How Do I pay Him Back?

Good Afternoon Aunty Eya. Thank you for this blog and please help me thank your readers for all their advice. I am sill a learner in that aspect. Please Aunty Eya and other people on the blog, how do women get to pay back to men who treated them very well but did not end up in marriage?

I lost my father in my final year and didn't know where to start from considering the expensive course I read. My boyfriend
took over even without my asking and made sure that I didn't lack anything. In all my life,No man had ever been so kind to me.I wish I can really develop that deep love for him but no matter how hard I try, the deep feelings are not just there. 

When he is out of sight, I don't miss him. When I see him, well we have seen. He is so in love with me but his presence doesn't give me the kind of explosive feelings of joy I got with my ex. I know I love him but do not know if Love has different levels and grades.

Though he hasn't proposed. I am still serving and praying that he doesn't. No, there is no one involved. I don't see myself accepting to be his wife and spending the rest of my life with him. If I meet someone I really have deep feelings for during my Service, I may be tempted to leave him. 

In the event that we break up, how do I repay him for his kindness. I don't wanna take him for granted neither do I think he is a fool. NO way Aunty. I wish I can love him more and I truly want to do something like a payback because he is a good man.

Please I need advice on how I can repay his kindness if I don't get to marry him.


  1. Why are suddenly just realizing now that you have no feelings and you can't see urself being his wife... Why?

    After I read ur post I sincerely felt like pelting you with harsh words but for sake of not drinking Ciprotab in another mans staphylococcus.

    He paid the fee's, he showered love, affection and most of all TIME which is of the essence now you turn around to yarn ...?..

    Do not think of how you want to appease him after you leave, you know what you need to be thinking of doing... Looking for a pastor that'll scale down the curse when it starts to weigh you down cos you had the opportunity to leave him long ago you dint, after you have gained from him and at the end of your education and service you are thinking of this.

    Bu we ki ghe?


    1. Lmao Ace ooo. Ciprotab, hahaha
      Poster, please leave that man now since you don't intend to marry him. Don't string him along till you get someone better.
      You have to make him understand you don't love him and reallly beg him for forgiveness.
      I do have a question though, were you ever attracted to him? Or did the attraction die somewhere along the line?
      If you were never attracted to him that means you used him knowingly cause of all you got from him.
      Either way, leave him now and explain to him why. Tell him the truth. He doesn't deserve to be strung along further.

    2. Anonymous6/07/2013

      You knew all along that you didn't have deep feelings for him but you continued in the relationship because he was your meal ticket, now you've graduated and serving you've now come to realize ur not that into him cos ur probably making little money now your serving. That's so selfish of you! U had better build up those feelings by force. Don't go and carry wahala on ur head and ur future!

    3. Anonymous6/07/2013

      Honestly some people mistaken feelings and knot in the stomach for love.

      I hope you don't have those fairy tale and Prince Charming ideas and confuse it for love.

      OP, love is a decision oh, now I am not saying that it can be forced, but I can assure you it does grow #fact#. Well maybe you should break up with him now oh, and not keep him hanging till you get someone you "love", that would be unfair.

      ... Pj

  2. Can you pay back time and emotions invested? No dear, not possible. Only two options

    1. Marry him and be the best wife ever
    2. Look for a great gal and hook them up. If they end up marrying each other, your work is done.

    If not, just leave him NOW, ask for forgiveness and always pray for him. That's the least you can do.

    Funny enuf, I thot this post was how to 'pay back' a guy who jilted you. I was already looking forward to funny responses... Lol

    1. Ahdaisy has cleared the air in SDK's blog. That one na imposter; this is the real Ahdaisy.

      In some posts, the impostor uses "MRS AHDAISY JIDEONWO"; In another she uses "MRS AHDAISY JAYDE JIDEONWO".

      I'm not finding it funny at all.

    2. Dear Ruby, the whole thing is irritating. But, I've decided to let it go. Anyone who wants to believe that, shud know better. Moreover, the person is just looking to get a rise out of me. I was not sure before but I know who it is.

      I dnt even read that blog so... Anyway, thanks guys. I have seen it. On to the next! :-) :-) :-)

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. My dear, this is not the right time to be asking this question. When he took over the responsibility of paying for your education, that was when you would have had a heart to heart with him and make him know you don't love him enough for forever. So if he was willing to continue that would have been his decision. As it is, the deed is done. But do not keep him hanging until you meet someone else. Sit with him and explain everything, let him tell you how he want you to pay him back apart from marrying him. I pray he forgives you, cos am sure some family and friends must have warned him that was gonna happen, especially if he is not a graduate.

