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Bored In This Relationship

Aunty Eya!Good evening.Congrats on your first year anniversary and over one million page views and also thank you for the initiative of this blog.It is so therapeutic and i look forward to laffing at the comments every evening. That been said,i would like to remain anonymous,so please don't publish my email or name,and please no one should abuse me please.Thank you.

So,my problem is this,i am a 24yr old lady in a relationship of over two years,we are generally good and we like each other a lot.We have arguments like every other normal human being,but then we settle it and we are good again.However,

I am BORED.I have mentioned it to him many times,but then so i wouldn't turn into a nag,i don't talk about it again.One of the times i mentioned it,he said money was the problem,the other time he said he would change,but i think it's majorly money.

I am not saying we should go to the Sheraton or some fancy place every other day,but something out of the norm every now and then.In all our relationships,we have never had like a proper three course diner kind of thing,all we majorly do is movies and i am even the one who suggests it most times.


We don't have sex,so it's not like we are getting busy all the time,that's why he cant  be bothered about remembering to go anywhere.I definitely don't want to break up,because it's not enough reason to,plus i like him too much to do that.What can i do?what can i tell him to do?what can we do? 

And it would also be important at this point,to chip in tips on how to spice up a relationship,putting money into consideration and also the fact that i am not allowed to stay out too late.Thank you.

Comments

  1. If you have some cash, organize an outing for both of you and see if he wnt go.

    After the movies, stay in the parking lot and gist. Maybe buy some snacks and enjoy it at the parking lot.

    Take walks with him. Instead of staying in his room and staring at each other (dat makes abstinence difficult), you guys shud take a walk to nowhere in particular. Enjoy the walk. You'll be amazed at how much you will have to talk about.

    Organize a weekend event and ask him to contribute. If he can't finance the whole thing, you guys should handle different aspects. Maybe he pays for transport, while you pay for food...or vice versa.

    I have seen that many people who felt like you feel in their relationships, still went on to have the best marriages ever. (I dnt knw if marriage is already in the plans for you both)

    As long as you can sense that he is not stingy, create fun for urself and put ur money into it. (Small o...dnt turn him to investment abeg...lol). And dnt compare ur relationship with any body's own. As long as you are both happy. There are ladies who get fancy outings and 3-course meals, but they also get 3-course abuse; sex-slave, house girl and punching bag.

    All the best!


    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ashawo6/04/2013

      Hello

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    2. Anonymous6/05/2013

      Ahdaisy,thank you so much. i was trying to reply yesterday but my internet was so bad.I will try and do everything you advised,just that i am somehow tired of planning this outings.I want to sit back and be planned for too,that is not too much to ask for now.I will also try to stop comparing us because i sort off started that already.Then he is not stingy o @ all.he has a large heart,not only towards me,but to other people too. And,yes marriage is already been talked about....next year by God's grace.lmao @ 3 course abuse.thank you again.

      Delete
    3. Anonymous7/14/2014

      I really support all that Ahdaisy Jayde said, try all what she said

      Delete
  2. Would have loved for you to give more information so that one can be guided when giving suggestions. Are you working? Is he working? Are you a student? Do you stay close to or with each other? Et al et al

    But from your mail, it seems that money is the major problem. I will just suggest the following sha.

    There's nothing wrong with you making the suggestions. If he works, he's probably too busy to think out such stuffs. And if you don't work, you have plenty free time to think out such stuffs :-)

    That said, I want to assume that you are in Lagos since you talked of both Movies and sheraton. I personally find movies quite boring. But you can spice up your movie outings. What are your likes? What are d things that you do for fun. When you go see a movie, visit other places at the centre, go have ice cream, chocolate, play games et al. Take long walks and gist. Do window shopping sef :-)

    If you like singing, you guys can go hang out a karaoke bar. Don't bother gathering money for plenty food. Chop belle full for house and just do drinks. That's cost effective :-). Have fun singing and hearing others sing.

    If you like playing, there are arcade places. Go gaming with him. Play mortal kombat and try to whoop his ass in the game :-), there's soccer, formula one, need for speed, plenty plenty. It will be fun and cheap. Or if he can buy a PS and keep at home or just buy the pads and connect to his laptop, those are cost effective ways too.

    Once in a while, stay indoors during the day o, make Aunt Eya's home made shawarma, get pepsi and see a movie or series film together. You know, that anticipation of seeing the next episode of the series will make seeing it fun for u guys and u guys will have things to discuss.

    If you like music reality shows or BBA, u can buy "The Voice", any season. They have them on DVD. It's something u guys could enjoy watching together and have lots of talks about.

    If you like swimming or playing in water or just watching people swim, go to public swimming pools on weekends. If you love beaches, try it too, but sha don't play near the water sha. My hand no dey :-)

    If you have mutual friends, have a double date outing, try new places, cheap places. Don't go to d same place all the time.

