Wifey Not Financially Prudent What Can I Do?

Hi Aunty Eya… I’ve enjoyed every bit of the issues / contributions raised on this blog. My dilemma would require intervention from the family. Please don’t publish my name & email address.
I’ve been married for almost 20years and have an issue with my lovely wifey… She is not good with money and needs to be helped. I give her a pass mark in every other area.

I am a salary earner and had always wanted a woman that also works to support the family – especially for her to be financially independent. With the challenge in getting paid employment, we have had to set up series of businesses for her hoping that
she can make a success out of them. This was done one at a time. 

The current business is (by my count) the sixth unsuccessful business because she has a challenge with managing funds. Conservatively, I have invested about N30mln in the last 10yrs and the total worth of the business in currently less than N5mln!
She quarrels with me anytime I try to ask for accounts but is quick to ask for extra money, saying “you need to invest more to grow a business”. What does she do with the money? She is either buying stuffs (for herself, the children, the home) or giving money to persons (friends & family) that needs her assistance. It is important to state that I do give her monthly allowance for herself, the house, for food, and when the needs arise.

Unfortunately, retirement is getting close and the whole objective of having a family business has not been achieved. I have a little over 5years to retirement. What can I do?

Comments

  1. Anonymous5/17/2013

    I feel for you poster. Look at me here wishing my husband would agree to give me even as lttle as some hundreds of thousands to start a business. I swear I wd have turned my family's fortunes around. Such is life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/17/2013

      Madam 'wisher', how has ur wishes helped in solving d man's problem? Common sense isn't common.

      @Poster, have you considered employing a manager and an Accountant to be running the business with madam? Also i think you should consider paying madam monthly, that way, she wouldn't be dependent on the company's money for anything #myopinion

      Delete
  2. Have you thought of enrolling her in one of these business courses held by business schools?
    Managing a business isn't 'beans' or business as usual these days, mostly when it's large scale.
    What she basically lacks is some basic business principles.
    She should try and take up a relevant course that can help.
    There are online business schools, Lagos Business School and others.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hm, this one is not easy o... I think you have take charge at this point. That's why a couple should complement each other. If you are better at keeping money, then take over. She might feel bad but you are protecting the future of your family.

    Stop her from doing whatever business she is doing. Since you Said the business is currently less than 5m, I assume, it's at least more than 3m. So why dont you think of employing a manager for her current business or setting up a new business with a new manager and just keep your wife as supervisor.

    You have to sit her down and tell her why dis is so. No need trying to change her or teach her now. It's too late.

    Also visit the business once in a while and know what is going on. Managing a business is not easy and being prudent with money can be hard esp when the person feels there is another source i.e your job. Apart from the biz, have some form a personal savings that she doesnt need to know about.

    In all, dnt be hard on her. Just take over and put her in a strict allowance. No room for extra spending. Let her concentrate on all the other parts she has pass marks in.

    All the best.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's never too late to learn or be taught anything :-)

      I agree, she doesn't have to be the manager. But for cost cutting measures, it's always more cost effective to be the manager. You don't really want to leave your business entirely to someone else to run you know.

      Delete
    2. Yeah, but considering SHE is not the one seeking help, even if he sends her to Harvard business school or makes Donald Trump her personal tutor, she will only add that school fees to the list of wasted money.

      Delete
    3. Yeah. She doesn't just know some basic principles of running an effective business. She needs help in that regard. It's too early to judge if she'll waste the school/tutor fees or not. Except he has tried those options in the past and she ended up 'wasting' them.

      Whatever she will be learning, should be how she can separate business money from personal money, draw up strict business plans, adhere to them etc.
      People learn these things, they aren't all born into such knowledge.

      Delete
    4. @ Jay, I get your point, but there are also many people who dnt go to business schools but have been successful in business. Some people are not just the business type no matter how you teach them. I mean, 5 years is enough time for her to have learnt on the job, even learnt from her mistake, but she hasnt.

      And again, in business, sometimes it is better for you to employ someone else to run it for you. Great business men do it all the time. A wife solely managing a business is not always the best option. Many women just see the business as a money generator for them to satisfy all their material wants.

      Delete
    5. I get your point too and I concur.
      It's called having several options. So suggesting a form of learning should not totally be ruled out. I still feel she shouldn't be ruled out almost immediately as someone who can't learn.