  5. Anonymous6/07/2013

    To be honest and straight to the point, you are a wicked, vicious and can-kill lady. Your types are why I would want to support it when I see a guy being mean and heartless to ladies. How can you enjoy the guys wealth, time, energy and resources all these years and now you say this.

    May God forgive you cos if man was God, you are so damned. What nonsense.Heartless rubbish

  6. For ur mind u smart abi. U be sharp girl. He has made u a graduate all of a sudden u dont love him. U knew wat he had in mind when he was paying ur fees & taking care of ur financial needs but u were collecting d money waiting 4 when u wont need his money anymore 2 tell him dis bullshit. U dont play on pple's intelligence like dat cos i tell u if dat guy curses u, no pastor on dis earth can pray u out bcos even GOD will turn d other way. Dont even lie cos i can tell another guy is in d picture. We r not kids here. Pray God 2 remove dis evil thot from ur heart, let go of d guy dat is distracting u & finish wat u started. For ur own good.

  7. Anonymous6/07/2013

    For what shall it profit a man to gain the whole world and loose his soul. Would it be better to sell your soul to satan to gain fame, wealth, power,etc or to live a righteous and holy life yet remain humbled by the holy spirit but inherit the kingdom of God? Take the parable of Lazarus and the rich man in the bible [Luke 16: 19]
    Even if you spend 200 years on earth, it is nothing compared to eternity we would have to spend either in heaven or in hell. Its a choice we all have to make. We can't serve two masters at a time. We have to choose who we would serve. Jesus is calling on you to give your life to him. He loves you and wants to remove that heavy load off your shoulders. He loves you and wants to give you eternal life. He dosent wish that you should perish. Why don't you make a decision today for no one knows when the Lord shall come and tomorrow may be too late. Have a blessed day.

    1. NA MEE6/07/2013

      The things girls do to boys ehnnnn???? i hale una oh

  8. my dear if the guy really loved you, then u are in for it if u try to break up with him for the reason you just mentioned. when a guy loves, its like foolishness oh...

    people saying you should talk to him about your feelings and then break up with him sounds easier said oh, i dont believe the man will take it easy on you at all oh.
    I once had a similar experience while in school and serving. this particular guy toasted me for years and i never said yes but i was spending his money. although all thru the years of spending his money i never saw him face to face. we met when i was still in JSS 1 and he later traveled outside the country for business, but as soon as i was done with secondary school, he started the chiking. what i did was really bad because i never told him yes or no because i knew i didn't like not to talk of love him but i was enjoying his money even though na small small money. After my service, he called me that he was coming to get married to me, na there my problem start. when i told him we couldt see, he started raining curses on me, threatened me and told me if its not him then i will never get married. it was really war then, i had to start begging and even involved God . i still feel bad for what i did even though i blame it on Juvenile delinquency. but i thank God he later got over it and even apologized.

    so my dear poster, the earlier the better, please be wise when handling this matter.

    all the best.

    One luv

    1. NA MEE6/07/2013

      The things girls do to boys ehnn??? i hail una oh

  9. Ehya! Its not fair o! Jst rememba dat lyf is not greener on d oda syd.

  10. This ahdaisy mata eh

  11. Anonymous6/07/2013

    Its not writing any where(have not read) that someone pay your fees and take care of you, so you have to marry that person, but i think i kind of have a bit of your fears, consience is judging you that he will be hurt if you leave him, marriage is not a pay back of what he done for you(anyway in my opinion).

    well am not marriade yet and i don't think because you don't love him the way you should that means he is not the man for you. i have heard, from some marriade couple that their love for each other grew after their marriage. if he has the quality you want in a man why not marry him.

    You may never no the value of a thing, till you lost it.

  12. Anonymous6/07/2013

    Why,why,why now? When he started paying ur fees,and taking up all expenses,u kept quiet. See,if that man places a curse on u,no pastor can break it. Don't be callous,that man is planning to settle down with u and d best u can do is to accept him just d way u were accepting his money. Imagine,can u pay for the time,energy,love,care,attention and even the emotions? Am a lady o so don't think am a man

  13. Anonymous6/07/2013

    That is the kind of man you should marry.

