubbish!!!

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  37. D way his friends gingered him 2 come & do u by fire by force is d same way they will arrange clean babe 4 him. He will soon start sleeping out since u've made his home as hot as hell.

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  38. God bless u Abena. U spoke my mind real good. This girl is no God fearing woman. She is cold hearted n proud. This should serve as a warning to all those illiterate men that think virgins are some kind of saints. It is commendable but that does not give a true picture of a woman's character. I know many ladies who lost their virginity pre-maritally but have the biggest, kindest hearts. My best friend is one of such n she is my best friend because she is angel in my life. She has d kind of spirit that men only dream of. I am not exaggerating. Today she is preparing for her wedding with a man who is smart enough to judge her by her heart and not d presence or absence of her hymen. BE WISE PEOPLE!

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  39. Behttt I thought 'virgins' were angelic saints na? Shei that is what we are led to believe??? Na wa o this one shock me o. Looooooool

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  40. I doubt this girl loves her husband. I doubt she's truly a virgin as she claims. I mean, she gave a BJ but cant get a d**k inside her? It may be more painful, but I think giving a BJ takes a lot more psychologically. I honestly suspect that she is avoiding been found out. It's either that, or she is suffering from some psychological issues. What is definitely obvious is her immaturity, haughtiness and pride. She is also very cold hearted n self centered, signs of a very bad spouse. Goodluck to d dude men!
    On a second thought, maybe karma is after this man o. Im pretty sure he was knacking n deceiving other girls while waiting for his precious virgin. Enjoy!

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  41. This lady is mean, dozen mean mean mean!

    I only pity the husband sha; poor man! This girl is just spoiling market for other virgins walahi!

    Wait oh, I hope her attitude isn't more spiritual than physical?

    As far as I'm concerned, she can't win this battle if she continues cos all odds are against her. Everyone is on the man's side(her mom, mil, friends).

    I don't think she loves him at all!!!!!!!!!

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  42. I thought of that too oh; if they can influence him to "do you" forcefully, they can also influence him to get satisfaction outside.

    Chi, you are on a looooooooooooooong thing!

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  43. Wait o, after dating 4 3yrs n refusing sex, when u agreed 2 b married wetin u b think say go happen? U 4 just say let's be friends n free d poor boy na, coz Marriage gives him license 2 av access 2 ur body.

    I think u are a drama queen n a spoilt brat. Coz u c person wen love u. Coz of ur so called virginity ure misbehaving.

    Look there are plenty virgins Everywhere. I married as a virgin n have plenty friends that did same. Yes we were a bit afraid of d pain, but we knew that is how itwas designed by God 2b. We did not have a town hall meeting 2table d matter coz we knew dat by agreeing 2 marry itwas part of d deal,

    U 4 no gree 2 marry since u know won do abi u know understand d difference bw being single n married. U of all pple -madame virgin suppose know na.

    No b ur fault sha na ur husband I blame.

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  44. My dear,let's face d real fact here,I think ure not prepared for d marriage.If u really love ur hubby u wld ve forgiven him by now,afterall love dy say covers multitude of sins.If u really need ds man in ur life its better u sit tight n face ur responsibility seriously bf another woman does it for u.

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  45. So many ppl are claiming to have married as virgings.Nice.bravo!!..I am 26,not a virgin.I DO NOT MISS MY HYMEN.I am in a committed relationship and having sex with my baby nd I dunno why a married woman will starve her HUSBAND.na wa ooooo.don't u want to get preggy someday?

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  46. Oh shut up. Go pick your fights with people who have time for you. Was I addressing that issue or the rape. Learn to read before you make idiotic commments. Anonymous indeed. go be anonymous somewhere else.

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  47. God bless you o ya re… Me don't want to talk oo becos Eya will refuse to post my comment again,if that guy is my brother, eh i will still say what i said before,i will tell him to pull down that door and dis time drag and throw you out! Virgin ni Virginal ko. You are better go and beg him and seduce him to get turn on to know if you are still relevant. If you don't know egg gets spoil and when they do no about of perfume removes there bad odour you will take caution now…. (No use your visa cos katakato for your whole body)

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