How Do You Discern A Jealous Friend?

Hello Aunty Eya and wives connection readers. I need your advice to help me do some sieving and filtration in my life. I have a lot of friends and lately God has been good to me. My friends are fine with my promotions and everything but a few are acting differently. 

My very close friend is now in the habit of being nice and all goodey goodey when it's just the two of us. Whenever we are in a group with other people, she says things
that leave me feeling uncomfortable and embarrassed. When I try to avoid her, she gets angry.

She kind of picks on me when other people are present. This is someone I call a close friend. Am no longer comfortable being friends with her. It's just as if I dread her presence now. And I think this is what they call jealousy, but am not sure. 

This change is so sudden I don't understand. What would make a friend be kind when people are not with us and then nasty to me in the midst of other friends or even strangers. She is not the only one. A few others are showing characters different from the way I knew them. I am getting married soon and want to start reshaping my life so that later they do not accuse me of changing to please my husband.

Please, how do I spot jealousy in a friend? How do I know when someone is beginning to become jealous of me?

 It's not my fault that my fortune is suddenly changed, I have no control, but I don't want to live among frenemies cos they can harm. Someone please give me tips on how to know/read jealous friends. I need this advice to protect myself please help.

Comments

  1. Anonymous6/13/2013

    #grabs kuli kuli and kunu

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  2. Someone who is finds it hard to rejoice with you when good things come ur way, just as ur 'friends' seem to be doing.

    I guess every1 has experienced this to some extent.

    Do the needful my dear.

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    Replies
    1. *someone who finds...

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    2. My dear, some jealous friends still pretend to rejoice with you. How can one now discern those ones? They pretend in a way you think they are the best but all is wash. Those are the ones me I want to know how to identify.

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    3. @ Maria, truth is, you can never really tell when a person is jealous of you. Some may exhibit signs, but many do not show it.

      Just ask your friend why she acts that way and tell her your concerns and discomfort.

      Anyone can get jealous at some point. Will you tell me you have never been jealous of someone else? Even Kelly had to admit she was really jealous of Bey for a long time...

      If you are not comfortable with her, tell her, if she doesn't change, pls close her chapter and burn the pages.... Do the Z-snap and shout 'Next?!!

      Delete
    4. Anonymous6/14/2013

      Wow nice comment! At a point in time we have all been jealous,but do not take ur jealousy to the next level.

      Delete
  3. MissSawyerr6/13/2013

    I'm sure you already knw she's jealous!!! Anytime she pick on u in public when others dey! My dear shut her mouth with your own bac. Sha that's what I will do. Me don't even keep such kinda frndz. U should surround yoruself with positive frnds and not pretenders. Mayb the reason she is your frnd is so she can get first hand updates on what is happening in your life.

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    Replies
    1. MissSawyerr6/13/2013

      Well, here are six indications of that nasty character trait that we call jealousy:
      1.Lack of encouragement
      2.Copying you or trying to upstage you
      3. Tears you down and sometimes pessimistic
      4. Craves attention from your peers
      5. Disappearing or shying away
      6. Doesn’t give you credit or creates excuses for your success.
      Source: Google

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  4. Anonymous6/13/2013

    Frnds like dat can kill, u av cut her off since d time u noticed d way she behaving, life is too short to keep envious n jealous frnds

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  5. HOW DO I DISCERN A JEALOUS FRIEND?
    I doubt if this is the best of questions,of all the things in the world to bother us,should we occupy our thoughts with who is jealous of us abd who is not.
    My frankly speaking we humans are jealous beings,but it depends on the level of manisfestion. For example if u're looking for a husband,or a job and a friend announces to you that she has been blessed with any of those things,that jealous part of you would wish you were the one in such position.
    If now I should tell you how to spot a jealous friend,u may endup picking that sincere person who doesn't hide her feelings,while u left with the ones that hide theirs and stabs you when you least expected.
    My dear this is life for you,you don't expect people to love whatever you do or what happens to you. Live your life doing what you know is right,return love for hate,coz thats the greatest weapon against any enemy.
    To me I don't count anyone as an enemy,instead I see them as misguided friends.

    ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

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  6. Anonymous6/14/2013

    The best is to use your instincts and also don't divulge too much information to your friends. My rule of thumb is that I never say what I know can be used against me later to people. Especially those I don't trust

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  7. chubby ELLA6/14/2013

    My dear u shudnt b asking dat question "hw do I discern a jealous frnd" rather wat u shud b doin is 2 b prayin 4 anyone whom "ur joy is nt deir joy" 2 leave ur lyf cos if u decide 2 start lookin 4 traits or signs of a jealous frenemy,u'l spend all ur precious tym doin dat. I had a frnd I loved so much(female)I cud do anytin 4 her,take a bullet 4 her bt she was jealous of me,neva tot she was cos she neva showed it doh I noticed dat each tym we wntd 2 go out,she'l wait 4 me 2 finish dressing den she'l apply d same make up I used n jst d way I applied it(same eye shadow,lipstick etc) n den she'l overdress,all of dese in a bid 2 outshine me bt she always 4gets dat one who is blessed is blessed. So wen I started hearin stuff she says abt me outsyd 2 peeps dat knw us,I started bein careful of her n backed it up wit prayer 4 God 2 take away bad frnds 4rm me,b4 I knew it,she moved out of my hse n even stopped callin lyk she used 2. I can tell u dat I hv a beta lyf 2day witout her@ least dere's no1 2 advice me wrongly cos dats wat she was gud @ n I cudnt say no cos I took her lyk a sista.

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  8. At the beginning of the year I had a prayer point dat God should disconnect me frm unfriendly friends cos I had so many friends. I can tell u now most of d people I called frnds hav all stopped coming around or they pick a fight at every little opportunity den stop d communication going. So pls make dat your prayerpoint and it will work for u

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  9. Queen Bee6/14/2013

    Just like bona said,humans can get jealous easily even if they were not before but ur good fortunes continues to bombard them from all corners from God,they will begin to halla' and start saying 'na only u sef'...and that's how jealousy starts.
    But they don't know that even God has favorites and the angel that shares wealth is totally blind,so it's not ur fault babes
    So what I learnt the hard way to do is to:
    Do not talk about every good thing that happens to you to ur friends,infact hide a lot of goodnews except those u can't hide.join them to whine about how things ain't working by so doing they will be happy to think u two are still at per'.
    The second major thing is to change ur friends,yes I said so change friends(esp those u notice any funny attitude springing up)relate more with pple on the same level with u or even higher than u,when someone first told me this I tot it was sheer arrogance till along the line I saw why,pple u are going ahead ahead of are bound to start getting agitated the next thing they will even start saying u are feeling too big,what they will take from u before,now they will make it an issue and say it's becos u are more fortunate blah blah blah!
    So what's the point?thats my one cent opinion dou,i hope it helps

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    Replies
    1. I agree with you Queen, except that part of joining them to whine o... It's better to just keep quiet cos ur confessions are powerful. We should only testify of God's goodness cos if you whine with them, one day, you'll see things go in the direction of ur tongue...

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  10. Queen Bee6/14/2013

    Just like bona said,humans can get jealous easily even if they were not before but ur good fortunes continues to bombard them from all corners from God,they will begin to halla' and start saying 'na only u sef'...and that's how jealousy starts.
    But they don't know that even God has favorites and the angel that shares wealth is totally blind,so it's not ur fault babes
    So what I learnt the hard way to do is to:
    Do not talk about every good thing that happens to you to ur friends,infact hide a lot of goodnews except those u can't hide.join them to whine about how things ain't working by so doing they will be happy to think u two are still at per'.
    The second major thing is to change ur friends,yes I said so change friends(esp those u notice any funny attitude springing up)relate more with pple on the same level with u or even higher than u,when someone first told me this I tot it was sheer arrogance till along the line I saw why,pple u are going ahead ahead of are bound to start getting agitated the next thing they will even start saying u are feeling too big,what they will take from u before,now they will make it an issue and say it's becos u are more fortunate blah blah blah!
    So what's the point?thats my one cent opinion dou,i hope it helps

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  11. Hmmm!
    Nice nice comment.
    I luv WC family!

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  12. Soulspasms6/14/2013

    Sweetheart,follow your instinct.

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  13. When a person condemns what you're putting on/doing but ends up doing much more than you've done, that jealousy in action.

    When someone condemns you "unnecessarily" for no just cause, that's a trait.

    You'll see it in the body language, behaviour and what the person tell others about you(mostly negative) that can't be said to your face.

    When next she talks to you badly in the midst of others, politely ask her right there why she's behaving like that; ask her what you've done to her to deserve such attitude from her etc.

    She could be taken aback or continue with the attitude but this will help you know what to do as per your relationship with her.

    Like others have said, follow your instinct!

    Every person you meet in life has a purpose and time limit in your life; once it's fulfilled, move on!

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  14. Anonymous6/14/2013

    Abeg check yourself well, it could be the way you show off that is pissing them off. Nobody really needs to be reminded how badly s/he has been doing and how fast and easy you get yours done. All of them cannot just start exhibiting that same character at once unless of course they have been triggered by something...YOU

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous6/14/2013

      Come to think of it, it could be just one person.

      Delete

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