    1. As in ehn! Some ladies see gold and leave it for copper!

      I've heard it over and over again that it's better to be with someone who loves you more than you love them.

      Babe, if you leave this guy; the next one gon treat you worse! Then you realise your mistake and start doing baibey, I want you back!
      *remembering the Jackson 5's song*

    2. Johnson6/07/2013

      @Poster, please marry a man that adores you and is willing to invest in your future… not someone you lust over. It takes much more than love to have a successful marriage. Think & pray very well so that you don’t regret tomorrow.
      For the same reason you stated, most good guy become harsh with babes with an understanding that babes respect (and love) the bad boyz more. Ladies – is this really true that babes prefer the ‘bad’ boyz?

    3. Mr Johnson,

      This guy done dey invested in her future tey tey. She said she studied an "expensive" course. I want to believe he had other urgent needs and expenses but shoved them aside just for her to not be a drop out and have a bright future.

      This guy might have taken a loan to finance her education. As far as I'm concerned, the guy has seen his "wife" long before, hence his decision to help her all the way.

      Most men won't waste their resources on a lady(esp education financing) for nothing. They do it with the believe they would marry her at the end, so their "investment" is safe.

      Yes babe! You're his investment and every investment must give profit returns(marriage in this case).

      Some people might have discouraged him from helping you but he didn't listen. Now you want them to say "didn't we tell you?"

      I would advise you pray for you to love him. Shey bi our grandparents didn't date/court in their time; na arrangee marriage them do and the love between them grew. Pray, pray and pray to love him.

      As for babez preferring the 'bad' boyz, maybe it's the outward SWAGGER and their "sweet" words from these boyz that move them.

      These boyz know what them babez like to hear, so they give them what they want inorder to get what they(boyz) want too! Most babez are carried by outward appearance and show forgetting that it's the inwards that matter.

  14. @YUCEE, thank you for the harsh truth!

    Like Ahdaisy said, I thought the post would be about a lady wanting to take revenge for being jilted judging from the title.

    Babe, you no try. It's ladies like you that make a once loving, considerate and empathic man to become stone hearted and wicked to ladies.

    If you decide to end the relationship, just pray he doesn't curse you.

    When did you notice you weren't into him? Before he took over your financial expenses or after? My instinct is going with the later.

    Even if the resources he spent on you can be repaid, can you repay the time and emotions he spent in the relationship or you weren't thinking in that direction?

  15. Gracia6/07/2013

    Was God ever involved in this relationship from the beginning, if yes then ask him for direction. Marriage isn't a child's joke to be based on mere pity but remember someone's emotion is @ stake here. U need divine guidiance.

  16. Learn to love him.

  17. I really wish I don't sound bitter! But its bcos of ladies like u that men say women are wicked! This is simply the end of wickedness, all that time u collected his money! U didn't know dia was no feeling, pls n pls pray to God to forgive u, den pray seriously for God to soften his heart when u break the news to him. I just pity the next girl he will date, will he ever trust her? To spend on her? Kia! Poster better go n pray seriously

    1. Anonymous6/07/2013

      I pity d next man she will date, he will so deal with her n teach her that men can be wicked also.

  18. Awon poster, FEAR GOD oh!

    Just try and listen to yourself. Let me give you a small exercise. Try and read your mail again and assume you are reading the mail of someone else. Doesn't she sound like a USE and DUMP person?

    If you were the one that a guy was planning to USE and DUMP, what would you do?

    If you have stringed this nice guy along, only hoping to DUMP him once you find a 'better' person during service, you are 'selling fish'.

    Let me ask you. So what if you don't find this 'better' person, what would you do? Be attending fasting and deliverance sessions in churches and claiming that you are looking for a husband to love? OR Marry him out of pity? If you can't love this guy, who then can you love? What does love mean to you? So all the while he has been giving you, what have you been giving him? Ambition to dump him?

    You are being wicked. Bitter truth. No need for sugar coating. I pray God gives the young man someone that deserves him. You don't.

    Did you think he would stop being nice if you weren't dating him? Please keep your pay back mission. He doesn't need your PAY BACK after DUMPING him. Please keep it. Do you know how hurt he will be that you broke his heart and USED him?