      Of course at this stage they need another manager, but that doesn't mean she wouldn't still try to run that manager's efforts down if she doesn't know some basic things and she's still in the business and above the manager.

      If she's not the business type, then there is absolutely no need for the poster to keep stressing her to do business. But I still feel he should give that option a trial. If it fails, there was never any harm in trying. It's all about options. Her problem is fund management, right? Is there a solution to that? No? Yes? Then let him do that. It doesn't have to be a school or training sef.

      There are so many books on that sef. But if she is not interested, she should not be a manager anymore, she should play another important role, where she wouldn't have to manage funds, so she doesn't get to misuse funds too. And then the new manager should be absolutely trustworthy.

      Poster, who does your accounts? Do you have members of staff? Let each person's role be defined. Draw up a yearly and quarterly business plan. Create strict business rules. Business is business. You have to be really strict and firm in that aspect. Let her understand that business and personal stuff is different. Give her a role in the business where she doesn't have to access the funds directly. Get someone else, trustworthy person o, to do that.

      Still try and teach her, if she learns, good, if not, have your back up ready. Companies train their staff every time, so I don't see the harm in suggesting learning to her. All are businesses.

      Delete
    6. Or alternatively you can get her to read books like the richest man in babylon, mindset of a millionaire, rich dad poor dad, financial mgt txts and also books by John maxwell steven covey and sm management texts. It'Ll really brush her up. Trust me

      Delete
    7. @Ada, EXACTLY! You are over correct. Those books should really help and Richard Branson books too.

      Delete
  4. Anonymous5/17/2013

    Pray hard

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous5/17/2013

    Old people visit this blog too?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/17/2013

      My thoughts exactly!

      Delete
    2. Hahahhahhh

      @poster accept ur faith. 20 yrs is too long to attempt to change a leopard. U get my drift.

      Delete
    3. Brenda5/18/2013

      Anon 9;13PM, Like seriously? what is your definition of old people??

      Delete
  6. Anonymous5/18/2013

    Sir,dis is wat we call nature,she is not born 2 work,if u like send her 2 business sch in Chicago dat is are nature,so sir start a business dat she will nt hve idea of and tell her may be 2 yrs later. after d business started bringing profit

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous5/18/2013

    Sir,dis is wat we call nature,she is not born 2 work,if u like send her 2 business sch in Chicago dat is are nature,so sir start a business dat she will nt hve idea of and tell her may be 2 yrs later. after d business started bringing profit

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/18/2013

      Please you people should stop advising him to start another business without the wife knowing about it, that's being secretive! I'm sure y'all remember the Doris Solomon's story!
      Sir, pls don't even think about keeping any secrets from your lovely wife, its a No No

      Delete
  8. Anonymous5/18/2013

    Poster just described my current boss! We (the staff) have all tried bringing in ideas on how to manage the company and move it forward but, SHE just does not listen to/take anybody's advice. So the best thing is just to employ a co-Manager and/or an Accountant. Visiting the place every once in a while is advisable too but it is not going to change anything cos I'm sure (stand to be corrected) that you have been doing that. Also while doing family devotion, always use it as a prayer point too. Good luck.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous5/18/2013

    Oga poster, may be you should start saving your monies in the bank rather than put in a leaking basket.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Frances5/18/2013

      Imagine your concorbility! How dare you call another man's wife a leaking basket?

      Delete
  10. Anonymous5/18/2013

    Oga, abeg try me with 5 million & u will see the returns.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Poster5/18/2013

    Many thanks for the useful comments – I really do appreciate…
    My wifey had read many good books on entrepreneurship (richest man in babylon, mindset of a millionaire, rich dad poor dad, financial mgt txts and also books by John maxwell steven covey, etc). These books actually challenged her to wanting to do biz. She reads and also was the one that introduced me to this blog late last year!
    I will take up the option of actual face 2 face training offered by biz schools and get employ probably employ a manager/auditor – dis na extra cost o…, would see how this plays out in the total cost of running the biz versus the profit (if any). Would also make time to be more involved… my schedule are too tight. Would strive more for active partnership.
    Old people visit this blog? What has age got to do with blogging – I enjoy every part of this. It’s an opportunity to make vital contributions to the younger generation…
    I am not giving up so quickly… I’m optimist that things will turn around. She acknowledged these weaknesses and maybe I go carry am to MFM for deliverance after 7days dry fasting (LOL)!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies

    1. LOOL !!!

      Delete
    2. Mz Tee5/18/2013

      Funny you sir!!!! Love your determination! But plus be sure u don't encourage her to actually dip her fingers into d biz money. If she buys stuff for d house and also for herself, maybe u don't always give her money for those needs. Help her to help you. Be sure u cover your end completely. Dazz all!