    If you are a christian, go to church programs together. Also, try singing together, gisting, take occasional long walks (you'll be amazed what you guys will be talking about) etc.

    Then what else, just don't complain of it being boring, try and make it un-boring by doing fun stuffs together. Not the same thing though. Cos so many couples when married survive without complaining of boredom, even if they rarely go out. When u start doing 9-5 job, you'll be the one looking for time sef, u no go complain again. So, when that time happens, I'm sure gisting will save the day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous6/04/2013

      Best comment!!

      Delete
    2. Anonymous6/05/2013

      @ Jay!......that light bulb moment,wow!thank you.we both work,but it's just that i am tired of the routine. We both only have time to hang out during weekends and we usually do the same thing.i am sure by the time i have exhausted all d ideas u guys have given me here,things will be much better.u guys r the best.

      Delete
    3. Okay, now I understand better. Exactly, all of the suggestions work best on weekends sef. By the time you are done with them, you won't complain again at all. Oh, also, try going out for shows and sight seeing. There are usually poetry events, music concerts, book readings events etc. You can check BN occasionally for event listings for the weekend. You two could do weekend shopping together too.

      Delete
  3. Anonymous6/04/2013

    Your guy is jst d same as my hub.
    All we do on weekends is sleep,chat,eat n sleep.he doesnt go out n its jst a part of him(not cos of money).his friends doesnt even visit cos he doesnt either.
    Wen u got newly got married,i complains n complaind buh it changed nothing.i hv learned t live dt way n its now part of me.
    I v 2kids now,so on weekends i tk dem out fr outings,nnena n friends shows etc while he stays @home.
    He is d best hub anyone cn eva hv hence i hv nothin t worry about.
    So dear,as long as he s gud,u dnt v t worry

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous6/04/2013

      *Wen we got married newly*

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    2. beauty6/04/2013

      My own hubby s opposite. Luvs to go out and am dat kind of person dat prefer my confy home to any outing. I beg him all d tym not go out buh e won't listen. Now I no longer complain cus e cums home with goodies

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    3. Anonymous6/04/2013

      My own hubby too is d opposite. Always out! And travelling! Love wen he travels thou, more money,, loads of calling and of cus goodies wen he comes bk. if he is around, he can't stay home. Getting used to it, work is enuf stress, weekends I jus want to chill with my little darling.

      Delete
  4. As a single lady it is natural to feel such way,at your age you sure have all the energy to combined both work and fun too,on the other hand Is he a fun type,does he like going out,are you both working,the question just goes on and on,if you reside in Abuja then i can tell yo all the fun spot. In all don't let money control your relationship, don't let it determine the joy,and peace and love you get from the relation,i know money answered all things,give your guy some time to make it up to you....



    Hopping to love myself more than i love anyone

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous6/05/2013

      Thank you Tosin.We both live in Lagos,not Abuja.He is fine which ever way,staying indoors or going out,he is balling..lolll! Yes,i guess i would just give him time.thank you.

      Delete
  5. 1st of all, it dependds on his kind of person, I don't fink money is the problem rilly, cos there are loadz of ways u could have fun with little or no money. He probably isn't the kind of person to hop from one place to the other looking for fun. Like me, I enjoy alone times with ma boo just gisting and being in each others company, that's fun for me, I can never be bored being with him atleast I can boldly say that for now, dunno if it will change in future. If u r the kind of person that likes to do something extra, maybe u should make the effort and organise fun things, if after u do that, he is still boring and he turns them down then that's when there's a problem it means the guy no just send and is not willing to give the relationship all it takes .
    Sorry am not one to give u examples of fun things myself cos I'm d homely type, even tho I dnt turn my boo down when he wants to do fun stuff I enjoy it along with him, if nothing happens am fine still.. Cos my ex na d dryest person alive! We neva watched a movie sef in the 2yrs lmaooo!
    Wish ya d best dear... Cheers

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  6. desire6/04/2013

    You don't have to wait for anybody before you catch fun. Try and create fun times for yourself. Look for things you enjoy doing and do it. If he wants to tag along, fine and if not, do it anyway. Your happiness should not rest with another person.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous6/05/2013

      @ Anonymous,Beauty,Desire,Fabulosity and every other person that commented.God bless you for taking time out to reply.thank you loads. And to Aunty Eya,thank you for posting my story.May all of you find help when you need it.chao.

      Delete
  7. Anonymous6/05/2013

    Bona and Ace Bentley...where una dey nah? want to read your comments as regards this post.Waiting patiently while sipping fanta.

    ReplyDelete
  8. DO be sure to share your expectations, hopes and dreams with your spouse and be open to recognising any areas in which they may be unrealistic and may need to change.

    ReplyDelete

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