    Tell yourself "I'm being selfish". Repeat it several times and pray to God in heaven to forgive you for nursing such selfish desires, to DUMP him and PAY BACK. Pay back with what? Money?

    But what does love mean to you? I'm sure you don't want to dump him, find this your 'prince charming' and start regretting that you want this 1st guy back, when your 'prince charming turns into the exact opposite. By then, you'd now be proclaiming love and chasing him around all social networks and begging him to take you back. Use your THIRD EYE. You are using HALF EYE to see things now.

    Be wise!

    1. Tnx jare..... Dat guy is d ryt one for ha to marry. It's beta to marry a guy dat lvs u wella wella

  19. Anonymous6/07/2013

    Pls learn to love him God blss u

  20. MissSawyerr6/07/2013

    Wonders shall never end. Ladies dey look for who go love em and you wan trow person wey love u? Its not like he maltreats you? Or abuse u? Abuse doesn't ave to be physical. You just have to give us a reason why u don't love him. Because I cannot imagine someone that helped you through hard times and still helping and love you on top that, and still still you do not love him? I think there is more to this you are not saying. The fact that you obviously led him on till now that u serving. If he is hurting you, then that's understandable.
    Anyways, at the end of the day your happiness it is. So just do what you think will make you happy.

  21. Johnson6/07/2013

    @ Angel, the guy might be the right guy but not for the Poster - I think he deserves someone better! All this is happening because the guy is being nice - let him start dating another babe now and we would see heaven break loose.

  22. Anonymous6/07/2013

    @poster am sure is d curse of ur family dat is worrying u. Pls give me d guy no I need 2 ask him out

    1. Abi o, I need d guys number too o

      How can Ʊ even think of such...but then again, its better Ʊ leave him dan end up marryin him and find urself chase after boys like ur ex or guys that give Ʊ a ting in d stomach when Ʊ see them.

      Some girls thinks sex is all there is 2 marriage, am sure d sex wit this guy is not as crazy as it is wit ur ex that's why Ʊ feel down dating him.

      Babes, wise up n pray Ʊ don't find urself single even after 10years...all cos Ʊ r lookin 4 d tingle giving guy.

      Ask those 35+ single ladies what happened...


  23. @Johnson... Well Said,
    I just love the maturity here, if it were to be another blog, na insult dem go tak baff you ooo

  24. Anonymous6/07/2013

    My dear wat u hv for him is pity and nt love,all I will say is u can't pay him back just pray for him.period

  25. Anonymous6/07/2013

    you are evil and a user. when he was spending on you why didnt you tell him all these? mshew karma is a bitch

  26. Anonymous6/08/2013

    Poster abeg use style drop the dude contact wit aunty Eya, some of us are single and seriously searching for that kind of guy. Please help a sister in need!

  27. desire6/08/2013

    I think its better for you to marry someone who loves,adores and doesn't mind investing in you than someone you think gives you butterflies in your tummy. Marriage is more than Sex. But then you know better sha. Goodluck to you.

  28. @poster am sure u already seeing another guy, my dear u will regret dis act f urs. In ur 300l y did u not break dis ur news 2 him?Y did u allow him finance everyting and now u don't love him? Ohh u tink he is d man ur father sent 2 replace him mtcheewww u are a joker.
    There is no way you can pay him back. Jst marry him, its alwz better for a man 2 love the woman more.So my dear ur love will grow 4 him as time goes on jst lik ur love 4 his money grow stronger till ur final year.

    1. Anonymous6/08/2013

      where on earth do i 'like' this comment? Aunty Eya, do something about the like button plssss

  29. Anonymous6/08/2013

    SexyA u correct,poster don't be a gold digger,if dere is anytin u don't like on d dude tell him,maybe u don't like d way he dress or sometin be bold to tell him.wen u were collecting money from him am so sure u said thank you baby I love u.hissing am sure u were referring to I love ur money.

  30. Anonymous6/08/2013

    Abi oh,even wit a kiss or sometin else,gal u don't hv a heart or do u tink u do?.if he was ur brother and another lady is treating him like dat way wat will u do or say

  31. Anonymous6/08/2013

    My goodness. All my life I have fasted n prayed to come across a man that will love me like this. Yet some women have such men without even asking but never appreciate them. It is well

  32. Anonymous6/09/2013

    Wat s SDK BLOG?


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