      Delete
    3. Lol@ dry fasting. You want make she disappear?

      It's good that you incorporated all the advice (good ones) given. Pls come back and give us testimony o.. :-)

      Delete
    4. Anonymous5/18/2013

      Awwwwww my ideal aristo *runsaway* *wink*

      Delete
    5. Poster5/18/2013

      @Mz Tee, how much money can be enough for a woman? She gets paid + allowances for the house. I am very vulnerable with her - na wetin love dey do bi dat!
      Will probably increase the allowance with strict penalties/incentives (for e.g no overseas vacation for under performance, etc).

      Delete
    6. Johnson5/18/2013

      @Poster... similar story we have. My baby girl (married for 13yrs) pointed me to this post yesterday and thought it might be me if not for some slight difference in story line. In my case, she came crying for help (maybe she knows the current business is the last straw). Babe, I’m joking o...
      We got an auditor (part-time) to work with her and there were strict rules/boundaries defined. So far so good...
      People, suggestions given reaffirmed some key steps that I also need to take...
      You need to also have some alternative investment strategy - e.g. estate development... your money will work for you here and the value of the property increases with time. Sure you know, the more stream of income, the better.

      Delete
    7. Mz Tee5/18/2013

      @Poster, money is never enough for anybody including you and I and d most prudent person. But contentment is where d challenge usually is. I buy ur idea wholly! Stand up, put penalties and INCENTIVES. See if it works. Good luck to you. Like I said, I admire your determination to make ur wife succeed! Many men would give up on her and go storytelling on her. But u sir, have sought the first step to your solution. Well done and keep encouraging. God bless you.

      Delete
  12. Mz Tee5/18/2013

    To u Eya, I heartily congratulate you on your determination to d success of this blog. Remember you on LIB doing your adverts persistently and voila! Your blog is on and on point!! U go girl!! That's d spirit of a warrior!! Never give up, hold on and believe in yourself! Much love to you my darling!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Anonymous5/18/2013

    Sir,dis is wat we call nature,she is not born 2 work,if u like send her 2 business sch in Chicago dat is are nature,so sir start a business dat she will nt hve idea of and tell her may be 2 yrs later. after d business started bringing profit

    ReplyDelete
  14. Anonymous5/18/2013

    Sir,dis is wat we call nature,she is not born 2 work,if u like send her 2 business sch in Chicago dat is are nature,so sir start a business dat she will nt hve idea of and tell her may be 2 yrs later. after d business started bringing profit

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anonymous5/18/2013

    I am the one Johnson is talking about.
    @Poster, I perfectly understand your wife. I am a lot like her until a few weeks back when reality dawned on me. Running a business is not easy at all, particularly if it involves production or very low profit margin/turnover.
    What have I learnt? Business is like nursing a child, you have to labour patiently without expecting any returns.
    Separate the biz from your personal finances.
    Don’t spend before you earn i.e physically see what has accrued to you.
    Be accountable to your spouse, don’t see it as my biz but as OUR future. Which means you cannot afford to tamper with money from d biz for charity or other purposes.
    Put systems in place such as auditors to be able to always access d health of the biz.
    Having said all, help madam by ensuring that all transactions are recorded and banked as soon as possible, and be involved in d account. Know when and how cash is moved.
    Let her always discuss her challenges with you and be ready to help. Don’t forget it is OUR FUTURE.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/18/2013

      Haba madam... make the man leave im work join the wife for biz? Adenuga mama na illiterate (like most mothers of the past) and she ran a successful biz.
      @Poster, dis calls for fasting & prayer make your wife no come bi the one that would reck your future o.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/18/2013

      His wife cannot wreck his future. He only came here to seek ways to help his wife run their family biz, so pls don't say negative things abt her. If you are not into biz u cannot understand d challenges involved. All over d world bizs die everyday, so it is not come chop.

      Delete

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